It's the Little Things...

Graduation season is upon us.  This year we will have a graduate from graduate school. Funny, the more schooling one gets, the less hoopla around the accomplishment.  I think of all the kindergarten graduates with the too cute, too big caps and gowns, too expensive "professional" photographs.  For our grad school son, he doesn't even want to attend the commencement services.  One reason- their finishing up dates don't correspond to the dates of the undergraduates and he will still be having finals, etc. during the commencement exercises.  And two (the real reason), he knows how long and drawn out these events are.  The only way he would attend is if his brother would attend in the audience.  [A typical sibling tit-for-tat: the current graduate "suffered" through his brother's college graduation while his brother could not attend the current graduate's, undergraduate service.  His brother's school was small enough to read everyone's (undergraduate, graduate and doctoral candidates) name as he/she walked across the stage but large enough for the service to take hours in a sub-zero freezing arena.]

One of the best commencement speeches I have heard was given by Admiral William McRaven, ninth commander of the Special Operations Command to the University of Texas class of 2014. He had some simple but universals truths to impart.  His big advice to the class of 2014: 

Make your bed every morning. 

It seems like a little thing.  It seems like something an adult who is tired of seeing his children's unmade beds might say but there is more to it than that.  

Making one's bed, every day gives one a sense of accomplishment.  You start off the day with something already done and it doesn't take much effort to do.  When you feel that you have accomplished something, it is easier to continue getting things done. 

It reminds me of a friend's discussion we had long ago.  She was saying that, besides the education and information that you might learn, getting a college degree is another one of those, "Yup, whatever else happens in my life, I have accomplished something."  One might never "use" the degree per se but it still impacts a person on what they do and how they feel for the rest of their lives.  In 2016 The College Board released a comprehensive report regarding the benefits of a college education.  There are more benefits than just economic gain: life satisfaction, healthier behavior, civic involvement, and voting to name a few. 

I am reminded of stories of successful individuals who go back to college and finish their degree.  Not because they need the degree for potential income, but rather for a sense of accomplishment: Steven Spielberg- Bachelor's Cal State Long Beach in 2001, Shaquille O'Neal- Bachelor's Louisville State in 2000, Oprah Winfrey- Bachelor's Tennessee State in 1987,  Mayim Bialik- Bachelor's in 2000 and PhD in 2007, James Franco- list is too long of his educational accomplishments, Natalie Portman- Bachelor's Harvard 2003. 

It reminds me too the practice of physical discipline, i.e. regular exercise tends to help one in the realm of emotional, mental or spiritual discipline.  Actually, any discipline helps in discipline in other areas.  One can make the claim that "If I can run for a couple of miles, two times a week, I can certainly accomplish my goal of completing the house project.  And if I can accomplish the goal of the house project, I can discipline myself to not eat too many desserts each week.  And if...."  The discipline trickles down to so many other things.

It all starts with making one's bed in the morning.

What about you?  What is one thing that you accomplish each day?  How does that make you feel? Do you have unfulfilled goals?  What little discipline can you do that might trickle into another little discipline? 

Below are the take-aways from Admiral McCraven's speech: 

• Start each day with a task completed. 
• Find someone to help you through life. 
• Respect everyone.
• Know that life is not fair and that you will fail often.
• But if take you take some risks, step up when the times are toughest, face down the bullies, lift up the downtrodden and never, ever give up — if you do these things, then the next generation and the generations that follow will live in a world far better than the one we have today.

Click here to hear the entire speech. 

Ash Wednesday

In the Christian tradition, Ash Wednesday starts the beginning of forty days before Easter (not counting Sundays). It is a time of remembrance and repentance; self-denial, moderation, fasting, and the forsaking of sinful activities and habits.  It is during this time we are called to remember our sin and prepare for the coming Christ.  The ashes (burnt ashes from the previous year's palms from Palm Sunday) are placed on the forehead, "Remember you are dust and to dust shall you return." in the sign of a cross. (Reminder of the redeemed future with God through Christ.)

I’ve always liked the time divisions in the Christian calendar.  Whether you are a Christian or not, there is something manageable about the forty days.   It is enough time to accomplish something but short enough time to offer variety.

It seems as if forty days are a good chunk of time to accomplish something.  I notice this every time I get my hair cut.  My hairdresser always makes sure that I schedule my next hair cut before I leave the one I am having.  I go every eight weeks.  Many times as I leave I think, “Oh, by then I hope to have accomplished thus and such...”  Sometimes I hit the mark.  Other times I need to reevaluate.  Regardless, I feel that the time is doable.  I don’t get overwhelmed. 

