Are you a good sport? A poor loser? A gracious winner?

Over the weekend there was an example of good sportsmanship in the men’s high jump at the Tokyo Olympics. Qatar’s Mutaz Essa Barshim and Italy’s Gianmarco Tameri, each of whom cleared 7 feet, 9 1/4 inches asked the officials if they could share the gold medal rather than have a jump-off. In some ways it was definitely a win-win decision for the fellows. (Although if one was super competitive, he might not have wanted to share the podium.)

Both gentleman are good friends having met at a junior meet over ten years ago. They have trained together. They suffered injuries and recovered together. Without a second hesitation, when confronted with the tie, they immediately thought of sharing the podium.

According to Merriam-Webster.com: sportsmanship is conduct (such as fairness, respect for one's opponent, and graciousness in winning or losing) becoming to one participating in a sport.

Diana Abed, Department of Philosophy at TU Dortmund, Germany says that with sportsmanship, there are four elements: fairness, equity, good form and the will to win. These four elements are equally important and not reducible to one another. Yet, the will to win is in systematic conflict with the other three elements. Hence, sportsmanship is not only compromised of these four elements, but also requires that a balance be held between them.

In the case of the two Olympic athletes, did friendship make it easier for them to demonstrate good sportsmanship? Or the fact that they understood each other: the sacrifices and rigors of the sport?

There has been much written about good sportsmanship, especially in teaching it to the younger generation- probably due to the fact that poor sportsmanship abounds both with the players and with the parents. When poor sportsmanship runs amuck, more than just hurt feelings occur- sometimes major injuries.

In our family, I have a nephew who was the victim of poor sportsmanship: a soccer opponent was angry at his team being down a goal. In the midst of a play, my nephew was fouled and tripped to the ground. The opponent cleated him on his face so that my nephew was rushed off the field and had to have a titanium cheekbone to replace his broken one.

When confronted, both player and parent demonstrated anger issues. They didn’t see anything wrong with the extremely aggressive behavior. For them, the risk of injury or causing injury was the cost of playing the game and in winning.

On the BBC website (https://www.bbc.com/sport/37405389) there is a brief article highlighting what they consider eight of the greatest displays of good sportsmanship (as of 2016 when it was written). I like the description from the 1969 Ryder Cup:

At the 1969 Ryder Cup, an event that was dominated by the USA at the time, Britain's Jacklin and American Nicklaus reached the 18th hole all-square with the overall scores tied at 15.5-15.5. It was the final match of the competition and, after Nicklaus holed his putt to make par, Jacklin faced a three-footer to earn the first ever tie in the event. Instead of forcing his rival to take his shot, Nicklaus picked up Jacklin's ball marker and conceded the tie. "I don't think you would have missed that Tony," Nicklaus said, "but I didn't want to give you the chance."

Good sportsmanship translates to more than just sports. It equates to being well-mannered and mature. It requires self-control. Sportsmanship builds character, team work, resilience, respect, discipline, kindness, inclusion, perseverance, humility. It is like all attributes: one display of good sportsmanship begets another. It not only shows respect for your opponent and the game but also for yourself. If you are angry at teammates or frustrated with opponents, then you (and if you have teammates) don’t play your best. One learns lessons by being a good sport: with both wins (humility) and losses (empathy), a person learns perspective in the game and in life. One learns balance.

Sometimes I wonder about the young man who injured my nephew. Where is he today? In looking back, no one recalls the significance of that game. Was it regular season? Tournament play? For that young man, was it worth it to have the blot on his character and record?

There is a sleeper hit on Apple TV- “Ted Lasso”. (Received 20 awards and nominations) It is a television series based on an old television commercial. A corny, mid-westerner coach is hired by a scorned ex-wife, now owner of a UK Football Club determined to ruin the team by hiring a man who knows nothing about European football. What she doesn’t expect is Ted’s positive, nice guy attitude and how he touches the lives of all he meets through his actions and words of wisdom. As Ted says to a cynical reporter, “For me, success is not about the wins and losses. It's about helping these young fellas be the best versions of themselves on and off the field.”

What about you? Do you show the best version of yourself? At work? At play? At home? I feel that sportsmanship is much more than what happens on the field, court, course, or ground. It is all about relationships: how we treat one another and how we want to be treated.

If the two Olympians didn’t know that about sportsmanship before, they certainly do now.

As Knute Rockne, football player and coach at the University of Notre Dame, said, “One man practicing sportsmanship is far better than a hundred teaching it.”