Work-Life Balance

A couple of Sundays ago there was an article in the NYTimes about millennials and work. In it, the author posed the question- are millennials lazy or do they have the work-life balance correct? Are the rest of us in society so out of whack with our propensity to always be working that we think anyone who sets boundaries is lazy?

Lately I have recognized that I have a hard time relaxing. I guess for so long I had been juggling many different expectations, deadlines and projects and that to stop and not be constantly moving, planning, or thinking has been tough. Part of it is self-identity and self-worth. Part of it is upbringing. (Not blaming the Puritan work ethic too much.) What am I if not hardworking and accomplishing “something”?

As I was thinking about all of this I heard on the radio a country song, “Drink in My Hand.” Part of the lyrics: “To fill it up, or throw it down; I got a forty hour week worth of trouble to drown. No need to complicate it, I'm a simple man. All you got to do is put a drink in my hand“. In some ways it seems so sad that in order to get through each week, one needs to plan on drinking on the weekends. In essence, just about kill oneself over work for five days in order to have two days of freedom.

Wouldn’t it be better to have seven days of balance?

But how does one do that? Is that realistic in today’s society? The NYTimes article says that for some millennials, negotiating balance for the work load is not something that needs to be done. It is expected. Not from a sense of entitlement (although I suspect there are some workers that do feel entitled to days off, flex-time and more casual working), but because they have seen their parents in life-sucking jobs and the financial fall out of the Great Recession, debts, materialism, and have decided that there is more to one’s life than achieving financial success and possessions.

In the Bible, the Hebrew wiseman reminds us how to view our life: “For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven… there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil- this is God’s gift to man. “ (Ecclesiastes 3: 1, 12-13.) The ancient words remind us to balance that work (toil) and life (eat/drink). We can balance our work and life through the practice of gratitude (joy) and service (to do good). It is not all about the money (though money is necessary for living in this world) but how we think about each day and how we spend the time in those days. It is about a rhythm of life: keeping the pendulum balls moving and interacting with one another. Not in a harsh, clanging, one ball swinging higher and harder than the others but in a gradual, one touching and moving the next. Like Newton’s cradle (pictured above), the balls move equally and exhibit the same amount of movement energy.

Online there is an interesting TED talk that “tees up” the premise of striving for a better work-life balance. While the talk doesn’t really give a specific method for achieving and maintaining balance, he does spell out some fundamental issues:

Click here to listen to a TED talk by Nigel Marsh on Work-Life Balance.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to “wait until I retire, or until the kids move out, or until…. (fill in the blank) for starting to do what I feel led to do and which would help me achieve balance in my life. That is why about five years ago, I embarked on writing full-time. I realized what was the point in putting off that which I felt was a calling, just because I needed to find the “right” time. When is the “right time”?

Granted, I realize how blessed and fortunate I am to be in a position to do what I love. Especially since what I enjoy doing is not providing a necessary income to put food on the table. Many, many people are working in jobs that they do not like and possibly hate but find that their current job is the only work that is a) available b) capable of doing and c) necessary for survival.

Yet, I think part of the balance is to take each day as it comes and to enjoy the moments of each day. Some days I am quite aware of the moments and others, life is a blur. And so I must be intentional with balance. I don’t want to put off until tomorrow what I could do today but I don’t want today to be so rushed and filled that I am too exhausted to enjoy tomorrow. I think that gratitude and service does help keep our balance in check. Kind of like a spotter to ensure that we do not fall off the balance beam.

Gratitude and service are the guard rails. Gratitude helps us reflect on what we have: we can prioritize our values (e.g. family, health, material possessions). Service helps us distribute our work: we “do what is right and good” which can give us a satisfaction that work might not.

As is everything in life- it is about moderation. Not having it all at once. Quality versus quantity. Ensuring that one’s priorities are met each day. Setting boundaries. Being healthy in mind, body and spirit. Taking time to enjoy the moments.

What about you? How are you with balance? Work/Life? Family/Friends? Are you waiting for a specific time in your life to do what you feel called to do or want to do? Why is that? Is there some way you can moderately manage your day to day?

In the TED talk by Mr. Marsh, he reminds us that we have to take a longer view of our priorities. Not every day will be the “perfect” day. But, with intention, choices and care, I believe we can have “perfect” moments and daily joy. For me, that would be the right balance.

Inspiration in Unlikely Places

Lately I have been doing some longer distance driving. Much of my time seems to be spent on the NJ Turnpike. Like most travelers, pit stops for me are meant to be treated almost as quickly as a real pit crew: pull in, do what you need to do and get back on the road. As quickly as possible. No dawdling.

So, it always surprises me and gives me pause when I find something unexpected. Such was the case with the above quotation outside the restrooms at a newly renovated rest stop. How nice to think that the NJ turnpike authority is inspiring travelers. Who says NJ isn’t inspirational?!

What about you? Have you run into something that gives you pause? That has you thinking? Have you ever found something unexpected? Like a flower growing in a crack in the sidewalk? Or a nugget of truth in an outlandish scenario?

Nearby my one sister is a state park. On one side of the park there are steep rocky banks with little to no dirt or ground cover. What is always amazing to me is to see trees forcing their way through the cracks in the rocks, seemingly not rooted into any terrafirma. How can they grow? Where is the stability? How can they receive and distribute nutrients without a grounded root system?

Nature always has a way of inspiring me.

On a recent dog walk I came across some trees that from the striations on the bark must have had a vine deeply imbedded on its trunk. Somehow the vine died and fell, leaving deep cuts into the tree. Usually vines are the kiss of death for trees. However this tree seems to have survived and continues to grow. It is even crooked, bending towards the light.

What tenacity and innate desire to live! Makes me wonder if I would be so tenacious under trying conditions?

What are some inspirational vignettes, quotes or stories that have resonated with you? Where do you draw your inspiration?

Recently I found this quote. It has been inspiring me to be who God has made me:

“You are born an original.

Don’t die a copy.”

Carefully Planned

I am reading Anne Morrow Lindbergh book, War Within and Without. It is the last of her “diary/journal/memoir” five part series of books starting with her flight adventures with aviator husband Charles continuing through the kidnap, death and publicity craziness and grief of their first born son, then their living in England and France in “exile” to escape the prying eyes and now settling back in the states at the beginning of WWII when Europe is engaging into war.

Found book at a "Free Little Library”.

It is a fascinating look into the mindset of Americans during this period of history (the time before America entered the war), especially as Anne writes as the history is unfolding, almost in a “real time” viewpoint all the while we are reading it knowing the outcome of history. While Lindbergh has been vilified at times and definitely found with feet of clay (a decade or so ago it was disclosed of his three mistresses and their collective families). It is an honest look at a flawed hero and heroine of our time.

I am finding many parallels to our current political situation and while it is alarming (we as a society should take note), it is also comforting in knowing that if things should happen again we can prevail.

One light hearted anecdote occurs early on in the memoir. Anne is describing a delightful weekend that Charles and she experienced with a French diplomat. Anne, who was the interpreter for Charles and the guest thoroughly enjoyed the visit as this gentleman asked questions of her too, as a writer and about mutual books. The intellectual exercise in their discourse and discussions was enjoyed by all three of them.

At one point in the recounting, Anne says that all three of them were having a deep and lively discussion as they were driving from one location to another. The car suddenly stopped. The reason- out of gas. Charles had forgotten to fill up before they took off!

Anne doesn’t elaborate too much only that it was astonishing for Charles to be so unprepared and only underscored how intrigued he was in their discussions. After all, aviator Charles A. Lindbergh was the king supreme of the check-list. In fact, the preflight checks that are standard with airplanes were designed by Charles. He had checklists for everything. Even his discussions with his children and their goals and plans were kept in checklist form on index cards.

Just goes to show you that to ere is human.

