Creative Details

I am sure you have seen or heard the comic sketch where the returning college student or college graduate finds the key to his parents' home doesn't work.  In some cases, not only have they changed the locks, they have moved without telling him.  My husband had a college friend whose parents did just that.

I haven't had quite that experience but my parents did move out of state in less than twenty-fours after my high school graduation.  Fortunately they did apprise me of the move and took me with them. 

I feel that I am living that cliche: I am in the middle of painting our boys' bedroom with the plan to convert it into a guest room.  Our younger son has moved out, embarking on a graduate school education complete with his own apartment.  It has been less than two months and I have started immediately with repainting and redecorating the space.**

As I was painting one of the bed frames, I was in awe of the smoothness of the wood and the carved detail of the foot board.  I probably have dusted, passed by and glanced at this bed for over thirty years, yet I never noticed the small details.   

I have a friend who was trained as an artist.  I love going shopping with her, especially looking at decorative items.  She has such an experienced eye to know how well made something might be. It educates me to take a second glance and closer inspection of something that I might overlook.

The close inspection of my painted furniture, reminds me that if I have ownership of creating something I probably am more likely to be invested in its care.  I can see its possibilities.  If I have an understanding of how things work, I also am more likely to oversee its future. When I have ownership of a relationship, creating something healthy between two people, I am more likely to understand their decisions and  encourage them on their journey.  In any situation, I am more likely to be involved when I know how it is made or what it is all about, what needs to maintain it and how to use it to its fullest potential. 

I thought of how often I overlook things, situations, or people.  I will make assumptions, jump to conclusions or formulate hasty decisions.  I generally rush through activities with the goal of getting to the next thing. If only I would take the time -either to know more information before coming to those conclusions, to spend quality work time (so I do not have to redo, touching up missed paint spots,for instance) or to invest time in the person before I form a judgement. 

How different is God's dealing with us.  He, who created us, is so invested in each one of us. He sees our possibilities and understands how we work. He notices the smallest details in our lives. The only thing He asks is that we have a relationship with Him.  He is always available.  He takes the time that we give Him.  He wants nothing better than to be with us. He doesn't overlook us. He already knows about our possibilities, our flaws, and our lives.  He doesn't move without telling us.  His door is always unlocked. 

What about you?  Do you rush through life, never stopping to notice the details of people, items, or situations around you?  What would it take to appreciate your surroundings?  Or appreciate the people around you?  Do you have a friend, spouse, or loved one who takes time for you? What does that feel like?  Do you feel that God knows you?  If not, do you know Him?

What can you do today to notice the smallest details of your life? 

** Once the room is complete, I will post pictures.

 

Fostering

Last Friday as I was getting breakfast I was listening to the radio.  They were playing the Friday StoryCorps segment.  It was dedicated to Father's Day and the idea that being a father is much more than biology.  The segment highlighted a couple who were foster parents.  They described how they felt after the first child they fostered had to be returned to his parent.  At first it was devastating to them. However, they learned something in the process.  One of the dads stated,  "I think in some ways, having to love someone and then give them up makes you less demanding of other people, just generally speaking. I think the other thing is being a foster parent made me want to be a foster parent even more. It’s hard to lose kids, that’s for sure. But I can do this, and I can help them." 

The idea of loving someone and having to give him/her up really resonated with me. Isn't that we are told?  "If you love something set it free.  If it comes back, it's yours.  If it doesn't, it never was."  That expression can be thought to describe fatalism: if the fates determine a relationship is to be, it will be.  Or, one can decided that relationships are all about free will.  A true relationship is one that allows the other freedom.  

In some ways, this dad seemed to imply that this ideology is only for the case of foster or "temporary" relationships.  But can it also be true for those whom we love and lose to physical death or emotional distance? Is it true that if we love them we should also be willing to give them up?  

I surmise that this dad recognizes that we have to enter into any relationship knowing that there is a risk involved.  It may be painful, it may even be devastating but it is so worth it. 

