The Encouragement Spiral

This week I witnessed the power of encouragement for both the encourager and the recipient.  We may live in a time when people use their words as weapons of division and destruction but I do believe that words can still be used as tools for reconciliation and improvement.

I play tennis with a variety of women.  They come from different backgrounds: religious, socio-economical, age, life experiences, professions.  The other day I was playing with two who work in the school system- one as a social worker and the other as a reading specialist.   The reading specialist shared that she had an encounter with a parent on her walk to work.  The parent shared his gratitude in her helping his child who was having difficulty learning to read. "You've changed the trajectory of his life."  

My friend was flabbergasted.  What an awesome statement and what an awesome responsibility. But because of that parent's comments, it made her day. It still encourages her even on days when the teaching is incredibly difficult and she wonders if she is making any impact.

My other friend was sharing the difficulty that her school faces in trying to provide structure and consistency for children whose life circumstances are beyond control.  The children in her school have witnessed and are living lives that we pray no one has to experience much less small children.  Much of the time spent is not in educational instruction but in helping these children calm down and be somewhat prepared to learn.

She was sharing that when she can, she tries to share with parents their children's good behavior.  She shared that a little first grader always says "Good morning. How are you?" to her.  Even if my friend doesn't initiate the conversation the little one makes her way to my friend and will initiate a hello.  My friend saw the girl's mother and told her what a well-mannered child she had.  As the mother and daughter were leaving the school, my friend overheard the mother tell her little girl how it made her quite proud to hear how thoughtful and mannerly she was.

The thing is, both my friends have anecdotal experiences of the power of receiving of a compliment and in the giving of one.  It is a continuous spiral of goodwill.   Compliments give us the encouragement to go on doing what we are doing. It says "I recognize the hard work you are doing. Your deeds are not unnoticed or without merit."  Encouragement of others, provides the giver the pleasure and satisfaction in knowing one's words made another's day.  I can think of nothing better than making someone else feel good about him/herself.  

What about you?  Have you received any encouragement in the form of compliments?  How can you encourage those around you today?  Do you look for ways to encourage others?  What would it take for you to offer a few nice words?  

When we engage in uplifting and edifying conversation of one another we build up community.  It is an upward spiral of encouragement.  And God knows, we need it.

God Winks

My dad used to be a winker.  When a situation would happen, whether difficult or pleasant, he would look at you, his eyes would twinkle and he would give you a quick wink.  It was a secret communication between him and the recipient.  The wink said, "Do you see the humor or irony in this situation too? Or it was a quick wink of encouragement.  It said, "You are special and I love you."

There are times in my life when just a little encouragement like that can make my day.  It keeps me going.  It keeps me focused on whatever the task may be.  It keeps me grounded especially when the wink validates the ridiculousness of an overly dramatic situation

I think God gives winks like that. 

I just read a passage about that in my daily reading. I love the story of Gideon the reluctant soldier and leader of Israel. (Judges 6,7)  Gideon just needs some extra reassurance that he is on the right path.  On many occasions before he does what God asks of him, Gideon will ask for a specific sign that could only come from God.  And God gives it to him.  It is almost as if God is winking at him, telling Gideon, "Trust me.  I love you and I will be with you every step of the way." 

But the part of the story that struck me the most comes mid way in Gideon's story.  In Chapter 7 before Gideon starts asking for a sign, God tells him what that sign would be:  "But if you are afraid to go down, go down to the camp with Purah you servant. And you shall hear what they say, and afterwards your hands shall be strengthened to go down against the camp." (Judges 7:10)  That God wink, the encouragement to Gideon because God loved him and knew his nature, gave Gideon what he needed to do at the time. 

A God wink.  A sign of encouragement when needed the most. 

There are times in my life when I receive the encouragement that I need to keep going.  Little validations that say "You are on the right path.  Don't let anyone discourage you.  I love you and want the best for you." 

Yesterday I experienced a whole lot of God winks with the kind responses and comments to my little meditation in Upper Room.  I was so touched by people's words. I was so humbled that people would take the time to write. I was so encouraged by those who validated my writing. 