I enjoy hearing about human foibles. Not for the purpose of gloating but more for the purpose of identity: we are all in the same boat and we are all in the position of needing humility. Any human who seems “perfect” is not. Just look at the news and the darling of yesterday is the scourge of tomorrow.

I also am encouraged when I hear that even planners forget to plan and that even the best laid plans can go awry. It is another way of remaining humble: we may carefully plan situations but most often they may take another turn. That isn’t to say that we shouldn’t plan what we can. It is just that we need to be open to whatever turns the plans may take.

The Bible has many verses talking about acknowledging plans and asking for guidance:

“I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper and not to harm you.” Jeremiah 29:11

“Ask and it will be given you” Matthew 5; 7

Although I think many people might view these verses as “ask the genie in the bottle”/fairy-godmother type verse. God is not like that. He is powerful and almighty and deserves and expects reverence. The thing is, His plans are the best. In our limited viewpoint, we sometimes think that we know the best for ourselves. After all, isn’t that what all the self-help books are about- the individual helping his/herself? Not that there isn’t good information in those type of books. It is just that while we are to “know thyself”, we need to rely on the One who created us and His knowing of ourselves.

I sometimes need to be reminded that it is in the spirit of humility when I ask, then I receive. When I trust, I do not worry about harm.

Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”

Proverbs 16:19 “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”

Proverbs 16:3 “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.”

Proverbs 3: 5,6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

What about you? Are you a planner? Do you have trouble relinquishing control of your life? Have you ever had an incident where the very thing for which you are known, you negatively experienced? (Like planner Lindbergh running out of gas?) How did that play out? Was it embarrassing? Did you laugh it off as another humbling incident?

I have recently taken Proverbs 19:21 to heart. While I have many plans in my heart- for myself, family and friends- I recognize that God’s purpose will prevail. And I choose that.

Your Phone IS calling…

Last week I heard a brief segment on NPR about the distracting pull of our smart phones. The statement didn’t surprise me since it validates my own and other’s observed behaviors.

The bane of modern life…

After all, it seems intuitive- the mere presence of our phones beckons us to keep checking it. Not only when we have a beep, ring or tone that alerts us to a new notification but even when it is silent. We check and double check thinking that we must “See if something is going on.” “Did we miss a text?” and even thinking, “It must be broken since I didn’t get anything.”

After hearing the story, I commented to my husband, “No one sits by their land line and keeps picking it up to see if there is someone on the other end.” Of course as I was speaking I was reminded of comedy skits where that is exactly what happens. The protagonist is waiting for an important call and sits by the phone. Every once in a while she will pick up the phone to see if someone is there. In the real old skits, the person on the other line is usually the telephone operator who will patiently explain that no one has called. (For those who aren’t familiar, back in the day- there were party lines. No such thing as direct calling. One had to speak to the operator. “Operator, get me ‘AMherst 355’ and the operator would connect you. Sometimes you had to wait to be connected and so the operator would ring you back with the connection.)

These social scientists realized that even though their phones were parked beside them and not making any noise, they still felt compelled to check them to ensure that they hadn’t missed a call.

I started thinking about my own practice with the cell phone. I, too am guilty of checking the phone for truly no reason. Although in fairness to me, I have missed calls. Either because I put my phone on silent and forgotten to return it to sound when I was expecting a call. Or it is deep in the bowels of my purse and I cannot hear it ringing or if I do, it takes me forever to unearth it. Just when I do the ring stops.

I find that having the phone next to me while working is distracting. I find myself checking to see messages and emails which is exactly what they discovered in their rudimentary experiment. The closer in proximity a smart phone was to a person, the more likely and the more frequent he would look at the phone.

Of course, time management suggests that one batches emails and phone calls at various times during the day. That is an admirable plan. One in which I try to adhere. Still, over the last fifteen years, because of caring for aging parents, I found that I needed to have the phone close. It would never fail that the times that I would forget my phone, have it charging in another room or have it on silence, would be the one time that I would receive an important phone call about their care.

There is something about out of sight, out of mind though that I find appealing. In some ways, by not having the phone in eye shot, it gives me permission to not be burdened by the information through the various forms of communication. For truly, if I analyze the information that I am reading, most of it is not that time sensitive.

It also gives me permission to really concentrate at the task on hand. I can control when I look and when I respond to various messages. It allows me to feel that I accomplished something rather than being harried and beholden to a text, email or message that doesn’t move me closer to completing the task.

I am also giving myself permission to analyze my time this week. I have started keeping track of my days: what I have done with each hour or so. I am looking for patterns of productivity and misuse. Is there something that seems to be taking larger chunks of my time? What is it? And why is it? Is there margin in my schedule? Times of down time? Time for self-care? For care of others? How many times am I checking my phone?

If you wonder where your time is going, you might want to try a time study. You can use your day planner, or just a sheet of paper. [ Of course, the irony of a time tracker app on one’s phone isn’t wasted on me! It is tempting to suggest it though. ] Or, you can download templates. Click here to download either an excel or word time sheet.

I am just using a piece of paper. For each day, I group my time into either hourly sections or into the amount of time it takes me to do an activity. (e.g. tennis= 2 1/2 hours with playing and traveling to and from time.) So far I haven’t found any patterns but I have realized that my days are packed. No wonder I fall asleep so quickly.

What about you? What is your relationship with your phone? Do you keep it in sight during your waking hours? What do you do about meal times? Meetings? I have heard that by putting the phone on the table for meetings or meals is the equivalent of setting other people at the table. Do you want them there or not?

Cultivating Patience

While I am not a big fan of spiders (especially indoors), I do not have arachnophobia. If a spider crosses my path I will enjoy watching it for a time. I am in awe of their construction and design skills. I am also awed by their tenacity to spin a web even when it gets torn apart or knocked down. Many times I have been working in the garden, felt and then inadvertently pulled apart a web that was built between two plants or between the shed roof and door. Of course the spider didn’t know that her web was built across a thoroughfare for my gardening. Yet, even when it has been continually knocked down by my passing, the spider will rebuild. Spiders are tenacious and incredibly patient. They will spin a web and wait until their prey gets stuck at which time they will wrap it with more webbing and will eventually eat it. I once watched a spider just hang out on her web for hours waiting for dinner.

I have been thinking about patience and tenacity. Two words that in my mind do not seem to go together yet they are synonyms. For some reason when I think of patience, I think of passivity, inactivity and submissiveness. With tenacity I think of strength, perseverance, and fierce determination. When in actuality, patience is a very strong word. It is another one of those paradoxical ideas: it takes a lot of strength and resolve to choose to be patient.

The other day an acquaintance asked us to give him a ride. We were to pick him up at his residence and drop him off a couple of towns away. It worked out in our schedule to do it and so we arrived at his place slightly earlier than expected. We called him, told him we were outside but since we were early for him to take his time and come out when ready.

When he finally got into our car and was ready to leave, he extolled our virtue of patience in our waiting for him.

Boy, that is one virtue that doesn’t readily come to mind when I think of myself! I find that I am fighting the impatient bug all the time.

But it did get me thinking- how does one cultivate patience?

There are at least 25 Bible verses about patience. Many of the versus describe patience as a characteristic of God and for anyone who is a friend and follower of God’s. It is the expression of relationships- love is characterized by patience. Patience is also a by-product and evidence of one who is filled with the Spirit and God’s love. The Bible in James says that trials produce patience. But can one learn patience without having to go through a hellish time?

Perhaps so. One of the learned outcomes of difficult experiences is that we realize that so much of life is beyond our control. We either cannot plan for every situation or even if we think we have planned for every situation, something will go amiss. We cannot control circumstances, people or weather. Sometimes we need to relinquish our control and accept what has unfolded before us.

Patience is the capacity to accept or tolerate delay which is many times what happens when we give up total control.

Our one son has always said, “No worries. It’s all good.” Now he might be just trying to tell us, his worrying parents to back off, but I think he does feel confident that all things will work out in whatever way they need to do so. I think he is very tolerate of delays and working through alternative plans.

