This Is Christmas

Recently we watched This Is Christmas (2022). I was pleasantly surprised that I liked it and found it entertaining. Of course, being a Christmas movie there is a little cheesy-ness in it (I must admit that the promo picture does look a little Hallmark-ish), but it did have a good message. It tells the story of rail commuters to London. They have commuted on this train together for years, yet they do not know each other. One of the passengers decides to invite all to a Christmas party. Once the invitation is offered, all sorts of mishaps, misunderstandings and slight mayhem ensue.

As the main character says, “ A stranger is a friend you haven’t met before.” He wonders why, after all the time spent together on the train commuting, the passengers have never engaged with one another. Another character admonishes him, “Never. Engage on the commute.” That is such a true mantra from anyone who has ever travelled using any type of mass transit- one does not engage on subways, busses, or even elevators. Certainly there are the news stories of incidences, some life threatening even fatal, on subways. I have been on metro cars where some of the passengers have been fractious. It was a little scary. Again, in my mind I was thinking, “Don’t engage. Don’t make eye contact.” So I understand the unwritten rule.

Yet I cannot help but wonder what it would be like if people did engage- even ever so slightly- with those with whom they see every day? If people were engaged, would there be more camaraderie and more looking out for others? Would those who are fractious not even try to act up, knowing that the passengers were a cohesive entity?

Many years ago, my husband rode the local bus to work. It was the same bus, at the same time with the same people each day. Some of them did engage with one another. It made the trip much more pleasant. It created a feeling of community and belonging and of safety. One time when there was a substitute bus driver, it was the passengers who helped her in navigating the route. They made sure that everyone who took the bus was picked up and dropped off at the right stops.

Sadly, this feeling of disengagement seems to be the way that we like to live our lives. Do we really want to know the grocer? Should our doctor, lawyer or accountant be a friend? Or even an acquaintance? What about the butcher, baker and candle stick maker? Of course in the old days, everyone knew who did what in the village and town. In some ways that might’ve been better and in others, it could’ve been disastrous.

Privacy is a tricky thing. Some people are busybodies and gossips. We probably all know of a Mrs. Kravitz on our street and neighborhood- the busybody neighbor from the 1960s show Bewitched. No one wants to be a Mrs. Kravitz nor do we want to have one come around our home.

Once again, everything in life is about balance. Knowing one’s neighbors but not living in each other’s pockets.

What about you? Do you know your neighbors? Do you see strangers as friends you haven’t met yet or as foes to avoid at all costs? Do you engage with people around you? When you are in line at the store? Waiting for an elevator? On the train? Plane? Waiting with strangers during this Christmas time?

Not surprising that there are studies to suggest that engaging with strangers- talking, sharing a moment- is good for our mental health. It stimulates our “feel good” hormones- endorphins. Initially people believed that keeping to one’s self is better, but it turned out that those who engaged with strangers on a commute actually felt better than those who do not.*

I do think if you are open to engaging with another person, you are more likely to be sensitive to know if the other person wants to engage. Especially if you engage another person with the attitude that the other person might have something you need to know. It has been said, “Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don’t.” What can you learn this season?

Interesting articles: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9407669/ *https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2014-28833-001

Expectancy

One of my dearest friends gave me a lovely book for my birthday: Emmanuel: An Invitation to Prepare Him Room At Christmas and Always, by Ruth Chou Simons. It is a 25 day devotion to be read during advent.

From the first words in the introduction, the book has been speaking to my heart. On Day 1, Ruth Simons talks about the difference between expectancy and expectations. For most of us I would imagine, we live our life with expectations. I know that I do. The expectation of how things will work out with relationships (family, friends), activities (jobs), or future plans. We expect certain things to happen in a particular order of cause and effect: if you work hard, you will be rewarded with such and such… Or if you plan well, things will go according to that plan. Unfortunately life doesn’t always work out that way. Or at least when our expectations don’t match the outcome we can become frustrated and bitter. Sadly many a Christmas the emotion is more mad than merry.

Christmas is definitely fraught with expectations: from holiday decor and gifts to the “perfect” family gathering. From my experience, those expectations are almost never realized and leads to disappointment. As a friend once quipped, “if you want to be happy, lower your expectations.”

