One of our dearest friends is dying and there is nothing anybody can do about it. For the last couple years of his life, he has been dealt a double blow: an aggressive inoperative cancer on top of an already progressive debilitating disease which has left him in sound mind but weakened body. Once an athlete with quickness and agility, his body has failed him in even the simplest tasks.

The conversation has long ago moved away from the questions of why, why me and what medical interventions can be taken, to the acknowledgment that death is inevitable. The question now becomes- How does one die well? A question that most of us do not like to think about, but the reality is that from the moment we are conceived, we are on the trajectory towards death. We live in mortal and frail bodies.

Throughout this whole journey, my husband and I have admired our friend and the way he has faced his fate: with grace, kindness, humility, humor and love. He has every right to be focused only on himself, yet whether he has friends, family or caregivers in his room, he, the consummate host and gentleman, will inquire how the other is doing and want to talk about the other person rather than himself. Sure, he has his moments of grouchiness, sarcasm and unpleasantness (who doesn’t even in the best of circumstances), yet he still is caring for others in the limited capacity that he can.

All his life, our friend has demonstrated living with a servant leader heart. He is ready to help anyone in need. Many years ago, we served together on the Deacons, a helping ministry committee at our church. I was always in awe of how he would lean into difficult situations and get right in the middle of helping. He wasn’t concerned about procedure or forms or any administrative items. It didn’t phase him if the person had mental or physical health issues. He just wanted to get to the heart of the matter and help.

He has always taken people at face value. No judgement. I remember one time he and his wife and my husband and I went away for the weekend. As our habit when getting together, we always settle into deep conversations (lubricated by some fine single malt). I cannot remember the exact topic we were discussing but I remember him saying, “I don’t see things the way you folks do.” Perhaps it was his baseball background. It didn’t matter from where one came, what one looked like or what were one’s connections, if you could play ball then you were in. Same with life. If you were living and you had problems (and who doesn’t), then you were “in”, according to his philosophy. For him, every person is in God’s image and therefore deserves respect and love.

He is a good listener. Even if he didn’t agree with you or appreciate the same thing that you liked or enjoyed, he would still engage you in conversation and ask questions about the topic. If you are interested in something, he would want to know about it, because he appreciates the development of relationships through communication over anything else.

Our friend has shown me the answer to dying well. One does so by living well. And our dear friend is doing that. He is dying as he lived his life: thinking of others, building relationships and community, being generous of time, talent and treasure, glorifying God by his attitude and thoughts, enjoying the present and all that encompasses and by focusing on what he can do rather than what he cannot.

So today, happy birthday buddy. For what is birth but our beginning of consciousness to know God and make Him known to others. You dear friend, have shown that to us in so many ways. While your birthday years on earth may be dwindling, the best is yet to come. See you on the other side.