I find that I can be patient when I have allowed margin in my life- whether that is actual physical time, emotional space or financial wiggle room. I don’t feel so agitated when I have to stop and rearrange my life, my thoughts or my money and so I can pause and be accepting if things are not going according to plan.

I also find that I am more patient when I remain grateful and humble of my own circumstances. When I recognize all the blessings that I have and what an honor it is to share with others: time, money, possessions. I can tolerate delay when I know that I have enough and there is no threat or rush that what I “have” will be taken away.

The word tenacity has roots in the old Latin- tenacious which means to hold fast. Hold fast to what is true, honorable, loving, generous, gracious, kind. Even hold fast to those things that require patience- submission to another’s wish, forbearing another’s burden, tolerating and accepting delays in our lives.

No wonder that God is love and love is patient. God = patient. When I hold fast to God, when I am tenacious in my living for God and emulating Him, I too can begin to learn patience in my life’s journey.

What about you? How patient are you? How did you cultivate it? By trial? By error? By emulating God? Are you tenacious? Do you give up easily? What determines how long you stick with something? Interest? Love for someone or something?

What are your thoughts about spiders and webs and patience and tenacity?

Small minded

I have been finally getting around to doing some gardening: weeding, trimming, getting our porch and patio set-up and watering. The gardening hose has been and continues to be the bane of my gardening existence. It is such a pain to lug it around and I never have known it not to leak around the spigot or sprayer/sprinkler connection. We have tried the collars to tighten it and while they work for a while, it inevitably will drip.

So this Saturday, as I was hosing off the collection of detritus from the patio chairs, I wasn’t even thinking about the drips from the connection of the hose to the house. On a quick glance, it appeared that things were tight. It was only later when I was coiling the hose around the hose holder, that I noticed a standing puddle of water on the ground. It appears that the hose was leaking at the house connection, ever so slightly.

Got me thinking of how small things, whether positive or negative can add up to either wonderful situations or a disaster.

A stitch in time saves nine.

Look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves.

Don’t put off until tomorrow what you should do today.

One year’s seedings makes seven years weeding.

In Proverbs 6:10 the Hebrew wiseman admonishes the reader that little sleep/little naps can lead to a little idleness and before you know it, problems arise. It is in the small things that we deceive ourselves by telling ourselves that it is just small and therefore not necessarily worth noting. But if we are not careful before we know it, disaster has befallen us.

Just one more drink.

A quick glance at the text while driving.

What harm in texting the female colleague about non-work things?

It’s just a coffee meeting ...

There are many positive and negative references in the Bible of small things leading to larger ones. One may only have a small faith- like a mustard seed yet it may develop into something mighty. One might only have small provisions-five loaves and two fishes yet that can supply one’s needs. One might only have small stones yet they can topple the giant. One might use the tongue- a small body organ yet it can do a world of damage.

It sometimes takes a lot of effort and control to monitor the little things in life. Just like breaking down a large project into smaller ones helps accomplish it, so too is the inverse: maintaining and keeping things under control with smaller tasks prevents it from becoming too large and unwieldy.

What about you? Have you ever had something build up to the degree that was too much? How did you handle it? Do you practice preventative maintenance with your home? Your health? Your relationships? What are some expressions about small things that you know?

When it comes to keeping a handle on life’s predicaments, perhaps it is helpful to be “small-minded”?

Share the Bounty

The dog days of summer. It is at this point, every year where the bounty of the harvest begins and keeps going: tomatoes, zucchini, raspberries, hydrangeas. Nature has a way of producing so so much.

My father always planted a vegetable garden. From his small patch of turned over dirt, he could produce a fairly big yield. One vegetable that he grew in vast quantities were tomatoes. Every year he would buy extra tomato plants. “Just in case some don’t live”. The thing is, I do not remember ever a time when a plant died. They always all lived. Consequently, around this time in August, there would be tomatoes galore. My mother and my grandmother (who lived nearby) would have marathon canning days. I remember the sounds of those days: the hissing of the pressure cooker, the wiggling of the inverted jars in the big roasting “sanitizing” pans, the boiling rumble of tops and rubber gaskets. It seemed that the smell of cooked tomatoes would permeate the house for days afterwards.

Because Dad planted so many tomatoes, those not eaten by family and friends nor canned by Mom and Grandma were sold at a table stand at the end of our street. It seemed to me that I was always the one stuck sitting behind the table, selling to neighbors and passers-by. Paper bags, pad of paper and pencils, kitchen scale and formerly-cigar-now-cash box were my tools of the trade. (Plus a library book to keep me company). Lined up with stem side down, the various sized tomatoes were grouped in pristine rows (no stacking for fear of soft spots). The tomatoes were sold by weight. Much as I hated the selling process it was a good exercise in math: learning to weigh the tomatoes and then multiply the weight by price per pound. I also had to learn to give change. I still remember the older boys who lived around the corner. For some reason they reminded me of the Beach Boys. (Probably just an association at that specific time: my brother was listening to the Beach Boys and these neighbors looked like surfers.) They would walk across the street, buy tomatoes and then eat them like an apple. Never seen that before or since.

Alas, due to our tree-lined yard I do not have the ability to have the vegetable garden like my dad’s. I may not been able to enjoy my own home grown tomatoes, but I do have tons of hydrangeas.

I have found that with nature, you cannot out give it. It is always producing and giving its produce to you. The more your cut and take away, the more it gives. It seems if I cut the hydrangeas to give away, I end up with more blooms on that bush. Same with our raspberries. I pick the branch and there seems to be more produced.

Makes me think of God and His generosity. The physical world through nature is his expression of His personality and character. He is good and generous. One cannot out give God. He loves to lavish on His children. And, there is always more from Him. He doesn’t run out of goodness. There isn’t a fund or ledger of limited amounts of goodness: “don’t ask for too much or you will use it up.” On the contrary Jesus tells us to “ask and it shall be given to you.” (Matthew 7: 7)

He just gives and gives and gives.

Not only does He give but we are called to join him in generosity. “Give to others, and God will give to you. Indeed, you will receive a full measure, a generous helping, poured into your hands--all that you can hold. The measure you use for others is the one that God will use for you." (Luke 6: 38)

What about you? Have you ever experienced the abundance of nature? What is your experience with God’s abundance? Do you ever feel that there is a limit to what you are given? Talent? Monetary objects? Time? Are you afraid that once given away, you won’t receive more? Do you wait to get from God first before you give or do you just give freely?

For me, sometimes I forget that I need to pick the raspberries in order to have more. It is if the bush is willing me, pushing me to take and give. To share what I have with others in order for me to have room for more. Just like the raspberries, that process of having more is a sign of growth and development.

Same applies with all the blessings that I have- to give in order to receive. After all, only empty and open hands can be filled.

No Place Like Home

This week marks the eightieth anniversary of “The Wizard of Oz” film. On August 11, 1939 there were three test market showings. Fun fact taken from the Cape Cinema website:

“Special within our history is the premiere of the Wizard of Oz in 1939. It is difficult for many to believe but we proudly hold a poster from one of the anniversaries of that premier in our lobby, right above the Box Office. Part of the difficulty is the conflicting information you may find online. Our premiere of the show took place on August 11th, 1939 which was one day previous to the technical world premiere. As one of three test markets, we played the film before anyone else and feature a showing every year on its anniversary. For those wondering, Margaret Hamilton (the Wicked Witch of the West) was engaged at the Cape Playhouse at the time and arranged for the showing on Cape Cod, far away from the other test markets in Wisconsin.”

The movie’s theme is what all lifestyle coaches and even to some extent licensed counselors advise- when we have questions about our lives, we generally already know or have the answers in our “toolbox”.

In the case of the three compadres with Dorothy- the Cowardly Lion, the Tin Woodman and the Scarecrow- they are reminded by the Wizard that they already possess courage, a heart and a brain. They did not have to keep looking for it but rather recognize that which was in them. In Dorothy’s case, she learns that one cannot run away from consequences for there is no place like home. The things she desires in life have been with her all along.