I liked his observation that the process of letting go helps us to be less demanding of people. I don't think that means that we are less involved or committed to our relationships rather we are more thoughtful. We know that there are risks to love and that we cannot hold any relationship too tightly.  We need to hold them as if we were holding a precious Faberge egg: each is beautiful and unique but also fragile and vulnerable to pressure. We have to cradle the egg carefully because even our own handling may cause it to break. Sometimes our own demands and expectations of a relationship can be crushing. When we are less demanding we intentionally provide cushion space in those relationships.  We can allow it to thrive. 

What about you?  How are your relationships?  Are you too demanding? Expecting too much than humanly possible from another?  How can you provide cushion space in your relationships?  Does that mean giving time, trust, or permission to others? Allowing them the space to be whom they need to be?  Is it allowing those we love to fail?  Or risking that we might lose them? 

In some sense we are all fostering relationships.  We are all foster parents. 

Never Too Late

Ever notice that the best sleep seems to happen right before the alarm goes off?  You will be tossing and turning all night, trying to decide should I get up or lie here? and then when you finally seem to settle down and drift into a nice slumber, "EEK, EEK, EEK," jolts you into another day.

You might be making small talk about weather and schedules to someone, when you realize that one of you needs to leave.  It is then that the conversation will turn to something deeper and significant.

I have noticed at the hospital bedside or at funerals, individuals who never were around while the patient or deceased were healthy, show up and want to engage in something meaningful.  Why do we wait until it is almost, and in some case actually is too late, to tell people how we feel about them?  

How come it seems that only in the final hours are we significant and real?  Or that in the wee hours we can finally relax?  What can we learn from it? 

It makes me think that there are only two ways to respond to our reactions-either embrace the lateness or start earlier.

I think in many cases we should start earlier: earlier to bed, earlier in moving the conversation from small talk to something deeper and earlier in the development of our relationships.  It would make things much less stressful.  No more rushing around feeling that we aren't in our best state of alertness, our best relationships or conversation and certainly feeling that we did our best with our loved ones.

But we shouldn't despair if time is fleeting on us.  It is never too late to catch a few winks (isn't that why we don't jump out of bed when the annoying alarm beeps?), begin a meaningful conversation or try and develop a relationship with family and friends.

I am reminded of the jazz band at my parents' retirement center.  Both parents were members and my dad is continuing on.  The average age of the members is around 85, possibly higher.  While I believe all the members played musical instruments when they were younger, they still remain faithful to weekly practicing and performing gigs. As their name suggests,"Never Too Late", it is never too late to pursue what you want, to reach out to whomever and to contribute to life in some way. 

What about you?  Do you feel that significant things happen to you in final hours?   Do you wish you had more time?  Have you thought about starting "earlier"?  As those hearty octogenarian musicians will testify- it is never too late to begin. 

 

Forever Treasures

Last week when I was walking to town during my "cracker dog" moment (see January 9th's post)  I noticed an area that is undergoing construction.  Or rather, it is the side of the road that is housing the construction equipment for the construction work being done across the street.  This equipment parking area is all torn up with deep ruts in the ground and bushes and small trees toppled over. Where the equipment hasn't torn up the area, the weeds and neglect of care have the other areas overgrown and looking quite desolate.

If I hadn't known what was there before, I would've thought that the equipment people were just parking in an abandoned lot.

Thing is, this was once a small, beautiful and beautifully maintained garden in memory of a prominent garden club member.  By the looks of the neglect, it seems as if I may be the only one who has remembered it and her. 

Now there may be plans to which I am not privy of revitalizing the garden once the construction across the street is complete.  I certainly hope so. 

And I couldn't help but remember the story of Englishman Roger Bannister the first man to run a mile in under four minutes.  Never had it been done before. The closest was Gunder Hagg from Sweden who, in 1945 ran a mile in 4:01.4. Yet, on May 6, 1954 Mr. Bannister ran it in 3:59.4. I sure that he was elated as were all the running fans. And he probably thought that it might be some time, like the nine years it took him, before someone would break his record.  

