Happy New Year

You’ve probably heard of “Christmas in July” but how about “New Year’s in July”?

I heard an interesting interview on the Canadian Broadcast Company radio. A professor from one of the universities was talking about just that- celebrating New Year’s in July. July 1st is Canada Day and the professor being interviewed suggested that July 1 is a good day to restart any resolutions or goals. His point was that most people have New Year’s resolutions but January 1st puts too much pressure on people. He notes that January 1st is too close to the holidays-one is usually exhausted, there may be financial pressure from overspending, the weather isn’t conducive to being outside and working on any physical goals, and in general, goals started at the beginning of the year usually do not last more than a week or two. Plus, there is an addition of guilt- either feeling one has to have a goal or guilt when stopping the goal.

Anecdotally that is probably true. While there are those individuals who are extremely goal oriented and might succeed in their goals, for the rest of us, not so much.

I’ve been thinking about projects and items I want to accomplish this summer and this year. I have mentioned this before about my lists. Theses lists are ones that I transfer from week to week, month to month and sadly, even year to year.

I’ve been thinking about why I put off some of these items. Especially when I do care about accomplishing them. For if I get a chance to work on even a part of the list, I feel so much better. So why don’t I, as they say in the Nike world, just do it. I have friends and family who are in a similar situation: things that they want to do or accomplish but just cannot seem to get it done.

The goal management people would say: break it down into doable chunks; make it realistic; set a timeline; even give yourself a break occasionally. And I will try that. I’ll even have a “schedule” to implement my small goals.

But then something else comes up and those goals go out the window.

The thing is, I am disciplined. Just like my family and friends are and, I suspect, are you. We accomplish tasks (while they may not be written goals) like regularly fixing meals, caring for our daily personal hygiene, tending to our homes, our families, or showing up to work.

What about you? Are you a disciplined person? Do you have goals for yourself? Have you achieved them? What stands in your way?

According to Forbes online: “Goals are sophisticated procrastination disguised as productivity and progress. You spend time creating the perfect objective, starting the work, then hoping motivation carries you through. It rarely does. According to the University of Scranton, 92% of people fail to achieve their New Year's goals. The better approach is creating systems. Daily actions tied to identity over outcomes.” (Jodie Cook, Why 92% of People Fail to Achieve Their Goals. forbes.com. June 27, 2025)

The Forbes article makes me think of the book, Atomic Habits- tiny habits that build on one another and over time, can make big changes. Yet still, even doing that, I still can’t seem to “just do it” on certain goals.

So I’ve been thinking about the different reasons that thwart my accomplishments specifically. Perhaps these are universal to all? I am wondering if the bottom line to these reasons might be fear?

1) “Savior” complex. I do try to put others’ needs before mine but it seems as if every time I embark on one of my goals- inevitably something- another person’s situation pulls me away. Most often it is a legitimate need that needs addressing. Do I do this because of some deep “savior” complex or reverse pride of appearing to be humble and servant-like? Or am I afraid others won’t like or love me if I do not help with the need?

2) Fear of accomplishment. What would happen if I actually completed those goals? There are a couple of goals that I don’t even begin because I am afraid that I could fail in my attempt to achieve them. But what would happen if I succeeded? Recently I watched the documentary on Netflix about Martin Short. He would say that his career was made up of 98% failure. He just kept going.

3) Letting go. Some goals require letting go. Exchanging what is known for the unknown. What would be the worst scenario of that goal. Worried that which you gave away would one day be needed? But when that time came would you still be the same person who would want the old situation, relationship or item? The thing is, the unknown may be even better than the known.

4) Physical change. Aging? Medical changes? Health improvements? Do I have to adapt to a new “normal”? There is always the chance of being hurt or uncomfortable before a positive occurs.

I found this interesting TED talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5J6jAC6XxAI (A word of caution- In the first couple of minutes of the talk, the speaker mentions his attempt to take his life when he was a young man. That is not the point of the talk, but rather it was a wake-up call for him.)The speaker draws upon lessons from Stoicism. His goal plan is actually a three-page “fear” plan. Starting with the worst case scenario, he helps you figure out that which you can control and that which you can’t.

