Smallest Things

During our morning Bible reading, my husband and I are working through the book of Kings. Some of the stories are familiar. Some are not. What always amazes me are the stories that are written that seem out of context of the “big” picture.

There are stories of people being eaten by bears, others who are cursed with immediate leprosy, lots of plundering and being plundered, and even the miraculous ongoing supply of food and oil with the smallest of resources.

Tucked in the middle of all these epic tales is a small, insignificant story that could be easily overlooked. One thing that I have noticed more and more about the Bible are the details. While at times, some stories seem to lack any details there are others that have plenty- names, physical descriptions, even weather. In this episode in 2 Kings 6: 1-7, the large prophetic community needs a new place to live. They plan on acquiring material (logs) from the banks of the Jordan River. One of the fellows accidentally drops a borrowed axe in the water. He cries out, in distress over the lost axe. Being made of lead it most likely sank to the bottom. Elisha, the main prophet, asks him where it fell. The man pointed to the spot. Elisha cut a stick and threw it into the water where the axe had fallen. Immediately the axe floated to the surface. The axe was saved.

I really like this story as it reminds me that nothing is too small for God. He cares about us and cares about the things, large or small that we care about. In that care for the details in our lives, He shows us that He loves us.

I think of the different ways people care for one another through little, thoughtful ways: the meals made with love; the physical caring of those who are vulnerable and cannot care for themselves-the young, infirm or old; the kind word or gesture.

Many years ago, one of the first articles that I had published was a piece for Valentine’s Day about ways a person loves you. I shared that my husband demonstrated his love for me when he made the luncheon sandwiches for our school-aged children. Those morning when I stumbled into the kitchen already feeling frazzled and behind over the numerous things on the to-do list, I would open the refrigerator door to see the brown paper bags lined up ready for the backpacks. He knew that making school luncheons was one of my least favorite chores and by getting them ready for me, especially on days that I went to work outside the home, was an act of love. It was a small thing but meaningful to me and our relationship.

I think the raising of the axe was a small but meaningful act for the gentleman who lost the axe and for those who witnessed it. Not only did it help out the borrower in the relationship with the one whose axe he borrowed, but I imagine it also gave him a special connection to God, knowing that God heard and responded to his distress.

I think of Luke’s verse, “if you are faithful in small things, you will be faithful in large ones.” If the God of the Universe cares about the smallest things that we care about, how much more will He care about the big issues that we face.

I know many people who might consider asking God for help when things are tough. The foxhole prayer. (Save me, Lord while bombs are whistling through the air.). They’ll offer big prayers: healing from disease, safety and protection from harm, strength during a really stressful time. But they might be hesitant to request from God anything that seems small and insignificant.

This story reminds me that nothing is too small and insignificant. If it is on our hearts and minds, it is on God’s heart and mind and is important to God.

What about you? Do you tell God about small details in your life? Or do you not want to “bother” Him? Has God ever “floated an axe” for you? Do you only come to God when it is a “big one”?

It is a symmetric property of thinking. (A=B, then B=A) If we let God handle the big things in our lives, we can also let Him handle the small. I believe that God’s care for us is for everything in our lives. I liken it to our children. I want to know what is going on in their lives- the big and small things. Maybe I am nosy (as I am sometimes accused) but it is more that I love them beyond words and want to know what they are thinking, what issues concern them, what makes them happy. I want to have a relationship with them. So too with God. He wants a relationship with each one of us. What better way than to share with Him the big and small things.

Reflections on Time

She pulls up to the ATM, gets out her card and thinks, “How much do I need this week? I have so many things to do: running the kids to soccer practice, piano lessons, math tutoring; then the PTA meeting; prepping for big client’s meeting at work. Gosh, then we have our dentist appointments. Oh, and then I am taking mom to the doctors. I guess I’ll withdrawal another ten… hours.”

The Time Bank- where we can deposit and withdrawal time as we need it.

I don’t know about you- but some days I wish there were a time bank. While we know it doesn’t exist, I suspect we would love to have that type of institution-a place where we can store up extra time (those miraculous days when we have arrived a few minutes early to our destination) or take out extra time when our weeks are overly packed and time is in short-supply.

The thing about time is that once past, it never returns. Kind of like squeezing a tube of toothpaste and having the toothpaste run out over the sink- you can never put the toothpaste back into the tube.

