Expectations
Do you have expectations? Of yourself? Your family? Your employer? The general public? Your government?
I have high expectations of modern cars. With our 2013 SUV I expect it to run and run well. It claims to be the “ultimate driving machine” and I expect it to be so.
Unfortunately, there have been times when the car, namely the onboard computer, decides that it has to change things up a bit and makes all sorts of dings and lights up the dashboard. It is quite unnerving. I expect the modern car to run perfectly each and every time I turn on the ignition. Instead, there are times when I see a yellow light or hear a ding, and my anxiety is heightened. I then expect the car to abandon me on the side of the road. (Why oh why do they have to have the same sound for the fasten seatbelts as for a major engine problem? ) In all fairness to the car, it has never abandoned me, but I would not be surprised if it did.
Conversely we have recently purchased a classic “fun” car. For a forty-three year-old car, it looks great and seems to be in very good working order, yet I expect it to break down or not start each time I get behind the wheel. So I am always pleasantly surprised each time I turn on the ignition and each time I arrive at my destination without problem. I have no expectations of perfection from this vehicle yet it gives me a satisfied pleasure in driving it.
Expectation: a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.
In looking up the psychology of expectation, there is a bevy of information: Piaget’s magical thinking (thinking something will happen will make it happen), feelings of happiness (pinning our hopes of happiness due to the expectation), Law of Attraction ( pseudoscience/philosophy that thinking positive or negative thoughts brings about positive or negative experiences), visualizing outcomes (mentally “seeing” oneself complete a specific task, one is more likely to have that outcome). Interestingly there are also studies about individuals having low expectations for positive outcomes and high expectations for negative. (The psychological definition of pessimism.) There are even studies looking at those individuals who have high expectations for oneself (perfectionism).
Seems to me, all of the studies and analysis are attempts to quantify or understand how we, as humans, try and control our future. If things go according to our expectations, we have in some sense controlled what we thought, planned or did. Yet many times our expectations set us up for feeling of failure or high anxiety especially if things don’t go according to thoughts, plans or actions.
There is an old adage: “expectations are premeditated resentments”. Expectations can set us up for lots of issues. Years ago there was a woman in my Bible study group that used to say “lower the expectations and improve your attitude”, whenever she found herself disappointed with an outcome.
Is it wrong to have expectations? Are we setting ourselves and others up for failure by having them? Or, as I think might be that case, we need balance in our expectations. Every year there is a World Happiness Report. In the World Happiness Report, independent reviewers ask citizens of a multitude of countries, main life evaluation questions: levels of GDP, life expectancy, generosity, social support, freedom, and corruption. For the last four years, the Nordic countries (Finland, Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Iceland) have ranked at the top- meaning they are a happier society than other countries.
My husband jokes that the reason these countries seem to annually score high in the World Happiness Report is that they have low expectations. If weather is one indication of a group’s happiness, the cold, dark winter climate of the northern areas would seem to tip the balance for many of the inhabitants to be unhappy. Yet, the researchers discovered that the individuals most unhappy with weather are those who live in the tropics. I am wondering if that is because those in tropical climes expect better weather all the time and the Nordic citizens are grateful for whatever type of weather they receive.
All joking aside, if we lower expectations we would be happier? I think if we have too low an expectation about life, ourselves and others, we might live into the lowest common denominator. If I don’t expect anything from someone, then that is what I will get- nothing.
I wonder if our response needs to be more middle ground: to not have too high expectations of ourselves, others or the situation yet still retain a feeling of hope for what might be in our futures, the future of others and to belief in ourselves and others. The writer Paul reminds us to “not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment.” (Romans 12:3) Part of that sober judgment is to be realistic about our expectations: to be grateful for whatever befalls us, to work for what we want to achieve, to be prepared for the worst but hope and pray for the best.
What about you? Do you find yourself with expectations? About what? Are they met? Does it cause anxiety or stress for you? For others in your household or networks?
All this talk of expectations, hopes, dreams, positive and negative thoughts, and perfectionism reminds me that as humans, we have no clue about the future. Only God does. As the wise Hebrew leader wrote, “ “I trust in You, O Lord; I say, You are my God. My future is in Your hands.” (Psalm 31: 14, 15). All the anxiety, expectations, feeling disappointed with the future needs to be turned over to the One who holds the future, our future and our expectations, in His hands.
It is finally HERE! Guideposts’ 2022 All God’s Creatures Devotional. I have six devotionals in this compilation. I had almost forgotten that it was coming out since they work years in advance. To pre-order, click on the link below:
https://www.shopguideposts.org/devotionals/all-gods-creatures/all-gods-creatures-daily-devotions-2022.html?utm_source=promotional-email&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=prod-pre-sale_annual-agc_half-off_e-1608_aug-7-2021