Yet, I cannot help but think it was the journey down the yellow brick road and the collective purpose of the four friends going to see the wizard that helped mold and shaped them. I cannot help but think that while we may have the tools within us, those tools sometimes lie dormant or are not fully functional until we experience life. Either we must have a chance to rise to an occasion or a chance to allow the experience shape the tools into what is necessary for us to continue along the journey.

I have seen it time and time again with friends and relatives who find that they do have the courage, heart or mind to traverse through tough situations. They may feel ill equipped for the journey or that a wicked witch is after them yet they persevere. If they were to be asked about their capabilities before the events, they would probably say that they couldn’t do it yet they do.

While I believe that we have many of the tools needed to help us in situations, I believe those tools are placed within our grasp by God. He knows what we need for this life journey. We need to trust Him that we will have everything we need when we need it. Sometimes the tools are a gift in the hand of a friend or stranger. Sometimes the tools need to be reused, cleaned and dusted off. Sometimes the tools need to be taken out of the box. And sometimes the tools have to be used over and over again.

Regardless we do not have to look too hard to find our tools. We just need to open our eyes, pay attention to our surroundings and be present. To ask for assistance when needed. To join with others in the experience. To hold on tightly even if the wind blows stronger than we can handle.

What about you? What do you already possess but for some reason don’t realize it? Creativity? Organization? Kindness? Grace under pressure? Resilience? Courage? Intelligence? Love?

Are you trying to get away from home? Physically? Emotionally? Spiritually? Why is that? Is it due to some tragedy? To some experience completely out of your control? Or behavioral consequences? What is home for you? More than just where we were raised, home can mean many different things: sanctuary, peace, familiarity,

Who are your compadres for your experience? Are you traveling solo or with others? Do you know where you are headed? What tools or information or equipment do you think you need?

Of course, with all analogies the story can only be taken so far. And, we know that The Wizard of Oz is just a story. However, God’s story and His care for us is real. “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Tools that we can rely upon.

Inversion

Inversion: a reversal of position, order, form, or relationship (www.merriam-webster.com)

Recently I was listening a sermon by one of my nephews. Click here to hear it or any others of his. In it, he was describing “inversion philosophy”: If having difficulty in working out a solution to a problem, try reversing the outcome. Rather than decide that my outcome is such and such, figure out what could I do to have the totally different outcome. For instance, if I were a business person and wanted to have the best customer service, what would be the worst behavior I would need to exhibit in order to produce the worst service? I then could fashion my business practice to not do those behaviors but to do the opposite.

The opposite can tell us a a lot about what we don’t want and therefore can be beneficial.

In case there was any confusion- this is NOT I nor any resemblance of me when I try a yoga pose.

This practice can be done in the financial, mathematical, emotional or psychological world- that looking by a different aka inverted view may help find the solution. There are some reports that there are benefits in the physical world as well. In doing the various yoga poses, there seems to be many that are done with one’s head hanging down (or at least it seems to me.) Supposedly it is good for one’s immune system and the like to do so. I cannot say that I am there yet- I feel everything rushing to my head and sinuses and cannot say that I feel rejuvenated when I come back upright.

There are proponents for actually hanging upside down: benefits to one’s disc and spine, relieve of back pain and sciatica issues. It also seems to help with depression,mood, leg edema and with circulation. There are caveats- a person with uncontrolled blood pressure or glaucoma can experience problems with the inverted pressure since it raises blood and eye pressure.

We also see inversion thinking in the moral world through the lessons that are told through fables and stories. The bad behavior of the character is something to which we should not ascribe. Think of the boy who cried wolf or the story of Jonah and the whale. Those stories of what not to do have consequences that we would be wise to avoid and therefore we should heed the advice of the opposite, or inverted thinking.

On a practical note, the inversion- or looking at something from a different and opposite viewpoint can be very eye-opening. This summer I repainted the roof on our screened porch. In order to do so and not use a ladder (of which I am loathe to do) I accessed the roof through our bedroom window. Being on top of the roof allowed me to see our back yard and the other surrounding yards. It gave me a whole new perspective and an idea of what to do in the design of some of our gardens.

What about you? Are you struggling with a problem or situation or decision? Can you image the opposite of what you want to achieve? What does that look like? How can you reverse those goals to obtain what you really want?

Want of a Nail...

Have you ever had one of those “bedroom moments”? You are getting ready for the day, the radio is on and a story is so intriguing that, although you are ready to go downstairs to leave for the day, you just have to finish the story?

Last Saturday, I had one as I was listening to NPR’s Only a Game . The story was about Scott Hamilton, the skater. He has an unbelievable life story. One of loss, health scares, survival and success. He was a sickly kid, failing to grow which confounded the doctors as to the cause. He lived his early life in and out of various hospitals. No diagnosis and no effective cure. Eventually the doctors told him to go home and be a normal kid.

It was skating that seemed to help- he found his niche and his self-confidence and finally started to gain weight and grow. His mom sacrificed to provide the resources so that he could continue to skate. Skate he did- winning four consecutive world championships and an Olympic gold medal in 1984.

But at the age of eighteen he lost his mother to cancer. Twenty years after that, he himself was diagnosed with testicular cancer. Then later in his fifties, he was diagnosed with craniopharyngyioma- “brain tumors a child is born with that usually show themselves due to a lack of growth and development." As he says, that finally explained his whole childhood.

While there are many different life lessons in his story, what I find so encouraging are his thoughts about his diagnosis. He is grateful that the doctors didn’t discover the tumor when he was little. If they had, he knows that his life would not have turned out as it did.

"Now I look in the mirror and see all the scars from all the different injuries and surgeries and all the other things, and I look at them differently than I thought I would," Scott says. "Normally, you look at scars as, like, disfigurements. And I look like at them as, you know, sort of badges of honor. It's, like, that skin is tougher than it’s ever been. And it will never be hurt the same way it was before."

What an encouragement to hear how someone overcame adverse conditions to survive. He not only has he survived but thrived. He and his wife continually give back to the community in so many ways and he appears to be a man who has found peace, love and joy.

Of course, he has connections that you or I do not. But it is not so much his connections as it is his attitude and we all have access to controlling our attitudes. He could’ve decided that “Life has given me a lot of hard knocks. I have overcome them and I have worked very hard to achieve all that I have. I do not owe a thing to anybody. I am entitled to live however I see fit.” If he thought those thoughts, he pushed through them. He chose to see the bigger picture of his life and in turn was/is able to see that life is more than just about him.

I think of my friend Becky, who has also had an incredible life journey. A journey of “death, divorce and disease.” She could easily say that she has had more than her fair share of disappointment with the way that life has played out for her. Yet, through it all or despite it all, she has given back to so many through her words of encouragement.

“In everything give thanks,” the apostle Paul writes. (1 Thessalonians 5: 18) It does seem to be a strange suggestion. How in the world can one give thanks in the midst of tragedy? Why in the world should one give thanks? Aren’t we entitled to be just a little miffed if things do not go according to plan? When I start feeling that way I need to stop asking, “why?” and rather ask myself “why not?” Why should I be excluded from difficulties? Why do I think I should? Why not me? Why not test my mettle and see if I can handle it?

And it doesn’t have to be the big, life changing issues for which we need to give thanks. I also see ingratitude with the day-to-day challenges of life. There is an old nursery rhyme that warns about paying attention to details. I also think it applies to how we live our lives: we can let our attitudes with the seemingly small annoyances of life overshadow our entire persona. It is the attitude of the interruption to our planned day that can lead to a loss of joy which in turn can lead to a loss of all that God has for us.

For want of a nail the shoe was lost,

For want of a shoe the horse was lost,

For want of a horse the rider was lost,

For want of a rider the battle was lost,

For want of a battle the Kingdom was lost,

And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.