When you think about our usage of the word “time” it is used as a commodity: spending time, finding time, losing time, wasting time, time is money, over time, marking time, buying time, playing for time.

We talk about time flying- usually in relation to an engaged activity that we enjoy. Or about time moving so slowly- when we have the type of activity that seems to drone on and on.

I am always fascinated about time and how we, as humans perceive time and our response to it. I am always interested in ways to use my time wisely. There is a British author Oliver Burkeman who writes about the concept of 4000 weeks. (same name as his book) According to him, that is the average amount of time each of us has if we live to the age of 80. In some ways that seems like a lot of time, in others (especially those of us who are closer to that number than not) it seems so short. The big premise for Burkeman is that one should be “organizing your days with the understanding that you definitely won’t have time for everything you want to do". In knowing one cannot do everything, then one can decide on which tasks to focus on and which tasks to neglect. In essence, knowing what is important to you and letting the other things go.

I recently heard a psychologist on the radio program Hidden Brain also talk about taking control of our time. The researcher experienced what all of us do at some point- we are either overly busy and rushing from one thing to another, or we find ourselves with too much discretionary time- feeling bored and unproductive. What is the happy balance?

According to this psychologist, we need to rethink our concept of time: In some ways, to recognize that it is a precious commodity that is not infinite. There will be a time when there won’t be time. She gave the following exercise: “So if you reflect back on your past week and identify what was a moment of joy, oftentimes it's a very ordinary experience. And so what I encourage people to do is count how many times have you done that in your life so far? And then to count how many times do you have left to do it in your life.”

She gave the following example of a student in her late twenties who counted her dinners with her parents including from her childhood into adulthood when her parents would visit her at college and then currently as she was living nearby her parents and had weekly Sunday night dinners. And she counted all of those up and realized that she had had about 6,800 dinners with her parents thus far in her life and most likely 575 dinners left. As the researcher continued in her interview.

“That is, she (the student) had only 8% of her dinners with her parents left. And that's impactful because what it does is it leads her to A, make the time. No matter how busy she feels, that with that recognition, she is going to show up for the Sunday night dinner. But even beyond that, at the dinners, it changes how she engages in that time. What she used to view as nagging comments, she would just let roll off her shoulders, and instead she redirected the conversation to learn about her parents, recognizing that their time together is limited and more consequently is really precious. And so wanting to make the most of it.”

Rather than feeling depressed about the limit of time, I want to make the most of the time I’ve been given. While it is important to “number our days” as the psalmist tells us, I think it is more important to not worry about that. Rather, to enjoy each given day, for as we know, no one really knows when our life will be over.

How do we keep the time tension in balance? To feel busy enough that we are satisfied with our activities, relationships and time spent but not feeling anxious, guilty or frenetic? I have been thinking more and more about the ancient Hebrew writers and the book of Ecclesiastes- to every thing there is a season. There are seasons in our lives that may be very busy and times when we do not have all the family responsibilities. It is in realizing the big picture on our lives, that there is time for different things to happen- it does not all have to be done right now.

I also think that steeping ourselves in gratitude- being grateful for whatever the day brings, helps us to be focused on what that day brings. To be intentionally aware-whether we are thoroughly aware of our rushed days or focusing in on the days of waiting.

I recently read a book about a woman who intentionally and regularly practices silence and solitude. (I mentioned it in the last blog post.) She takes 2 days a month when she is silent for 24 hours. While that may not be my thing- [yikes I, who once had a teacher throw an eraser at me for chatting in class- in all fairness I was helping another student out, cannot imagine being silent!] I was intrigued by her observation that when she removed herself from the societal norms of speaking, background noise and clatter, she was able to observe and be more present in her situation: she found that she was relishing each activity, even simple tasks like making her morning oatmeal.

We need time in our lives to pause and ponder. To provide a space for wonder in this world. I think that is one of the reasons why God created us for Sabbath- to put the regular break and pause into our busy lives. The sabbath was made for man (Mark 2:27) as Jesus reminds us. When we pause and ponder, we create natural stop gaps in the frenetic thinking: time to wonder if the activities/energies that will be spent in the upcoming weeks really satisfy the purpose of my being?