Page 1: He starts with asking, “What if I ….?” Under three columns you will make a list:

• Column 1: What are the worst things that can happen if I take this next step/action or accomplish this goal? List 10-20 items.

• Column 2 : What can I do to prevent or decrease this from happening? Next to each item in column 1, write a corresponding prevention or decrease action.

• Column 3: If this happens (column 1 item) what repair can I do or whom can I ask for help? List those corresponding things. As he points out, most likely you are not the first person in the world to have whatever situation or item you listed occur. There are others who have experience and possible advice.

Page 2: What benefits will occur if I complete or even attempt this goal of “What if I ….?”

Page 3: (Which I thought was a very interesting exercise) What will this cost me if I do not do this plan? If I stay with the status quo? Think about emotionally, physically, financially, etc.

• Write the answer out in terms of staying in the “status quo” mode for 6 months, 12 months, and 3 years. What is the cost?

As I struggle with this, I cannot help but think of the Apostle Paul and his words, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” (Romans 7:15 NIV). Me too. I hate writing the same goals year after year. It is time for a change in the approach.

I think as I round the midway of 2026, I will write out my “fear” plan. Perhaps I can tackle the real motivation behind what I do and not do. My prayer for you and myself is that we might accomplish the goals and activities for 2026 that are in our hearts and minds. Happy New Year.

One Goal

The other day I heard an educator speaking about what parents can do this summer in light of the COVID-19 home “schooling”. She suggested that parents along with their children determine one goal that the child would achieve over the summer. It needs to be age appropriate, doable and achievable. The thought that having a goal (or perhaps more- but do them one at a time) is good for building structure into children’s lives.

I was thinking that having one goal this summer might be good for adults as well. And if we have any young people in our lives perhaps have the goal together: read a book together and discuss via facetime, zoom or the old fashion way- letter writing; take an online class together; design a memory book- share stories and pictures from your childhood. The possibilities are endless. The goals might be practical or might be things you always wanted to learn to do. In learning a new skill, focus on one aspect of it. For example, if learning how to sew, plan on making decorative bedroom pillows as a way to learn stitching.

Some suggestions of goals for children and adults:

• Learn a language or at least some basic phrases (high achieving- at least it is for me!).

• Read one book a week or any other determined number.

• Learn to cook a favorite meal, bake cookies, or properly chop and use of kitchen tools.

• Learn to ride a bike or a new swim stroke.

• Learn how to write a letter. (how to address the envelope, salutation, etc.)

• Learn how to balance a check book, make a budget.

• Learn how to sew or any other handiwork: knit, crochet, needlepoint.

• Learn a new-to-you board game. Try “Go”, allegedly the oldest board game, mahjong, chess, cribbage, backgammon.

• Plant a garden: raise some type of vegetable, fruit or flowers.

• Take an artist challenge. Click here for a fun- 21 day artist challenge.

• Explore the world through video- whole host of vignettes for adults and children on Viking cruise website. Click here.

• Take an electronic sabbatical ala Bill Gates for a week- “unplug” from emails, screen time, etc.

• For the overachievers, our son introduced us to these amazing youtube videos of a gentleman who does everything by hand. His channel is a “cooking” channel, but the food aspect is nothing compared to his preparation for the meal. For instance, there is a cooked fish video which is all about his making a waterproof hat (splitting the bamboo and weaving it) in order to sit in the rain to catch the fish. Click here to watch him build a stone grill.

What about you? What things would you like to explore this summer? What can you do together with your family or friends?

One goal. One summer

Review

I have been reviewing and looking over my past posts with the intention of pulling together thematic ideas for a book. The thought is to try and  "work smarter" by using ideas I have already begun to explore and flesh out.  But, I have a tendency to not look back on my work.  Once created, any work is once and done.  

Through this review I am noticing duplicate themes: not only that, but also duplicate exact topics.  I am either passionate about a certain subject (which can be true) or I am a very slow learner (alas, which can also be true).  I know that what I wrote was in earnest about what I was feeling and experiencing at the time. 

