Moving Lessons

One of the reasons that I have scaled back my weekly postings is that at the end of this month my husband and I will be moving out of state. For the near future, I have to focus on the move, saying good-bye to people, and finishing up job deadlines. (Hence, my on-the-5th-of-each month posting.)

It is quite a bittersweet time for us. Except for four years at college, my husband has lived all his life in Maryland and the majority of those years, he has lived less than 2 miles from his boyhood home. I have lived in Maryland my whole adult life, coming here for college at seventeen and not leaving. It is a great little state. It has four seasons, (though to be honest, sometimes it feels like winter, 1 day of spring, then summer, 1 day of fall then back to winter), beaches, mountains, small towns, a large city with diverse neighborhoods. It has a rich history, wonderful higher educational centers and world renowned health care. Even so, we have felt the increasing pull of New England.

I have been thinking about why people move. According to The Joint Center for Housing Studies at Harvard University-

Ahh. If only we had just one box to worry about. Alas, our home is filled with many. Prospective homes might be staged in “shades of grey”, but our current home is decorated ala cardboard.

“People move for a variety of reasons, but the most common motivator is housing. According to the CPS [Current Population Survey of US Census Bureau], which contains a question about the primary motivation for moving, 40 percent of movers did so for housing-related reasons in 2019, 27 percent moved for family-related reasons, 21 percent for job-related reasons, and 12 percent for other reasons. This breaks down differently by type of move, however. Local moves are primarily motivated by housing, but long-distance moves are primarily motivated by jobs. The only exception is for older Americans, who make long-distance moves for family-related reasons more than job-related reasons.” *

In 2021, 27.1 million Americans moved or about 8.4% of the population. In 1998 approximately 16% of the American population moved. It is interesting that the percentage is down given our portable, digital world. Work can dictate where we live but ever increasingly that is changing. One thing we learned with the pandemic is that with modern technology, one can live anywhere. “Digital nomads” I have heard it coined. Family obligations can also determine where we live. We stayed in our area longer than originally planned because we were caring for our respective parents.

Staying here has its benefits: our home, our relationships, our church, our activities, our work and our routines are all familiar and comfortable. Moving disrupts everything- our work schedules and planned activities. Extra time is needed in readying one’s house for sale, the decisions of what and what not to pack, packing and the working out of the logistics in the move. There is nothing familiar or comfortable about our home right now. “Where is the (fill in the blank)? one of us will ask. “Packed.” will come the reply.

For us, the decision to move was practical. We weighed our family (our sons and respective families will probably end up in the North East), our jobs (we do have flexibility to work from home), our interests (we want to be able to travel to our beach house but also be close to a city for mass transit, health care, education and fine art) and most importantly to be ready for what we feel God is calling us to do in the next couple of decades we have left to live. (God willing, if we are so blessed.)

Most times I am not a particularly patient person. I don’t even like to walk up steps- I tend to run up or down, impatient to get to the next level.

This move has brought me to a whole new level of learning about patience or rather, contentment with each day. While we were able to sell our home quite quickly, finding the next place to live has been a challenge. The housing market is tough for buyers at this point. But I have such an incredible feeling of peace that the right house is there, we just have to wait for God’s timing. I am content with each day as it unfolds: whether it is a day of packing, lunch with friends or looking at homes.

One thing I have observed is that I am learning to live in the moment. Because we do not have a new home yet, I cannot plan or think about the future. My only concern is what unfolds each day: writing, packing, spending time with friends, chatting with neighbors, walking the dog. I haven’t stopped planning per se, (too much of a list-maker/planner, not to have some ideas), but I really cannot spend too much time doing that. What I have noticed is that when folks gather, there tends to be a focus on discussing future plans rather than what they are actually doing at that moment. I wonder, how much time do we spend planning future activities and not enjoying the current day’s activities? I get it. If you never make plans, you most likely will not have future activities. But, shouldn’t there be a balance? Jesus reminded us that we need not be anxious for tomorrow that there is enough to be concerned about for today. I think the reminder is not only for things that cause anxiety and troubles but also on our day-to-day focus.