I am still trying to learn how to make the best use of my days, but in reading what researchers say, I imagine that it comes to a bunch of mind set changes:

  • Choosing the best for our days: the activities that give us purpose.

  • Balancing things that care for ourselves and others. Loving our neighbors as we love ourselves.

  • Practicing gratitude in all that we do. When are grateful- even in our rushed days, we take on a more outward-looking perspective of life. Gratitude creates a natural pause in the frenetic.

  • Wondering why we are doing the activities that we do. To ensure that we do activities that we truly enjoy. It might not be all the time, but that there is some activity that brings joy. Of course, some things just have to be done- there is no navel gazing or joy in Mudville in having to routinely clean house, or working in a mindless job that is necessary to pay the mortgage, health bills, etc. But we perhaps we can find some type of joy in whatever the activity?

What about you? How are you with time? Do you manage your time like there is a bank for it? Hoping to deposit for any lost time?

If there were a time bank, there would be limited deposits for as the author Christopher Rice says, “Every day is a bank account, and time is our currency. No one is rich, no one is poor, we’ve got 24 hours each.”

Stranger Suggestions

Have you ever encountered a stranger whose conversation or actions resonated with you?

Such was an encounter for me over the weekend. My husband and I had biked to one of the villages near our get-away cottage. We wanted to see if one of the cook stores had a replacement part for our coffee pot. (Alas, it did not.) However the trip was worth it as the sales clerk was so interesting to talk to. An attractive woman in her late 60’s/70’s she was manning the small cookware store. The village was somewhat busy with visiting tourists meandering up and down main street, entering stores and perusing the wares. Most were carrying bags containing bought items that they didn’t know were a necessity until they happened to stumble upon it on their holiday.

The sales person in the store had a soft Southern accent. When asked, “Where were you from originally as you definitely sound from south of the Mason-Dixon line?” She replied that she had lived all over the South: Alabama, Tennessee, Georgia, South and North Carolina. About 14 years ago, she “ran away” as she puts it. From what- not sure. From whom- her Yankee husband. (Although she ran right up to New England. A conversation for another time, for sure.) In the intervening years, she has been renting a home from a local author. When she mentioned where she lived, it is very close to my old summer childhood stomping grounds. It was fun to reminisce about that area. Sadly, any of the people I knew from then have moved on or died.

She mentioned the name of the author- Anne LeClair with whose work I was not familiar. She told us two things about knowing Anne that I thought were quite interesting and thought provoking. One, that Anne has taken two days a month, every month for YEARS and practices silence on those days. Apparently Anne wrote a memoir, Listening Below the Noise, about that practice which I now want to read.

Two, after their last child left the nest, Anne made an appointment with a marital counselor for her and her husband. According to our salesperson, Anne’s husband was perplexed as to why, but the counselor commended them for taking this proactive/preventative step in their relationship- that this was the perfect time. One of the things that the counselor suggested was that they have a set time each day for communication. Time when one spouse “had the floor” and could speak uninterrupted for five minutes. The listening spouse could ask questions but no comments. After the five minutes, they would then switch roles. It gave the couple a chance to re-establish their relationship. As our new found friend said, “Anne is an incredible listener. She has taught me that it is okay to have pauses in my conversations and to not feel awkward about silences in those conversations.”

I found the following clip on youtube of Anne speaking at a seminar: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47Za0OcDCSw

As the youtube clip says, she noticed that when she was silent and heard others speaking- she was moved from her own ego reaction- that person is annoying, egotistical, narcissistic, etc. to recognizing what was being said underneath the words: that all people just want is to be seen, heard, recognized and have a sense of belonging. Being silent gave her greater empathy and compassion for others.

I have been most intrigued by this idea and her process. I haven’t read her book yet, but did request it from the library. In some ways, I like the idea of space in our silent days leading to space in our heads to ponder, think and mull things over. A day of silence which gives us permission to slow down and enjoy the day with whatever unfolds.

She notes in the youtube clip that choosing silence is empowering. It provides time to listen- to others, to one’s surroundings, and to oneself. As she spoke, it made me think of Jesus. He never was rushed in his encounters with others. He always listened to what was being said and responded to the heart of the matter- that which the speaker was truly desiring and expressing even if the speaker didn’t acknowledge it at the time. I can’t help but think that his practice of withdrawing from the crowds and disciples and spending time in prayer was what enabled him to be that present for others (setting His divinity aside).