Thing is, in less than a year Australian John Landy broke that record with a time of 3:58.0

Just goes to show you that our accomplishments and tributes don't stay around for very long.

The neglected garden and the breaking of sporting records are gentle reminders to me to not put my hopes, my dreams, my sense of self all into the basket of accomplishment.  For if I do, someone else will push me out or dash my hopes and dreams.  There will always be someone else who surpasses our accomplishments like setting a new record or there will always be something that is more pressing than maintaining a piece of unused land like building a new shopping site.

I need to think of myself more than what is achieved. I need to remember the words of Jesus; not to store up treasures on earth that can rust, but lay up treasures in Heaven. 

What does that look like?  For me it means working towards and contributing to a purpose greater than myself.  To know that I have made a difference in the world but that I don't rest on my laurels of whatever contribution that might be. To not be overwhelmed, smitten or too confident in what "I've" produced, created or acquired.  To realize all can be lost in an instant and it is the intangible things like relationships, character, and truth that withstand. 

It is hard.  We are society that takes great pleasure in celebrating, almost deifying those who are "accomplished" aka "successful".  Certainly there is a time for recognition and celebration. I am all for the kudos and the reaping of the benefits from working hard.  But that shouldn't be the raison d'etre.  One hopes that one would be recognized for one's work but there are so many people working hard and never getting any type of recognition or thanks.

Even though the garden was a fitting tribute to our town gardener, it didn't take long before it was destroyed.  At the time the memorial garden was commissioned it was big deal because she was pretty prominent in town helping to shape the gardens around public buildings. Yet it is not the garden that I focus on.  I remember her because she was kind and helpful.  When we had our first house and I wanted to venture into gardening, she recommended some books to us.  We still have the books and I think of her fondly whenever I refer to them. 

What about you?  Can you think of accomplishments, either for yourself or others that have been surpassed?  If it was your own, how does that make you feel?  What kind of treasures are you storing? Earthly or heavenly? 

There's An App For That

In a past Sunday's New York Times there was an article about one of the latest apps- the break-up app.  Apparently the end of the year is one of the biggest times for relationship break ups.  Guess it is the idea of out with the old, in with the new.

Not surprising that there is an app for dealing with difficulty in a relationship.  There appears to be an app for any situation or predicament you might encounter. 

In looking at a web site Statistica it claims that as of the summer 2015, over 100 Billion Apps were downloaded from the Apple store.  The popular categories in descending order:  games; business, education, lifestyle, entertainment, utilities, travel, books, health and fitness, music, productivity, food and drink, sports, photo and video, finance, news, reference, social networking, medical, navigation.

Over the holidays we were with family which included a newborn.  I was amazed to learn that there are apps for parents to help with sleeping (choose the "white noise" e.g. hairdryer).  In looking further, I found apps for potty training, behavior modification, reward charts, teaching children how to use money or make change or use an ATM. There is even a parenting app trend report- an app that lets you know the latest and best parenting apps. 

Besides the break up app noted in the Times, there are other relationship type apps: apps to get you through break ups, apps to maintain a healthy marriage, apps for dealing with a long-distance relationship, apps to mend a broken heart, apps for saving you from an abusive relationship. 

I am not against apps or the information that they impart.  Why not use the expertise of someone else? If it can be given to us via our smart phone, all the better. 

I just wonder what would happen if we cultivated conversation, civility and manners back into our lives?   It seems to me that many of the relationship issues wouldn't exist if we thought of others before ourselves. What would happen if we practiced doing unto others as we would want done to us? If we remembered our "please, thank you's, or after you" would we need any of the relationship apps?  I wonder what would happen if as a matter of course, everyone held a door for someone else?  I bet there's an app for that.

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