But for me, the idea of expectancy changes the expectation. Advent is a time to pause and prepare for Christ’s birth. When I stop thinking of my expectations of Christmas and focus on Emmanuel (God with me) I am in an expectant frame of mind: what is God up to and how can I join Him? I can be excited about the future because I know that I am in good God’s hands.

As Ruth Simons writes:

“Expectations leave us weary and discontent, believing we deserve more or better. They always leave us unfulfilled and doubtful about whether God is for our good. But expectancy is anticipation mingled with joy. It’s believing God is who He says He is while waiting patiently for His good to be revealed, however He chooses to reveal it.”

What about you? Do you carry expectations for Christmas? What are they? Have you ever thought about a posture of expectancy? What would that look like for you?

My Christmas prayer for you (and for me) is that we experience the joy of Christmas that comes from our reconciliation with God through Jesus. It is when we are hand in hand with God that we can experience true joy.

“Expectancy sets our sights on God’s promises rather than the empty pursuit of all that cannot truly satisfy in this season. When we turn from expectations to being expectant, we will never be disappointed because God never disappoints.” ~Ruth Simons.

Merry Christmas.

400 Hundred Years of Waiting

I have a confession to make: I am an extremely impatient person. When I get an idea, thought or project in my head, I am like a dog with a bone- holding on to that idea until I can do something with it. As a friend once said to me, “you don’t let grass grow under your feet.” Some of that “get it done” mentality was learned during my years nursing. In caring for others, if I thought of something to do and had the time, then I had do it because that time would not come around again. For me, once I have an idea I am ready to work on it and then finish that idea, thought or project in order to move on to something else.

Lately, the problem I am having is that I have had to wait on others, namely the workmen to complete their work, in order for me to begin my various home projects. But in waiting for others to do something, I really cannot have that impatient “just do it, darn it” mentality towards them or at least to expect them to have my similar mentality. I need to have a little more grace and patience.

And so I am finding myself trying to patiently wait. And that is really difficult. I find myself struggling each day to not massively complain. The disarray of our home continues and if possible, has become even more jumbled. Just when we thought we had some type of organizational “system”, some new problem has been discovered or items, like the kitchen cabinets will arrive and we have to push more things aside and on top of each other. In the words of the Christmas story, “there is no room in the inn.”

In the preparation and waiting time that is called Advent, I have been thinking about the Israelites and the waiting that they had to do over the many, many years. In fact, there is about four hundred years between the Old and New Testament when nothing is recorded. Four hundred years of silence and seemingly inaction from God. Talk about waiting!

You wonder-how did they handle the wait? Tell stories of the past? Plan out scenarios for the future? Massively complain? Where are You, God? How long are we to wait until we hear from you? How long before the Messiah comes?

God is the maker of sound and silence. As noted in Ecclesiastes (3:7): there is time to keep silent and a time to speak. In the past, God had spoken to His people through multiple prophets about returning back to communion with Him, yet the people remained stubborn in their own ways. It was now time to keep silent. Similarly, there are times when we can say only so much to our family, friends and loved ones. We may have cajoled, threatened, bargained or pleaded but eventually we just need to keep silent and let the consequences or things happen as they do.

All we can do during that interim waiting period is pray, hope and love.

I guess during my waiting time- which is by far NOT at all 400 years or at least I hope it won’t be!- I need to learn the lessons of patience. I am trying to be understanding when unforeseen things happen to either our workmen and their families. To pray for them and for their safety. To know when to be silent and when to speak.

It is good practice for me to hand over control of these uncontrollable situations. As I am learning more and more, we really have no control in life. The only thing we can control is how we handle the situations- our responses and attitudes. For me, I am struggling to handle my present situation through prayer, hope and love. I know that the more I practice these types of responses, the better I will be in handling future uncontrollable situations for myself and for family.

The thing is- the waiting time will end. For the Israelites, God did not remain silent. Nor does He remain silent to us. When Jesus was born, He fulfilled hundreds of years of prophecy. His birth, life, death and resurrection were all part of God’s rescue story for both His “people”- the Israelites, and also for us.

The beauty of Christmas is that is a yearly reminder, lest we have forgotten, that God IS with us- Emmanuel. The waiting time is over. God has spoken. We can look forward to the new life (and new projects) that God has in store for us. Merry Christmas.