Some Moving Lessons Learned:

• If you have five minutes, pack something.

• Don’t put off spending time with anyone, thinking that time will come around again. It very rarely does.

• Paint the inside of your closet first. (or storage cabinet or any type of storage unit. Once the area gets filled, you will never paint it again.)

• As careful as you may be with packing and moving, inevitably something will get broken. While it can be upsetting, at the end of the day they are just things.

• Remember the feeling of freedom in the staged home so that the new home doesn’t become as cluttered as the old.

• As much as the new home may be exciting and fresh, you are still moving the same junk, the same attitude, the same you into the home. Same contents, new packaging.

• “A man’s (woman’s) heart plans the way, but the Lord determines his (her) steps.”

What about you? Have you ever moved? From where to where? For what reason? What lessons have you learned along the way?

When they list stressful life events, moving is one of the top ones. Sure, it can be nerve-wracking and troublesome. We have been incredibly blessed during this move- we recognize that we are fortunate in that we have options but it has still been tough. I am grateful for the opportunity to learn and practice contentment as we wait for the next chapter in our lives. I’ll keep you all posted as to where we “land”.

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*https://www.jchs.harvard.edu/blog/who-is-moving-and-why-seven-questions-about-residential-mobility

Legacy

Legacy: 1: a gift by will especially of money or other personal property : bequest 2 : something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past the legacy of the ancient philosophers.

I’ve been thinking about legacy recently. Not so much the first definition of money or personal property but more of what do I want to transmit to future generations?

More specifically, how do I want to live the remainder of my life with that in mind? Not in a morbid kind of way that I am expecting to kick the bucket any moment, but more in the realistic notion that my days are numbered as is everyone’s.

What have I left for others thus far? Have I improved anyone’s situation? Have I enjoyed each moment? Do I have any regrets? Am I investing in what will last?

I think back to the many things I fretted and worried about over the years. Issues and situations that, in some ways, have all worked out. Some of the angst and drama was so unnecessary. I needed to learn to be content. And yet, each drama or angst has taught me about contentment so perhaps the experience wasn’t for naught.

Our family is going through some changes recently and some of the changes are not happening as planned. There is some waiting involved. This time around, in that waiting time when I could be filled with angst (some days I still am) I am trying to take each day, each moment, as it comes along. I do not want to look back and regret that even during this waiting time I was discontented and so missed an opportunity.

The opportunities are the stories we share with one another what we have learned. I think too, the opportunity that awaits us through learning to be content is tied to trusting the Creator with our life’s plan. When I trust God with my future, it becomes less about me, what I need to do or leave for others and more about God, what God wants for my life which is tied to God’s plans for all humanity. As the apostle Paul says (in so many words), less of me and more of God.

What about you? Have you thought about your future? Your “legacy”?

Certainly society is built on the legacy of the past. But as I was thinking of the “legacy” left by my ancestors- where is it today? Sure, I know some of the stories which tells about their character but after a generation or two, any of the specifics are lost. Just a smattering of what my family valued, believed in or saved is actually transmitted.

I think the legacy that we need to leave is the kind that is not about us, but all about God. All that we do should point to Him. When we become part of the bigger picture, we then become part of the legacy that God wants: reconcile others to himself and to each other.

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Heirs to the Kingdom

Recently in our church small group we were studying Galatians (in the NT). The book is part of Paul’s letters to the newly formed church in Galatia. Paul wrote letters to encourage, admonish and connect to the churches that he formed along his journeys. Part of the Galatian letter talks about feeling the sense of freedom through Christ. Freedom which comes from being heirs to the kingdom. Which begs the application question to today- do we? Because we have a relationship with the God of creation, do we feel that we belong? That we are heirs? If we do, how is that expressed?