By the repetition of my ramblings, it seems as if I haven't learned anything yet.  I thought that I was moving forward in my quest for becoming more of the person God has made me to be.  I thought that I had improved or completed some of my personal and professional goals.  

Apparently not. 

I am reminded of the quote by George Santayana: "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." 

I am also reminded of the idea that  keeping one's eye on the past is like driving a car by looking in the rear view mirror.  It won't take too long before you hit something. (mangled version of a statement by Rick Warren)

What are we supposed to do?  Never look back?  Always look back?   Resign ourselves to circular travel? 

Once again (as I have previously written) it all comes down to balance.  Balancing the remembrance of the past with the expectation and hope for the future. Having just celebrated Easter, I am reminded of the nature of people.   Holy week is divided almost mid-week by the Last Supper which was the celebration of the Passover meal.  Every time Christians celebrate communion or eucharist or the new covenant they are also (maybe not so noticeably) remembering the old covenant of the Passover.  It is in looking forward to the unhindered relationship with God that we reflect on where we have been.  We remember our state of dis-grace so that we can appreciate and enjoy our new state of grace. 

What about you?  Have you ever looked at the things which worried you in the past?   If you would review your Christmas letters or past journals, would you find that you are writing about the same things?  Are the topics the same- year in and year out?  Do you feel that you are in a rut?  Are you stuck in doing the same ole, same ole?  Or are you the rolling stone gathering no moss as you keep moving forward? Are you the shark mentality- keep moving or you can perish? Either way, are you happy with that situation?   What can you do about it? 

I think reflection is good, both as individuals and as a society.  It keeps us accountable.  We have responsibilities for our actions and the remembrance of the past keeps us in check not to repeat detrimental action (or so we hope). 

Refection also helps to understand new situations as they arise.  Sometimes we may be in a quandary how to respond to the new predicament and we need the context of what has gone on before. We need to view the new through the lens, and possibly the actions of the old in order to accomplish our current and future goals. 

In visiting the Nantucket Whaling museum some years ago, they had a display of old fashioned hand tools that the sailers used to carve up the whale once they harpooned and killed it.  The tools were designed to get the most out of the carcass.  The docent remarked that a few months prior to our visit a beached whale had died on the shore.  They needed to clear the beach and wanted to remove sections of the whale for scientific study.  None of the modern tools could accomplish what they wanted.  They had to come to the museum and borrow some of the display tools.  It was only through using the past could the present be helped.

I think in order to keep the balance, we do need to remember the past.  To remember and learn from it. 

However we cannot be heavy laden with that side of the balance.  We need to reflect on what is on that side of the scale and move forward, learning what we should and shouldn’t do. 

One thing that was eye opening in looking over past posts was that I could see growth and stagnation.  It has helped inform my decision of my life choices for the couple of months.  I am realizing that some of the things I haven't completed yet, need to get done.  No more mucking about. 

I think that is one of the blessings in keeping a journal.  One can look back to see answered prayers, concerns, joys, cries of the heart.  The  blog has become a journal of sorts.  I notice what I have commented upon and the date and it is a good remembrance of things done.

If you don't, I would encourage you to keep a journal.  Try it.  It doesn't have to be a lengthy epistle, just lists of what you are thinking would suffice.  It would be interesting if you could keep it for at least a year so that you can go back and see what has happened in a year's time- your thoughts and reflections.  If the journal is too daunting, why not jot a view things down each day on your calendar?  Perhaps three words to describe your day?  Three things for which you are grateful?  Or have as a goal?  

If you don't journal, do you have some record, demarcation or milestones of your past?  Do you reflect on them?  If so, does that inform how you go forward? 

Fall Bucket List

The other day I heard a radio announcer speaking to his co-host about making a fall bucket list. 

I was intrigued even though I feel that the term "bucket list" has become a cliche.

From what I have gleaned, the term "the bucket list" was coined from the 2007 movie starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson of the same name.  The movie tells of the exploits of the two men as they complete tasks and experiences that they wanted to do before they die.  

The bucket list from the movie derives from the slang expression "to kick the bucket" meaning to die. There are many explanations for that expression:  

That expression may have derived from the Middle Ages and the method of execution by having a person stand on a bucket while a noose was put around the neck. The bucket was then kicked out from under the person and then subsequently hanged. 

