Bloom

The other day as I was walking our dog, I went passed a house that had lawn work done last fall when they had ripped up and removed the lawn, graded it, put in a stone wall and then put down sod.

As I strolled past, I noticed shoots of green- tulips were emerging through the sod. They were randomly placed and didn’t look like they had been planted anytime recently. I tried to recall what the front looked like before the project. I think there were small gardens where the plants were emerging. The tulips either were planted there before the new lawn was put in or a squirrel decided to bury some bulbs when the ground was disturbed and it was only dirt.

Either way, nature always amazes me in its resilience.

Bloom where one is planted they say.

Many people today are having trouble doing just that. There is much upheaval and uncertainty for many. I know folks who feel like those tulips- they used to be in a known area but then bull dozers and rakes removed their comfortable setting and were replaced with something different.

When things have been upended in our lives- loss of job, devastating health diagnosis, loss of a loved one, financial ruin- how do we go forward? Do we continue on and try to do what we are supposed to do? Do we find that which is holding us down is too hard to push away like the sod overtop of the bulbs?

Do we accept what has happened and look for new pathways to explore?

Over Lent, our church offered a Lenten series through the 24/7 Prayer organization (www.prayercourse.org) The website offers a study about unanswered prayer. Over a series of five weeks, we looked at the last few days of Jesus’ life and how Jesus experienced unanswered prayer. One of the examples they give is the kintsugi bowl- a bowl made by Japanese artisans that is intentionally cracked and repaired with gold. It is to represent resilience in the face of adversity and hardships.

When we feel that we are broken beyond repair, God shapes us into something beautiful, mending that which is cracked. But, as the video points out- God doesn’t heal our scars, no more than Jesus’ scars were removed on His resurrection. We bear our scars because God can make something beautiful out of our brokenness. I like to say that God is the ultimate recycle-er/re-purpose-er.

A kintsugi bowl.

One of the speakers for the series has and continues to suffer with epilepsy. It was initially diagnosed after a brain tumor was discovered. She has lived with this debilitating condition for over twenty years. Yet, even as she has prayed for healing, she asks God for strength for each day. Her prayers are more short-lived- focusing on her day-to-day life. As she says, if she waited for complete healing (and she does still pray for that), she would be putting her life on hold.

Talk about blooming where one is planted.

What about you? Do you feel like your life is in pieces? Will you let the Master make something beautiful out of it? Are you willing to be “molded” into something different rather than be in a waiting mode?

Or perhaps you feel more like the tulips- trying to bloom regardless of the conditions?

Maybe our lives should be a little of both- continue blooming where we are until we are moved into a different, albeit better location. Either way, we are encouraged to trust in the One who has our best interest in mind, who loves us unconditionally and will make something beautiful out of our brokenness.

Spring Wonder

Is it spring where you are?

We have had some teaser days but nothing to consistently feel like spring weather even though the calendar officially says it so. But we do see more outdoor activities: more and more folks are out walking or jogging; children are riding bicycles, scooters and skateboards. Every day the daffodils grow a little taller or open a little wider depending upon their sun placement and every time I walk the dog, I’ll see yet another potted tulip placed on someone’s front steps.

It reminds me that we all long to be outside and in nature- in whatever form that might take. We all know or have heard that being out doors is good for our physical, emotional, mental and even spiritual health. I thought it is interesting that even “The American Bar Association, the U.N. Standard Minimum Rules for the Treatment of Prisoners (Nelson Mandela Rules), and the Association for the Prevention of Torture all recommend a minimum of one hour outdoors daily, weather permitting, as part of minimum humane standards for detention and incarceration.” Being outdoors is a criteria of humane standards.

For children, being outdoors and engaging in physical activity are inextricably linked. According to the World Health Organization, children need between one to three hours of outdoor play a day. It can be in the form of smaller increments but the point is that they need to be outside and playing- preferably free form and a non-organized form of play. Organized sports are wonderful but there is something intrinsic and soul-satisfying if one gets to play and explore the natural world unencumbered with any type of agenda. It provides wonder.

Recently the local radio station was speaking to an author, Thor Hanson about his new book, Close to Home. In it, he talks about retraining our senses to reveal hidden natural wonders- many in our own backyards. If we slow down and open our eyes, we will see the beauty and wonder of the world, right at our fingertips.

It made me think about my relationship with being outdoors. I love being outside. Although, when the weather is damp, cold or rainy, I may not be so anxious to be there. Yet, I am really trying to practice the adage, “It’s not bad weather. I am just inappropriately dressed.” and to try and be comfortable by appropriate dress in whatever the climate situation may be. There are some days when I have been holed up in my office that I start to feel just a little bit claustrophobic. I go outside, see the wide expanse of the sky and the sunlight on the water and feel so much better. In a strange and paradoxical way, the vastness of the world around me puts my worries and issues into perspective: I am not the only thing in the world, yet I have the blessing to be part of this beautiful existence.

Still, in the spring, I get anxious for all that I need to do, especially outdoors. Instead of enjoying the gardening and being in awe of new life and creation, I become very dogmatic in having to do certain actions. I forget to slow down and observe.

Year ago, we watched a series called: For the Life of the World: Letters to the Exile. My husband had seen it first through a men’s retreat. There are seven episodes- Exile, Love, Creative Service, Order, Wisdom, Wonder and Church- all to help one gain insight into being in the world but not of it. What always struck my husband was when the men reviewed their time and what were some take-aways and likes, almost all felt that the episode on wonder was so important and what was lacking in their lives.

I can relate.

What about you? Do you have “play dates” in your calendar? What can you do this spring to get outside more? How can you bring more wonder into your life?

What I like about being outdoors is that, if we keep our eyes open, we will see wonder all around us. As Mr. Hanson describes in his book, one doesn’t have to travel very far to see fantastic and interesting things in nature. We just need to get outside and “play”.

Everything I learned in Preschool…

This past week I met a woman who is a preschool teacher at a Montessori school. I used to travel by a Montessori school and always wondered about it. I was curious to know what is their philosophy in teaching. She explained that Montessori is a “method of education based on self-directed activity, hands-on learning and cooperative play.” The school focuses on the individual child and their developmental needs. The curriculum and teaching is established with the whole child in mind- body, mind and the senses. They focus on respect and civility: learning to respect yourself- cleaning up after yourself; respect others- saying “please” and thank-you”; sharing with others; being civil; caring for the mutual environment. The school fosters independence with guidelines and age appropriate decisions. The learning is experiential and encourages the children to discover the answers themselves- to appropriately allow them to experience consequences in the learning process.

On the Montessori website they reference a study that was published in the Frontiers of Psychology. (Of course the study is favorable to a Montessori education.) The study looked at the those who attended a Montessori school or conventional school (ages 18-81) and had them complete a well-being survey. They found strong evidence of elevated psychological well-being among adults who attended Montessori schools as children. In some ways, I am not surprised. Whether one agrees to the Montessori curriculum or not, the idea of respecting others, yourself, your environment, feeling a sense of control in one’s learning and becoming independent through responsibility makes sense. All those ideals help foster healthy and well-adjusted adults.

Makes me wonder what else I could learn…

One of the lessons that they employ is for a student to engage in a cycle of uninterrupted work periods: choose an activity; engage in that activity; clean up from that activity and then select a new task.

There are many days when I need to remember that lesson. I find, especially when I have a lot of tasks to do in a specific (namely short) amount of time, that I am frantically working from one to another and not doing a good job in any one of the activities. Plus, I seem to leave a wake of disruption and sometimes physical debris behind me. This always happens to me during the spring. I have so many tasks I want/need to complete before things get too warm: from a total clean through of the house- top to bottom and all in between- to a cleaning/working of the outdoor gardens and deck which has been “put away” for the winter. I find that I’ll start working in one area. I’ll notice something else and that pulls me to that activity and before I know it, I have begun four different tasks. This year, perhaps I can employ the Montessori method.

What about you? What lessons do you remember from school? What do you wish you had learned? What about kindergarten?

I think of the little tykes in a Montessori school. If only we behaved as they do- saying “Please, Thank-you, Good morning, How are you?”and showing respect to one another? What if we put back the things we used? What if we learned how to share?

I think of the classic book by Robert Fulghum, “All I Ever Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten”. He wrote it in 1986 but what he says still rings true. “…no matter how old you are, when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.”

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https://www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2021/12/28/new-research-highlights-the-long-term-benefits-of-a-montessori-education/

https://montessori-nw.org/about-montessori-education

Forty Days

Today is Ash Wednesday. The period of forty days before Easter (not counting the intervening Sundays). Forty is a significant number in the Bible and in the Christian tradition. It is a period of time for reflection, trial, testing, change and preparation. The forty days in Lent are a reminder of the forty days Jesus spent in the wilderness. It is in these forty Lenten days that we reflect, change and prepare for Easter. We strive to become more like Christ- by giving up something (sacrifice) or by taking on a new discipline.

