This broken wing of mine has me thinking a lot about one’s health, other people’s health and how I have/have not related to other people’s pain.

I have been revisiting the idea of empathy and sympathy.

According to Marriam-Webster.com:

“Sympathy and empathy are closely related words, bound by shared origins and the similar circumstances in which each is applicable, yet they are not synonymous. For one thing, sympathy is considerably older than empathy, having existed in our language for several hundred years before its cousin was introduced, and its greater age is reflected in a wider breadth of meaning. Sympathy may refer to "feelings of loyalty" or "unity or harmony in action or effect," meanings not shared by empathy. In the contexts where the two words do overlap, sympathy implies sharing (or having the capacity to share) the feelings of another, while empathy tends to be used to mean imagining, or having the capacity to imagine, feelings that one does not actually have.”

I like the idea of empathy- having the capacity to imagine. It is the vision of walking in another’s shoes. While I now feel that I have a slight inkling (sympathy) of what friends or family members have experienced through the common shared experience of broken bones: the pain, inconvenience and limitations, I also am slightly able to imagine what it might feel like to experience a permanent change in activities of daily living. It makes me grateful for my experience (it could be worse) as well as encouraged for the example others have shown me (could/should handle it better).

There is a also a subtle difference between empathy and sympathy: the difference of those walking with you and those sorry for your walk, aka problem. And while there is a sorry/sympathy for what one is experiencing because I have had some similar experience, one has to be careful of staying in that “place”.

Feeing sorry for someone and their plight is understandable and the beginning of compassion. But to stay there keeps us in a place of superiority. We are so sorry (but glad it is not me.)

When we enter in and come along side someone we show a humility and an acknowledgement that it is by the grace of God that we go forward. We also are in a place of imagining the experience. Because we are not actually in it, we can be more objective and helpful in meeting any needs of the one going through the experience. After all, if two people were both starving, it would be hard to help one another find food.

1. Listen- Don’t have to say anything- just practice the presence of being. Tough to do but important. I think of the Jewish tradition of sitting shiva- the initial time after a loved one does, allowing the mourner space for disorientation and grief. Friends and family call upon the immediate family and just sit with them. In the tradition it is the mourner who initiates the conversation about the deceased or any other type of conversation. The purpose of the visitor is to be with the grieving one. I think that practice can be applied to anyone who is going through any difficulties.

2. Connect with their feelings- Imagine what it must be like to go through their experience- walking a “mile in one’s shoes”.

3. Acknowledge their pain- Don’t have to explain anything or offer assistance, etc- just let someone know that you recognize this (whatever the this is) stinks.

4. Show them love - What many people who have been in the midst of something say- don’t ask what you can do- just do something- a meal, help with laundry, childcare, etc. I must admit I am guilty of this- I want to jump right in but there is a part of me that is hesitant- don’t want to overstep a boundary or feel that I am being “pushy”.

What about you? How are you with empathy and sympathy? I know that I need practice. I feel that I should offer an apology to anyone with whom I have ever interacted- I probably did not handle a grieving, loss situation well. But, I can learn and move on.