God was using others and their words of encouragement to give me a wink.

What about you?  Have you ever experienced a "God wink"?  What did that look like?

Where do you need to be encouraged today?  Be on the lookout for God winking at you- through others, through a situation or brief encounter.  The thing about winks are that they are quick. Even so, they can change the whole trajectory of your story. 

 

E for Encouragement

The scenario: A world leader who rules through suppression of freedoms and instillation of fear. A world leader who comes to power due to the complacency of voters.  A world leader who speaks for the disenfranchised who once had a voice. A world leader who claims moral victory yet doesn't live by any moral code.  A world leader who no one thought would ever be voted into office.

Sound like 2016?  Actually it is the underlying scenario for the 2006 movie, V for Vendetta.  Over the holidays, our son suggested watching it.  "Following world war, London is a police state occupied by a fascist government, and a vigilante known only as V (Hugo Weaving) uses terrorist tactics to fight the oppressors of the world in which he now lives. When V saves a young woman named Evey (Natalie Portman) from the secret police, he discovers an ally in his fight against England's oppressors."

It was thought provoking,entertaining and timely. Bear in mind, it is an action movie and one based on a comic book so there are plenty of scenes of "willing suspension of disbelief".  And while I did find it disturbing that the solution and hero to the problem was a masked terrorist who manipulates his followers, there was some good dialogue:

"Because while the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country, isn't there? Cruelty and injustice, intolerance and oppression. And where once you had the freedom to object, to think and speak as you saw fit, you now have censors and systems of surveillance coercing your conformity and soliciting your submission. How did this happen? Who's to blame? Well, certainly, there are those who are more responsible than others, and they will be held accountable. But again, truth be told, if you're looking for the guilty, you need only look into a mirror. I know why you did it. I know you were afraid. Who wouldn't be? War, terror, disease. They were a myriad of problems which conspired to corrupt your reason and rob you of your common sense. Fear got the best of you, and in your panic you turned to the now high chancellor, Adam Sutler. He promised you order, he promised you peace, and all he demanded in return was your silent, obedient consent."   ~ speech given by the protagonist "V" to the people of 2020 England who inhabit this dystopia. 

In some ways this might not seem like a Happy New Year message but I think that it is one that is needed. The new year is a good time for reflection. Now is the time for us to step back and think about our past, both individually and societally.   To reflect on our current situation, our responsibility and our hand in the process. Now is the time to name the problem.

And...

Now is the time to go forward and make changes, whether that is for a situation that is personal, community related, family oriented or societal. Depending upon what we have experienced we might have to take different action steps:  we might have to seek information, to stay informed, to ask forgiveness, to become involved, or to sacrifice.

I suggest that 2017 is the time to individually and corporately stand up for what is right, truthful and good. Now is the time to encourage others to do the same.  Now is the time to use our words for good, for encouragement, and for relaying the truth. 

I think what resonated with me in this film is the power of words and ideas.  While I don't agree about the use of force, the hero has some good statements about the use of words.   Perhaps there are times when force is necessary but I think the pen is mightier than the sword.  I think kind, thoughtful, and inspiring words can do more to elicit change than violence, intimidation and fear. 

 What about you?   Do you view 2017 as a year of fear or hope? How do you portray your ideas? Do you think that violence is necessary to make a point?   What is your "initial": are you a "V" for vigilante or are you an "E" for encourager?  Do you feel any societal responsibility? What action steps can you take to contribute towards change? 

Wanted: Encouragers. FT & PT. Inquire Within.

Are you a Starbucks fan? I am not particularly.  I find the coffee quite strong, even for me. However, I do like their employment practices.

The other day I heard an interview with the CEO , Howard Schultz.  Howard was explaining about the history of the company, its vision, ideals, challenges, troubles and successes. He shared that he owes his success to his wife of thirty-four years, Sherry.

At the time that Howard was planning to buy Starbucks (at that point it was a three coffee house operation with an additional three Pete's coffee places), he was trying to raise capital.  He envisioned a company that was more than just coffee shops. They would be a place for community.  He also envisioned a company that in treating its employees well would be the foundation for success. Employees who catch the vision, feel that they are part of a bigger ideal, work together, have respect for one another, have a connection to the success of the operation by providing great customer service, which brings in customers, which leads to profits. 