Forty is a significant number in the Bible: forty days and nights of rain during the flood; forty years of wandering in the desert for the disobedient Israelites; forty days on the mountain while Moses received the Ten Commandments; the Philistines taunted the Israelites for forty days before David took on Goliath; it took Elijah forty days of fleeing Queen Jezebel before he heard God’s small voice in the cave; Jesus was with his disciples forty days after he was resurrected and before He ascended to heaven.

Saw this on a friend’s Facebook page. Thought it was appropriate for the times.

There is debate over the meaning of the number- is it literally forty or figuratively- meaning a long time/awhile? Either way, it is a time for Christ’s followers to set apart and think about things, take some action and prepare for the times to come. [Fun fact, the word quarantine comes from the Italian word, quarantina- when ships came from an infected port, the crew were required to remain aboard ship until forty days had passed, assuming that any diseases would have died out by then.]

This year, I hope to lean into Lent and set apart some time for reflection. I am hoping to take on a writing practice (my preferred action for change) for the forty days. Part of that writing practice is to try and see my “neighbors” as Jesus sees them- as created beings who are deeply loved by God, just as they are. That includes even those who are my “enemies”. I am also trying to let go of some things too- preconceived ideas and frustration with those who do not see things as I do. Just like a quarantine, my hope is that by not picking up that which I let go, I can let those practices “die out”.

What about you? Do you have a Lenten practice? What is it? Do you give up anything at Lent? Take on a new practice or action?

Another fun fact- pregnancy is approximately forty weeks. In that time, a woman experiences reflection, trials, change and preparation. The end result is growth and new life. May we, as we reflect, prepare and change through Lent, come into Easter with growth and new life.

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Just heard from Guideposts- In God’s Time, will soon be published. Folks can preorder here: https://guideposts.org/shop/product/in-gods-time/. (discount code: AUTHOR15). It is an anthology of 45 stories of transformation and answered prayer. I have the privilege of contributing one of those stories.

Do Something...

In 1943, American psychologist Abraham Maslow wrote a paper, “The Theory of Human Motivation”. The theory is a classification system whereby there is a hierarchy of universal human needs that one needs to have met before acquiring the next. Starting with physiological needs (those needed for survival) the hierarchy continues through developmental stages until self-actualization (raison d’etre for humans). If the basic physiological needs are not met, survival is questionable. If any of the other subsequent needs are not met, one will be stuck at a level and most likely experience stunted emotional growth.

Just recently I was thinking of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. In the current climate of our country, there appears to be a collective deficit in our basic needs being met. Are we stuck and stunted?

Many people that I know (myself included) are finding themselves feeling stressed and anxious. For a while I couldn’t understand why my brain was having trouble focusing. Compared to most, things are good in our household and life. Yet, I am finding that my reaction to recent events feels similar to the early months of the Covid-19 pandemic. At that time, I was in a state of shock over the lockdown and the way our daily lives were disrupted. I found myself not wanting to listen to the news, yet drawn to watching whenever I could.

I seem to be in that same mode of operating again. While I know that I should limit my news reading, I find myself looking over and over at online newspaper articles, periodicals and youtube/news segments. And I am in a state of shock. How quickly the world can go from status quo to confusion. Chaos seems to swirl among us and there is a pall of dread over our heads. Our way of life is not stable, our basic needs are in question and for some, safety and security is gone.

There have been multiple studies regarding children and their responses both physical and emotional to living in unstable family situations (due to socio-economics- changes in residences, caregivers, primary parental figures, parental substance abuse) Lacking safety and security, children in these settings are more likely to have physical ailments such as asthma, weakened immune systems; behavioral issues such as aggression; and emotional ones such as stress and anxiety.

I feel as if our nation is like those children: struggling with the first two levels in Maslow’s Hierarchy- physiological and safety and security needs. No wonder most people I know are feeling a sense of helplessness. I am struck by how much instability and insecurity affects behavior and thoughts: that certain situations cause great difficulty to survival.

With Maslow’s theory, it takes an outside force- parents, guardians and caretakers to provide and therefore help move the child along with his/her basic needs.

It seems to me that now, if ever, is an opportunity for each one of us to help one other in assuring that those around us have those basic needs met. As a collective anxious body, we need to look beyond ourselves and see the needs in our community. We can be on the lookout for those who are food insecure or unhoused or who are feeling unsafe.

What about you? How are you feeling in this moment of whiplashed governmental policies? Has it affected you? Your community? What opportunities do you see in your community? For helping those in need?

In the news coverage of President Jimmy Carter’s death, there was reference to his speech, Crisis of Confidence (https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/americanexperience/features/carter-crisis/.) In it he talks about the individual and how small sacrifices can help the common good of our nation. At the time, the small sacrifices referred to actions related to the energy crisis. But the sentiment is still true: individual’s small sacrifices can add up to a collective larger one.

While we wait for the government to shift and sort out these turbulent decisions, we, the people can do something. We can hold our communities close and do what we can for each other:

• Purchase food for the local food bank- pick up something each time you go to the store; organize a food drive with your neighbors

• Check on your neighbors, especially those living alone and who might be fearful

• Contribute $ to those non-profits that you value

• Support local journalists

• Support your local stores, businesses and restaurants

• Contribute to NGOs, especially the ones that work with religious organizations like World Relief (worldrelief.org)

• If certain policies or procedures trouble you, send letters to your representative or senator

  Abraham Lincoln in his Gettysburg address said, “that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.” (U.S. President Abraham Lincoln, The Gettysburg Address, November 19, 1863)

  A friend of ours works for Social Security. She acknowledges that managing the government is unwieldy. Things do move slowly. But, she will ask, do you really want it to go that fast? Should it really be that efficient? At the expense of the people? While the government (like churches) need to be good stewards and managers, do we really want them to be run like a business? Businesses whose bottom line is about profits and for (selected) shareholders. Governments are for all the people.
  

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Just received word that some of my devotionals from the Strength and Grace Guideposts Magazine have been used in a new book collection from them: https://guideposts.org/shop/product/comfort-for-caregivers/

Balancing Act

Together, yet alone.

That could be the slogan to sum up our current existence and interactions in society. We are, in some sense, more together than ever- technology can bring people together from far flung places in our planet. We can connect on any day of the week and at any time of day, yet the feeling of belonging and community is disappearing. Because of technology, one would think that in this period in history we would be the most social civilization ever but that doesn’t seem to be the case.

In the latest The Atlantic Magazine, the cover article “The Anti-Social Century” speaks about the change to the way we interact with one another. There are many reasons but technology seems to be one area that has changed how we interact: The automobile created distant suburban homes, the home television became the evening entertainment and the smart phone became the conduit for solo social interactions.

We are not inclined to join groups or organizations that would give us a sense of belonging. Over the last twenty years, professional organizations, service clubs, social clubs and religious organizations have been declining in membership. Even the percentage of 12th graders going out with their friends two or more times a week has dramatically declined from @ 80% in the 1980s to below 50% in 2020. There is a dramatic sharp decline around the time of the introduction to smart phones.

According to psychiatry.org, in a 2024 poll by the American Psychiatry Association (APA), 30% of respondents say that they feel lonely at least once a week and 10% feel lonely every day. Loneliness is described as “feeling like you do not have meaning or close relationships or a sense of belonging.” According to that poll, when Americans feel lonely, 50% will use a form of distraction like TV, podcasts or social media.

“Clearly we believe technology can be used to connect with others,” said APA CEO and Medical Director Saul Levin, M.D., M.P.A. “In some cases, it seems to be helping us reach people who become part of our inner circles or to communicate with those who already are. However, distracting yourself when you’re feeling lonely with social media might be a double-edged sword: while it can connect, it can also lead to feelings of missing out, and we need to make sure we remain conscious of its effects on our mood. In this tech-heavy world, we should not forget the value of in-person interaction.”

It seems as if our loneliness doesn’t have anything to do with solitude and silence or even “togetherness”. Many times we feel like we do not belong when we are in the middle of much “noise”- in the form of instagram posts, youtube videos, podcasts, or streaming services.

We have all seen those pictures of a social gathering, say around a diner table, and everyone seems to have their head down, engaged in something that is on their phone.

The fact that people are on their screens doesn’t necessarily mean they are alone. Many might be in a group, but no one is interacting- just scrolling, texting or watching individually. While social media has brought people together- reunions of old friends, long lost relatives, individuals with similar health conditions, political leanings, etc. it has mostly been a place where we are together (tethered by technology) but really alone (individual watches and engages).

We have an interesting relationship with solitude. We seem to attribute alone with loneliness but it doesn’t necessarily mean the same. One can be alone but not lonely and one can be in a crowd and very lonely, almost as if the crowd amplifies the feeling of loneliness. Ironically, it is in our alone times that we can process and prepare for our time together. Of course we have those people who are extremely introverted while others are extremely extroverted and then there is the spectrum in between, which is most of us. We need socialization for our psychological, mental, emotional, spiritual and even physical health. And we also need solitude for those same reasons.

