Am I the only one who feels like she is treading water? Bicycling my legs and pushing myself up through the water for a brief gulp of air only to find myself sinking down and needing to continue the process. The demands of schedule and responsibilities feel like water rising above my head- the moments fraught with anxiety and fears of expending a lot of energy.

The last couple of days, I feel that I have no wiggle room in my life- room for large crisis or small interruptions. Without that wiggle room I am edgy and annoyed. My usual pleasant demeanor becomes morphed into a state of irritability. Not how I want to live my life.

Do most people live with margins in their lives? You know, the type of buffers that allow for a day to go smoothly: running a timed errand but able to chat with the elderly neighbor, a functioning car, relatively healthy family members, no pay-check-to-pay-check worries. Or are they so stressed that there is no down time or any time in case something in their tightly woven lives becomes unravelled.

I am not talking about the circumstances that happen regardless of preparation or planning- circumstances, accidents, situations that pull the rug under our feet and are generally controlled by other people and totally out of our control.

I am talking about how we spend and plan our days, how we can control for some “disasters” and how we can give ourselves some breathing room.

Not only have I not felt any breathing room lately but I have noticed it among our workmen. Pretty much, every one of the workmen who has come to our house has had some type of story, tragedy, recklessness, life change, or day-to-day problem occur. While the issues get resolved, it does impact their completion of work. And while it is also understanding that “this is life”, I wonder how many of us are living without any wiggle room or margins in our lives which then in turn impacts our day to day functioning? How much do I give myself for wiggle room?

At the library book club we are reading Julia Alvarez- In the Time of Butterflies. I had read it years ago when it first came out. At that time I had trouble getting into it and so I cannot remember the thrust of the story line. But this time I have been moving along with it and have enjoyed it. There is one scene in the beginning where an American reporter is making plans to speak with the surviving sister of the tragedy (which enfolds throughout the book). The American asks for a specific time for the meeting. The interviewee who is living in Dominican Republic thinks, “Oh yes. The gringos need a time. But there isn’t a clock time for this kind of just-right moment.”

While I am too much a product of time, schedules, planning, etc, I do see the value in not being so beholden to the clock. To allow for the “just-right moments”. Our dear friend Jim lived in
”just-right moments”. He seemed to balance spending time with others and getting things accomplished. When one was with him, one never felt rushed in the conversation or that Jim had something else to do. The time spent was important.

I was reminded of this type of balance at our last small group meeting. One of our members was explaining the encounter he had with some folks he knew but not well. He had to deliver an item to them and planned to spend some time talking with them if need be. He said that he had a lovely long visit and really got to know them better. Of course, he added, he has the luxury of time now that he is retired.

Made me think- do we really have to wait until we are retired to plan our days and time so that we do not feel rushed? I know that when I feel rushed- and mostly it is a self-imposed deadline- I feel frustrated when I get “held up” with unforeseen circumstances. I feel agitated at others who are “in my way”. It is in the rushing that I feel like I am treading water.

What about you? Do you have margin in your life? With your schedule? In your finances? With your emotional bandwidth?

I have realized that for me, having an organized, relatively clutter-free surrounding provides some margins: I am not spending time retracing my steps for keys, tools for a project, or any other type of object. As the physical items are “under control”, I am able to handle other types of situations and not feel pushed to the edge. It is a daily process, yet I am trying to live into those “just right moments”.

Exciting News- Just received my copy of Signs & Wonders.