It also could be from the Catholic tradition of sprinkling the deceased with holy water that was kept in a bucket by the body.  Friends and family would pay their respects and sprinkle water on the body.  

Another idea is that it is a childhood game of moving balls around randomly placed buckets.  If you touched a ball to a bucket you lost and would have to sit out the remainder of the game.

It may have come from a West African word, "kek(e)rebo" meaning to die.

There is some thought that it refers to a Latin poem where the just milked goat kicks the bucket of fresh milk.  In the poem it is an omen of death to come. 

However the original expression came about, the bucket list idea is that one completes a goal or activity before ones dies.  It is generally something that one has always wanted to do but for whatever reason hasn't done it.  It may be because of time, finances, or lack of courage. The bucket list items gives one permission to complete it regardless of societal norms and behaviors.

What I like about the idea of a seasonal bucket list is that we are identifying items that we want to do in the moment.  These are generally smaller, and I would argue more doable, goals.   The process of doing one thing might lead to doing more. 

What is one thing would you want to accomplish during the next three months?  Is it something you have always wanted to do?  Is it something that every fall, you say, "I want to do such and such.."  And every spring you say, "I never did do such and such..."

Put it on your calendar.  Plan for it.  If you have to do more research on how to accomplish it, put those research questions on your calendar.   You might want to form a new habit: at the beginning of each season, plan for one seasonal activity that you will do.

This fall I want to take advantage of the "free fall" activities in our town.  Every October, there are free shows and exhibits at local museums, theaters, and concert halls.   I need to look online and find what is available and then plan on going. 

You might not have on your fall list to climb Mt. Everest, but you might want to take a hike in the woods.  Whatever your plan, work towards it. Who knows, you might actually do all the things you wanted to do.

Vacation Post Mortem

As part of the post mortem of my  vacation, I am working on some of the lessons observed/learned. Namely I need and want to get organized both professionally and personally.  I want to start the month of August feeling organized, somewhat in control and ready for action.  I always imagine my life like swimming:  I want to feel that I am on top of the waves, able to withstand changes in the current intensity or wave height and feel that I am moving forward toward a destination.  I don't want to feel that I am being pulled under by the current of excessive things or unrealistically tight schedules and the struggle that I am always trying to keep my head above water. 

I just finished going through my office- culling out my book shelves and files. I found two boxes of filled journal pages. Some of the journals go back to elementary, junior high  and high school.  As I glanced through them and reread some entries, it was a good exercise of reflection.  For one, if there was any doubt about my desire to write, I know now that I was itching to write from the time I was younger.  

The thing that really struck me was that I have not really changed since junior and high school.  I have pretty much the same views about life and the same fundamental principles.  I have always felt that I was an old soul when I was younger.  In reading through the journals I realized, I was.

But the thing that really grabbed me was that I have not really changed since junior and high school.  So many of the same things that I struggle with today, I struggled with back then.  Have I not learned and retained anything?!!  

On one hand it is very distressing, disappointing and discouraging.  Many of my struggles are in the refrain of wanting to do something significant.  After all these decades haven't I done one smidgen of something significant?  And then I wonder why do I put such weight on trying to accomplish that?  Shouldn't I have a wiser and more mature view of life?

Perhaps I am looking at the question incorrectly.  As with all reflection it involves one's self.  I am looking at things that involve and that are controlled by me. Perhaps I need to ask if I learned anything in my faith journey?  To ask if I listened and was obedient to God throughout those decades?  On that front I have tried, but I still am a slow learner.  Certainly if it takes me many decades to "get it", I am in good company. Most of the individuals in the Bible took a while to "get it". 

Even so, I realize that it is time to get my act together.   I am tired of half done goals, thoughts but no action on self-improvement and the same lament year after year.  I am ready to finish or  forget it and move on to something else.  Either way, I do not want to look back in another four decades and see that I still am writing about the same old complaints, anxieties and issues. 

What about you?  Have you ever traveled back in time via old journals or papers?  What had you noticed about your former self and your current one?  Have you ever set out with improvement goals and met them?   How did that make your feel?  If not, do you want to?  How would you go about it?