The following chart looks at the benefits of solitude vs community. As humans, we need both. It appears that there are almost equal benefits to solitude and community. The yin and yang of existence.

I have been more and more interested in what they call Rule of Life. When we last went to Canada we visited a Benedictine Abbey and purchased a book in their gift shop about the Benedictine way of life. There are five practices: prayer, work, study, hospitality, renewal. While monastic life lends itself to more contemplation and solitude, there is a pattern to their days. A balance of solitude and community.

As a Christ follower, I turn to Jesus and how He handled the two seemingly oppositions of solitude and community. There are plenty of stories that Jesus loved a gathering- socializing over food and fellowship but that He also practiced solitude- the need to get away by Himself and engage with God.

Jesus modeled how one can and should be balancing our lives. We need to take time for that renewal through our time alone with God in order to engage in community- to have margin in our lives so that we do not get burned out in either situations- to not to feel lonely and to not feel overwhelmed and overstressed.

But as it is discussed in The Atlantic article, we have to do more than just be together via technology. We need to be face-to-face with our loved ones and family. But we also need to be face-to-face with our neighbors and those people who are familiar to us but not necessarily intimate friends or family. It is in the villages of our lives that we learn empathy, patience, productive disagreements and compromise.

In thinking about the way I spend my days, I realize that I need to put into balance the practice of solitude vs. engaging with others. I need to model my days after Jesus.

A while back I posted about the book, Listening Below the Noise. (August 21, 2024) I must confess that I have yet to practice a day of silence/solitude. I am looking forward to trying it but have yet to plan a day on my calendar. Sadly, I have to schedule it first before it becomes a regular practice.

Due to geographic locations, health, or timing, it is wonderful to have the technology to connect with friends and family. For example, I am grateful for technology to be able to share my thoughts via this blog. Yet, I find myself drawn in to a practice of spending more time with technology than perhaps with real people- checking my phone, looking up meaningless “facts” online (not for any type of knowledge or benefit). While I need solitude, I also need (sometimes have to force myself) into physical community- going out of comfort zone to engage with my neighbors or joining a group. I am learning to engage, listen and enjoy those who live around me.

What about you? How do you balance the two? Do you? How are you with solitude? Being quiet, alone and with your own thoughts? Or do you have to have something in the background? Do you have to look at your phone? How often in a day? Do you interact with others? Face-to-face? Do you belong to any organizations? Do you feel a sense of belonging?

While it is scary to read how fast society is changing, I try to remember that our basic human nature hasn’t changed. We can be together and alone. It is a matter of choice and, as humans, we can control that choice.

No Resolutions

A couple of weekends ago, we went to the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston. They have a current exhibition that juxtaposes Georgia O’Keefe’s work with Henry Moore’s. Click here to see:

While O’Keefe is American and Moore is British, they both experimented with taking items from the natural world and portraying them in the abstract: O’Keefe through painting and Moore, primarily through public sculptures. They lived around the same time. (late 1800s-late 1900s) Their philosophy about art was similar and their artistic lives in essence were parallel. It was interesting to have their work and lives juxtaposed.

One of the ideas that both experimented with was the idea of negative space. You can really see that with Moore’s work. Negative space or the empty space around and between the subject. Negative space is not made up of artwork, medium or anything else. It is important, sometimes more important that what is conveyed. It is the negative space that sets off and explains the visible work.

As today is New Year’s Day, I’ve been thinking about new beginnings, goals and the idea of making changes. Most years, at the new year, we think of adding some positive change into our lives- proactive goals and resolutions. Yet I’ve been thinking about negative space: absences that set off the items. What if today, we didn’t make any positive resolutions but rather negative ones- things we won’t do this year?

“This year, I won’t ….. “(fill in the blank). “This year I won’t ingest too many sweets, drink too much alcohol. This year I won’t binge watch any shows, or stay up later than I planned. This year I won’t be sucked into another’s drama, or be belittled by another person’s pettiness. This year I won’t be afraid of what other people think of me. This year I won’t be held under by someone else’s expectations.”

This year, can I say no to something so that it frees me up to have space for something else? Can I say no to something that uses my time or resources in order to say yes to something I want to do? Would having that space allow me to enjoy something that I am already doing but never have time or resources to enjoy? By saying no and enjoying “negative space” as it were, would I be creating a new way to look at my circumstances, much like Henry Moore’s sculptures and the use of negative space?

Saying no- to others and even to ourselves is hard. On one hand saying no is denying something- an action, idea, or item. Saying no might upset someone or displease them and most people, I think, want to please others. But what if saying no really is a yes for something else: feeling more life satisfaction, spending more time with family and friends, completing an important task, focusing on one’s purpose. What if saying no or not doing some action or feeling, allows the (yes) positive action or feeling to finally occur?

What about you? What things can/should you say no to? Would that free you up to say yes to something else? What won’t you do in the new year?

Michelangelo has said, “The sculpture is already complete within the marble block, before I start my work. It is already there, I just have to chisel away the superfluous material.”

What superfluous things are in your life that need to be chipped away?

Happy New Year.

This Is Christmas

Recently we watched This Is Christmas (2022). I was pleasantly surprised that I liked it and found it entertaining. Of course, being a Christmas movie there is a little cheesy-ness in it (I must admit that the promo picture does look a little Hallmark-ish), but it did have a good message. It tells the story of rail commuters to London. They have commuted on this train together for years, yet they do not know each other. One of the passengers decides to invite all to a Christmas party. Once the invitation is offered, all sorts of mishaps, misunderstandings and slight mayhem ensue.

As the main character says, “ A stranger is a friend you haven’t met before.” He wonders why, after all the time spent together on the train commuting, the passengers have never engaged with one another. Another character admonishes him, “Never. Engage on the commute.” That is such a true mantra from anyone who has ever travelled using any type of mass transit- one does not engage on subways, busses, or even elevators. Certainly there are the news stories of incidences, some life threatening even fatal, on subways. I have been on metro cars where some of the passengers have been fractious. It was a little scary. Again, in my mind I was thinking, “Don’t engage. Don’t make eye contact.” So I understand the unwritten rule.

Yet I cannot help but wonder what it would be like if people did engage- even ever so slightly- with those with whom they see every day? If people were engaged, would there be more camaraderie and more looking out for others? Would those who are fractious not even try to act up, knowing that the passengers were a cohesive entity?

Many years ago, my husband rode the local bus to work. It was the same bus, at the same time with the same people each day. Some of them did engage with one another. It made the trip much more pleasant. It created a feeling of community and belonging and of safety. One time when there was a substitute bus driver, it was the passengers who helped her in navigating the route. They made sure that everyone who took the bus was picked up and dropped off at the right stops.

Sadly, this feeling of disengagement seems to be the way that we like to live our lives. Do we really want to know the grocer? Should our doctor, lawyer or accountant be a friend? Or even an acquaintance? What about the butcher, baker and candle stick maker? Of course in the old days, everyone knew who did what in the village and town. In some ways that might’ve been better and in others, it could’ve been disastrous.

Privacy is a tricky thing. Some people are busybodies and gossips. We probably all know of a Mrs. Kravitz on our street and neighborhood- the busybody neighbor from the 1960s show Bewitched. No one wants to be a Mrs. Kravitz nor do we want to have one come around our home.

Once again, everything in life is about balance. Knowing one’s neighbors but not living in each other’s pockets.

What about you? Do you know your neighbors? Do you see strangers as friends you haven’t met yet or as foes to avoid at all costs? Do you engage with people around you? When you are in line at the store? Waiting for an elevator? On the train? Plane? Waiting with strangers during this Christmas time?

Not surprising that there are studies to suggest that engaging with strangers- talking, sharing a moment- is good for our mental health. It stimulates our “feel good” hormones- endorphins. Initially people believed that keeping to one’s self is better, but it turned out that those who engaged with strangers on a commute actually felt better than those who do not.*

I do think if you are open to engaging with another person, you are more likely to be sensitive to know if the other person wants to engage. Especially if you engage another person with the attitude that the other person might have something you need to know. It has been said, “Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don’t.” What can you learn this season?

Interesting articles: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9407669/ *https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2014-28833-001

Speak Humbly

Socrates said before one speaks, to ask oneself- Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?

I really like those questions. What if those were the operative questions that one must pose before posting anything online- Facebook, X, TruthSocial, etc. Can you imagine if those questions were reflected on by our politicians before they spoke? What if you and I actually paused and considered this before we spoke?

One of our favorite authors, Louise Penny, uses four statements in all her books. They are the guiding principles for her main character, Chief Inspector Armand Gamache: “I don’t know. I am sorry. I need help. I was wrong.” Words of humility and vulnerability yet words that give strength of character to the one who says it. Humble words that open the connection with one another.