It makes me think of an episode from an old British series, Monarch of the Glen. Archie, the reluctant second-son, now heir of the manor, due to the death of his older brother, returns home to help keep the estate from collapsing under debt and financial responsibilities. Most episodes in the seven seasons consist of another overly dramatic scheme to thwart another financial disaster of losing the estate. Add eccentric but lovable characters set in the most spectacular area in Scotland and it is a recipe for mind-numbing, good ole fashioned entertainment.

In this one particular episode, Archie returns home and his parents spring on him that the next morning, he is to run in a local hill race in which the laird always competes. In addition, he is to wear the most ridiculous hat- an overstuffed tam o’shanter plaid. He just plops it on his head and away he runs. What I like about the character and the actor’s portrayal is that there is such confidence and self-awareness of who he is, where he belongs, what is his purpose and who is his family. There is no self-conscious awkwardness in his manner and certainly not in this running exchange.

If I truly believed I was free in Christ, would I also truly believe that I am an heir? Would I have such confidence and self-awareness that I would know who I am, where I belong, what is my purpose and who is my family? Would I then be content?

I wrote the other week about the concept of “enough”and generosity. I also think being content is knowing that we have enough. Or that we are satisfied with enough.

Recently, I discovered an article about contentment versus happiness. The author is a researcher and had been looking at numerous world cultures and their various emotional states. He discovered one of the last remaining, un-contacted cultures in Nepal, and asked them the same questions that he asked other people groups. In general, the Nepalese group had similar emotional reactions to the survey questions as other groups, but one thing stymied them- contentment. For their definition was slightly different from others. For them, contentment is not happiness, but rather the “knowledge of enough”: “It basically means that right here, right now, everything is perfect as it is, regardless of what you are experiencing outside.”*

What about you? Are you content? Are you confident? What gives you confidence? Power? Position? Your knowledge of God? Do you have an knowledge of enough?

Contentment is being confident. Not in a cocky kind of way, but rather a “I don’t have to prove anything” kind of way. If, because I am already an heir with the Creator of the world, then there is nothing to prove. I can be settled in what is happening around me, right here, right now. I can be present. I can run the race of life and not be concerned even if I have a stupid hat on my head.

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* https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_if_you_pursued_contentment_rather_than_happiness

Perspectives

On a clear day you can see forever.

The vista from the climb…

Well. Technically not forever. According to www.howitworksdaily.com:

“Dust, water vapour and pollution in the air will rarely let you see more than 20 kilometres (12 miles), even on a clear day. Often, the curvature of the Earth gets in the way first. For example, at sea level, the horizon is only 4.8 kilometres (2.9 miles) away. On the top of Mt Everest, you could theoretically see for 339 kilometres (211 miles), but in practice clouds get in the way. For a truly unobstructed view, though, look up. On a clear night, you can see the Andromeda galaxy with the naked eye, which is 2.5 million light years away – that’s 24 quintillion kilometres (15 quintillion miles)”.

Given my druthers, I am more a beach person than a mountain one. While I feel most comfortable at sea level, you don’t see that far into the horizon especially at the beach. At my beloved Cape Cod, it can be quite foggy with very limited visibility. There are some higher vantage points that provide a little more distance vision but it is still limited. It is only by traveling to a higher location, generally inland up on a mountain, can you see much farther in the distance. No wonder in war for expanded territory and land, victory went to the side of the conquerer who was able to control the higher altitudes. It is through seeing in the distance that a warring side could prepare, plan, defend or attack.

A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I went on another hike with our son to a beautiful state park in Virginia. Just the name sounds relaxing- Sky Meadow. The park has access to the Appalachian Trail and is on the eastern edge of the Blue Ridge Mountains. The side of the mountain that presents the clearest views and vista comprises of a more meadowy, tree-less face. While it is nice to have a clear view, there is some benefit to having a treed hillside to trek up in the summer. Needless to say, it was HOT. But, arriving at the lookout place was worth it for there was a small, steady breeze and commanding views of the valley. It made me think of the Barbra Streisand song, “On a Clear Day You can See Forever” from the musical of the same name.