When we pay attention to the “want of a nail” and practice gratitude even in small situations, we begin to develop a “muscle memory” of how to handle gratitude in larger situations. That remembrance can lift us out of self-pity and move us along on our journey.

When, and it generally takes me a little time to do so, I finally move out of self-pity and begin to give thanks, I find that I am more than just a Pollyanna. I am looking at the situation with a longer viewpoint. I can begin to see glimpses of why such and such happened. I even can see the longer viewpoint in the people around me. And I can give thanks to God for His sovereignty.

What about you? What things have you faced recently? Is there any way to see the blessing beyond the pain? Too soon in the process to do so? What about past situations? Can you apply the “want of a nail” to the situation and its outcome?

At the end of the day, I would hope that I am recognized for being faithful in gratitude for both small and large matters.

Click here to listen to Scott Hamilton’s interview. Click here to read Becky’s incredible memoir.

Plan to Dive

A friend of mine shared the expression, “Plan to dive and dive to plan.” This was the motto when in his younger years he was a salvage diver. The idea is that you plan carefully how, where and when you are diving as well as what you are to retrieve, etc. Get all things ready according to that plan. Then, when you are ready to dive, do not deviate from that plan. Stick to it. If so, all who are diving with you know the score, what is the expectation and most likely the outcomes will be favorable. If there is a problem, it can be dealt with in a systematic way since all the other bases are covered.

Sounds easy? Right?

I find that I can be all about the plan but then things happen and I have to accommodate, rearrange and adapt. For the longest time I found that extremely frustrating. However, I have come to realize that by planning/scheduling things, I am in a better position to handle the new accommodations and rearrangements. It allows me to have a little bit of control when things are seemingly out of control. Planning allows me the space to make choices and the capacity to think for myself.

On vacation our son played for us a podcast about personal agency. In essence, the speaker offers some suggestions on how to handle stressors in our lives and become the personal agent for ourselves. (Using the idea of someone who comes alongside and gives advice and direction for someone’s professional life, e.g. sports agent or literary agent) None of the suggestions are groundbreaking but are still noteworthy: surround yourself with positive people; stop multi-tasking; practice healthy behaviors of proper exercise, diet, sleep; manage your emotions; become a life-long learner. The goal is to keep yourself open to making good decisions and being clear minded. (Click here to hear the podcast.) I find that with good planning I can be open and clear-minded for whatever comes my way.

I think too of this past week and the remembrance and revisit of the Apollo moon landing. One of the reasons it was successful was that it was carefully planned and executed. There were some tense minutes when it appeared that there was a computer glitch. Fortunately there were some computer engineers who had prepped for something like that. A couple of weeks before the mission the flight director, Gene Kranz asked that they be prepared for every conceivable computer alarm that might register. They had run every combination of problems and its solutions. So, when there was an issue, they were prepared and (relatively) calm.

What I liked about the the podcast and about my friend’s motto is that, while none of us really has any control over our lives or the lives of others, we still can do what we can to make the best of any given situation.

We may never have to plan a moon landing, but we can plan for what we know or think might be possible. I think that is being wise. Of course, we can be so tied to a plan that we miss the opportunities that mishaps can bring. Yet, I think when we feel comfortable and confident in a plan we can be open to those opportunities.

We all know that glitches will happen. We know that life is not a controlled experiment. Yet, we can be as best prepared so that when things do go awry, we can handle in the best possible way. Maybe even having enough emotional, physical and mental margin to help someone else with their glitches. Isn’t that the true reason for planning- having space to help others because I have given myself that space?

What about you? Are you a planner? Down to the latest details? And all possible combinations of situations? Or are you a fly by the seat of your pants person? Whatever happens, happens? How does either of those situations work for you?

Blinders

Confession time: I do my best work in my pajamas.

Before you wonder what I do, let me explain. As soon as I rise, I am one of those annoying people who are ready to go for the day. I dive in and do whatever tasks are needed. For me, it is if I am getting a jump start on the day. I can quickly get those tasks over with and then be ready to move on to something less arduous for the remainder of my day. I am still in my pajamas, without breakfast, brushing teeth, no contacts in, no morning ablutions. Just out of bed and ready to go. .

So, the other day, per my usual morning ritual, I was outside in my pajamas painting some molding that was needed for completing our screened porch project. Without my contacts in I cannot see too much in the distance. I saw the form of our neighbor on his deck but didn’t worry that he might see me in my night clothes. I realized that without my contacts in, I figured if I cannot see him, he could not see me. Like children when playing hide and seek. Little kids have the tendency that if they shield their eyes, no one else will see them.

Got me thinking…

Do I respond to things only when I see it? Do I have to see to know that someone or something is there? Do I act as if things aren’t there just because I cannot see or witness it?

I think about injustice and treatment of others. I am especially bothered by the racial profiling of non-whites, especially African Americans in our town. I have a friend who has had to have “the talk” with his son. Not THE talk about sex and responsibility but the talk about staying alive and safe when the son will get stopped from law enforcement. Not because the son is doing anything wrong But because he might be walking down the street minding his own business.

It made me so sad that a parent would have to have that conversation and that it is not an if it happens but a when it happens scenario. That was one discussion that we did not have to have with our sons. Sure, I worried when they were teenagers and would go out at night with their friends. I worried that they would be safe while driving or that they would make wise choices about the activities they did with their friends. But I never worried that they would be stopped and frisked by police for no apparent reason. They were always taught that the police were the ones that would help you in times of trouble, not be the ones who would cause trouble for you.

I think of other injustices that I do not see but still occur: slave trafficking, child abuse and neglect, elder abuse and neglect., addictions, prostitution, the list can go on and on… Just the general meanness of one to another.

Am I like the emperor of the Emperor’s New Clothes? Like the emperor I think everything is honky dory but others would point out, “Not so.. There is a problem. Things are not what you think they are..” Am I more than physically blinded, but culturally and spiritually blinded to reality?

What does it take to see well? To see not only those things close to us but those surrounding us?

For me, I need to use corrective lenses. Just because I can only see the first two lines in the eye chart doesn’t mean that the other smaller lines aren’t there. For me to be fully functional, I need physical help in the form of contact lenses or glasses. In situations that occur around me that I am unaware, I need help by gathering more information. By listening, reading, or keeping my eyes, ears and mind open.

I think of the hymn: Open my eyes Lord. Help me to see. Help me to hear. Help me to love.

What about you? Do you go through life with blinders on? Are some things blurry in your life? What do you see or don’t see? Do you see close up? Distance? Or not well at all? How can you get correction?

The thing is, when I work in my pajamas whether I see them or not, others will see me. Just because I can see clearly things closest too me, doesn’t make the distance go away. I am the ignorant one who thinks that isn’t so.

Is It Better Not to Know?

This past Monday there was a news story about genetic testing for babies. There is an underlying question in the report pondering whether the testing is worthwhile: what are the positives and negatives for this scientific advance. Certainly there is the benefit of predicting certain genetic diseases- a person would have counsel to know what he should do or not do in certain situations. It also helps the parents in their prediction of genetic problems. If the baby is susceptible not only would there be guidance for that situation there is a likelihood that the parents or other family members are susceptible too.

The news story made me think about the future for in essence, the testing is not saying that one would actually contract the disease or exhibit the problem but that there is a possibility of it.

So, if you would be told your future, right now, would you want to know?

I don’t know if I would. (This is a big revelation coming from me, the person who is notorious for reading the back of the novel first.) I think that if we knew our future before it organically unfolded, it might be too much for us to handle. Too overwhelming. Possibly too depressing.

I think there is a reason that we cannot predict the future and that there are no guarantees with human existence- just the guarantee of death and taxes as Mark Twain once quipped. I think that God wants us to trust Him with our future- whatever that may be.

If we knew about all the blessings and honor and wonderful things that would be bestowed upon us, would we become insistent and expectant ? Would we feel entitled? Would we be prideful? Would we start believing our own press and that our success (es) are due to us and us alone? Would we enjoy the moments of our lives? The struggles, the relief from the struggles, the accomplishment of having struggled?