I keep imagining what it would look like if I dedicated the next year to finishing the things that I have focused on for all these years.  What would it look like if  I actually did make changes that I think need to happen? 

The thing with a post mortem it explains the cause of death or literally "after death".   There is no reviving the body and getting a do over.  How fortunate we are that in reflecting on the past and moving towards the present, we are able to put an end to all the angst over unfulfilled goals and dreams and move on to other things in life.  

Discipline

How disciplined are you?  Is it a mindset?  Do you delay doing something (e.g. watching TV or reading a book) until something else is done (e.g. kitchen straightened or homework completed)? Are you regimented in your lifestyle?  For example, on Monday, Wednesday, Friday do you always work out in the morning? 

According to merriam-webster.com one of the definitions for discipline: "to train (yourself) to do something by controlling your behavior".

I read two articles recently that got me thinking about discipline.  The first was about the Dominican Republic boxer, Adonis Peguero and the other was about the longitudinal "marshmallow" study. 

Adonis Peguero is the son of Haitian migrants living in the Dominican Republic.  Life for his family and neighbors is quite hard. There is difficulty in finding jobs since the sugar cane plantations have closed.  Growing up, Peguero was quite of a hot-head, "I just couldn’t control myself or my anger. It made me very aggressive." A neighbor introduced him to boxing and to a whole different mindset. " "He told us that boxing wasn’t really a sport. It was an art," Peguero says. "He told us that in order to be a good boxer, you first had to be a person of good character. A person of quality, who can control his anger and his fear."  The big thing is that Peguero found discipline which led him to concentrate on his goal of being successful in boxing.  That discipline gave him more than physical success through boxing: discipline has given him direction and purpose.

The marshmallow study is the classic psychological study looking at preschoolers and if and how long they would wait until they ate a marshmallow.  The child is placed in a room with only a table, chair and a plate with one marshmallow in front of him/her.  The researcher tells the child that if he/she waits and doesn't eat the marshmallow, when she returns she will give the child a second marshmallow.  So by waiting they can double their culinary delight.  The researcher leaves the room and the child is videotaped as he/she sits.

The videos are priceless. Click here to see

In looking at some of the subjects many years later they noticed that those children who demonstrated delayed gratification- waited to eat the marshmallow- had less body mass, scored higher SAT scores, had a better ability to plan and to handle stress.  In general they were better with self-control and will power.  Of course there are many factors that influence whether a child would wait or not.  (If a child never had an adult follow through with what he/she said, then the child would probably eat the marshmallow and not wait.) And the study's point is not to show that it is predetermined by a marshmallow whether a person can delay gratification.  There are also studies that show that the children could wait after they had received strategies on how to distract themselves.  The children were told to imagine the marshmallow as a cloud or pillow, and to think of the reward (two marshmallows) they would receive by just waiting a small amount of time. 

There are times when I need to revisit my attitude towards discipline and self-control.  I think I am relatively a disciplined person but at times I am not.  When I find myself doing the same thing over and over, not accomplishing anything and then feeling self-loath because I am not progressing towards a goal, I need to step back and reevaluate my discipline practices:  What am I trying to achieve?   What is the bigger picture?  Do I need to focus on a smaller goal in order to get back on track?  Where have I had success with discipline in the past?  What were the strategies that I used?  Can I apply any of those in my current situation? 

Are there things that cause you to be stuck?  Does lack of self-control derail you in your day to day life?  Would a better focus help you with any outcome?   

What about you?  Are you disciplined? 

Labor Day Musings

Rosie the Riveter Poster. ( I think the caption on this poster is an odd choice but it was the only poster of Rosie- the symbol of labor- displayed on the DOL website)  www.dol.gov/general/laborday/history-rosie

According to the Department of Labor website, first Labor Day celebration was held on September 5, 1882 in NYC to celebrate the "creator of so much of the nation's strength, freedom, and leadership — the American worker."  Over the years other municipalities followed suit and had Labor Day celebrations.  It was finally in 1894 that Congress passed an act declaring the first Monday of September as a legal holiday. 