Funny, how in life we want to predict or at least plan for our future, generally by trying to manipulate events. My husband recalls the scene from “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum”: Erronius (Buster Keaton) tells Hysterium (Jack Gilford) that he needs a soothsayer to rid his house of evil spirits. Pseudolus (Zero Mostel) overhears and comes along behind him, “Sir, you are in need of a soothsayer.” Buster Keaton asks incredulously, “How did you know?” To which, Zero says, “I’d be a fine soothsayer if I didn’t.”**

Horoscopes, tarot cards, fortune tellers- people want to know the future. They want to see “forever”.

Yet for all our planning and all our “predictions”, we really cannot see that far into the future. Sometimes, like the unpredictable fog that blows in from the sea, we cannot see even a couple of yards in front of our face. Situations and events engulf us and impede our vision.

At times, I think that is probably for the best. If I knew when I was younger how my life was going to turn out, I think I would’ve missed some key moments because with some foreknowledge I would’ve manipulated the events so that either I wouldn’t have to experience hard or unpleasant situations or I would’ve orchestrated that all events work out in my favor. In actuality, it was those unforeseen events, pleasant and difficult, that have provided me with the most opportunity for growth as a person and the most unexpected joy in my life.

Knowing the future is like trying to communicate on zoom while you see yourself in the square- you can become too self-conscious and not effectively communicate. If you already knew how things would work out, you would consciously manipulate events - perhaps even jumping the gun on a predetermined outcome. One also could become lazy- why bother communicating with others or discovering new ideas, since one already knows how people, places and things will work?

I find that I am not that concerned with the future. Sure, I am definitely a planner. I love to plan and make lists for future events. But if I think too deeply about family, friends, the nation, or the state of our world, I can get anxious about the future. I can find myself worrying about things that most likely will never happen. For the most part, I do not want to know what is coming down the pike. I am (slowly) learning how to be content for this day. However, I must say contentment is a daily, on-going struggle.

What about you? Are you anxious about your future? Do you wish you knew what is on your horizon?

Jesus encourages us to not be anxious about our tomorrow- to not worry about our future. He knows that life is hard and that each day has enough difficulty without “borrowing trouble” from tomorrow. When we align our wills, our plans, our goals- in essence our future, with His we can learn to be content because while we may not be able to see that far- He can.

** Click here for the rest of the silly scene- good for a laugh.

No Place Like Home

This week marks the eightieth anniversary of “The Wizard of Oz” film. On August 11, 1939 there were three test market showings. Fun fact taken from the Cape Cinema website:

“Special within our history is the premiere of the Wizard of Oz in 1939. It is difficult for many to believe but we proudly hold a poster from one of the anniversaries of that premier in our lobby, right above the Box Office. Part of the difficulty is the conflicting information you may find online. Our premiere of the show took place on August 11th, 1939 which was one day previous to the technical world premiere. As one of three test markets, we played the film before anyone else and feature a showing every year on its anniversary. For those wondering, Margaret Hamilton (the Wicked Witch of the West) was engaged at the Cape Playhouse at the time and arranged for the showing on Cape Cod, far away from the other test markets in Wisconsin.”

The movie’s theme is what all lifestyle coaches and even to some extent licensed counselors advise- when we have questions about our lives, we generally already know or have the answers in our “toolbox”.

In the case of the three compadres with Dorothy- the Cowardly Lion, the Tin Woodman and the Scarecrow- they are reminded by the Wizard that they already possess courage, a heart and a brain. They did not have to keep looking for it but rather recognize that which was in them. In Dorothy’s case, she learns that one cannot run away from consequences for there is no place like home. The things she desires in life have been with her all along.

Yet, I cannot help but think it was the journey down the yellow brick road and the collective purpose of the four friends going to see the wizard that helped mold and shaped them. I cannot help but think that while we may have the tools within us, those tools sometimes lie dormant or are not fully functional until we experience life. Either we must have a chance to rise to an occasion or a chance to allow the experience shape the tools into what is necessary for us to continue along the journey.