While I was shopping for some holiday decor, I noticed the following display on the wall:

Oh the irony. Made me laugh but also made me think based on our Christmas consumerism (just seeing the long lines in the store) that we do believe that Christmas is what we can purchase.

It always amazes me that every year there are more and more items for sale for Christmas and those items are offered earlier and earlier. Seems to me, what most of the commercial items are representing are memories: you too can have the smiley, polished, beautiful family gathering if you give this game or toy to your children or surprise your loved one with some jewelry or decorate your house as if it were a Hollywood set design and gather around a holiday-themed groaning board of a table.

We all long for nostalgia of some sort. But some people have no history to recall or one that they would want to repeat. More than that, I think Christmas epitomizes our need to belong. I am aware of news stories, comments from people on the street or even looking at advertisements- people want to be recognized, to be heard and to feel part of the group.

I know that I feel that way in our new situation. It is nice to be seen and known. I was gobsmacked when walking on a different street from where we live, our letter carrier called me by name shortly after we had moved in. I had only met him once and I would’ve thought that seeing me out of context, my name would’ve been out of his mind. I had a similar experience when the town librarian called me by name after only meeting her once. (Maybe remembering people’s names is not as unusual as I think. Maybe it is only I who has a brain sieve for name recall?)

I find it interesting that many various psychological studies and articles speak about our basic need to belong: to feel connected to others and to be known. Part of the sense of belonging is feeling that one is connected to a group or ideal bigger than oneself. In doing so, we receive the sense that we are not alone in this journey called life, that we have some purpose and a sense of unity and values with others.

It is no surprise then that the need to connect drives behavior which is something smartphone technology (and advertising) has exploited. Phones, apps and social media are compelling to the individual because they allow one to be seen, heard and considered by others. The problem is that the individual does so in a vacuum. One can tap and send off any harsh or critical epistle thinking that others will react (which they might) but overall there is a lack of graciousness and consideration in this type of belonging. Even in the technology of the “old days”, one could hang up the telephone on another. It was just a voice on the other end and therefore one didn’t really see the others’ reaction.

There is something about being together and face to face in our interactions that gives us (or should give us) pause. Looking into another’s eyes when delivering difficult news or even a disagreement softens our words and helps us extend grace towards one another. In real life, (not the feigned, drama riddled reality television or the “perfect” instagram lives) we have lost the ability to have true conversation: agreeing to disagree or sharing an alternative point of view in a safe, loving environment. When we feel that we belong and that we are accepted, we are able to do so.

This past weekend we visited and spent some time with our small group from Maryland. Our small group has been together for a long time and has shared a lot of living. One of the purposes of the group is to journey through life together: encouraging one another, learning more about God together, holding each other accountable and sharing our joys and sorrows. One of the most fascinating phenomena to me is how a group of seemingly dissimilar individuals can form a bond of belonging. These are “my people”. In some ways we don’t look like we go together: different ages, life experiences, political beliefs, lifestyle beliefs but we are all bonded through our love of God. While I knew this to be true it wasn’t until we were driving back home, I realized that the group is truly family: a safe place where we only want the absolute God’s best for each other. It is the briefest glimpse of heaven on earth- the time when humankind is reconciled to God and to each other.

One of my dearest friends gave me a book for my birthday, “Start with Hello”, by Shannon Martin. I am looking forward to reading it.

From the back excerpt: A simple path to a more deeply connected life. You want more. You want to belong to a community that looks out for each other. You believe in your bones we don’t have to live detached, distracted and divided. The question is, How? Shannon Martin invites you into deeper connection through simple resets.

While some of the suggestions are familiar, the book will be helpful to me in meeting people in our new situation. In some ways, it is easier for us to greet and meet people- we have the excuse of just arriving in our neighborhood. It would be rather awkward when one is established to go back and reintroduce oneself. “Excuse me, I have lived next to you for twenty years and I still do not know your name.” (which, sadly would be my case if we were still in our old neighborhood.)

May this Advent season be a time when we practice our “hellos”. May we cultivate a sense of belonging with the people we meet: to let others know that they are not alone, that we hear each them and that we want God’s best for them. And that doesn’t come from any store.