My naive optimistic self still believes that, if people behave well towards one another (Golden Rule) we will see a change and improvement in society. When there is a choice in life, and, frankly all of life is a choice - up/down; good/bad; left/right- why do we have to choose the negative action? What if people intentionally choose the positive? What if we choose kindness and truth? What if we choose the appropriate time to say something? Not that we are choosing to withhold information, but rather choosing to disclose at an appropriate time. Perhaps the current moment is not really necessary in order to edify or encourage the listener. And what if, we choose to speak humbly to one another? To speak the truth of what is really going on in our minds and hearts?

In the 1950s Edward Lorenz used the term “butterfly effect” to describe a phenomenon in the mathematical chaos theory. Lorenz was a meteorologist studying the behavior of weather systems. He discovered that small changes in the initial conditions could lead to vastly different outcomes over time. Calling it the “butterfly effect”, it was to represent the idea that the flutter of butterfly wings could cause, in theory, weather issues across the globe. It is not a simple theory, but one that is complex and that factors in many complexities. Yet, it is a theory that has an impact on our individual and global choices- the small choices matter.

In social behavior, “the ripple effect” has been coined in response to the butterfly effect; it has been noted that there can be positive social change through small actions. Of course, social behavior is also complex, yet small changes can impact the areas in which we interact- with the eventual impact across larger social systems.

I think you could say that the ultimate ripple effect was Christianity. While the concept of Emmanuel (God with us, on earth through the person, Jesus Christ) is BIG, the idea of it spreading was small- one small simple act of one person telling about their experience with God to another. Who would’ve thought that a band of twelve uneducated, powerless, mostly ragtag subsistence fishermen, would change the world? They did so by intentionally sharing their and Jesus’ story with others. They made the choice to follow Jesus and to put into practice the lessons that they learned.

We can learn from those who have positively impacted our world. (I think of Martin Luther King,Jr; Mother Teresa, Gandhi to name a few) More importantly, I think of the men and women over the years who may not be household names, nevertheless, by their acts of humility and kindness have changed the world around them. I think of school teachers, beloved family members, dearest friends and those people we might meet, however briefly, who plug along, lifting others up on their journey of life.

What about you? Have you ever made a small choice and noticed its impact in your life? Have you ever made a small change in your behavior? For example, flossing your teeth. Did that small daily act improve your dental hygiene? What about smiling or exchanging pleasantries with the check out person? What small choice could you do that might have a ripple effect on others?

Most of all, I wonder, if we made the intentional choice to speak humbly, how that would impact those around us?

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Lord, Speak to Me by Frances R. Havergal
Lord, speak to me, that I may speak
In living echoes of Thy tone;
As Thou hast sought, so let me seek
Thy erring children lost and lone.

O lead me, Lord, that I may lead
The wandering and the wavering feet;
O feed me, Lord, that I may feed
Thy hungering ones with manna sweet.

O strengthen me, that while I stand
Firm on the rock, and strong in Thee,
I may stretch out a loving hand
To wrestlers with the troubled sea.

O teach me, Lord, that I may teach
The precious things Thou dost impart;
And wing my words, that they may reach
The hidden depths of many a heart.

O give Thine own sweet rest to me,
That I may speak with soothing power
A word in season, as from Thee
To weary ones in needful hour.

O fill me with Thy fulness, Lord,
Until my very heart o’erflow
In kindling thought and glowing word,
Thy love to tell, Thy praise to show.

O use me, Lord, use even me,
Just as Thou wilt, and when, and where,
Until Thy blessed face I see,
Thy rest, Thy joy, Thy glory share!

Pre-admiration

In one of my book clubs we are currently reading, Rough Sleepers: Dr. Jim O’Connell’s Urgent Mission to Bring Healing to Homeless People, by Tracy Kidder. It is a fascinating story (non-fiction but told in a very readable way) about Dr. O’Connell and how he and a team invented a community of care model for homeless individuals in the Boston area. As described on the inset: “We travel with O’Connell as he navigates Boston, offering medical care, socks, soup, humor and friendship to some of the city’s most endangered citizens, emphasizing a style of medicine in which patients come first, joined with their providers in what he calls ‘a system of friends’. We get to know his patients not as problems but as human beings in their true complexity- difficult and charming, self-destructive and brave.”

In the book, Dr. O’Connell is described as someone who has a knack for “pre-admiration.” Pre-admiration is deciding ahead of time that the encounter with a new person will be positive. It is something akin to the opposite of prejudice. Whereas prejudice has pre-formed opinions (usually negative) about a person, pre-admiration allows individuals to be open to what the future relationship will hold and deciding it will be good. The presumption is, “Oh, I’m going to eventually like this person. It might take some time but I will find a reason to like them. I just happen to not know it yet.”

As described in the book, Dr. O’Connell was remarkable to have pre-admiration for the homeless individuals he met. One of Dr. O’Connells colleagues explained, “Even the average extrovert is not super excited about meeting someone who smells bad, who’s wearing tattered clothes, is lying on the ground and asking for money. But it is possible to do and Jim was the most powerful example.”

Years ago my husband heard a writer/psychologist/sociologist speaking on the radio about “asset framing”. Similar to pre-admiration it is the practice in seeing strangers, not as difficult or problematic but rather as people who carry potential assets and that I, in getting to know them, have the privilege to discover.

I’ve been thinking about these two ideas lately, especially in light of our current global climate. So much of our encounters with others seems to be prejudiced or in essence pre-judged. Why is that? Are we just letting what either the newsfeeds or social media tell us to think? Or, is it part of human nature to make assumptions of people before we even know them?

I get it. I have heard the stories- individuals who are wreaking physical, emotional and psychological harm on those that they really don’t even know. They are just pre-judging based on a pre-conceived notion that they are not going to like the other. For whatever reason, they have decided that they will not even entertain the notion to get to know a little bit of the others’ story.

But I think we need to do more than just practicing understanding and holding back on any assumptions with people we don’t know.

On Monday there was an interesting news story from Bethel Park, PA. There is a church a few blocks from where the gunman who fired on Trump, lived. The pastor at that church has been giving a sermon series based on Jesus’ teaching, “The Golden Rule”: “Do unto others as you would have done unto you.” It was an uplifting story, one in which I feel is much needed at this time. Click here to listen.

As Pastor Chris Morgan states, "Our call as followers of Christ is to show people kindness and respect and love and humility and compassion, no matter what. (emphasis mine)" I heartily agree. If, Christians or any who call themselves followers of some belief beyond themselves, cannot show kindness, respect, love, humility and compassion, then who can? If following a religion cannot elevate us from the baseness of ourselves, then where is the hope?

For me, it is only through Christianity that I can truly be lifted from the sinful baseness of my being. There are times when I cannot show those attributes of love, humility, kindness, respect and compassion. I desperately need Holy intervention through God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit to change my attitudes towards others.

What about you? How are you in meeting new people or people who may be different from you? Do you have any preconceived notions? Over time, have you ever been pleasantly surprised that your initial reaction was wrong? Or has your initial thoughts been validated over time? What do you do to show love, humility, kindness, respect and compassion to others? Do you want to?

Dr. O’Connell and Pastor Morgan and their attitudes towards others, remind me of our dear departed friend, Jim. No person was a stranger to Jim. Every person received respect and an opportunity to be known. Jim loved people and loved them in all their complexities. He “pre-admired” others and it made the world of difference to those he knew.

Today as I go about my day, I will try to pre-admire those I come in contact with. Especially those who may be different from me. In the wise words of Jesus, may I treat others in the same manner in which I want to be treated.

We are all....

Well. It is the day after the election. I am writing this post the day before the election as I will be volunteering to be an election judge in our little town and know I will not be getting home until late after a long day. It is an odd time. On one hand, as I write this, it is a typical Monday for a typical work week. We had a lovely weekend, similar to many routine weekends: did some work projects around the house, visited with our small group, connected with our out-of-town son, had family dinner with our in-town son, went to church, etc. Yet hanging over our heads like a shroud, is the thought that come Wednesday, things might be quite different in our country. I liken it to how things were during the pandemic. There was a time before any shut-downs. Time when we went about our business without any thought or worry.

Then, in a shortened amount of time and in some cases over night, we went to being quiet: no cars on the roads, no stores, restaurants or shops opened. To travel or go anywhere required planning: do I need to fill out paperwork about vaccinations or reasons to travel? Do I have my mask, hand sanitizer? I remember the first time I had to go to a grocery store. I checked in with some friends asking if they needed me to pick anything up for them. I was a little puzzled by the one friend’s response, “be prepared to wait.” I didn’t understand it until I parked and saw the long line snaking around the building and realized that would be our new mantra.

In some ways, as we are waiting for the results of Tuesday’s election, I feel that same surreal waiting. Will we look back on today and remember when? Will Tuesday be the demarcation point of before and after in our political world and in our nation?

In our local newspaper recently they shared the story of Master Sgt. Roddie Edmonds who saved more than 200 American Jewish soldiers from extermination. He was part of a division of approximately 1,275 men who were captured by the Nazis in a surprise German counter offensive during the Battle of the Bulge. The captured men were forced in a brutal winter march, jammed into boxcars without food or water and eventually ended up at a POW camp. On January 27, 1945, the commandant of the POW camp ordered that just the Jewish soldiers come out of the building. All the prisoners knew that would mean automatic death for those soldiers. Roddie Edmonds was the ranking US officer and was expected to comply. Instead he ordered all the POWs outside where they assembled in formation.