During this time his wife was eight months pregnant with their first child and still working full-time.  His in-laws came for a visit.  As one might expect, his father-in-law suggested, "Let's go for a walk, son." On the walk, his father-in-law got right to the point. "I applaud what you are trying to do.  But let's look at the facts:  Your wife is eight months pregnant.  She is working full-time.  You do not have a salary or income.  It is time to get rid of your hobby and get a job."  As Howard recounts he was embarrassed, mortified and realized that his father-in-law was right. Howard was torn because he didn't want to give up the dream yet he knew that things were tough.

That evening, Sherry asked Howard, "So, you went for a walk with my dad?"  Howard relayed the talk.  Immediately, Sherry said, " No way are we giving it up."  Howard said that if Sherry had agreed with her dad, Howard would've stopped then and not pursued the dream.  But those words of encouragement carried him through.  Currently there are over 22,000 Starbucks across the globe.

All from some encouraging words. 

Sometimes the words are big statements, like Sherry's.  Those encouraging words were filled with sacrifice and hard times.  Not only does the one who has the dream struggle, so does the one who encourages. It may take a long time before the dream comes to fruition.  During which time it is easy to become discouraged. 

Other times the words can seem small but still carry a big impact. "You can complete a 5K." "You handled that difficult client well." "You would make such a good mentor."  "Have you ever thought about taking art lessons?"   The words might even be said in an off-handed way.  But they might just be what the listener needs.

What about you?  Do you need some words of encouragement today?  Can you offer some to those around you?  Have you ever received encouragement?  How did that make you feel?  Was it life-changing? 

Who can you encourage today? 

 

 

 

 

Tennis Lessons

Do you ever have a reoccurring discussion in your head?  You know, the one that plays on repeat- "You are not good enough; You'll never achieve thus and such; You should've done this; You screwed up on that; How come you can't do...?"

Turns out, we are not alone.  Serena Williams the 2016 women's Wimbledon champion has had similar thoughts.  She had a couple of years where she was in the top rankings but just couldn't get a Grand Slam win.  During this time Williams states, "I had to start looking at positives, not focusing on that one loss per tournament which really isn't bad,,, Once I started focusing more on the positives, I realized that I'm pretty good."  

Huh?  She says that she is pretty good?  I would say she's more than that with her winning 22 major tennis titles.  But still she has/had her own demons.

From her losses at the Australian and French Opens, she said that she "learned that you can't win everything, even though I try really hard.  I do the best that I can.  I still am not going to be perfect." 

Life seems to be made up more of our failures rather than our successes.  Or at least that is how we think and that is how we think others, think.   In actuality we probably have just as many successes as losses, albeit small ones, but successes nonetheless.  We are "pretty good" when we just do the best that we can. 

There are times when our negative thoughts loop over and over in our brains.  It paralyzes us from moving forward. We can get so caught up with our failure to achieve perfection, that we miss the accomplishments that occur while striving for excellence. In our own way, we become like Serena and her quest for a Grand Slam tournament, almost achieving our goals but not quite. 

What to do about it?   A couple of days before I read the article describing Serena Williams' new mind set, I was thinking about my own situation and my slump of not moving forward.  I thought that I need to practice some type of strategy to stop this negative cycle of thinking. I remembered reading a tip:  For every negative thought, state three positives.  Don't even let the negative thoughts take hold in one's mind.  Try to banish them with three positives right away. 

What about you?  Do you ever play the negative thoughts record?  How do you stop?  Can you stop?  Do you not even start?  What in your life is "pretty good"?  Write those down for future positive comments. If you haven't achieved a big goal, what smaller ones have you done?   Is it getting out of bed this morning?  Depending upon your situation that can be pretty good. You might not have won any "titles", but have you gotten close? 

If for nothing else, can you see your negative situation as a teachable example for someone else? Sometimes our failures are the inspiration and encouragement that someone else needs. 

