Mr. Oscar, Welcome to the Real World

I find it quite amusing all the hubbub about the Oscar night and the mix up with the best picture nomination.  Hasn’t any one of those involved had a snafu?  Why do they act like it is the biggest disaster since the Titanic? 

It made me think about those involved- privileged, pampered, “perfect” people.  People who have “my people” who do everything for them; dress them, style them, give them the words to speak and how to move and behave.  After all they are actors. Professional fakers.  When things do not go right in their professional worlds, they just “cut and re- do”.  

Sunday night there was no reshoot.  No do-over.  

And it is okay.  The world won’t fall off the axis.  It should make the rest of us feel pretty good about ourselves. Sometimes things happen that just happen.  It is not intentional.  It was not deliberate. When it does, we just have to keep the incident in perspective, find the humor in it and then move on.  

I am sure each one of you can recount incidences, snafus and general faux pas. Whether it is the inappropriate bodily sound that accidentally “slipped” in public, an inadvertently sent email to the wrong recipient, or a physical trip during a solemn event it is all okay.  

It is what makes us human.  No one is perfect.  We shouldn’t demand perfection of ourselves nor of others.  There is the difference between perfection and striving for excellence.  While we should strive for excellence and strive to do and be the best we can, we shouldn’t get so hung up on not being perfect. 

So Mr. Oscar and Ms. Hollywood- welcome to reality.  In the real world, people don’t wear gold lame in the afternoon. They don’t have hair, makeup and clothing stylists tending and fawning over them before they go out in public. They don’t have designers fighting over the clothes they wear. Their opinions, politically or otherwise are not tweeted and taken as gospel. 

In the real world, people tend to themselves.  They strive to look the best they can within their means.  They worry about kids, colds, food, money and job security.  When they do have to do public speaking (possibly at a funeral or wedding), what is not seen as “polish” is spoken with sincerity and heartfelt meaning. 

What about you?  Do you have an embarrassing public story?  What happened?  Were you ever able to move on from it?  If not, why not? 

For the real world, it is time that Mr. Oscar caught up. When we experience an embarrassing moment, we just need to laugh, shake it off and realize that even professionals have things happen too.

Malfatti

What do you think the word means?

1. mistake 2. small dumpling 3. Starbucks drink 4. computer glitch  

For those of you who may have heard the radio news story this weekend, malfatti means "mistake" but it is also a small Italian dumpling.   The Depot restaurant was the originator of malfatti back in 1920.  Italian immigrants had fled the earthquake ravaged San Francisco in 1906 and had settled in the Napa Valley region of California.  One of transplanters opened a local restaurant serving homemade Italian cuisine.  As the story goes, this local restaurant ran out of ravioli when serving a large group.  The only thing remaining was extra filling- spinach and ravioli- which the resourceful cook made into little dumplings to serve with her meat sauce.  It was a hit from the beginning. The cook called them, malfatti which means mistake or poorly made. 

I love these types of stories.  

Stories like these  remind me that mistakes happen.  No one knows why the Depot ran out of food- someone didn't know that a visiting sports team was coming to dinner; reservations weren't made or were but got misplaced; food ordering didn't happen?  Sometimes things do not go according to plan.  Whether it is someone's fault or not, these things happen.  We cannot control everything in our life. 

Stories like these remind me that sometimes the correction of the mistake creates an idea, item or recipe that is even better than the original.   In googling "malfatti" there are a plethora of websites that have the recipe.  The little mistake has become a standard in cooking. This is not the first time something wonderful was created out of a potential "disaster": penicillin, post-it notes, chocolate chip cookies, potato chips, x-ray machine, implantable pacemaker, microwave oven, ink-jet printer. 

Stories like these remind me that whenever there is a change- to a schedule, to resources or to plans- we need to go with it.  We cannot just complain and gripe about the loss or the actual mistake.  We need to look for resourceful ways to keep going and improve the situation.  If anything try to reuse, reassess or redeem the situation. 

What about you?  Have you ever had a mistake that turned into something great?  What did that teach you? 

Are you currently going through a situation that doesn't appear to have a good ending?   How can you turn it from something that is called a mistake or poorly made into something that is inventive and new? 

What is the "malfatti" in your life? 

Click here for the malfatti recipe.

Second Chance Lemons

Perhaps you saw the T-mobile Superbowl commercial with Steve Harvey?  Kudos to him (and his PR people) for making lemonade out of lemons.  Click here to see the ad  He has had a terrible year with the glaring mistake of announcing the wrong winner to the 2015 Miss Universe pageant. By all accounts it wasn't that he intentionally planned to do that but things happened.  Everyone has slip ups and problems but it makes it more difficult when it is publicized world wide.  And then it is not over.  It can be reviewed over and over again via the internet.

There is a lesson to be learned.  Just because you made a mistake doesn't mean that all is lost. I find that most people are very forgiving especially when the one who has made a mistake is forthright about it; when he owns up to the mistake, when he doesn't make any excuses about what happened and when he then moves on.  Of course the admission is always easier to say and take when it is done in a spirit of humor and humility. 

It is also easier to forgive ourselves when we own up to what has happened, when we learn from the experience and then when we move forward.  I find that if I don't forgive myself, I will replay the mistake over and over again in my mind. Who needs the internet? 

What about you?  Have you made any mistakes- public or private?   I certainly have had my spell of gaffs.  I remember once speaking at a national conference.  I was too naive to realize what was happening until I was thrust into the middle of it. Overall there was a misunderstanding- unbeknownst to me the event planner thought I was someone I was not and I was mistaken over the needs of the audience. The speech would've been fine had it been in another venue. As I began my speech the entire misunderstanding became clear to me. I tried to adjust the talk to the audience but to no avail.  There is nothing worse to a speaker than a sea of blank faces staring at you for fifteen minutes. Oh well, live and learn. 

The point is that we all make mistakes.  We all have to apologize for those mistakes or at least recognize the problem, take responsibility for the situation and then  move on.  

I find that the best way is to achieve that is through a spirit of humor and humility.

It is asking oneself, "Did I mean to do it?"  Most times the answer is no.  Things just happen.  Even so, we still need to recognize our responsibility in the matter, to own what has happened. If it is something that has become a pattern, then it is best to seek ways to break that pattern.  

If it is just one of those things then I try to remember to keep it in context.  "Is this really going to make a difference in my life- next month, next year, in ten years?"

I think of others who have shared stories of their gaffs and mistakes.  It is encouraging to me because it reiterates that we all make mistakes.  I then think of my situation a part of that collective; whom can I encourage/comfort with my story?    

When I am in the middle of an embarrassing situation I sometimes have an "out of body" experience.  It is as if I am seeing the situation from a far and putting distance between my immediate feelings and the context of time. I am already thinking that the problem would be a great story one day.

How about you?  How do you handle gaffs and guffaws?  Do you have any unresolved mistakes or embarrassing situations?  What is holding you back from moving forward?  How can you make lemonade out of a sour experience?  What second chance can you give yourself?  Or someone else?