What about you? Have you ever had a period of silence? How and why did that come about? Was it intentional? Did you learn anything from that experience? How are you at listening?

I am excited about reading the book and trying some days of silence. I have been thinking about what it might look like and how I can change the pattern of my days to be present. Already, from our encounter over the weekend, I am intentionally trying to be a better listener and to hear what is being said. Who knows? Maybe if I have an encounter with a stranger, I can pass along the suggestions that I received?

Balance

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about balance. How it is so necessary in all aspects of our lives but so hard to execute and/or maintain. I have always struggled with balance- whether it was work/life balance, helping others/self-care, being present/future planning.

Alas, this in NOT me. If I were she, I would be tumbling into the water below.

Physically, I find myself off-balance more often than I like. Just the other day I was walking along a brick path by our house and before I knew it, caught myself from falling. My foot must have just turned on the slightly raised brick. Of course, I was in my usual mode, scurrying along and thinking of multiple things at once rather than where I was placing my feet. To try and combat my clumsiness, I do practice yoga every so often and work on balance poses. At first it was quite awkward, trying to stand on one leg like a flamingo, but I have improved.

Mentally and emotionally, I try to stay balanced in the expenditure of my time and mental energy. Try is the operative word because I must say that this is very difficult for me. I find myself, more often than not, “giving” my time away to others. Not that it is such a bad thing- it is very important to help another. The other day I heard someone talk about “the helper’s high”- that satisfaction that one gets in helping another person. It was a concept that was coined in the 1980’s. Not only is helping beneficial for the one being helped but it does benefit the helper: satisfaction in life, increased endorphins, decrease stress hormones, etc. While it may have been termed then, it is a universal truth: God made us for community. What better way to tie us together than to realize that we need to help one another.

I have said this before but the fastest way for me to get out of a funk is to help someone else. Apparently there is science data that backs that up. (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30424992/)

Yet, the helper’s high comes with pros and cons. Helping too much and not providing for self rest and rejuvenation can cause compassion burnout, fatigue and bitterness/fear of ever helping again. I know that in the past, I have been burned out through multiple volunteer activities. I lacked any pacing or boundaries with my “helping”. It has taken me a while to feel comfortable enough to get as involved as I would like in a variety of community activities. I am still figuring out the right balance.

I find I struggle with balance in the execution of my day- I want to be present and in the moment, yet I find myself planning for the “next thing” on my schedule. The more chaotic my life becomes, the more I find myself planning. I realize that over planning is really a way to control any chaos. Again, not that it is a bad thing but by not balancing the planning with the current moment robs me of enjoyment of that current moment.

In the practice of being physically balanced- whether that is from a standing position, on a balance beam or in a precarious spot, there are certain behaviors that help one remain upright and not fall: eyes need to remain focused in one spot, core muscles (abdomen) need to be engaged, arms or a leg may need to be extended or lightly placed on a wall or ground to counterbalance the posture.

Those concepts can be applied to being emotionally and mentally balanced. We need to keep our eyes fixed on a certain point- our “eyes on the prize”- whether that is a specific goal or our overall life goal. For me, keeping my eyes on Jesus- whether that is making tough decisions (the old line- What would Jesus do?), keeping my thoughts and actions in line with Jesus when chaos is swirling around me or figuring out what is God’s best in any given situation- helps me stay upright. When I rely on God for my future, and to some extent the plans for that future, I can enjoy the moments that I have. I don’t need to be frantic for the “next thing”. Maintaining a strong core of faith through reading the Bible gives me a foundation to hold firm when circumstances knock me over. As I try to remain balanced, having others who keep me accountable and ask me how I am doing or remind me of my weaknesses help counterbalance my tendency to try it on my own.

What about you? Do you feel balanced? In work and life? Physically? Emotionally? Spiritually? If so, how do you maintain that balance? If not, what can you do to practice a more balanced lifestyle?

One of my favorite Bible verses: A false weight is an abomination to the Lord. While it was written for those who were in charge of using weights and measures and was a reminder of the severity of cheating, I always thought of it as a reminder to stay balanced. God wants us to be balanced in our lives. Just as Peter did walk on water for the brief moments he kept his eyes fixed on Jesus, so too can we be balanced in our lives if we keep focused on Jesus and what God has for our lives.

