Noli Timere- Do not be afraid.

Attributed to the Irish poet Seamus Heaney as his last words to his wife. It is also an expression used multiple times in the Bible as the first words an angel says to an astonished human- be not afraid.

I’ve been thinking about fear and this expression, noli timere, in my life. What are my fears? How have they hindered me from living the life God has planned for me?

Recently my nephew gave a sermon about anxiety: how a lot of anxiety occurs when trying to please others. We do so because we are fearful of what others might think of us in any given situation or statement.

I think about how much time was wasted during my young mothering years when I would worry how others- friends, acquaintances, strangers, even my own family- would think of me as a mother: the behavior of our children would reflect upon me, the mother. I wanted our boys to be respectful, polite, kind, accommodating of their elders, etc. And while these are noble virtues, I sometimes demanded these qualities over their needs.

For me, being a people pleaser can sometimes spill over to being fearful in my work: I do not want to say something which disagrees with someone else and therefore provide an opening for the person to dislike me. The thing is, anything one says can be in disagreement with someone else. Isn’t that the beauty of our individuality? There is no universally agreed upon statement, action, belief or opinion that every single person agrees upon. Or if there is, I would love to know what it is.

It seems immature to worry what others might think. Even writing the words that I suffer from people pleasing makes me cringe, for what does that statement say about me? Although I do recognize that people pleasing can be a way to honor and show respect to another person which is different than pleasing because you want to be liked. The former is an expression of love while the latter is due to fear.

If we didn’t mind what others thought, would we be more courageous in our opinions, our actions, or our beliefs? Of course, we cannot run roughshod on other people’s beliefs and opinions. Being courageous does not permit us to be cruel. Yet, we must be willing to be vulnerable and authentic, saying what we think regardless of saying what we think others might want to hear.

I think there is a deeper fear-the fear that if we expose our true self we will be rejected and alone. Universally we all long to belong, to have “our people” and our tribe. To be known. Without any pretense. To be loved for whom we are, unconditionally.

Our pastor the other Sunday was reminding the congregation that God loves each one of us as we are. Now. Without any changes or modifications. We do not have to prove anything or do anything to make God love us any more now than God will in the future.

According to Psychology Today, the opposite of fear is knowledge and understanding. The Hebrew writers knew that years ago when they reminded that the “fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” Fear meaning reverence, honor and being in awe of God’s majesty, holiness and glory. Once we begin to fear God in that way, all other fears are pushed aside. Once we know and understand that we are loved beyond measure, there is nothing to fear. If the God who is in control of all things, loves us now, as we are, we do not need to worry. Understanding God’s perfect love for us banishes any fear of abandonment. We already belong to Him.

What about you? Are you afraid? Of what? The dark? Fear of the unknown? Getting sick? Dying? Failure? Success? Financial ruin? Losing control? Being alone? Mocked? Emotionally hurt? Misunderstood? What others think of you? There are probably as many fears as there are people in the world.

We are in the Advent season- the time of preparation for Christmas- when the God of the Universe came to earth and dwelt among us. The majestic, holy, perfect God was willing to humble himself in order to live as we live. God knows all about us and what it means to be human. God understands us. More than we understand ourselves. We need not be afraid of leaning into that love and what God wants us to do and say.

Which is what all the angels and their “do not be afraid” message conveyed: perfect love in the form of God coming to earth as Jesus, to show us how much we are loved by Him.

Noli Timere.