‘Tis a Gift To Be Simple…
It happens every year.
I try to stop but I just cannot help myself.
Every year when I start gardening, I begin to plan, add and change things.
Every year when I am in the middle of the project or having to weed, I think, “Why didn’t I keep this simple?” Too much to care for. Too much to tidy up. Just too much. As someone commented when visiting our home, “It’s a jungle out there.” And she is right.
I love a simple small garden. Yet I have a hard time editing (aka culling out) all that grows. Which is another way of saying that I am a plant hoarder. Probably stems from my experience with our first home which had poor soil conditions (large black walnut trees and Norway maples) so nothing grew. When we first moved to this home and I discovered that plants grew- I was astounded. Still am. I feel a moral imperative to keep things growing and thriving.
With all the volunteer simplicity that we have read, espoused and practiced over the years, one would think I would get it. - Keep things simple and it is so much easier to maintain as well as to enjoy.
It is true: when I do sort things out and keep things simple, I am so pleased with the result.
Case in point- This spring I thoroughly and ruthlessly cleared out our hall linen closet. I found old medicine bottles and lotions that needed to be tossed. I had quite a collection of “not quite” finished bottles of all sorts of sundries. There were ratty towels that I kept on the bottom of the stack. “Just in case”. In case of what, I asked myself? For having so many house guests that I could not offer my best?
I sorted, consolidated and threw out. I was able to remove other items from another closet and so our medical and toiletries supplies are each in their own space along with the linens neatly arranged in the original “linen” closet. (Hence the name.)
Now, every time I need a fresh towel or linens, I can easily see and collect what I need. When I need another bar of soap, I can easily obtain from our shelves. Not rocket science, but you would think that I had invented sliced bread I am so pleased with the results.
I think of simplicity as I think about my “re-entry” into a post-Covid world. The introvert in me is not quite done with isolation and quarantine. I am feeling anxious and greedy to stay in my little world. I have enjoyed the simple days of tending to myself and immediate family. But, I wonder if I can keep my “simple” schedule when life is getting geared up with increasingly demanding responsibilities. How do I not over commit and cram my days? How do I structure my days so that I feel unhurried yet purposeful. Like my overgrown yard, how can I not have a jungle of a schedule and a more simple garden plan?
Can I translate the lessons learned during Covid into my current situation? Can I edit my schedule so that is remains “simple”?
For me it also plays out in simple thinking. Simple in the “uncomplicated, presenting no difficulty” mode. I am thinking about culling out and editing my thoughts and actions. You know- those “do these 10 steps to a better you” kind of lists. The kind of lists that tells you that you should have only these couple of items in your wardrobe; only a couple of those in your kitchen and bathroom medicine cabinet; you need only to practice these exercises for a flatter stomach; you should do only this (whatever this is) everyday; make your gratitude list; say your prayers; call your mother; keep up with your closest friends; do only the top three to-do things on your work list, moisturize, floss, change the furnace filter monthly, etc. The perpetual list of what one should do in a day takes more than a day to complete. Whew!
All that thinking is way too complicated and needs a professional scheduler. No wonder why people have anxiety.
I know that I am guilty of even suggesting some simple things to try each day on this blog. It is offered not to confound you but in the hope to give other options as you figure out how to simply live each day. And to do so, well - simply.
I have decided to try and keep things simple: in word, thought and deed. As I think about my time and as I begin to respond to scheduling requests, I want to keep the “uncomplicated, presenting no difficulty” kind of simplicity foremost in my mind and how my schedule will enfold.
What about you? Did you keep things “simple” during Covid? How did that go? If so, what did you glean from that experience? Are you having Post-Covid re-entry concerns? What are they? Do you need to do some culling out and editing your thoughts? Schedule? Responsibilities?
One of the reasons it is nice to have a little get-away house is that each time I go there, I have an opportunity to practice a mini-vacation. For me, vacation means tidying up all things in our house so that when I return- all is ready to begin afresh. It is a chance to simply begin.
‘Tis The Gift To Be Simple Lyrics
‘Tis the gift to be simple, ’tis the gift to be free
‘Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
‘Twill be in the valley of love and delight.
When true simplicity is gain’d,
To bow and to bend we shan’t be asham’d,
To turn, turn will be our delight,
Till by turning, turning we come ’round right.
‘Tis the gift to be loved and that love to return,
‘Tis the gift to be taught and a richer gift to learn,
And when we expect of others what we try to live each day,
Then we’ll all live together and learn to say,
(refrain)
‘Tis the gift to have friends and a true friend to be,
‘Tis the gift to think of others not to only think of “me”,
And when we hear what others really think and really feel,
Then we’ll all live together with a love that is real.
(refrain)
Enough
I’ve been struck lately with the idea of [having] enough: enough vaccine, PPE, food, water, clothing, shelter, time, friends, family, money, talent. You name it, we can quantify it and determine if there is enough to go around. Sadly, in many cases around the world there isn’t enough.