It seems to me that Labor Day is generally seen as the unofficial end of summer.  The focus is usually on picnics, family gatherings, and one final hurrah before the "real work" of fall begins.  In the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries each municipality would have a Labor Day parade usually followed by a picnic complete with games and sports for the children and adults.   I don't know of any towns in our area that do that now. 

Summer isn't officially over until the autumnal equinox (September 22) but as the day after, it does seem as if the climate has already changed and we are already into fall.  All those who were out of town during various summer vacations have returned: The adults are noted by the sights and sounds of honking (and gestures) of speeding cars.  The college students are noted by the sights and sounds of large packs of students walking to and from class (and parties). The neighborhood children are noted by the sights and sounds of games (and arguments) playing on the street.  The silent sanctuary that we enjoyed during the summer has been shattered. 

And that is okay.

The summer is a wonderful opportunity for impromptu gatherings, spontaneous trips and a laid back attitude. I think it is important to treat the summer time as if one is on holiday- to have a relaxed schedule. But as with too much of even a good thing, it gets old. By the time Labor Day rolls around, I am ready for a change. I am looking forward to a schedule and routine. 

Fall is my favorite time of year. Coming on the heels of summer and all the restoration that summer (hopefully) has brought, it seems as if it is the best time for being productive, creative and open to new possibilities.  I wonder if that is why the original celebrations were chosen in September?   As much as the labor unions wanted to celebrate the workers, it was a good rallying cry to gear up the workers for the last quarter of the year. 

Each fall, I regroup and rewrite my goals for the year.  It is an appropriate time to reflect on what I thought might be accomplished and to realistically revise what I can.  Usually I look at that list and what I haven't completed.  In honor of the original intent of labor day, I think this year I will reflect on what has been accomplished so far this year.  I don't know about you, but I can be pretty hard on myself- in all that I do and say professionally and personally.   I can give others lots of slack, grace and compassion but for myself- forget it. 

In celebrating the American worker, the creators of Labor Day were also giving the workers a full day to rest from their labors. I think one of our modern problems is that we never let our minds rest. We feel that we have to continually keep moving, keep innovating, keep working harder in order to keep up. Of course, no one really knows the true definition of "keeping up". In honor of the original intent of labor day, I am also going to (try) truly rest from my labors or at least for one day.

What about you?  As you move into the fall season, have you had a chance to rest from your labors?  Have you celebrated your accomplishments?  Whether that is through your job, your home, your social interactions, or your family?  Just showing up and being present might be accomplishment enough. Or knowing when no response was the best response in an emotionally charged "discussion". 

This week  take some time for Labor Day.  Celebrate all that you have done so far in 2016. And then, give yourself permission to rest from your labors.

Changing Habits

In Sunday's New York Times Magazine there was an interesting article about habits.  There is a study published in the Frontiers in Human Neuroscience journal suggesting that it might be better to give up your bad habits all at once rather than one a time.  The subjects were college students.  Half were left to continue their lifestyle practice while the other half were subjected to a strict regiment of exercise, mindfulness, stress reduction techniques and lectures regarding sleep habits and nutrition.  After six weeks the students subjected to the lifestyle overhaul reported feeling happier and calmer, they were fitter and more flexible and brain scans indicated that they were more focused.  Following the students for another six weeks but not doing any intervention, showed that those who had the initial lifestyle overhaul were still functioning better even though they were not required to demonstrate any of the new changes.

There are many questions to this study- Is the sample size (N=31) significant to infer any generalizations? How can you control for everything when dealing with active college students (dormitory arrangements, financial stress for cost (working while attending), social relationships (dating), type of course work?  However, it does initiate an interesting dialogue. 

My experience in coaching others is that it is more sustainable to work on one thing at a time and to let that one thing become the norm so that there are less items on which to work. Kind of like laying down layers of a good habit foundation.  When a new habit is formed, developed and ingrained in one's lifestyle practice it then becomes harder to default back to the old ways. When multiple habits change at the same time, I would suggest that they are not as deeply rooted into someone's psyche and consequently would be easier to uproot. If stressors affect a person's life, the habits that are still in the seedling stage can easily be trampled. 