I have seen it time and time again with friends and relatives who find that they do have the courage, heart or mind to traverse through tough situations. They may feel ill equipped for the journey or that a wicked witch is after them yet they persevere. If they were to be asked about their capabilities before the events, they would probably say that they couldn’t do it yet they do.

While I believe that we have many of the tools needed to help us in situations, I believe those tools are placed within our grasp by God. He knows what we need for this life journey. We need to trust Him that we will have everything we need when we need it. Sometimes the tools are a gift in the hand of a friend or stranger. Sometimes the tools need to be reused, cleaned and dusted off. Sometimes the tools need to be taken out of the box. And sometimes the tools have to be used over and over again.

Regardless we do not have to look too hard to find our tools. We just need to open our eyes, pay attention to our surroundings and be present. To ask for assistance when needed. To join with others in the experience. To hold on tightly even if the wind blows stronger than we can handle.

What about you? What do you already possess but for some reason don’t realize it? Creativity? Organization? Kindness? Grace under pressure? Resilience? Courage? Intelligence? Love?

Are you trying to get away from home? Physically? Emotionally? Spiritually? Why is that? Is it due to some tragedy? To some experience completely out of your control? Or behavioral consequences? What is home for you? More than just where we were raised, home can mean many different things: sanctuary, peace, familiarity,

Who are your compadres for your experience? Are you traveling solo or with others? Do you know where you are headed? What tools or information or equipment do you think you need?

Of course, with all analogies the story can only be taken so far. And, we know that The Wizard of Oz is just a story. However, God’s story and His care for us is real. “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Tools that we can rely upon.

All I Need to Know... I Learned From My Dogs.

Professor Marley

Lately it occurred to me that I have been struggling against life.  Not one particular strife but life in general and not a huge struggle but large enough to prevent me from doing what I need to do.  I can get myself all tangled up in thoughts:  Why do I get so overworked over something that in the long run doesn't  mean anything?  And then I get worked up for getting worked up.  Why can I not be content?  Why do I waste time by wasting my time worrying and kvetching over things I cannot control?  I feel like a protagonist in a Woody Allen movies - so much angst and mental turmoil over nothing.  

As is many things, I learn about life through the life of our dogs. I see how our dogs behave and I realize that I am doing the same in a human way. 

They loathe getting a bath, especially Marley. If he sees his littermate being carted down stairs, collar taken off and hears the water running, he will hide behind the nearest chair.   Something that should only take a few minutes (they are small dogs after all) can be extended for seemingly hours and can result in water going everywhere.  Once he gets "caught" from his hiding place, he squirms, tries to get out of the stationary tub, and in general makes it very difficult with his struggling.  If he would just relax and let me give him the bath, the process would be so much easier and I think he would even find it enjoyable.

Looking back on the meandering path of my life choices, I see all the times that I tried running away and hiding or struggled in my situation. Some times I seemed to have control over my path's direction and other times I found myself on a path not of my choosing. Sometimes my response to life's choices  was influenced by the calm or frenetic response of others while other times I felt that I couldn't help myself in my response.  Either way, it is my choice on how I respond. I may not have control over the direction but I do have control on how I travel in that direction. 

Lately I just felt a sense of peace, calm and understanding. I can relate to the Hebrew wisdom, "Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad."  When I feel the anxiety bubbling up and taking over, I think of Jesus' words, "...do not be anxious about your life."  In fact Jesus has a fair amount to say about anxiety/ worry and it involves all aspects of our lives: our physical possessions and our emotional/spiritual well-being.  

I realized that it is all about relaxing and not struggling with the hand that is dealt us.  It is such a waste of time.  I think of how many lessons that I had to revisit because I wasn't listening or understanding due to my squirming and whining, "Why is this happening?  It is not fair."  "Why? Why? Why?" It seemed that all my wrestling with God involved "not getting what I think I deserve".  Thank goodness for God's mercy and that I  do not get what I deserve.  Jesus reminds us that all we need to do is seek the Kingdom of God and everything else will fall into place. 