Or if we knew that disaster would befall us, would we resist taking risks? Would we be fearful to commit to relationships or to community participation knowing that they may break down some time in the future? Would we be forever a pessimistic people? Lacking hope?

Amy Grant has a song called “Better Not to Know”. It tells the story of a time when she had planted fruit trees on her property with the thought that this would be a good legacy of her inherited money from a grandmother. Unfortunately she sold the property as part of her break up with her first marriage and lost those trees. Years later the new owners called her up to ask if she would like to pick some of the harvest. As she describes it, that fruit was the sweetest she had ever tasted. More than a song about trees taking time to develop, it is a song about appreciating the now and all the ups and downs of life, not worrying about the future and trusting that what will be, will be.

When I think of the conundrum about genetic testing, I don’t know what I would do if that were an option for me and my family. I certainly see the wisdom in knowing a situation and preparing the best for it. Yet I cannot help wonder if too much information can confuse the issue and cause undo anxiety.

The only thing that we ever had to decide on a potential future problem was during the time I was pregnant with our boys- amniocentesis was the current medical advance and an option in some cases. There was a thought that we might have to have it done, if a sonogram showed any concern. (thank goodness, everything presented fine) If we were asked about whether we wanted the testing done, we would’ve said, we will take our chances. We were not going to do anything about the birth- terminate or not- and so we would work with whatever God gave us.

Fortunately, we were blessed with two healthy boys. With today’s medical options, I think if having testing done in order to have, say, in-vitro surgery for a condition, we would have to weigh the options. And I am certainly not equating a scientific method to crystal ball gazing. But to make a decision based on a future possibility- I think I would still take my chances.

Two Bible verses come to mind: Jeremiah 29: 11- “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.” and Matthew 7: 34- “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.”

When I start worrying and thinking about the future, I find those two verses comforting. God knows our plans. He knows our future as He knows everything about us. If we trust Him with those plans, we cannot possibly go wrong. He doesn’t say that the future will be easy and at other times He reminds us that the way is difficult. But, we can rest assured that in trusting the One who spoke creation into being, who conquered death and all our fears and sins and who knows our past, present and future is the approach that gives us peace.

What about you? Do you think it is good to know the future? Are you a big planner? How has that helped or hindered your future? Do you read the end of the novel first?

Is it better to know or not to know?

---

Click here to hear the song: Better Not to Know

We sowed our seeds

Watered with tears

Waiting for signs of growth

Took months of days

And then took years.

We took our steps

We took our falls

Somewhere along the way

We just got lost

And we lost it all.

But nothing ventured, nothing gained

The risk of living is the pain

And what will be will be anyway

Oh, it's better not to know

The way it's gonna go

What will die and what will grow.

Goodbye more than hello

It's better not to know

Those tiny stems became these trees

With dirt and storm

And sun and air to breathe

Like you and me.

And some fell down

And some grew tall

And those surviving twenty winter thaws

Have the sweetest fruit of all.

But innocence and planting day

Are both long gone

So much has changed

And if we had to do it all again

Oh, it's better not to know

The way it's gonna go

What will die and what will grow.

Oh, nothing stays the same

Life flickers like a flame,

As the seasons come and go

Goodbye more than hello

It's better not to know

Is it better, better not to know?

Is it better, (is it better), is it better?

We sowed our seeds

Watered with tears

Oh, it's better not to know

The way it's gonna go

What will die and what will grow.

Oh, nothing stays the same

Life flickers like a flame,

As the seasons come and go

Goodbye more than hello

What comes of what we sow

It's better not to know

It's better not to know

We sowed our seeds

Watered with tears

Lessons From Dale

On a recent visit home, our son was telling us about life lessons he had recently heard on a podcast. On it, the producer reminded the listeners that to be a good conversationalist one has to be willing to learn. One needs to take the posture of listening and thinking to oneself- “What can I learn from this person who is talking?”

First edition, 11th printing (February 1937), Courtesy of Wikipedia

I love this idea. Which of course is nothing new. We should always treat others as if their presence is a gift to us: a gift of time, experience, advice, of being. It is one of the tenants from the still published and still offered courses by Dale Carnegie. HIs signature book was “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” It was first published in 1937 and is still in print. I never read the book nor took any of the courses yet have always been intrigued by that title. In some ways it seems so contrived and calculating: to win friends and intentionally influence others. Yet that is what we do or try to do with one another whether we want to think it happens or not.

According to Wikipedia the book was broken down into different sections: things that the book will do for you (presumably if you pay the money for the course and/or books); fundamental techniques for handling people; ways to make people like you; ways to influence people to the way you think; how to be a leader without giving people offense or feeling of resentment; letters that produce miraculous results (removed in later editions of the book) and ways to make your home life happier (again, removed in subsequent re-printings of the book).

Part of his explanation of making people like you is to take a genuine interest in others and listen to what they say. That does seem cold and calculating and not at all organic. However, the rationale that by listening, we may learn something new is a great posture of humble listening: To recognize value in each interaction with one another and that in that interaction, someone may teach us something new.

The thing that I have noticed lately is the lack of one another really listening. (I include myself with this.) There is no longer the art of conversation but rather joint monologues. I think of the “play dates” for two-year-olds. At that age, there is not interactive play- just side by side individual play. Our conversations are like that. One person will speak and another will speak either over top of that person or interrupt or continue on a totally different wavelength and/or topic. Very rarely is there a conversation where the conversational ball gets tossed back and forth with the addition of new and interesting information being shared. It is almost as if everyone has a limited time to get his/her point across about any topic and so conversations become this quick exchange of “my” information.

I do think that the time factor is part of the problem. Our days are jam packed with transactions: running here and there, trying to accomplish whatever we deem important. We don’t get a chance to really speak to the people we know and love in our lives nor much less listen to the peripheral people that we bump shoulders with- the customers in the grocery store, at the gas pump, folks who are walking down the street, and in some cases the people living next door to us.

Just yesterday I was able to truly listen to a stranger and it was only due to the fact that I had some extra time. My friend and I had gone grocery shopping together and as my order was smaller, I was finished sooner than she. In one aisle I encountered a gentleman who was having a little trouble seeing the items on the shelves and so I made a brief comment to help him out. This led to a ten minute discussion where the man told me some of his life story.

The whole time I was with him because I was thinking of my son’s comment about his podcast, I consciously thought, “Be present with him. Really listen and recognize the gift that he has brought to your day.” It was a wonderful discussion. Now in all honesty, I didn’t learn any encyclopedic knowledge but I did get a taste of what I have been thinking and writing about. Plus the chore of going to the store didn’t seem so burdensome. After this encounter I began wondering, What next? Whom will I meet at the next place? I was prepared to keep my eyes and ears opened.

What about you? What are your interactions with people like? Are they strictly transactional? Do you listen? Could you repeat back what you have been told? Do you know the eye color of the person who just spoke to you? I realized that many times I see people with out truly seeing them.

In my encounter at the grocery store, I intentionally wanted to connect and so I saw him and his interesting pale almost amber/brown eyes. Of course, in this day and age we need to be smart. You don’t want to have the reputation of the creepy starer in the neighborhood or being accused of longingly looking at a person when all you are doing is trying to look them in the eye. But I know for myself I need to be more intentional in my listening skills and part of that requires me to zero in on the face of the speaker.

I do not know how much I win friends or influence people and that is really not my intent. I think the beauty of the lessons is to connect with others and build community. When we have an understanding community, we will win friends and influence others for the betterment of society.

Creative Pursuits

What are you doing this summer?

Seems like a question that I have been asked of late. It seemed that when we were young and on the school calendar mode, it was easy to break down our year into seasons: summer break, fall school start, Christmas break, winter semester, spring/Easter break, spring semester… It was easy to set goals and schedules: piano lessons, choir practice, soccer, field hockey, swimming, school play/musical, etc… Even the course work was scheduled for specific times: driver’s ed happened in the spring, “family planning” or any of the health classes occurred in the spring, local history was taught in the fall, etc.