But what does enough really mean? The official definition is “as much or as many as required”, but that still begs the question, What is required? For some people or at least as evident by the amount of material things in their possession, required means a whole lot of everything-money, cars, televisions, clothes, real estate. For others it might mean friends, offspring, or extended family or just enough of the basics- food, water, shelter, or good health.
I’ve heard it said that if we approach life with the idea that there is “enough” to go around, we will be more likely to share and to recognize that there is enough for all. We become in tune to what is enough for our own needs and can then be in a position to offer enough to someone else. We start to recognize the extra that we have and how it can be used by someone else. There is a feeling of joy with the gift of sharing.
Paul reminds us that “your abundance at the present time should supply their need, so that their abundance may supply you need… ‘Whoever gathered much had nothing left over, and whoever gathered little had no lack.’” (2 Corinthians 8:14) In some ways, it is the “what goes around, comes around” idea of sharing.
I guess I might be thinking this way as my husband and I have entered another chapter of our lives. The boys are grown, we are hitting our strides in our respective work and we are in a position to reflect and decide where we want to focus our energies, time, talent and resources. There is a joy in feeling that we have “enough” and that we can be in a position to help others so that they may achieve their “enough”.
I have also been struck with the word “enough” and how it can also be used to state fullness or sufficiency as well as reaching a critical mass. During these pandemic times I have heard from many who have had “enough”; enough of the lock down, enough of the hand washing, enough of the isolation, enough of the wishing for better times. Sometimes in this meaning of "having enough”, there is a finality and feeling of despair and lack of hope.
But, there is also the “By golly, I have had enough and am ready to move on…” meaning of “I have had enough.”
So what is our next step? Or do we first need to determine what is enough for ourselves? If we have [had] enough- whether that is fullness, satiation or reached the end of our limits, what do we do next?
I think practicing simplicity helps us determine what is enough with our material items. There are many different ideologies on how to live simply. Overall it is a state of mind that creates space and margins in our lives- physically, emotionally and spiritually. Richard Foster defines it, “an inward reality that manifests in an outward lifestyle”.
I know that in the physical realm, I am revisiting the idea of “enough stuff”. As much as we espoused to voluntary simplicity in our lives and strived to live with that mindset, I am ashamed to say that many things have expanded and accumulated in our household. Once again we are in the process of de-cluttering and freeing up space. It does create a lightness of being. By clearing out, it helps in discerning what is truly necessary, meaningful and beautiful in our lives. It affords us to think in terms of quality not quantity.
Simplicity and the idea of “what is enough” can also be used in our emotional state. I am always amazed at how many things we, as a society, get worked up about. We make things much harder than they seem or need to be. When one really looks at life, it all comes down to simple practices- whether exercise, eating right, getting enough sleep, honest relationships, empathy and being grateful.
One thing that seems to be universal with being grateful is focusing on our “haves”- what are the things that we have in our lives? (rather than what we do not have). Seems to me that when I focus on what I do have, I realize that I have enough. More than enough. I do not have to feel competitive for resources for I am satisfied with what I have.
The following is an interesting TED talk about the idea of enough. While I might not totally agree with all that he says, I certainly see his point. He does raise my consciousness about what is enough as I go through my day. Click here to watch.
What about you? Have you had enough? Emotionally? Physically? Mentally? Have you ever been in want? Are you still? Have you ever been in a position to give-away- items, money, resources, time? How did that make you feel?
Comfort Food
What is your meal time like?
Recently in The New York Times Magazine there was an article about serving weekly meals to friends and families. The author was highlighting her new book, “See You on Sunday”. She shared a recipe from her book and described what “see you on Sunday” meant. For her it is not so much about the meal but rather the weekly date of sharing a meal with others.
I also listened to a recent British podcast, Happy Mums, Happy Babies in which Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge (Kate of the British Royal Will/Kate/Harry Meghan saga) is interviewed and shares her experience with motherhood, childhood and her childrearing/life philosophy. Catherine speaks about the importance of simple things in one’s life: spending time with others, really listening, getting back to nature, etc. She says one of her favorite photos is of her daughter Charlotte, leaning over and sniffing a bluebell.
Smelling the flowers. Looking someone in the eye and really listening. Avoiding the fast talking repartee of sound bites.
Sharing a simple meal together.
In this month’s The Atlantic magazine the cover article “Is the Nuclear Family Dead?” is written by political and social commentator David Brooks. He provides “evidence” of not only the decline in the nuclear family but that the nuclear family was an anomaly to begin with. His premise is that extended family or tribe or people grouping is what provided the nurturing and growth of humans. It is in the collective sharing of life that allows one to thrive.
He explores various factors of economics and behavior. He notes that the nuclear arrangement seems to work for people who can pay others to provide the support work of the family, yet for those economically challenged nuclear families when extra help is needed, there is not a social structure in place. The ideal of the nuclear family was just a post WWII fairy tale. In all other times in history a larger circle of care was always available.