Looking back I realize so many times I just didn't get it.   At the time, the things that caused me to be all hot and bothered have not been significant at all.  They are just distant and fleeting thoughts.  I am painfully aware of this when I meet extended family members or distant friends.  They might ask me how is so and so or how is the situation?  I have to furrow my brow and think back, "What are they talking about?"  Situations that, at the time, seemed so important are relegated to the recesses of my mind. 

What about you?  Do you worry over your worry?  Is your life filled with angst?  Looking back, what were some of your concerns- 10 years ago?  5 years ago?  1 year ago?  Do you remember what it was?  What can you do to be content?  What are you seeking? 

I pray that I am entering a new stage.  A stage where I can just relax and enjoy where I am, what I am doing and with whom.  I am actively trying to be present for all that I am doing. Which is what Jesus is saying with His wisdom in Matthew 6. 

 All the angst, all the worry and the extra worry of the original worry have done nothing in helping me achieve any goals.  It just prolongs the agony and makes a huge mess. 

Just like Marley's bath. 

Gifts From The Sea

My well worn copy...

One of my favorite books is by Anne Morrow Lindbergh- Gifts From The Sea.   I try to re-read it once a year.  It revives me, refocuses me and helps me regroup especially regarding my writing.

I have pulled it out this summer and have added it to my reading pile.  

Even though Anne wrote this book over fifty years ago, I find that the truths still resonate.  She speaks to human relationships, to life/work balance, to creative pursuits, to solitude, peace and contentment.  It seems that in this day and age we have even more need of her philosophy.  As humans, we can only process so much and so we need to step back, pause and recharge.  "For life today in America is based on the premise of ever-widening circles of contact and communication." Imagine that was written before cell phones, internet or Facebook!  She challenges us to "remain whole in the midst of the distractions of life." 

What I love about the book is her " search for outward simplicity, for inner integrity and fuller relationships". It is important to take some time and reflect on those ideas. For me, what better way than through the sea. I may not get a chance to go to the sea this summer but I can try and bring the sea to me.  I can make time to "get away":  block out a week or a day, free from obligations and return to a rhythm of simplicity, of deep reflection and of time spent with others.   

What about you?  Do you find the summer is a good time for reflection?  Do you have a chance to slow down the rhythm of your life? Do you have "annual" books that you read?  Any re-reads?  What about them resonates with you?  Lifestyle?  Escapism?  Reminder of ideals?  Inspiration?  

This weekend, why not check out your local library or local book store.  Reading is one of the best gifts you can give yourself. 

The Season of Joy

I love the word joy.  It just has such a wonderful image.  What I love about it is that it represents peace that transcends circumstance.  It is being able to say, "I am okay even in the midst of trouble.  I know that my present circumstance will not be forever and even if it is, there are things that I can learn and change and do about it."  It is viewing our situations and problems as opportunities.

I have heard various people talk about happiness and joy lately.  Totally unrelated conversations which makes me think that this is a topic in which I need assistance. In each of those discussions the conclusion has been that joy and happiness are different. Happiness is dependent upon surroundings. The focus becomes on achieving and getting things and that those things will provide happiness.  Isn't that the crux of the materialistic holidays?  Or that happiness has to be a reaction to what has occurred.  If the surroundings aren't quite good enough then one is unhappy. Life is miserable until something else happens that may provide a positive reaction.  Then we feel "happy".

I think of joy as the serene, gracious wiser sibling.  The one who seems to be unruffled and steady during difficulties.  The one who remains calm, speaks in a pleasant tone and doesn't fly off the handle.  The one who is unfazed if things don't go his way.  The one who is content whether he has much or he has little.  The one who is confident in all circumstances. 