 

What Are You Learning?

I have noticed that in interviews of celebrities or accomplished people, the interviewer will ask, "what are you reading?"  Or, sometimes they will ask, "what are you planning on doing next?" 

I think an important question is to wonder, "what are you learning?"  Are you learning something, anything? It might be book knowledge or life knowledge. It might be something seemingly small but significant to you.  Or, it might be a long-time-coming achievement.  Whatever the learning process and goal is, it is important to reflect on what you may have learned because I think it speaks to wanting to be open, vulnerable and ready to receive information.  

Sometimes we don't actively seek learning it just happens.  It is only on stepping back can we see the journey and the strides we have or have not made. 

These last two months have been such a blur to me. In some ways there hasn't been any time for reflection yet in other ways I feel that all I have been doing is spinning ideas, memories and thoughts in my head: I have had the once in a lifetime loss of a mother, the continuation of a creative venture, the yearly organization process of a volunteer endeavor and a new (to me) competitive tennis team.  

Things I have learned or are learning thus far: 

  1. To speak with a lower pitch, slower speed and single thought regardless if the one listening is hard of hearing.
  2. Concentrate fully at the task at hand, aka keep my eye on the ball, especially in a competitive tennis match.
  3. Compartmentalize the things that need to be done.  One thing at a time and fully engage in that one thing. 
  4. Decide on what is important and forget about the rest.
  5. Sleep is overrated (too much time for memories) and under performed (back to the too much thinking).
  6. Daily Bible reading is essential.
  7. Continual prayer throughout the day is much needed.
  8. Iced coffee is a great after lunch treat and pick me up.
  9. Losing a mother is one way to lose weight but not recommended.
  10. Even though one can be a ready-made crier with any emotional issue, through preparation and the power of prayer, one can get through a memorial service and reception.
  11. Good friends are the ones who check in with you even after all the condolences have been said.

What about you?  What has been going on in your life lately?  What lessons have you been (or are) learning?  Any of those lessons becoming long-term habits or values?  What would you like to learn?  How can your lesson be a help or encouragement to another? 

 

Practice Intentional Acts of Encouragement

I am all for practicing random acts of kindness but lately I have been thinking about intentional acts of encouragement.   I read a little vignette recently of a woman who said although she was physically disabled and couldn't do much in the way of helping others, she could think and pray for their needs.  She offered her service of prayer to her local church. 

I thought Wow!  Here was someone who could just close down and concentrate on her own needs yet she was willing to reach out to others.   Too often when we think only of ourselves and we become isolated.  Yet by her intentionality I am sure she felt part of a larger community. 

It made me think of two times in my life when I received contact from people I didn't know too well who offered me prayer and encouragement.  

A long time ago I was part of a book club.  I really enjoyed it but sometimes I was a little intimidated by the books, the discussions, and some of the other members and their opinions.  I always felt that I had so much to learn and that I was so inept in sharing my rudimental thoughts.  Out of the blue one of the very opinionated members called me.  She didn't talk very long.  She just wanted to say that she valued my opinion and that it was a joy having me in the group.  Then she said, "That's it.  That is what I wanted you to know." 

At first I was taken aback.  So unexpected and so brusque like her personality.  But I cherished what she said and I was gob-struck  that she actually called me to tell me what she was thinking.  I know that many times I think of others through out the day but I very rarely let them know the positive thoughts I have about them. I wonder what our society would look like if people said the positive things directly to the ones about whom they are thinking?  We are very quick to say our displeasure but what if instead we were quick to say our good thoughts? 

Once I was in charge of a volunteer group that was charged with coordinating the emergency needs of others.  It was very stressful and intense.  Many times I felt inadequate and overwhelmed.  On one particular time when I really felt at the end of my rope wondering how I got myself into this group and questioning why I felt God had called me to this ministry,  I received an email from a couple I didn't know too well.  They had taken upon themselves to systematically pray for the various ministries and groups and especially for their leaders.  That week the group for which I was responsible was at the top of the list.  They wanted to know how they could pray, what specific things and especially for me, what did I need?  Again, I was speechless.  