Tending the Garden

The NYTimes article caught my eye: The Health Benefits of Gardening. While I have always espoused and stated that being outside in nature and mucking about in the garden is good for us, it is nice to have validation through different research studies. The benefits make sense, especially to anyone who has worked in a garden: increases physical health- all that raking, shoveling, toting, digging, bending; increases well-being- feeling a sense of purpose, meaning; fostering connection- to one another (especially in community gardens or gardening clubs) and to nature; lowering cortisol (stress hormone); bolsters immunity- getting one’s hands dirty and the exposed microbes.

I love to garden. I love to see things grow. But most of all, I think I just like to play in the dirt.

In moving to a new home, I have been thinking about what type of garden I would like to have. We have finished most of our indoor renovations and it is time to focus my attention on the outside. The house is over 100 years old and is in New England. I have always been partial to cottage gardens and while the house isn’t exactly cottage looking, it does have that certain feel to it.

I decided to make a small cottage garden in the front yard. Last year I was able to put that in. Surprisingly, it is not doing too poorly in a year’s time. This year, I plan to have our veg patch and some herbaceous borders in the side yard as that gets the best sun. While I have always been a “gardener” (very loosely stated since, as I have said, I really just play in the dirt), our previous home was quite shady and so I could never grow any vegetables.

This side yard is quite sunny. We’ve put in some raised vegetable beds. One of the local nurseries offers a CSA (community supported agriculture) with seedlings rather than the typical harvested fruit or vegetable. We received seedlings in April (cool weather crops), May (warm weather crops) and will receive some in August (fall crops). So far, so good. We have enjoyed lettuce and some of the herbs. Broccoli is coming along and the peas will need to be picked sometime this week. I can’t say that we have had a high yield, but we haven’t had the million dollar tomato either- You know how it goes, you spend lots of time, effort and money for plants, soil, containers and all you receive for your labors is one pathetic tomato.

What tickles me each and every time I tend to the garden are the lessons learned:

  • It is easier to pull out a small pokeberry weed than one that has been established.

  • Some seedlings have similar characteristics as the adult plant-in the way it looks or smells.

  • Certain seedlings, are hard to tell what they will develop into. Rest assured they will be weeds.

  • Some people’s weeds are others’ perennials.

  • If you do not mark a plant, you will forget what was planted there by the next season, or even the next week.

  • Pruning and cutting out dead wood is necessary for healthy plants.

  • Plants (dividing) and its “offspring” (fruit, blossoms, veg)- need to be shared. Not only is it healthier for the plant, it is healthy for the giver and receiver.

  • Deadheading and tidying up the garden throughout the garden season keeps the garden looking fresh.

  • Plants need a good beginning: healthy soil, water, sun, space (not too crowded).

  • Consistent watering is key.

  • Different plants have different growing requirements. The right plant in the right location will thrive.

  • Mulch covers a multitude of sins.

I like the word tend: to watch over; pay attention; stand by in readiness to prevent mischance; serve, cultivate; foster. In the archiac meaning, tend was to listen. Tending a garden makes me think of the word tender- that we are gentle and caring for the little patch of the world within our care.

But I also wonder what the world would look like if we tended to the large garden we call earth. To be tender to all the inhabitants- not just the flora and fauna but the animals and people. What if we really listened to those around us? Paid attention? Are we willing to stand by in readiness to prevent mischance happening to our neighbors or community? Do we watch over the people in our care?

What about you? Are you a gardener? What have you learned?

For all the jokes about oldest professions, gardening is the oldest. Adam and Eve were given charge over the earth. Not to abuse the earth through careless decisions but to be stewards of it- seeing to the well-being of all that lives and grows on it. All that we have developed as human kind is a marvel but I can’t help wondering if we have removed ourselves too much from the natural world. Perhaps all of us should, in our own way, begin tending to garden.

Better Reading

Are you a reader?

