Notes to Older Self

"What would you tell your younger self?"   There is an anthology by Ellyn Spragins, What I Know Now: Letters to My Younger Self.   It includes stories and vignettes from Maya Angelou, Madeleine Albright, Queen Nor and a host of other remarkable women.

I have seen self-help books that are in essence, "notes to my younger self".  Mostly it is "non-preachy" way for someone to give another advice:  "These are the lessons learned from my rash younger self and I need to pass along these words of wisdom to you, foolish young person."  Definitely there is some truth in these type of books and it would be wise to heed or to at least consider the words given.

The idea of writing about the past is not a bad idea.  It is probably good to lay to rest any of the demons, troubles, regrets, guilts and pleasures of what might trip us up in our current journey.

 Although, I am in a place in life where I want to write notes to my older self.  Things I vow that I will and will not do as I age:

  • Remain curious about my surroundings and the people around me
  • Be considerate of others
  • Go with the flow
  • Continue to exercise or at least just move
  • Focus on what I can do rather than what I cannot
  • Allow my loved ones to make their own mistakes
  • Don't offer advice (even through a carefully worded, "Notes to Younger Self") without having been asked

What about you?  Have you ever thought about writing a note to your younger self?  What advice would you give him/her?  What about writing a note to your older self?  What things do you want to ensure that you do as you age?  What things do you not want to do? 

European Vacation

Buongiorno!  Guten Morgen! 

We just arrived home this week from a wonderful two weeks in Europe.  One week was spent in Italy and the other in Austria.  It was a time when all four of us (my husband and our two sons) had a chance to be together and see places that we have only read about.

As we travelled around I was struck with many thoughts and ideas.  I am sure that my posts in the next couple of weeks will reflect them.  The thing that struck me the most was the civility that was displayed, especially in Vienna where we spent our second week.  It wasn't any surprise that I since discovered that Vienna is considered one of the most livable cities in the world. 

The first thing that I noticed that the city was clean.  In some ways I hate to say that because it sounds superficial. A city being clean is saying that attractive people are nice.  Which we know isn't necessarily true.  Cleanliness doesn't necessarily equate to being good or great.

However, it was so striking that I couldn't miss it. We travelled pretty extensively around the city and its environs and I rarely saw any litter.  The buildings looked so neat and put together.  The Viennese have a certain aesthetic.  When we would pass through the more manufacturing and industrial areas of the city even the lumber or parts were stacked neatly.  The workman fixing the stucco on the apartment building next door to where we were staying had the scaffolding, gear and even construction debris all neatly organized.  It was a beautiful still life of practical objects.

In observing the habitants it occurred to me that this is not a city of neat freaks (although if you lived there and were not one you might feel out of place).  It seemed as if the underlying reason for neatness was that there is a sense of "we are all sharing this space together and so let's make the most of it".  It is a philosophy of consideration.  Leaving the place just like or better than you found it.  The is always an exception that proves the rule. At one of our supper picnics in the local park, there was a family who left some trash on the bench.  But I also saw people picking up dropped paper and blowing debris and putting that detritus in the trash can. 

There seemed to be a respect for others and each one's personal space.  We did not witness any raucous behavior or even extremely loud conversations in public.  People waited patiently in queues to get on and off mass transit.  One is allowed to carry open containers of alcohol.  We saw many people enjoying a bottle of beer or wine during lunch or evening repasts.  I am sure that some of the gatherings can get loud but we never saw anyone out of control with the drinking.  On one of our day trips we met some Canadians. In speaking with them about many issues the husband spoke about Canada and its very strict alcohol laws.  He feels that Canada's confining restrictions causes the public to abuse the drinking unlike the Austrian's more liberal policy where the drinking is just a part of one's day.  Whether it is the moderation principle or that the Austrians are just polite and considerate and wouldn't think of over imbibing as to abuse and ruin their space through drunken disorderly conduct, who knows? 

It just seems as if the neatness and organization stems from a love of aesthetics and keeping things beautiful.  There is a correlation between surrounding oneself with fine art, good music and great ideas that lifts one out of the humdrum of existence. It appears to be a philosophy of enjoying life and letting other's enjoy his/her life too. No wonder there is statue of Goethe in one of the parks. 

What about you?  Have you had the opportunity to get away?  Did you observe behaviors or norms in the place where you went?  What strikes you the most when you travel?  Can that philosophy travel home with you?

After spending some time in Europe, I wish I could transplant some of the ideology here.  Not all of it mind you, but just the best parts from each place. I think I might start with my own home and its aesthetics. Not because I want to be a neat freak but because it is important to drink in with our senses all things that are beautiful. 

 

Empathy

   There is a beautiful video from the Cleveland Clinic setting the groundwork for empathy.  Click here to see the video.  What I love about this four minute montage is that is reminds me that every person we encounter throughout our day has a story.  One could argue that a hospital intensifies situations but I think if you did a similar montage in a mall, school or local street your would see the same spectrum of fears, heartbreak, pain and joy.

I know that I have written a lot about empathy.  It just seems as if there isn't much of it going around.  Everyday there is another story of a group of people not getting along, harming each other with words or actions and ripping apart the fabric of our society.  It is another story of people thinking of themselves and not of anyone else. It is another story of people not being empathetic to one another. 

I guess like any other habit or behavior we want to change it is best to recognize the problem first. When people only think of themselves it comes out in their speech- "I, mine, me."  How many times do we talk about ourselves only?  Do we use the "I,mine, me" language more than the "you, yours, us"?  Certainly in this political environment, one doesn't have to look far to hear examples.  There is a fun country song by Toby Keith called "I Wanna Talk about Me."   The chorus goes: "Wanna talk about me; Wanna talk about I; Wanna talk about number one; Oh my me my; What I think; what I like; what I know; what I want; what I see; I like talking about you, you, you, you usually; But occasionally; I wanna talk about Me."  I know that times I have to stop myself and honestly ask, am I doing that?

We can start paying attention to those around us. We might not be comfortable asking the person standing behind us online at the grocery story, "How's it really going?" but we could offer a smile and say a silent prayer that today they would receive whatever they need to keep going. We can recognize that there might be something big going on in their lives.  Bigger and more important then the purchase of a loaf of bread, bananas and milk.  We can recognize that a little kindness might be all they need to separate a lousy day from a pretty good one.   

We can start by keeping the lines of communication open to our family, friends and neighbors. Whether we want to ask the people around us how they are, we can still be aware of the nuances of their reactions, statements and behaviors.  Many times it is through the simple act of spending time together and listening to each other that we can start to develop empathy and consideration for others. 

What about you?  How's your empathy level?  Have you ever spent a day wondering about the unsaid realities of the people you meet?