Traditionally  the time of Lent (Ash Wednesday- Maundy Thursday) is usually a time of giving up and sacrifice as a symbol of Christ’s sacrifice for us.  The sacrifice is usually one of tangible pleasure- certain foods or activities. 

But what about a sacrifice of time?  Giving up your time in one activity in order to take time for another activity?  For the secular world, forty days is a doable amount to sustain a new habit. What new habits do you want in your life?  Can you commit to practicing it over the next forty days? 

Suggestions:

• Giving up looking at Facebook in order to visit with a friend- a relational habit
• Giving up running out to “pick up something to eat” (which always takes longer than you think) in order to plan menus for sit down dinners at home- a healthy eating and financial habit
• Giving up watching Netflix for reading a book suggested from a book club-an intellectual habit
• Giving up watching the news on television in order to listen to a different news source on the internet/radio-an intellectual habit
• Giving up your personal gym time for scheduled walking with a friend-a relational and financial habit

What about you?  How do you treat the Lenten season?  Do you give up or take on something for Lent?  Have you ever thought about forty days as a good chunk of time to try something new? 

Discipline

How disciplined are you?  Is it a mindset?  Do you delay doing something (e.g. watching TV or reading a book) until something else is done (e.g. kitchen straightened or homework completed)? Are you regimented in your lifestyle?  For example, on Monday, Wednesday, Friday do you always work out in the morning? 

According to merriam-webster.com one of the definitions for discipline: "to train (yourself) to do something by controlling your behavior".

I read two articles recently that got me thinking about discipline.  The first was about the Dominican Republic boxer, Adonis Peguero and the other was about the longitudinal "marshmallow" study. 

Adonis Peguero is the son of Haitian migrants living in the Dominican Republic.  Life for his family and neighbors is quite hard. There is difficulty in finding jobs since the sugar cane plantations have closed.  Growing up, Peguero was quite of a hot-head, "I just couldn’t control myself or my anger. It made me very aggressive." A neighbor introduced him to boxing and to a whole different mindset. " "He told us that boxing wasn’t really a sport. It was an art," Peguero says. "He told us that in order to be a good boxer, you first had to be a person of good character. A person of quality, who can control his anger and his fear."  The big thing is that Peguero found discipline which led him to concentrate on his goal of being successful in boxing.  That discipline gave him more than physical success through boxing: discipline has given him direction and purpose.

The marshmallow study is the classic psychological study looking at preschoolers and if and how long they would wait until they ate a marshmallow.  The child is placed in a room with only a table, chair and a plate with one marshmallow in front of him/her.  The researcher tells the child that if he/she waits and doesn't eat the marshmallow, when she returns she will give the child a second marshmallow.  So by waiting they can double their culinary delight.  The researcher leaves the room and the child is videotaped as he/she sits.

The videos are priceless. Click here to see

In looking at some of the subjects many years later they noticed that those children who demonstrated delayed gratification- waited to eat the marshmallow- had less body mass, scored higher SAT scores, had a better ability to plan and to handle stress.  In general they were better with self-control and will power.  Of course there are many factors that influence whether a child would wait or not.  (If a child never had an adult follow through with what he/she said, then the child would probably eat the marshmallow and not wait.) And the study's point is not to show that it is predetermined by a marshmallow whether a person can delay gratification.  There are also studies that show that the children could wait after they had received strategies on how to distract themselves.  The children were told to imagine the marshmallow as a cloud or pillow, and to think of the reward (two marshmallows) they would receive by just waiting a small amount of time. 

There are times when I need to revisit my attitude towards discipline and self-control.  I think I am relatively a disciplined person but at times I am not.  When I find myself doing the same thing over and over, not accomplishing anything and then feeling self-loath because I am not progressing towards a goal, I need to step back and reevaluate my discipline practices:  What am I trying to achieve?   What is the bigger picture?  Do I need to focus on a smaller goal in order to get back on track?  Where have I had success with discipline in the past?  What were the strategies that I used?  Can I apply any of those in my current situation? 

Are there things that cause you to be stuck?  Does lack of self-control derail you in your day to day life?  Would a better focus help you with any outcome?   

What about you?  Are you disciplined?