I think of the past to the many times when I didn't exemplify poise in a situation. Times when I certainly wasn't full of joy.  Times when I let my unhappiness because "things didn't workout the way I wanted" spill out in my speech. Times when I railed against the "injustice" or aka "not getting the things I wanted" of my life. How ridiculous. How unattractive.  How childish. 

Joy comes from contentment. Joy comes from hope.  Joy comes from God.

The world is is need of joy this season.  I am in need of joy this season. What about you?  Can you replace happiness with joy this season?  This coming year? 

How To Give Thanks

Do you feel thankful this holiday?   I am feeling conflicted this season.  In the big scheme of things I am quite thankful- for my faith, my family, my health and all the material blessings I have. Yet in the microcosm of my life, I am not too grateful.  I find myself grumbling, complaining and disappointed that my life is in the pattern it is.

I realize that I need an attitude adjustment.  I need to learn contentment and gratitude. I need to learn how to give thanks.

I was doing my daily Bible reading and came across these  verses from the book of Hebrews 13:5, "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." 

It dawned on me.  Perhaps I am not overly pursuing a life that reflects a love of money (or at least not intentionally)  but I am most certainly trying to manipulate my future to go my way and when it doesn't, I find that I get annoyed and cranky.  Part of the sin of loving money is that in its pursuit we forget that we are not in control. I wasn't leaning on God and trusting Him with my thoughts, dreams and plans.  I was allowing my focus to be on the smallness of my life and all the "slights" against me causing me to try and handle it all myself like the Little Red Hen.  I was idolizing me. 

I came across an article in the November issue of "Real Simple".  It was suggesting how to be grateful (when you really don't feel like it).  I liked the ideas because cultivating gratitude lifts our thoughts from ourselves and can help shift our attitude to being thankful and grateful for our circumstances.  It is then we can recognize contentment in whatever that situation might be. Below are some of those suggestions as well as my own: 

• Gratitude can be simple and subtle. In Hebrew the term for gratitude is hakarat hatov, which means "recognizing the good". A reframing of our attitude might be to "reorient ourselves around things that we should already be grateful for".  So, it might not be so hard to "find" gratitude rather look for the small things which already occur- e.g. a garaged car that keeps the windshield free from frost and the daily morning scraping that non garaged car neighbors have to endure.
• List your blessings.  Focus on the big four- food, family, health and shelter. If you have to break them down to the smallest item, e.g.  breathing without oxygen assistance,  then do so.
• Cultivate a grateful eye.  I was raking the leaves in our yard the other day.  There is a neighbor's tree that drops the smallest sliver of leaves possible onto our front yard.  The tines of the rake cannot pick them up.  The only way to collect them  is to use a gasoline powered mower.  In the back of our house there is a HUGE sycamore tree on the adjacent county property.  Not only is the tree big and drops limbs but the leaves are the size of dinner plates.  As I was picking up the sycamore leaves I thought, "I am so grateful that the small tree is in front and the larger one is back here" as I had to pick up by hand the large sycamore leaves as they had fallen over the pebble walkway around our potting shed and pond.  If I used a rake or any other type of machinery I would also denude the path of pebbles. 
• Look at the way you say thank-you.  Is it automatic or can you look at the way someone is helping you with a cost-benefit eye?  Notice not just the money spent but the time and effort and energy it took.  "Thinking about everyday kindnesses like that will make you way more grateful." 
• Share  your thanksgiving/gratitude stories with others.  Here are some conversation starters for the Thanksgiving table:
  • What's the nicest thing that anyone has done for you this year?
  • What the nicest thing that you've seen someone else-friend, coach, family member, teacher- do for another person?
  • If you  had one super power that you could use to make a difference int he world, what would it be?  What would you do with it?
  • What are you most grateful for that doesn't cost money?

What about you?  How's your attitude this Thanksgiving holiday?  Do you need an attitude adjustment?  What can you do?  Have you ever counted your blessings?  Actually written them down as assets?   Have you ever shared your feelings of gratitude with others?  

