In one of my book clubs we are currently reading, Rough Sleepers: Dr. Jim O’Connell’s Urgent Mission to Bring Healing to Homeless People, by Tracy Kidder. It is a fascinating story (non-fiction but told in a very readable way) about Dr. O’Connell and how he and a team invented a community of care model for homeless individuals in the Boston area. As described on the inset: “We travel with O’Connell as he navigates Boston, offering medical care, socks, soup, humor and friendship to some of the city’s most endangered citizens, emphasizing a style of medicine in which patients come first, joined with their providers in what he calls ‘a system of friends’. We get to know his patients not as problems but as human beings in their true complexity- difficult and charming, self-destructive and brave.”

In the book, Dr. O’Connell is described as someone who has a knack for “pre-admiration.” Pre-admiration is deciding ahead of time that the encounter with a new person will be positive. It is something akin to the opposite of prejudice. Whereas prejudice has pre-formed opinions (usually negative) about a person, pre-admiration allows individuals to be open to what the future relationship will hold and deciding it will be good. The presumption is, “Oh, I’m going to eventually like this person. It might take some time but I will find a reason to like them. I just happen to not know it yet.”

As described in the book, Dr. O’Connell was remarkable to have pre-admiration for the homeless individuals he met. One of Dr. O’Connells colleagues explained, “Even the average extrovert is not super excited about meeting someone who smells bad, who’s wearing tattered clothes, is lying on the ground and asking for money. But it is possible to do and Jim was the most powerful example.”

Years ago my husband heard a writer/psychologist/sociologist speaking on the radio about “asset framing”. Similar to pre-admiration it is the practice in seeing strangers, not as difficult or problematic but rather as people who carry potential assets and that I, in getting to know them, have the privilege to discover.

I’ve been thinking about these two ideas lately, especially in light of our current global climate. So much of our encounters with others seems to be prejudiced or in essence pre-judged. Why is that? Are we just letting what either the newsfeeds or social media tell us to think? Or, is it part of human nature to make assumptions of people before we even know them?

I get it. I have heard the stories- individuals who are wreaking physical, emotional and psychological harm on those that they really don’t even know. They are just pre-judging based on a pre-conceived notion that they are not going to like the other. For whatever reason, they have decided that they will not even entertain the notion to get to know a little bit of the others’ story.

But I think we need to do more than just practicing understanding and holding back on any assumptions with people we don’t know.

On Monday there was an interesting news story from Bethel Park, PA. There is a church a few blocks from where the gunman who fired on Trump, lived. The pastor at that church has been giving a sermon series based on Jesus’ teaching, “The Golden Rule”: “Do unto others as you would have done unto you.” It was an uplifting story, one in which I feel is much needed at this time. Click here to listen.

As Pastor Chris Morgan states, "Our call as followers of Christ is to show people kindness and respect and love and humility and compassion, no matter what. (emphasis mine)" I heartily agree. If, Christians or any who call themselves followers of some belief beyond themselves, cannot show kindness, respect, love, humility and compassion, then who can? If following a religion cannot elevate us from the baseness of ourselves, then where is the hope?

For me, it is only through Christianity that I can truly be lifted from the sinful baseness of my being. There are times when I cannot show those attributes of love, humility, kindness, respect and compassion. I desperately need Holy intervention through God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit to change my attitudes towards others.

What about you? How are you in meeting new people or people who may be different from you? Do you have any preconceived notions? Over time, have you ever been pleasantly surprised that your initial reaction was wrong? Or has your initial thoughts been validated over time? What do you do to show love, humility, kindness, respect and compassion to others? Do you want to?

Dr. O’Connell and Pastor Morgan and their attitudes towards others, remind me of our dear departed friend, Jim. No person was a stranger to Jim. Every person received respect and an opportunity to be known. Jim loved people and loved them in all their complexities. He “pre-admired” others and it made the world of difference to those he knew.

Today as I go about my day, I will try to pre-admire those I come in contact with. Especially those who may be different from me. In the wise words of Jesus, may I treat others in the same manner in which I want to be treated.

New Driver. Rookie Driver.

Have you ever seen those bumper stickers on the back of a car? When I see it, I tend to give some space and latitude to the driver. I remember what it was like to be a rookie driver (and my poor patient father, God rest his soul), and I know what it was like to be a parent of rookie drivers. (Was that the beginning of the grey hair?)

Knowing who is driving and what their experience may be, puts me in a more attentive frame of mind when I am out on the road. I will be forgiving of the cautious driving, the slow acceleration or the wide turning ratio. I will give that driver room and time to make the turn or park the car.

I also think of the other type of bumper stickers that can define the driver- the political, social, and educational ones. Through bumper stickers or window stickers, you sometimes can assume a whole story of someone: their family size, occupation, interests, educational background (themselves or their children), for whom they voted, vacation preferences, even their sense of humor. While it can give us a picture of the other driver, those signs still are all assumptions: I assume that because this driver promotes “x”, they will be in my “y” category of people. I may give them latitude and understanding and I may not.

But what if we all had personal bumper stickers explaining our states of mind, our experience, and our internal struggles? Would we be more gracious and forgiving of one another? Would we give others latitude knowing their struggles? Would we give them time to learn?

If only they knew…. “Best friend overdosed.” “Parents drunk, again.” “Spouse left me.” “ First time out of the house in eighteen months. Petrified.” “Feel like a failure.” “ Lost my job.”

If others only knew the thoughts and worries going in our heads, perhaps they would be a little more patient with our cautious-ness, slowness or general poking along the road of life. Short of knowing what others are going through, we just make assumptions that everyone else should just straighten up and fly right.

Instead of putting the onus on others to disclose their story, what if we just treated everyone with universal respect and kindness? A version of “personal protective equipment or universal precautions of pleasantness”, if you will.

Jesus tells His disciples to act towards others as you would want them to behave towards you. The Golden Rule (Matthew 7: 12). I am sure that we all have “stuff” going on in our heads. (Can’t only be me.) When we are bothered by things, isn’t it refreshing to have people around us that give us a little grace when we may forget an appointment? Or latitude for our lateness? Or just a smile when we are feeling blue? Imagine what our world would look like if we gave room and grace to those who are struggling?

We should treat all people as the image bearers of God that they are. Especially those who have experienced and are living into the grace of God. “We should be called the children of God; and so we are.” (1 John 3: 1). We should treat others with compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness and patience. (Colossians 3: 12).

What about you? What would be your personal bumper sticker? Is it one you have worn for a long time? Do you wish it could be removed? Do you find yourself affected by the stickers and logos on another car? How do you respond?

The thing is, I truly believe that with God’s help, we can change those bumper stickers. They can be removed: that rookie driver will become experienced, the addict can be healed, the marriage can be saved, and the broken life can be restored.

In the meantime, wouldn’t it nice to have the leeway and space as we go along, knowing that how we behave and treat others, they in turn offer to us?