The commandant put a pistol to Edmonds’ head and demanded that he give up the Jews or he would be killed. Roddie Edmonds responded by saying, “We are all Jews here.” Edmonds then told the commandant that the war was not going well for the Germans and if he pulled the trigger or ordered the Jews to be shot and killed, then he, the commandant would be tried for war crimes.

Not only was Roddie courageous but also the other 1,274 men who were barracked together. Any one of them could have “ratted” on their fellow soldiers but no one did. According to Roddie’s son (Rev. Chris Edmonds, a Baptist pastor from Knoxville, TN), he says his dad’s courage stemmed from his faith. “He chose to stand with God and humanity against evil.”

I think of those courageous men as we approach Veteran’s Day next week and as we have finished a highly contentious political cycle. I think of those men and women who have chosen to stand for Truth, Grace and Mercy, for those who speak for the most vulnerable and marginalized and for those who stand with God- loving their neighbors as themselves.

I sometimes wonder if I would have said, “We are all Jews here.” Regardless of the moral issue, perhaps Master Sgt. Edmonds was just being practical. It doesn’t take long before one realizes that if one doesn’t stand for the downtrodden or the ostracized, eventually the powers that be will be looking for whomever is left.

I think of the poem inscribed on the Boston’s Holocaust Memorial by German pastor Martin Niemoller:

First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—

Because I was not a socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—

Because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—

Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

There has been different versions of this poem attributed to Pastor Niemoller. He says himself that at different speaking engagements he used different groups to make his point. But the point is the same- when people with whom we don’t identify have difficulty- whether those people are harassed, marginalized, bullied, or in the Nazi extreme- carried away and exterminated- and we, because we are not in “that” group, do nothing we will eventually end up like those whom we think we have nothing in common. For if a group can demean and make another group feel less than human, eventually they will demean all groups who are not like them.

What about you on this day after the election? Are you sad? Shocked? Frightened? Happy? If your people did not get into office, what are you going to do? Keep your head down and not get involved? Become more involved? At this writing, it doesn’t matter which party is in office and it doesn’t matter for which party you voted. We are living in this beautiful country and we are all part of this wonderful experiment called democracy. We are all Americans.

I think this election hopefully has taught us a couple of things. We need to cherish and protect our democracy. We cannot become complacent about how we are governed. I know that I will be a little more interested in how things are governed locally as well as on the federal level. More than the government, I hope this election has taught us that being divided is not good. As Lincoln quoted from the Bible in his 1858 speech, “a house divided against its self cannot stand.” We have to hold on to the fact that what brings us together is much stronger than what tears us apart. Seeking Truth, Goodness, Grace, and Mercy are all strong ties. Much stronger than lies, deceptions, and name calling. I know that whatever the outcome, I want to be like Master Sgt. Edmonds- I stand with God and hopefully have the courage to stand against evil.

As we approach Veteran’s Day, not only should we thank those veterans we know but we should also honor them by standing for democracy and choosing to stand up for others who may not be able to stand by themselves. We honor the veterans by saying, “we are all…. (fill in the blank)”.

Smallest Things

During our morning Bible reading, my husband and I are working through the book of Kings. Some of the stories are familiar. Some are not. What always amazes me are the stories that are written that seem out of context of the “big” picture.

There are stories of people being eaten by bears, others who are cursed with immediate leprosy, lots of plundering and being plundered, and even the miraculous ongoing supply of food and oil with the smallest of resources.

Tucked in the middle of all these epic tales is a small, insignificant story that could be easily overlooked. One thing that I have noticed more and more about the Bible are the details. While at times, some stories seem to lack any details there are others that have plenty- names, physical descriptions, even weather. In this episode in 2 Kings 6: 1-7, the large prophetic community needs a new place to live. They plan on acquiring material (logs) from the banks of the Jordan River. One of the fellows accidentally drops a borrowed axe in the water. He cries out, in distress over the lost axe. Being made of lead it most likely sank to the bottom. Elisha, the main prophet, asks him where it fell. The man pointed to the spot. Elisha cut a stick and threw it into the water where the axe had fallen. Immediately the axe floated to the surface. The axe was saved.

I really like this story as it reminds me that nothing is too small for God. He cares about us and cares about the things, large or small that we care about. In that care for the details in our lives, He shows us that He loves us.

I think of the different ways people care for one another through little, thoughtful ways: the meals made with love; the physical caring of those who are vulnerable and cannot care for themselves-the young, infirm or old; the kind word or gesture.

Many years ago, one of the first articles that I had published was a piece for Valentine’s Day about ways a person loves you. I shared that my husband demonstrated his love for me when he made the luncheon sandwiches for our school-aged children. Those morning when I stumbled into the kitchen already feeling frazzled and behind over the numerous things on the to-do list, I would open the refrigerator door to see the brown paper bags lined up ready for the backpacks. He knew that making school luncheons was one of my least favorite chores and by getting them ready for me, especially on days that I went to work outside the home, was an act of love. It was a small thing but meaningful to me and our relationship.

I think the raising of the axe was a small but meaningful act for the gentleman who lost the axe and for those who witnessed it. Not only did it help out the borrower in the relationship with the one whose axe he borrowed, but I imagine it also gave him a special connection to God, knowing that God heard and responded to his distress.

I think of Luke’s verse, “if you are faithful in small things, you will be faithful in large ones.” If the God of the Universe cares about the smallest things that we care about, how much more will He care about the big issues that we face.

I know many people who might consider asking God for help when things are tough. The foxhole prayer. (Save me, Lord while bombs are whistling through the air.). They’ll offer big prayers: healing from disease, safety and protection from harm, strength during a really stressful time. But they might be hesitant to request from God anything that seems small and insignificant.

This story reminds me that nothing is too small and insignificant. If it is on our hearts and minds, it is on God’s heart and mind and is important to God.

What about you? Do you tell God about small details in your life? Or do you not want to “bother” Him? Has God ever “floated an axe” for you? Do you only come to God when it is a “big one”?

It is a symmetric property of thinking. (A=B, then B=A) If we let God handle the big things in our lives, we can also let Him handle the small. I believe that God’s care for us is for everything in our lives. I liken it to our children. I want to know what is going on in their lives- the big and small things. Maybe I am nosy (as I am sometimes accused) but it is more that I love them beyond words and want to know what they are thinking, what issues concern them, what makes them happy. I want to have a relationship with them. So too with God. He wants a relationship with each one of us. What better way than to share with Him the big and small things.

The Youngest

The other day I heard a radio announcer say, “Today is the youngest you will ever be.” Gave me a little pause in my thinking.

Over the summer our first grandchild was born. We saw her and held her when she was just turning a day old. Twenty-four hours breathing in the air of the earth. That’s young. In holding new babies I always think of our dearest friend who stayed with our toddler when his brother was born. I was very blessed with easy labors and deliveries and so while our second son came in the late night, by early morning I was ready to head home. When we arrived home, our friend was amazed, especially when she held him- “I never have held a baby this young (he was about six hours old). It’s like you went out to the store and picked him up.”

Newborns. The possibilities and opportunities seem endless. While I am cognizant that in some areas of the world and even in our country due to socioeconomics or religious standing, that may not be the sentiment towards new life. Yet I still wonder, even in the most hopeless place, when there is the gift of new life that there isn’t the glimmer of thought and hope that this child will make it. That this child will have opportunities. That this child will make a difference.

LinkedIn has numerous posts of “letters to my 22 year-old-self”. I’ve attended various seminars where this activity is offered as a way to help focus one’s priorities and goals. Knowing what you know now, what would you tell your former self. What lessons have you learned that you can apply going forward. The age one picks really doesn’t matter. Twenty-two is an age where one is now an official adult yet still “innocent” of the world.

I stumbled across one such letter written in 2014 by Rimjhin Ray co-founder of Heyo Phone. He tells his 22 year-old self that you can change the world. Mostly you need to have more conviction that you can. You are innocent enough to counter the jaded older naysayers if you only believe in yourself. For many of us who are older and thus experienced more of the bumps and problems of the world, we most likely no longer believe that the world can be changed. Yet, if we think that we are the youngest we will ever be, we can be optimistic for a future and a hope. (You can read his “letter” here.)

If today is the youngest we will ever be and that each day passing we are older and older, what would we say to our today, seventy-year old self, our fifty-eight year old self, our forty-two year old self? If we recognize that this is the youngest age we are living and that this day will soon pass, what would we do differently? Or do we need to do anything differently?

Would we tell that young self- go for it, take the risk; talk to your neighbors; start that business; write that book; visit that place; share the Gospel; reconnect with family or old friends; say and do what you have been itching to do but too afraid; begin what you have been putting off.