Personal Epiphany

Lately I have been in one of those funks- feeling that all was not well with the world. In speaking to others I know that so many can relate.

Like all the past blog posts on this subject, I tried the usual things to snap out of it- exercise, getting enough sleep, gratitude journal, getting outside in the sun and air,  etc. But I couldn't shake the feeling.

This morning as I was brushing my teeth I had the "Aha!" moment.  I realized that I have been playing the comparison game and I was losing.  You know how it is played.  You start to think of people you know or the people you see online or in the media.  If you are remotely in their social/business circles they all seem more successful, well-liked, better connections, well-known, better shape, more helpful, well balanced, etc. You name the criteria and those people are always higher on the scale than you.  As you get deeper into the misconceptions of the comparison game, you decide that you can never be a player on their level, so you end up living vicarious through what they do or say. You spend more time following them than you do actually living.  You become paralyzed to truly live life because it seems that you will never be fast enough, smart enough, pretty enough, wealthy enough, influential enough.  Not healthy.

The comparison game can even be played by yourself.  You can be so concerned with yesterday or the future, comparing what did happen or thinking what will happen that the present gets overlooked.  You are never truly engaged in the "here and now".   

Either way it is a vortex in which we get pulled.

I have had enough.  I am tired of being pulled down.  

My epiphany this morning was that I need to learn contentment.  No matter what the circumstances I need to be grateful for my portion and not worry about anyone else's.  "Concern yourself with yourself"- the universal words of parents or teachers. How many times have I said that to one of the boys when he would complain that his brother was getting some type of treat over what he was receiving?  How often did I hear that in school when one of my classmates would bring to the whole class's attention that Bobby was allowed to go to leave the room to get something from his locker and the speaker did not?

I think I finally got the "aha"- to be content with my lot in life, with my day as it unfolds and with what I feel called to do.  It is when I live like that I am filled with joy.  That joy spills out in all that I do and say. When I hear what friends and colleagues are doing I can be gracious and happy for them and not enter the comparison realm.  I am content with what I am doing and therefore it doesn't matter what others are doing. 

Besides being content I need to be vigilant to not even begin the comparison game.  I need to shut down those thoughts for they are not productive.  It causes me to become stagnant.  

For example, the comparison game has semi-paralyzed me with my writing.  I read other blogs, follow artists on Instagram, check out websites of authors and before I know it, I haven't done anything that I feel called to do.  It is good to keep up with the business but not at the expense of my own work.  All it has accomplished is making me feel inadequate, inept and unprepared. 

Comparisons have become such a problem for me that I do not even want to host a gathering of dear friends at my home.  Our home is small with two barking greeters (once everyone arrives they do settle down quietly). I start worrying that the guests will not be comfortable in their seats or that they will be annoyed by our friendly four-footed greeters. I have lost my confidence in entertaining and in hosting things. All due to the fact of comparing myself to others in the group. "They all  have bigger homes, they know just what food items to make, they are more hospitable."  That type of thinking just saps the energy and wastes time.  It also becomes a self-fulling prophecy.  If I start thinking I am not hospitable then I will become inhospitable. 

I am always drawn to the people who have a joie de vive.  They enjoy what they are doing at the moment that they are doing it. Many of them have a devil may care attitude.  They are not worrying about what others think but are experiencing life as best they know how.  They are enjoying the now:  where they are, what they have, what they are doing, and with whom they are doing it. I think when we concern ourselves with ourselves and what we feel called to do we can concentrate on that exclusively.  We do not have to worry about what others are doing or thinking.  

For me it requires that I live in the present.  It is saying "I will..."  I will fill my mind with what is truthful, honorable, beautiful, pure, uplifting, praise worthy and encouraging. I will concentrate on my writing and in learning more about my craft.  I will be as gracious as I can.  I will invite people over.  I will live in the now. I will be more joyful. 

What about you?  Have you ever played the comparison game?  How did it turn out?  Do you live in the here and now?  How do you do it?  Do you live your life with joy?