I have always been a reader. I was reading before entering kindergarten. I remember enjoying those Dick and Jane books. (Funny story- I have a late birthday but in our town, the cut off for school was the calendar year-December 31. Being a December child, I was enrolled into class along with all the other children who were born the same year as I. Consequently, when I entered kindergarten in September, I had not had my birthday yet, so I was technically still four. I remember sitting in the Kindergarten classroom- cross-legged on the carpet for story time- and the substitute teacher voiced her surprise that I was reading. She asked me my age and after I told her, she said, “You can’t be four.” Here I was just a little tyke, trying to argue with this sub that “Yes, I was. I am so four.” A generation later, was it any surprise that our son at an early age could and would argue the legs off a table?)

I love words and the power of words and I enjoy reading although lately I wonder if I am truly comprehending what I read? I cannot figure out if it is a post-covid thing? An aging process of the brain? Declining eyesight? Maybe I have deceived myself all these years and I never comprehended things?

An article in The New York Times caught my eye, How to Be a Better Reader. Click HERE to read. I think the main crux is how we need to slow down in an age of quick sound bites. Our son has been working through a book, How to Read a Book, by Mortimer J. Adler and Charles Van Doren. He says is it quite interesting.

Words are powerful. I think it is only through words that people’s hearts and minds can be changed. There is a mystery about words. Word, with a capital “W” represents Jesus/God. The Creator of all things. Words are part of our co-creation- the way we express ourselves through language (written or oral) is a gift from God. When we use words, we are entering into creation, little “c”, with God. “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.” (John 1:1)

Words are powerful because whether the author of the words realizes it or not, words are reflections of God. Words can be edifying and they can illuminate one’s world. Sadly, like many choices people make, words can be used for evil- they can be hurtful and they can diminish one’s spirit.

It is more than just the words on a page that can change hearts and minds. Storytelling, in any of its forms- drama, plays, poems, lyrics, etc. does too. I think because these formats are not so direct as perhaps facts or statistics on a page. Facts and statistics can change people’s minds but facts can hit you over the head while stories make the point in a sideways, gentler way: in reading a story one internalizes the predicament and hopefully that will evoke an empathetic response. Sometimes it is a repulsive response but either way, one has to mull it over in one’s brain.

What about you? Have you read any books lately that have made you rethink an ideology? Any characters whose lives changed the way you process the world? How you live?

In Rhode Island there is a program- Read Across Rhode Island in which a committee chooses one book a year that is offered to the population to read- libraries, schools, community groups, book clubs, religious groups- anyone who wants to read it. (Probably many states have this type of program.) This year’s book is Solito by Javier Zamora. It is a memoir of his journey to America when he was nine-year’s old. Solito is an incredibly detailed chronicle of Zamora's 3,000-mile journey from his small town in El Salvador — where he spent his childhood without his mom and dad, who had already made their way to the U.S. — through Guatemala and Mexico, and eventually across the U.S. border. He was an unaccompanied minor yet in the harrowing journey he develops a relationship with three strangers who become his “family”. It is their kindness that is one of the beautiful expressions in the book.

His book, told from the point of view of his nine-year-old self is an eye-opener. It emotes empathy and just a glimpse of what the immigration process entails. It humanizes the experience and so, has made me confront some of my pre-conceived ideas. It is just a beautiful (although at times harrowing) story-poetically written and conveys a hope in one’s fellow human that was unexpected. I was able to hear Javier speak when he came through Rhode Island on a book tour. What a thoughtful and loving person. With all that he has experienced in life, he does not appear bitter at all, either in any of the situations he found himself in or with the people who put him in those situations.

For me, this book has placed on my heart the peril and problem of immigration- whether in our country or in others. While I know that the issue is extremely complicated and I do not have enough information to come to any conclusion, I do know that only through reading and stories, like Javier, will I begin to have some understanding.

One of my all time favorite books is Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art by Madeleine L’Engle. She writes about the creative process and faith. As she says about stories, “ “Stories are able to help us become more whole, to become Named. And Naming is one of the impulses behind all art; to give a name to the cosmos we see despite all the chaos.”

I think it is in the Naming and making sense of chaos that we begin to experience mercy and grace. It is why reading is so powerful and so important.

“Because stories are spells; they change things. When they hook us and reel us into their magic, they change us. It's stories that will save us, in the end. Not just the stories we read or tell, or the stories we want to be in, but the ones that live inside us and the ones we live inside.” – Sharon Blackie. Hagitude