What about you? Have you even thought about today being your youngest version of yourself? What would you like to achieve going forward? What would you like to learn? What plans do you feel God is calling you to do?

The thing about being the “youngest” (to which I can attest- not only in my birth family but it always seemed in whatever group I was in), there are some great positives- namely you get to witness how people responded to their past and have an opportunity to pick and choose the best practice for yourself. You can become a sponge for learning all new possibilities. Like a newborn, you can bring the wonder and hope into a desperately needy world.

Just for Today…

Well, we are not quite to autumn. The official date of fall begins at the fall or autumn equinox. This year it is Sunday, September 22nd at 8:43 am ET. So officially, there are still 4 days left of summer. In our neck of the woods, it still feels somewhat summery although the nights are cool- great sleeping weather.

An equinox means that the same amount of daylight and darkness is received across the earth. The time is indicating the moment that the sun traverses the celestial equator which happens twice a year- during the spring and the fall.

The summer solstice was June 20th this year. It was the “longest” day of the year meaning the longest amount of possible daylight for the northern hemisphere. My mother always noted it, not because she was into celebrating the solstice but rather she liked the prolonged daylight. Yet on the next day after the summer solstice she would lament, “Oh, the days are getting shorter…” even though the sunset would be not even a minute earlier than the day before.

Then all the days/weeks leading up to the winter solstice along with daylight savings would really put her in a funk. Yet as soon as the winter solstice would occur (usually sometime in December) she would say, “Oh, the days are getting longer…” It always seemed to me that she should’ve enjoyed the time between the summer and winter solstices. Either way, time, as we are marking it through the amount of sunlight/darkness, is going to happen regardless.

I’ve been thinking about that this week- especially since June, July and August have flown by and we are almost to the autumnal equinox. “Where has the summer gone?”

I think of the expectations of summer- fun in the sun, going on holiday, slower paced mornings, etc. And I think of the hopes and expectations of fall- new school classes, new friends, cooler temperatures, a re-set to one’s schedule. But in many cases, it is the same ole, same ole of days. Certainly for folks who might not be able to go on summer holidays due to obligations of finances, family or work schedule or those who are just turning over the page to another school year. The monotony of each day.

I came across the following recently. It was a reprint from an old Ann Landers column:

JUST FOR TODAY—I will live through the next 12 hours and not try to tackle all life’s problems at once.

JUST FOR TODAY—I will improve my mind. I will learn something useful. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

JUST FOR TODAY—I will be agreeable. I will look my best, speak in a well-modulated voice, be courteous and considerate.

JUST FOR TODAY—I will not find fault with friend, relative or colleague. I will not try to change or improve anyone but myself.

JUST FOR TODAY—I will have a program. I might not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two enemies­—hurry and indecision.

JUST FOR TODAY—I will exercise my character in three ways. I will do a good turn and keep it a secret. If anyone finds out it won’t count.

JUST FOR TODAY—I will do two things I don’t want to do, just for the exercise.

JUST FOR TODAY—I will be unafraid. Especially will I be unafraid to enjoy what is beautiful and believe that as I give to the world, the world will give to me.

It really struck me that I need to concentrate on “just for today”. Not on the time that is “lost or gained” through the rotation and relation of the earth to the sun: to not wish for the time when daylight is longest, nor lament when it is not. But to enjoy the time between- as if everyday contained the equal amount of daylight and darkness.

The other day I rode my bicycle to the grocery store. We needed just a few things that I was able to pack along in my panniers. It is one of those activities that, while I am doing it, I wonder, “why don’t I do this more often?” It was a beautiful day, I had enough time to make the quick trip (store is about 1 mile from the house) and it made me feel good- not only the exercise but the lack of using fossil fuels from the car. For me, riding a bicycle to do any type of errand automatically puts me in a holiday mood. I feel as if I am on vacation.

It gave me the slower pace to think-”just for today”.. Just for today, I will appreciate the time that I had to be able to bicycle. Sometimes I get on myself thinking, “Wow. This is a great activity. I need to incorporate this into my everyday. Where can I add it to my schedule?” When I put that type of pressure on myself, I find myself rushing and not appreciating any moments. Rather, I just need to enjoy those times, as they come, “just for today”. If the same activity could happen tomorrow, then wonderful but not to be stressed about it.

There are times when my husband and I get to “be on vacation” at our get-away cottage. Times when we do not have any chores (nor plan to do any chores) to maintain the house. Times when we will go to the beach, swim in the water, take in a local show or concert, etc. Activities that are not in our day-to-day schedule. When we do so, I will say to him, “Phyl, how come we don’t do this more often?” We laugh because I am quoting my father and the question he would often say to my mom. When we would visit them at their year round house by the beach, we would do things that they generally didn’t do: go swimming, biking, picnic, etc. My dad would say, “Ahh. This is the life.” He would then reflect that they didn’t do it often enough. Because sure enough, once we went home, they returned to their “regular” schedule which didn’t include much deviation.

Somehow I think there needs to be a balance of the two- enjoying “just for today” but also making time for the “just for today”. While I would love to incorporate all those fun, “vacation-type” activities each day, sometimes that is not practical. Plus, are the fun, “vacation-type” activities, special and more memorable because they are not activities that we do each day? Regardless, I think it is important to do them (occasionally) and to make time for a just for today moment.

What about you? What can you do, “just for today?” Are their activities that, while you are doing them you think- why don’t I do this more often? If so, how can you incorporate that activity into your life? Maybe not routinely, but just for a day?

I wonder if that is why we have the spring and fall equinoxes? They are not celebrated quite as much as the summer and winter ones are. I wonder if because it is a reminder about balancing time, not a time of extremes of either a lot of sunlight or darkness, but rather a 24 hour period divided into equal parts that gives us just enough/equal time for those things that we do. As the first line of Just for today- I will live through the next 12 hours and not try to tackle all life’s problems at once. I don’t have to do this more often but I don’t have to do this no less.

Reflections on Time

She pulls up to the ATM, gets out her card and thinks, “How much do I need this week? I have so many things to do: running the kids to soccer practice, piano lessons, math tutoring; then the PTA meeting; prepping for big client’s meeting at work. Gosh, then we have our dentist appointments. Oh, and then I am taking mom to the doctors. I guess I’ll withdrawal another ten… hours.”

The Time Bank- where we can deposit and withdrawal time as we need it.

I don’t know about you- but some days I wish there were a time bank. While we know it doesn’t exist, I suspect we would love to have that type of institution-a place where we can store up extra time (those miraculous days when we have arrived a few minutes early to our destination) or take out extra time when our weeks are overly packed and time is in short-supply.

The thing about time is that once past, it never returns. Kind of like squeezing a tube of toothpaste and having the toothpaste run out over the sink- you can never put the toothpaste back into the tube.

When you think about our usage of the word “time” it is used as a commodity: spending time, finding time, losing time, wasting time, time is money, over time, marking time, buying time, playing for time.

We talk about time flying- usually in relation to an engaged activity that we enjoy. Or about time moving so slowly- when we have the type of activity that seems to drone on and on.

I am always fascinated about time and how we, as humans perceive time and our response to it. I am always interested in ways to use my time wisely. There is a British author Oliver Burkeman who writes about the concept of 4000 weeks. (same name as his book) According to him, that is the average amount of time each of us has if we live to the age of 80. In some ways that seems like a lot of time, in others (especially those of us who are closer to that number than not) it seems so short. The big premise for Burkeman is that one should be “organizing your days with the understanding that you definitely won’t have time for everything you want to do". In knowing one cannot do everything, then one can decide on which tasks to focus on and which tasks to neglect. In essence, knowing what is important to you and letting the other things go.

I recently heard a psychologist on the radio program Hidden Brain also talk about taking control of our time. The researcher experienced what all of us do at some point- we are either overly busy and rushing from one thing to another, or we find ourselves with too much discretionary time- feeling bored and unproductive. What is the happy balance?

According to this psychologist, we need to rethink our concept of time: In some ways, to recognize that it is a precious commodity that is not infinite. There will be a time when there won’t be time. She gave the following exercise: “So if you reflect back on your past week and identify what was a moment of joy, oftentimes it's a very ordinary experience. And so what I encourage people to do is count how many times have you done that in your life so far? And then to count how many times do you have left to do it in your life.”

She gave the following example of a student in her late twenties who counted her dinners with her parents including from her childhood into adulthood when her parents would visit her at college and then currently as she was living nearby her parents and had weekly Sunday night dinners. And she counted all of those up and realized that she had had about 6,800 dinners with her parents thus far in her life and most likely 575 dinners left. As the researcher continued in her interview.

“That is, she (the student) had only 8% of her dinners with her parents left. And that's impactful because what it does is it leads her to A, make the time. No matter how busy she feels, that with that recognition, she is going to show up for the Sunday night dinner. But even beyond that, at the dinners, it changes how she engages in that time. What she used to view as nagging comments, she would just let roll off her shoulders, and instead she redirected the conversation to learn about her parents, recognizing that their time together is limited and more consequently is really precious. And so wanting to make the most of it.”