So, when we ask each other what we are doing in the summer, I think there is a little of our preprogrammed schedules in our heads. “Visit family, hang out at the pool, go to camp, visit the beach, travel to Europe”….

I always think that the summer is a good time to pursue some type of creative or craft project. Guess I am reminded of my annual packing of my “craft box” to our summer house. I had a box that contained my bits and bobs: brick-a-brack, styrofoam forms, needlepoint, glitter, acrylic and water color paints, pastels, etc. You name the project, and I probably had the appropriate material stuffed into that box. One time my brother in exasperation for it taking up room in the car said, “Are you going to bring that **** box again?!” I always fancied myself as an “artiste”- hiking along the marsh edges, portable easel, paints and wearing an old smock and straw hat. In reality, I probably, only once, brought a small sketch book and pencils bought from the local 5 & 10 to sit at the edge of the jetty and left within minutes of getting thoroughly soaked by a wave.

This summer, I still have a hankering for something creative. I have scratched that itch (slightly) by making new pillows for our deck and screened porch. What I like is when I can “use up” some other material that I already have in the house. Such was the case with the pillows: I covered existing pillows with left over material from having re-covered our dining room chairs (that material was a painter’s drop cloth!) and used up some of my acrylic fabric paints by painting scallops shells on them (or my attempt at a scallop rendition). I also covered existing pillows with coordinating ribbon and used some starfish from a former wreath.

It may not be decorator’s choice but I like it.

What about you? Did you like arts and crafts as a kid? Did you do it at camp? What have you always wanted to learn? To knit? Crochet? Paint? Sculpt? Design a garden? Take design classes? Baking classes? Cooking classes? Woodworking?

Just because we are not formally in school or camp doesn’t mean that we cannot learn and try new creative pursuits. Maybe get some friends together and share the expense for a lesson or two. Or, have a sharing session where someone shares his/her skills with the group. Check out pintrist and youtube videos for ideas.

While the craft box has been dismantled and redistributed, I might still pull out my sketch book. I have also been thinking about making some new needlepoint eyeglass cases. Perhaps resurrect my old Kenya bag and add new rope handles? The list can go on….

I wanted to use up an existing pillow (tan) but wanted to tie it into my “beachy” theme so I found navy ribbon and used up an old starfish from a dismantled wreath.

You Can't Make This Stuff Up

For some summer fun I thought I would list all the advertisements, slogans, posters, signs that I have seen recently that have made me chuckle:

“I drive smart. Driver’s Ed taught by cops.” (Obviously not the grammar police.)

Secular Student Alliance (Noted at a public university. But isn’t that the whole student population?)

Donald J. Trump reading glasses- (Does one need glasses to read 144 characters?)

We have the highest trained mechanics. (Noted in the state that has approved medical marijuana.)

Eat here. Get Gas. (It all depends on the order of things…)

Beware of dog and children. (seen just yesterday on the gate of a residential home)

Handicapped parking in the middle of a field…

Handicapped parking noted behind a tennis court, set in a far field at a local high school. How one is supposed to get there?

What about you? What have you seen on your travels- either to work, play or vacation? Anything that strikes you as funny? Anything that you have seen time and time again, but you may have passed by? Try looking at your surroundings with an eye for the ridiculous, ironic or just plain silly.

1%

We have seen both our grown sons in the last couple of weeks. Quite a feat as they are busy young men. It is interesting their respective personalities- some things are similar to each other and us and some are not.

Both boys are pretty organized with their lives, not just the logistical organization of home and scheduling, but the organization of learning, growing, self-improvement. While they both are very active, they seemed to have a good balance on work/life.

Our one son is probably a little more scheduled than his brother. He has set timers on his computer to remind him of the different tasks in the morning. “workout”; “breakfast”, “shower”. Mh first thought is “oh no. a schedule?” (For as organized as I am and as often as I write a schedule, I find that I am too much of a free spirit to actually stick to a schedule.)

But for him the schedule gives him freedom: he doesn’t feel rushed or overwhelmed. He has wiggle room in his schedule so he is prepared for interruptions. I liken it to Financial Peace University. One of the goals of having financial peace is that one doesn’t have the extra stress of unpaid bills and worry over money. There is a freedom in knowing that things are generally covered and their is a freedom to have wiggle room and be financially generous.

As we were talking through a current scheduling dilemma I am in, he suggested- “1% Mom. Just do 1% or one thing extra each day. The idea is to slowly build into change.”

Out of the mouths of babes.

I have been saying this for YEARS and while I have practiced it before, in my overwhelming state of a packed to-do list of responsibilities, I had forgotten. I liked having someone else give me “permission” to break out of my norm and try something new.

So, I give you permission to break out of your norm or rut or whatever place you feel stuck. Try 1 %. Just one thing extra or different each day. It might be a small change to a bigger goal or it might be just something new you want to try.

I am giving it a try. For this week so far (as I write this it is three days in- not a routine yet), I have been able to stick to a small change in my schedule: write my journal pages first thing in the morning. And I have noticed that some of the other routines I have wanted to do are falling into place as well: daily yoga stretch, three hours of concentrated writing. Once again, when we prime the pump for change, it starts a flow of other change.

What about you? Where are you stuck in your life? What can you do to unstick? What would be your 1%?

False Weight

Are you carrying around false weight? Not necessarily poundage that has somehow been added to your middle or the weight that doesn’t match your driver’s license description, but the false weight of an unbalanced life? Do you feel that you are leaning too much in one direction- work, family, housework, care-giving? Do you ever feel that life is toppling around you or that you are listing to one side?

It seems as if my entire life has been about balance. One of my favorite verses as a young child was “A false balance is an abomination to the Lord, but a just weight is His delight.” (Proverbs 11:1) While this Hebrew wise man may have been referring to actual weights and scales (the practice of adding a little more weight to the side of the merchant), I always felt this verse could be applied to other false weights.

Even then I was interested and tried to discover a balance in my life: how to juggle all my activities-school, hobbies, social, extra-curricular, etc. As a young person it was almost a game to see how much I could pack into a day and how much responsibility I could manage. I would falsely tell myself (in the words of Mr. Incredible), “I have time.” I have time to go from one thing to another and to say yes to one more thing. Unfortunately most of my memories are of the process of rushing from one activity to another, feeling that inner crazed agitation and not truly enjoying the moment. I do not think God wants us to live our lives in that manner. He wants us to be free of anxiety, stress, and frustration. He wants us to have joy in what we do.

As an adult, I have tried many things to remedy the rushing, non-joyful situations that my off-balance lifestyle creates. I do not want to feel unbalanced: toppling under the weight of over-commitment. Periodically I will review my obligations list. I say no to things more times than I say yes. Yet still, I feel that my days are out of control and that I am scrambling to keep up.

It occurred to me that it is more than just a rearrangement of my schedule (although that is certainly something that I should do). I definitely need clarity of vision as I assess this weight of obligation. I was reminded in my yoga workouts that balance occurs with the pull of opposite and opposing forces. One stretches and reaches upward as one settles, pushes and grounds one’s feet to the floor.

There has to be tension in balance.

I think for so long I was trying to strike some type of life balance without experiencing any tension. I thought that the tension of rushing and deadlines was creating the unbalance: If I eliminate the rushing and deadlines that tension would be released and then I would feel balanced.

But that doesn’t work. It is like when we had to replace strings on our ukulele. Once you take off the old string, you have re-thread the new by starting with the bridge, attaching the string and the working your way up to the headstock and eventually wrapping the string around a tuning peg. Once the string is in place, you can begin tuning the ukulele by tightening the string to the correct pitch. The string has to have enough tension so that the note can be heard. Too little and it is just flaccid- no recognizable sound can be distinguished when it is plucked. Too taut and the pitch is extremely high- no recognizable note and the string can easily snap. A correct tension provides the right note for the string.