The Christmas Letter

Saturday will be Christmas day. In the Christian tradition it is the day to commemorate Christ’s birth. While the actual birthdate was not December 25th it is still a day of celebration.

Christmas is one holiday that celebrates all sorts of traditions:

• Christmas tree- what type (fresh or artificial), when to decorate, what types of decorations, where it is placed in the home, specific decorations that have to be hung, in specific order?

• Christmas presents- when to be opened (Christmas Eve, or morning), hand made or store bought, extravagant or budgeted amount, what to use as wrapping paper (same kind for each person, re-use from past years), Santa-given, stockings (or shoes), on mantle, foot of bed, open gifts with everyone or as one wakes up, open in a specific order- by age, every person opens one and then around the room, gag gifts, Yankee swapping?

• Christmas dinner- what time, family recipes, dress up or down, at certain family member’s home, rotate dinner locations?

• Christmas service-Christmas Eve or Day, traditional lessons and carols, family/children act out the Christmas story, pageant?

• Christmas decorations—inside and outside the house, white or colored lights, inflatables, candles in the windows?

• Christmas food- cookies; family recipes, fruit cake?

• Christmas cards- send via mail or email, religious or fun?

• and will it contain the good ole Christmas letter- like it or loath it?

According to Wikipedia, the earliest known Christmas card was sent to James I in 1611. While it mentions the holiday season, the sender wishes the king “in most joy and fortune, we enter into the new auspicious year 1612". Fast forward to the Victorian period and due to technology and the new “penny post”, John Callcott Horsley designed a card for Sir Henry Cole that could be mass produced and sent relatively inexpensively. Originally the cards didn’t contain too much about Christmas and Christmas decor but had flowers, fairies and other designs to point to spring. Some were even quite macabre. Over the years, the cards were reflective of the changes and happenings in society- war related (to send to soldiers), product placement (new fangled car), risque humor- even, (gasp) pressuring the public through advertisement that they needed to send them. When the actual Christmas letter with its recounting the year’s activities started is not known.

The Christmas letter was the pre-Facebook highlight reel of the family. Now, people can post the highlight reel every time they post something to Facebook. I think that the advent of Facebook has warranted the annual letter almost obsolete. Maybe that is why there are more picture/collage type cards? Most people who follow others on Facebook already know what is going on in their lives. (or once again, that is probably just me- I do not understand Facebook and therefore do not follow it.)

I used to hate the Christmas letter and the process of writing one. I still do to some extent. Partly, the letter causes me to reflect back over the year and to think, “What the heck have I done this year?” Usually my internal reply is “You’ve done nothing significant. Once again.” At least compared to the overachievers who would send us their letters before Thanksgiving with details of their saving-the-world actions. To me, the letter was just a blatant, in my face, you are one of the millions living a life of quiet desperation.

My husband on the other hand likes sending and receiving Christmas cards and letters. He pulls out his favorite pen, puts on some Christmas music, pours himself a nice beverage, reads through the cards we have already received and faithfully begins writing his notes and checking off the Christmas card list.

I’ve been thinking- instead of dreading the letter, why not use the opportunity to write (in private) what I might achieve for next year? To make my Christmas 2021 an accounting not of what has passed but an accounting for what the future might hold for 2022? Or at least, what things do I want to accomplish in the next year? Not so much acquisitions or material things, but what about my character, my relationships, and my spiritual state?

What would I tell my future self that I would like come to fruition? Could my year via my Christmas letter look something like this?

---

Greetings friends and family,

I pray all is well with you and yours. Over this past year-

• I listened well to my family and friends.

• I responded to the physical needs of others.

• I appreciated the service personnel and anyone I had to contact in customer service.

• I “used my words” and told the people I care about just what makes each one of them special to me.

• I treated everyone who came across my path with dignity and respect.

• I said hello or nodded or took up a conversation with the stranger I passed along the street.

• I intentionally made myself uncomfortable so that someone else might be comforted.

• I chose quality over quantity in my physical possessions as well as in my relationships and my choice of activities.

• Every day, I tried to be more and more like Christ.

---

What about you? What are your Christmas traditions? What about the Christmas letter? Today, if you were to write your future self a Christmas letter 2022 what would it contain? What would you like to be known for or to have accomplished by next Christmas?