Rather than feeling depressed about the limit of time, I want to make the most of the time I’ve been given. While it is important to “number our days” as the psalmist tells us, I think it is more important to not worry about that. Rather, to enjoy each given day, for as we know, no one really knows when our life will be over.

How do we keep the time tension in balance? To feel busy enough that we are satisfied with our activities, relationships and time spent but not feeling anxious, guilty or frenetic? I have been thinking more and more about the ancient Hebrew writers and the book of Ecclesiastes- to every thing there is a season. There are seasons in our lives that may be very busy and times when we do not have all the family responsibilities. It is in realizing the big picture on our lives, that there is time for different things to happen- it does not all have to be done right now.

I also think that steeping ourselves in gratitude- being grateful for whatever the day brings, helps us to be focused on what that day brings. To be intentionally aware-whether we are thoroughly aware of our rushed days or focusing in on the days of waiting.

I recently read a book about a woman who intentionally and regularly practices silence and solitude. (I mentioned it in the last blog post.) She takes 2 days a month when she is silent for 24 hours. While that may not be my thing- [yikes I, who once had a teacher throw an eraser at me for chatting in class- in all fairness I was helping another student out, cannot imagine being silent!] I was intrigued by her observation that when she removed herself from the societal norms of speaking, background noise and clatter, she was able to observe and be more present in her situation: she found that she was relishing each activity, even simple tasks like making her morning oatmeal.

We need time in our lives to pause and ponder. To provide a space for wonder in this world. I think that is one of the reasons why God created us for Sabbath- to put the regular break and pause into our busy lives. The sabbath was made for man (Mark 2:27) as Jesus reminds us. When we pause and ponder, we create natural stop gaps in the frenetic thinking: time to wonder if the activities/energies that will be spent in the upcoming weeks really satisfy the purpose of my being?

I am still trying to learn how to make the best use of my days, but in reading what researchers say, I imagine that it comes to a bunch of mind set changes:

• Choosing the best for our days: the activities that give us purpose.

• Balancing things that care for ourselves and others. Loving our neighbors as we love ourselves.

• Practicing gratitude in all that we do. When are grateful- even in our rushed days, we take on a more outward-looking perspective of life. Gratitude creates a natural pause in the frenetic.

• Wondering why we are doing the activities that we do. To ensure that we do activities that we truly enjoy. It might not be all the time, but that there is some activity that brings joy. Of course, some things just have to be done- there is no navel gazing or joy in Mudville in having to routinely clean house, or working in a mindless job that is necessary to pay the mortgage, health bills, etc. But we perhaps we can find some type of joy in whatever the activity?

What about you? How are you with time? Do you manage your time like there is a bank for it? Hoping to deposit for any lost time?

If there were a time bank, there would be limited deposits for as the author Christopher Rice says, “Every day is a bank account, and time is our currency. No one is rich, no one is poor, we’ve got 24 hours each.”

Stranger Suggestions

Have you ever encountered a stranger whose conversation or actions resonated with you?

Such was an encounter for me over the weekend. My husband and I had biked to one of the villages near our get-away cottage. We wanted to see if one of the cook stores had a replacement part for our coffee pot. (Alas, it did not.) However the trip was worth it as the sales clerk was so interesting to talk to. An attractive woman in her late 60’s/70’s she was manning the small cookware store. The village was somewhat busy with visiting tourists meandering up and down main street, entering stores and perusing the wares. Most were carrying bags containing bought items that they didn’t know were a necessity until they happened to stumble upon it on their holiday.

The sales person in the store had a soft Southern accent. When asked, “Where were you from originally as you definitely sound from south of the Mason-Dixon line?” She replied that she had lived all over the South: Alabama, Tennessee, Georgia, South and North Carolina. About 14 years ago, she “ran away” as she puts it. From what- not sure. From whom- her Yankee husband. (Although she ran right up to New England. A conversation for another time, for sure.) In the intervening years, she has been renting a home from a local author. When she mentioned where she lived, it is very close to my old summer childhood stomping grounds. It was fun to reminisce about that area. Sadly, any of the people I knew from then have moved on or died.

She mentioned the name of the author- Anne LeClair with whose work I was not familiar. She told us two things about knowing Anne that I thought were quite interesting and thought provoking. One, that Anne has taken two days a month, every month for YEARS and practices silence on those days. Apparently Anne wrote a memoir, Listening Below the Noise, about that practice which I now want to read.

Two, after their last child left the nest, Anne made an appointment with a marital counselor for her and her husband. According to our salesperson, Anne’s husband was perplexed as to why, but the counselor commended them for taking this proactive/preventative step in their relationship- that this was the perfect time. One of the things that the counselor suggested was that they have a set time each day for communication. Time when one spouse “had the floor” and could speak uninterrupted for five minutes. The listening spouse could ask questions but no comments. After the five minutes, they would then switch roles. It gave the couple a chance to re-establish their relationship. As our new found friend said, “Anne is an incredible listener. She has taught me that it is okay to have pauses in my conversations and to not feel awkward about silences in those conversations.”

I found the following clip on youtube of Anne speaking at a seminar: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47Za0OcDCSw

As the youtube clip says, she noticed that when she was silent and heard others speaking- she was moved from her own ego reaction- that person is annoying, egotistical, narcissistic, etc. to recognizing what was being said underneath the words: that all people just want is to be seen, heard, recognized and have a sense of belonging. Being silent gave her greater empathy and compassion for others.

I have been most intrigued by this idea and her process. I haven’t read her book yet, but did request it from the library. In some ways, I like the idea of space in our silent days leading to space in our heads to ponder, think and mull things over. A day of silence which gives us permission to slow down and enjoy the day with whatever unfolds.

She notes in the youtube clip that choosing silence is empowering. It provides time to listen- to others, to one’s surroundings, and to oneself. As she spoke, it made me think of Jesus. He never was rushed in his encounters with others. He always listened to what was being said and responded to the heart of the matter- that which the speaker was truly desiring and expressing even if the speaker didn’t acknowledge it at the time. I can’t help but think that his practice of withdrawing from the crowds and disciples and spending time in prayer was what enabled him to be that present for others (setting His divinity aside).

What about you? Have you ever had a period of silence? How and why did that come about? Was it intentional? Did you learn anything from that experience? How are you at listening?

I am excited about reading the book and trying some days of silence. I have been thinking about what it might look like and how I can change the pattern of my days to be present. Already, from our encounter over the weekend, I am intentionally trying to be a better listener and to hear what is being said. Who knows? Maybe if I have an encounter with a stranger, I can pass along the suggestions that I received?

Balance

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about balance. How it is so necessary in all aspects of our lives but so hard to execute and/or maintain. I have always struggled with balance- whether it was work/life balance, helping others/self-care, being present/future planning.

Alas, this in NOT me. If I were she, I would be tumbling into the water below.

Physically, I find myself off-balance more often than I like. Just the other day I was walking along a brick path by our house and before I knew it, caught myself from falling. My foot must have just turned on the slightly raised brick. Of course, I was in my usual mode, scurrying along and thinking of multiple things at once rather than where I was placing my feet. To try and combat my clumsiness, I do practice yoga every so often and work on balance poses. At first it was quite awkward, trying to stand on one leg like a flamingo, but I have improved.

Mentally and emotionally, I try to stay balanced in the expenditure of my time and mental energy. Try is the operative word because I must say that this is very difficult for me. I find myself, more often than not, “giving” my time away to others. Not that it is such a bad thing- it is very important to help another. The other day I heard someone talk about “the helper’s high”- that satisfaction that one gets in helping another person. It was a concept that was coined in the 1980’s. Not only is helping beneficial for the one being helped but it does benefit the helper: satisfaction in life, increased endorphins, decrease stress hormones, etc. While it may have been termed then, it is a universal truth: God made us for community. What better way to tie us together than to realize that we need to help one another.

I have said this before but the fastest way for me to get out of a funk is to help someone else. Apparently there is science data that backs that up. (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30424992/)

Yet, the helper’s high comes with pros and cons. Helping too much and not providing for self rest and rejuvenation can cause compassion burnout, fatigue and bitterness/fear of ever helping again. I know that in the past, I have been burned out through multiple volunteer activities. I lacked any pacing or boundaries with my “helping”. It has taken me a while to feel comfortable enough to get as involved as I would like in a variety of community activities. I am still figuring out the right balance.

I find I struggle with balance in the execution of my day- I want to be present and in the moment, yet I find myself planning for the “next thing” on my schedule. The more chaotic my life becomes, the more I find myself planning. I realize that over planning is really a way to control any chaos. Again, not that it is a bad thing but by not balancing the planning with the current moment robs me of enjoyment of that current moment.

In the practice of being physically balanced- whether that is from a standing position, on a balance beam or in a precarious spot, there are certain behaviors that help one remain upright and not fall: eyes need to remain focused in one spot, core muscles (abdomen) need to be engaged, arms or a leg may need to be extended or lightly placed on a wall or ground to counterbalance the posture.