( Obviously the Duchess of Cambridge really doesn’t have to worry about child care when she goes out on a meet and greet and if she has folks over for dinner, does she really do the entire meal and prep for entertaining? Plan the menu, purchase the food, cook the meal, lay the table, tidy the house, tuck away Will’s or the children’s work and toys? )
As David Brooks notes by using the movie Avalon as an example, we have gone from regular gatherings of extended family- gatherings in which life is exchanged, the family knows what is going on in each other’s lives- to the “gathering” of one or two, hurried meals in front of screens- not even one television screen for all but each individually watching a screen. As he reports, all this individualism is not good. It is bad for one’s health and for the health of the community. I know I am guilty of not knowing what is going on in the lives of my extended family. No one lives near each other and we get busy with our own lives. While I might listen to their situations, I am not one to share a lot of info about my life with them- in a weird way I feel that I am “bragging” if I mention any blessings in our immediate family or that they have enough going on in their own lives and do not need to hear from me.
His remedy is to return to the extended tribe- whatever that might look like for you. With the way work is and our globalization, it might be hard to stay where the extended family is located. We might be in a place where we have to look for others around us. To look for community wherever that may be found- quite possibly at a simple Sunday meal.
Gifts From The Sea
My well worn copy...
One of my favorite books is by Anne Morrow Lindbergh- Gifts From The Sea. I try to re-read it once a year. It revives me, refocuses me and helps me regroup especially regarding my writing.
I have pulled it out this summer and have added it to my reading pile.
Even though Anne wrote this book over fifty years ago, I find that the truths still resonate. She speaks to human relationships, to life/work balance, to creative pursuits, to solitude, peace and contentment. It seems that in this day and age we have even more need of her philosophy. As humans, we can only process so much and so we need to step back, pause and recharge. "For life today in America is based on the premise of ever-widening circles of contact and communication." Imagine that was written before cell phones, internet or Facebook! She challenges us to "remain whole in the midst of the distractions of life."
What I love about the book is her " search for outward simplicity, for inner integrity and fuller relationships". It is important to take some time and reflect on those ideas. For me, what better way than through the sea. I may not get a chance to go to the sea this summer but I can try and bring the sea to me. I can make time to "get away": block out a week or a day, free from obligations and return to a rhythm of simplicity, of deep reflection and of time spent with others.
What about you? Do you find the summer is a good time for reflection? Do you have a chance to slow down the rhythm of your life? Do you have "annual" books that you read? Any re-reads? What about them resonates with you? Lifestyle? Escapism? Reminder of ideals? Inspiration?
This weekend, why not check out your local library or local book store. Reading is one of the best gifts you can give yourself.
Tidying Up
l love the word tidying. It sounds so cute, so benign, so Goldilocks-ish. It is a word that explains what you want to accomplish and how you go about it. It evokes an activity that is not too strenuous nor too ineffective. It is just right.
There was a very interesting article in The New York Times Magazine about the author, Marie Kondo and her book, "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up". Seems that Ms. Kondo has quite a following of people who swear by her methods. Her whole premise is that the items in your household and eventually in one's life should bring you joy.
Like so many ideas that abound, this is nothing new. As I have posted before, the 18th Century English textile designer William Morris felt that one should have only beautiful and useful items in one's home. Basically, only have things which bring you joy. It makes sense that in order to appreciate those beautiful and useful things you have to be able to see and find them. In essence, have a neat and tidy place. But as with all things that seem simple, it is very hard to achieve.
There are a myriad of books on the market about getting organized. There are a ton of organizational tools and systems. They all are a means to the end- getting rid of items in your life that take up valuable space, time and resources. What isn't necessarily mentioned in any of these processes is that in order to get rid of anything you have to sacrifice it. You have to make a choice to remove the said item from your midst. I think there is the rub. We cling to our things. We want it all. Even if something is not useful or beneficial we still want it around, "just in case."
It is not only physical items. We hold on to emotional baggage and mental images that only clutter our lives. For nothing less than to show that we have/had something-an emotional draining relationship, a self-pity party or a poorly acted upon decision. It is almost as if we have to tightly grasp these situations to prove that we exist. Even if it was/is harmful to our psyche, it was/is something nonetheless.
I know for me, it is until things get to the point that I cannot stand the clutter that I will then be ruthless. It is then that I say, "this needs to go". Of course, everyone in our household has a different tolerance point of when things need to go and there too can be the rub.
That's why I like the word tidy. It seems doable. I can work on the emotional, relational, and physical stuff that is cluttering my life. I don't have to do it all in one day. Tidying seems to be a word that is done in smaller increments. I think, "I can talk to that person and straighten out one of our issues." "I can let go and remove the worry scenario replaying in my mind." "I can tidy my office today and start on the corner of my basement tomorrow."
What about you? Do you have a tidy life? What do you do when things get messy? Does the clutter bother you? At what point do you say, "this needs to go"? Do you even notice clutter in your life? What is your method for tidying up?