While we can hear and see the correct tension for the ukulele’s string, how do we hear and see the correct tension in our own lives? I feel that this is something with which I will always struggle. How do we have just enough tension in our lives so that we are not too taut, or too flaccid, or too heavy on one-side or the other? Most importantly, how do we keep things balanced so that we do not snap and break?

I think that some of our tension is directly opposite in a binary tension and other types of tension are triangular.- three areas that need to be in concert with one another.

Some (of my random) Thoughts on Keeping a Healthy Tension:

• Equal amounts of things that need to be done against things that you want to do- tension of the reality of one’s responsibility and the potential for future endeavors.

• More positive thoughts than negative- tighten and focus more on affirmations (truth) over condemnations (lies). We talked about it before, keep the balance of three positive thoughts to outweigh one negative.

• Work and Play- that which we do to give to others (profession, vocation, volunteering) and that which we do to give to ourselves (recharge).

• Eat, Sleep, Move- the three foundations for good health. All work in concert of each other.

• Family, Friends, Faith- the tension of spending time in relationships- reaching out to others, reaching up towards God and reaching inside oneself- all to build healthy relationships and understanding. It is the upward and outward focus that helps keep things in perspective for me.

• Mind, Body and Spirit- If you don’t think that all three need to be balanced with each other- see how long it takes for one area to be problematic (e.g. minor illness like a cold) before the other areas are having difficulty (e.g. hard to think clearly with a cold).

• Embrace the things you have to do. Don’t fight the responsibilities. While things might seem heavily concentrated in one situation (in the throws of child care; elder care; big work project) most things do come to an end. The children grow up, the elderly parent passes away, the project gets completed. When I remember the long game, I keep things in perspective and don’t feel the weight of responsibilities so much. I also remember God’s faithfulness and mercy towards me in past situations and rely and trust in Him for my current predicaments. I remind myself: Enjoy the whole experience. Some day when it is over and if I am truly honest about the whole experience, I will miss even the difficult parts.

What about you? Are you carrying around false weight? What do you do to stay balanced in your life? Do you experience any tension? What does that look like?

The other thing that I have noticed about balance- the more I do it, the easier it becomes.

What is in a name?

Perhaps you heard the news? Merideth, a media conglomerate sold Sports Illustrated (which they acquired from Time Warner in 2018) for $110 Billion to Authentic Brands Group. The new company is not interested in the magazine for any literary or informational purposes. Rather, Authentic Brands is only interested in the intellectual properties of the magazine: branding, marketing and interest that the name Sports Illustrated promotes. [As I write that sentence it makes me smile- “intellectual” properties from the magazine that became well known for its annual swimsuit edition. Obviously people bought SI for the articles.] As it was reported on NPR, “Authentic Brands also controls the rights to a wide array of brands, including such pop cultural figures as Marilyn Monroe and Elvis Presley; such sports figures as Julius Erving and Shaquille O'Neill; and such fashion lines as Juicy Couture.”

In essence the company exists and promotes, not any substance or content or character but rather how people feel about the name: Marilyn Monroe, Elvis Presley, Shaquille O”Neill, Juicy Couture, etc. In a world where appearances are everything, it is no surprise. It is all about shallow thinking-how do I feel rather than what does this person’s character say and represent?

Yet, in looking into the idea of “branding” I came across some interesting tidbits. Branding has its origins in livestock branding- putting a mark on one’s sheep to denote ownership. Eventually it became a guide for quality as well as ownership. In the ancient world, brands or seals were used to describe quality of ceramics, textiles, food. Partly, as a necessity to the illiterate society, a brand contained pictures of the item and the manufacturer. The idea that a consistent representation would let the consumer know the quality and consistency of the product. So, it is no surprise that the over the last thousand years, brands have morphed into brand identification, awareness and loyalty. Brands consist of four types of meaning: attributes; benefits; values and personality. The way it is described, the brand has taken over the person. Which is certainly the case in what the Authentic Brand Group has done with the various actors and sports figures it acquired. Having purchased one’s name, the group can use it for anything they want. Personally, I would find that upsetting.

Just recently I was in my favorite art gallery (actually, to clarify it is the only art gallery that I have ever patronized) to see about my favorite artist (The ninety-six-year old artist who painted my “Petunia in an Onion Patch” painting.) I chatted with the gallery owner and she gave me an update on the health of Vivian Oswell. She saw paint on the back of my hands and asked if I was a painter too?

“Well, I actually am house painting at the moment..” I said, “But years ago I did paint some primitive type items and sold them in a small shop in town. I am sure that the purchasers have given those items to a Goodwill somewhere.”

That prompted her to tell me about another local artist who would peruse the paper for estate, garage and yard sales. He would go around and repurchase his work- especially if it had not been properly cared for, example the print was fading, etc. He did not want people to see a half done work or ones that did not show his craft in the optimum light. When she mentioned his name, I recalled that we had a print of one of his paintings that I got at a local thrift shop. I purchased the picture, not necessarily for the print but for the frame. However, I did use the print in another frame and have it hanging in our bathroom. She showed me his work hanging in the gallery and I found the original of my print.



What I found interesting was that for this artist, his name on the picture meant everything to him. It was more than just what the picture represented, it was the representative quality of his work, his integrity and in essence, his character. Yes, his work is a “brand” but it was so much more than that to him and to those who admire his work. For him, if his work was sullied, so too would he be sullied. He could not separate his “brand” with what and who he was.

What about you? What is your brand? Is it separate from the essence of who you are? How do you go about keeping your character, your integrity or your name? Have you ever lost your “brand”? How do you go about getting it back? Can you?

I was reminded of the Proverb (22:1) “A good name is more desirable than riches.” When you think about it, our name is all we have. Our character, integrity and essence are the only things that can transcend time and are certainly the things people remember about us.

What’s in your name?

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Bucket Learning List

Recently I heard someone speak about her “bucket learning list”. I think by now, the term bucket list is pretty much universally used to describe those activities or experiences that one wants to do during one’s lifetime.

What I like about this new expression is the emphasis on learning. What subjects do you want to learn in your lifetime? I have found that when I think about it, the list continues to grow and grow. If I give myself permission and if I had enough resources and time, my learning appetite is insatiable.

I think I would want to thoroughly learn about all educational subjects: Literature from all countries (e.g. English Lit, French Lit, South American Lit, Russian Lit. etc.); History- especially the interconnectedness of the events happening simultaneous throughout the world, Fine Arts- music and art history, appreciation, as well as the mechanics of painting and performing music, Latin, Greek and Hebrew (to be able to read the Bible in its original form), Romantic Languages (although my track record is not so hot), Astronomy…

In addition I would want to learn how to do basic carpentry, master gardening, the proper way to use cooking knives and chopping techniques, science/chemical reactions of cooking, salsa dancing lessons, interior design…

This is just a partial list that I compiled in two minutes.

What about you? What would be on your bucket learning list? How would you go about learning that information? Do you need to find more information about the educational opportunities in your community? Do you have friends who are “experts” in a specific field? Could you meet and trade information? What does your local community college offer? Parks and Recreation counsel? Local library? If attending classes are not in the budget, what about systematically going through the subject books in your local library? (for instance, all the biographies on all the United States Presidents.) Or, systematically go through YouTube videos on a subject. As you start looking at information, intentionally look at opinions or information from opposite viewpoints.

One of the greatest gifts that God has given us is the gift of curiosity and learning. If these things do not come naturally to you, cultivate it- start by looking at your world as if seeing it for the first time. You will be amazed at what you learn and see.

The Greeks have said, “to marvel is the beginning of knowledge and where we cease to marvel we may be in danger of ceasing to know.” ( E.H. Gombrich, Art and Illusion)

Fill that bucket by marveling at all the things you can learn.