Those concepts can be applied to being emotionally and mentally balanced. We need to keep our eyes fixed on a certain point- our “eyes on the prize”- whether that is a specific goal or our overall life goal. For me, keeping my eyes on Jesus- whether that is making tough decisions (the old line- What would Jesus do?), keeping my thoughts and actions in line with Jesus when chaos is swirling around me or figuring out what is God’s best in any given situation- helps me stay upright. When I rely on God for my future, and to some extent the plans for that future, I can enjoy the moments that I have. I don’t need to be frantic for the “next thing”. Maintaining a strong core of faith through reading the Bible gives me a foundation to hold firm when circumstances knock me over. As I try to remain balanced, having others who keep me accountable and ask me how I am doing or remind me of my weaknesses help counterbalance my tendency to try it on my own.

What about you? Do you feel balanced? In work and life? Physically? Emotionally? Spiritually? If so, how do you maintain that balance? If not, what can you do to practice a more balanced lifestyle?

One of my favorite Bible verses: A false weight is an abomination to the Lord. While it was written for those who were in charge of using weights and measures and was a reminder of the severity of cheating, I always thought of it as a reminder to stay balanced. God wants us to be balanced in our lives. Just as Peter did walk on water for the brief moments he kept his eyes fixed on Jesus, so too can we be balanced in our lives if we keep focused on Jesus and what God has for our lives.

Stuck

Do you feel stuck or trapped? In a situation that has no end? Or a relationship that is going no where? Or in a predicament that has no way out? Do you feel that you are in a pit?

I think that is a common feeling. In my little anecdotal life, I have heard friends and family members say that they feel that they are in a tangled knot that only seems to get tighter which squeezes any hope out of their lives. Being a person of faith doesn’t necessarily mean that we have a knot-free life nor that we can always untangle these knots ourselves, but faith can give us perspective- a hold-on for just one more day, one more hour, one more minute and trusting that in God’s timing, the knot will loosen.

I remember hearing author Louise Penny speak about her life. Early in her life, she was a successful journalist for Canadian Broadcasting Corporation but was, for whatever her reasons, a functioning alcoholic. She became quite depressed and thought her life was at an end- a tangled knot with no way out. As she says, she contemplated taking her life and if she had had access to a gun, she most probably would. But she stuck it out and in a little while, she met her husband and stopped drinking. Her point in telling others of her struggle is to encourage them to just hang on and hang in there. Not that she dismisses a person’s feeling of despair because it was quite real for her but that she hopes her story would encourage others that if she could hang on and find hope to loosen the grip of despair, so can others. There is hope.

I do not know her faith background but I do know mine. I have been in difficult situations that seemed never to change nor end, but through God’s grace and mercy, I was able to stick through and see that things did change. There is hope. God was right there with me. He cared about the things I cared about and worried about. He is faithful in His promises.

Not that it is easy. When the grip of despair tightens our thoughts, it is very hard to shake it loose. I know that I can feel abandoned and at times a petulant child, demanding. “Why is this happening to me? Don’t you care, God?” I become stubborn in listening or thinking of any other suggestions to getting out of the predicament and want to fold my arms in defiance of any help, instead preferring to remain where I am.

Many years ago our women’s Bible study read one of Beth Moore’s studies: Get Out of that Pit. She talked about the many ways we get into a pit, the way we can get out of it and the life that can be lived post pit. I was always struck by the many different ways we can get into a pit: sometimes it is due to others (pushed in), sometimes it can be inadvertently (slide in) or sometimes it is our own choices (jump in). She reminds us that only God can be our deliverer from the pit; anyone or anything else will lead us back to the same or another pit. She explains that there are three steps out of the pit: cry out, confess, consent. To cry out reminds me of author Anne Lamott saying that the only words/prayers we need to say are help, thanks, and wow. Crying out is our prayer for help. Naming and recognizing we need help is the first step. Confessing clears the way for God to work in our lives. Confession is more than just saying our sins- it’s about sharing with God all our thoughts- what’s on our mind- any bitterness, anger, secrets, hurts. Lastly, Moore says we get out of the pit when we consent to God’s will for our life. “Beloved, God’s will is for you to get out of that pit. If you will consent to the process, waiting upon God as He begins shifting, shoving, and rearranging things for your release, you can go ahead and start getting excited, because it will happen. Just as God promises in His Word.”

Like so much that is broken in our world, I believe that it is only through God that reconciliation and restoration can occur. It is only through God that the knot can be loosened. Yet I also believe that God gave us (humankind) minds to use and to help one another. Like the old joke of the person waiting for God to rescue him as he was stranded on his rooftop during a flood and refusing help from the various persons sent to aide him. Eventually he drowned and on entering the pearly gates, the gentleman complained to God that he wasn’t rescued, to which God says, “But I sent you a raft, boat and plane.”

Here are some thoughts for getting unstuck:

• Remember. When we are feeling stuck we need to remember. Our Hebrew ancestors were always called to remember- especially remembering the Exodus out of Egypt. Talk about being stuck- they were slaves, in forced labor, living with increasingly harsh conditions, fear of losing their children to crazy leadership decrees, with no prospect of change in the situation. Yet, change happened in God’s timing. Remember God’s promises and deliverance, not only as witnessed in others but in one’s own life.

• Pray scripture. Say Bible verses as your affirmations/prayers. Many times we do not have the words- we do not know how to begin getting unstuck. Let the supernatural power of God’s words speak into your life. Not sure where to begin- try the Psalms.

• Let go. List all the reasons why you stay in the situation- honestly grapple with your feelings. Do you like being in the pit? Have you been there so long, it is now your identity? Are there things in the past that are holding you there? Actions/situations that you blame yourself, or others? Do you need to forgive yourself? Others? Once the reasons are noted, let them go.

• Life beyond the pit. List all the reasons why you want to get out of a situation. What would being out of the pit, look like? If you approached your situation with a different attitude, what would that look like?

• Practice Self-care. Many times when we are in a difficult predicament, we do not care for ourselves. Why bother we may ask? I am not worth it, we say. It is in those times that we need to tend to ourselves: try to get sleep, eat healthy, get some physical exercise, help another person.

• More info. Do you need more information or help in “pulling the knot” and getting out of this pit? Do you need to speak to a counselor? Take time to really talk with a trusted friend?

• Make a small change. A veterinarian cousin once said that on the days he had surgery, he liked to “warm up” with some neutering or spaying. Small surgeries that got his fingers nimble for any larger ones during the day. Sometimes all it takes to get unstuck and moving is to do one little thing. That little change becomes like the needle that helps loosen the knot.

When one is in a pit, one needs to look up- metaphorically and physically. Sometimes, just getting outside, being in nature, seeing the wonder all around us, both on the earth and in the sky, can help keep our lives in perspective. It can be the beginning of the process of getting out of the pit.

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord. Psalm 40:1-3.

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Just arrived- my copies to which I contributed!

Founding Fathers (and Mothers)

Tomorrow is July 4th. Recently I’ve been thinking about what must’ve taken place almost 250 years ago. How much was our nation divided then? I had heard once that we were probably split- 1/3 for Independence, 1/3 for King George and 1/3 who didn’t care. Are things really that much different today?

As a kid, I loved anything about the Revolutionary War. Most likely it was a due to a number of factors: the Bicentennial, my parents loved history and we visited many historical sites, we lived and vacationed in areas where we had easy access to places of colonial historical events. On reflection, it all was told in a simple, these are the heroes (us) and these are the villains (them) version. Our rebellion was perfectly logical and reasonable- we were exercising our rights as English subjects and when that was not recognized we fought for the freedom of self-governance.

But as I have gotten older, I realized that there are many stories and facets to our Independence. There were/are many opinions. Of course, independence only went so far. Most indigenous people and people of color, they did not have any voice. Would things be different today if they had been given a voice? I guess, we will never know.

I sometimes wonder what would I have done during those turbulent times? Would I, on the eve of the signing of the Declaration of Independence, been ready to sign? Would I have been so passionate about self-governance that I would be willing to risk everything- my family, my position, my life? Would I have stood up for those who had no voice? Would that have even been in my thought process?

Living as a colonial woman, would I have even been aware of the discussions and arguments from the Continental Congress? Would I have engaged in discussions with my neighbors or would I have been apathetic about the stamp act and the defiant acts by the New Englanders? Would I have helped the soldiers? On either side, if they were in need? Would I only care about tending to my family and their needs?

Would I have been like my direct ancestors who fought for freedom or would I have been like one side of the family who supported King George and moved to Canada?

What about you? On this eve of Independence, have you ever wondered about the decisions our founding fathers and mothers made those many years ago? How would you have fared had you lived then?

May this 4th of July be a day of national reflection on what it means to be an American. May we reflect on the brave individuals and the sacrifices that have been made over these almost 250 years. For whatever our current differences may be, we all are blessed to live in a country where we do have the freedom for self-governance.