In psychology there is a benefit for positive thinking.  It changes one's brain chemistry which in turn is good for our health.  Yet I believe that prayer to God goes beyond the idea of positive thinking.  Prayer is a way to hand over our worries to one who is a lot larger than we are and who is in total control.   Prayer can change circumstances for whom we pray and it changes us as we pray. That is not to say that we just ask and God provides everything like a cosmic genie in the bottle.   The process of praying helps redefine our requests, helps us put our life's circumstances in perspective, helps us in our attitude towards the one for whom we pray and helps us to be part of one another's lives by drawing us closer to one another.  

How about making today, the day that you practice intentional acts of encouragement?  Pray for the people you meet, whether they be familiar to you or not.  Intentionally pray for those who are in positions of leadership- a boss, a manager, a teacher, a principal, a politician, etc.  Let those around you know that you are praying for them.  Let people around you know what they mean to you.  Doesn't have to be a long discourse, just a simple, "I really enjoy your quips and sense of humor, " for example.  

What would your life look like if you practiced intentional acts of encouragement? 

 

Encouraging Words

I am working my way through the book, The Fellowship: The Literary Lives of the the Inklings.  The book describes four gentlemen of the UK literary society known as The Inklings.  There were others who belonged but these four are the crux: J.R.R. Tolkien, C.S. Lewis, Owen Barfield, Charles Williams.  The book gives a brief biography of each but spends most of the time describing their influence and encouragement of each other and in the works that they penned.   As we were in Oxford, UK this past summer and saw the Eagle and Child pub (where the society convened)  and Magdalen College ( where C.S. Lewis had rooms), I find it most interesting. 

inklings book.jpg

One little anecdote tucked in the Tolkien "biography" chapter caught my attention.  J.R.R. Tolkien had a mentor, Joseph Wright. Professor Wright had no formal education, was raised in a home that was poverty stricken at best (mother a charwoman and father a miner who drank himself to death) yet Joseph Wright became one the most literate and educated individuals in late nineteenth, early twentieth century England.  All due to the fact that a fellow mill worker at his place of employment decided to teach an fifteen year old boy how to read and write.  From that simple act of teaching him to read the Bible and The Pilgrim's Progress, Joseph went on to teach himself Latin, French, German and then Welsh, Greek. Lithuanian, Anglo-Saxon, Old Saxon, Old Bulgarian and Old High Greek.  Eventually he ended up in Oxford as professor of comparative philology (the branch of knowledge that deals with the structure, historical development, and relationships of a language or languages) and earning the distinction of England's leading philologist. 

Amazing.  You wonder about the nurture versus nature theory.  In Joseph Wright's case you think he didn't have either.  Certainly not a nurturing upbringing. He had to go to work in the hellish textile mills at age seven.  And certainly not having a great gene pool.  Not that there is anything wrong with his parents occupations. However, when you think of prenatal care, food and nutrients for the developing body and mind, I don't imagine that he received much on that score either. 

It makes me wonder, who in our midst is like Joseph Wright- a individual if given an opportunity could blossom?  Who just needs the keys to unleashing a brilliant mind?  Or to be taught some basic skill which leads to uncovering something of significance? 

Are there people we see everyday- the convenient store clerk, the taxi driver, the wait staff at the local coffee shop, the housekeeping staff at the office, the homeless person on the corner- who could benefit from a leg up?  People, who would blossom if someone took a chance in getting to know them, found out what makes them tick and uncovered their needs? People, through no fault of their own, who happened  to be born into a situation that doesn't provide any opportunity. 

I even wonder about the people I don't normally see- ex-offenders, gang members, drug addicts, refugees, or people born into extreme poverty.  What would happen if those of us who have been given much opportunity helped those who were given little opportunities?

In Joseph Wright's case it was illiteracy.  It seems like such an Edwardian social ill, but it still is around today.  Joseph Wright's story has given me new eyes as I go through my day and encounter various people.  I wonder whom can I encourage and possibly inspire through my words?

What about you?  Whom do you encounter each day that might need a leg up, an opportunity or an encouraging word?