What if our Christmas letters reflected our character? Now wouldn’t that be an interesting letter to give and receive?

Merry Christmas.

Christmas (Be) Longings

Are you longing? Longing for a lost dream? A lost situation or experience? A new situation? Relaxing time? Peace of mind?

It seems as if the holidays are times of longing- Longing for family and friends, for good times, for laughter and smiles, for happiness and joy. We even long for the busyness of the season to be over. How many times have I said or have been told, “Let’s get together in the New Year when things settle down.” “I’ll do that in January when I have more time.” We long for peace, quiet and a more settled lifestyle.

It seems as if the national collective is longing to live in a Hallmark movie.

On a deeper level I think that we are longing to belong. To be known. To be loved. Unconditionally.

All those Hallmark movies can be boiled down to love. Coming home. Understanding. “To be or not to be”, says the Bard. We want to be-long.

Christmas is the time of longing- a time when all of humanity, past, present and future, long for something. The ancient Hebrew people group were longing for the Redeemer to appear. Our modern Eastern and Western worlds are longing for a time when all is right with the world. Nations want peace and prosperity. All of which will only happen when we, the world, are right with God.

Christmas is the time to remember when God came to earth to save us from ourselves. He came so that we would believe that we are known and loved. Unconditionally. By Him. That God who is Love dwelt among us and knows what it is to be-long in our frail humanity. He entered into our human condition not because He had to but because He longs for us and for relationship. He loves us. He is reaching out to each one of us so that we can come home to Him. Forever.

Better than a Hallmark movie.

What about you? Is this a season of be-longing? Have you ever thought about why we celebrate Christmas? Have you ever thought about the longings of your heart and who/what might satisfy them?

“There is a God shaped vacuum in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God, the Creator, made known through Jesus.”

— Blaise Pascal. Mathematician. Philosopher.

Christmas in Your City

This is the time of year when there are all the feel good stories and anecdotes about Christmas past and present.  It is wonderful and I welcome the stories but I can't help wondering- how come there aren't more of these type of stories the rest of the year?  Why aren't we on the look out for opportunities to help one another once the season of comfort and joy are over?  Why do we share good cheer in December but come January we spread misery? 

I heard of a heartwarming tale that has taken place in Boston every Christmas for the last twenty-seven years.  In 1988 one family realized how much they received at Christmas and thought that the following year they would try to do something about it.  So, the following year, two brothers, their employees and clients decided to make a special Christmas memory for the homeless in their community.  

This all volunteer organization provides a day in which the hundreds of families who attend will have a celebration, receive a meal and presents.  But what was once just an annual event has now expanded. They now have job training and other events during the year.  As they say on their website: 

"Each year, Christmas in the City brings holiday magic to thousands of Boston-area kids and their families – kids and families who’ve been experiencing the uncertainty of homelessness and the stress of poverty. Our annual party for those living in homeless shelters is a spectacular, go-all-out holiday event that many kids tell us is the best day of their lives. We also “play Santa” to thousands of other children who live in poverty, and provide assistance throughout the year to help families successfully transition from homelessness to independent living."  Click here to read more. 

Much as it is important to celebrate Christmas and to help others during the holidays, I really like that they have other programming throughout the year. Homelessness and poverty do not recognize calendar holidays and do not take breaks. There are no special days for those who are experiencing this type of troubles. 

I also like that this is a 100% volunteer organization.  Everyone does their bit and part.  And in doing so, a truly amazing event takes place. (check out the pictures- this truly is a spectacular party.)  I am sure that there must be great organizers to make this event work.  How wonderful that each person brings his or her gift to benefit others.  After all, isn't that the true meaning of Christmas: the teenager mother who gave the gift of obedience to be used by God, the wisemen who gave practical gifts to the care of the newborn king, and the God who humbled himself as the small baby in order to give us the greatest gift of eternal life.

What would it look like if we "gave away" our gifts, talents, and resources? Who could we benefit?  In all the cases of those who "gave away", they would say that they received so much more. 

Are there programs in your city that help those less fortunate?  Do they continue throughout the year?   If there isn't a specific program, what can you do to either replicate a Christmas in the City type program or design something specific for your city? 

What is Christmas like in your city?