I think this study does raise the point that when one changes one habit it does impact another. I have heard other coaches say that when they notice someone getting their finances in order, their weight also seems to be managed better and visa versa.  The correlation among habits stems from the fact that once we decide to work on a habit, we are committing to a process of discipline.  Part of the word discipline means: "the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior.."  As in many things in life, once we see how one type of behavior is effective, we can transpose that process into other areas. 

What about you?  Have you ever learned new behavior or practiced a different lifestyle habit?  What did that look like?  Did you change by one behavior at a time or did you totally revamp your lifestyle?  If you have always wanted to change some unhealthy habits, what do you think you could do to achieve that?  Do you need more information on the best way to go about the change?  Do you first need to name and recognize the problem?  Do you need more discipline in your life?  

Ways to incorporate change into your life:

1) Evaluate how things are currently going for you.  On a scale of 1-10 (best), how would your rate your total wellness (body, mind, spirit)?

2) Identify the areas that are lower on the scale or the ones on which you want to work.

3) Set a goal for yourself.  Break that goal down into smaller doable parts. If it takes a couple of smaller goals to add up to the bigger one, so much the better.  I would certainly advise that if one was trying to lose weight (one of the most frequently stated goals for people).  It would be better to say that you wanted to lose 10 pounds in a year (approximately 1 pound a month) and keep it off for that year than to say you want to lose 5 pounds by the summer time. 

4) Find an "accountability" partner- someone who can encourage you to get back on track when you might have those stressors chipping away at your newly developing habit. 

5) Reevaluate your habit.  Once it is incorporated into your lifestyle, revisit and give yourself pats on your back for learning and sticking to something new.  Recognizing what you have accomplished in the past can help encourage you to work on some other type of habit in the future. 

(One thing that I am working on is learning  that I do not have to kill myself trying to get things done in one day.  For example, I used to almost physically cripple myself in getting our gardens mulched and cleaned for the season. I would scurry around pulling weeds, edging sides and throwing mulch down that I would never enjoy the chore much less the beauty of the garden.   It was something that needed to get done so that I could move on to something else.  Plus I would complain bitterly.

My goal is to learn to enjoy the process, the garden and to just work on it in little chunks of time.  For some that would be a no brainer, but for me, to put away the garden tools and leave the garden with items still to be done, was and is, a big learning curve.  Feeling that I had to have it "finished" was stressing me to the point that every time I would look at our backyard I would get anxious.  

So, I am giving myself only an hour or two to work on the yard and then giving myself permission to walk away until the next time.  I have reframed gardening as a process and an activity rather than a once and done project.  By doing so I am enjoying myself and the garden as it unfolds.  And, my son knows that I am trying to do smaller chunks of time in the garden and so reminds me that it is time to stop.  I am hopeful that my new habit is going to stick and that I can practice this "continuation of activity" in other areas: no longer will I have to wear myself out in trying to get everything done at once.) 

Wishful Thinking

This year, we spent a lovely New Year's Eve with dear friends:  the food delectable and the conversation engaging.  After midnight our host suggested that we share our thoughts from 2015 and our plans for 2016. We were tasked to answer three questions:  For what are you most grateful from 2015? What do you wish for yourself in 2016?  What do you wish for others in 2016?

It was interesting to hear the replies.  In some ways, we know each other pretty well so the answers were not surprising, yet everyone had specific personal items reflecting their individuality. The thing that struck me was that the question of wishes for ourselves and others was not mutually exclusive or at least not by the answers of our friends.  

What we desire most for ourselves is what would help others.  Not that we are such self-less people. Rather, I think that it speaks to the paradox of  in losing our lives, (or death to our selfish selves), we find life (authentic living). 

It really is a balance.  I know some people who err on the side of doing so much for so many that they have lost their lives.  They are burnt out and have become shells of a person.  But with examination of their choices, it appears that they are not completely selfless. Their constant helping has become a pride thing.  It is not about helping others but more about adding another notch in the "isn't he so busy and selfless, I don't know how he does it" belt. 

For those who err on the side of self-absorption there is no room to help others.  These are the people who are really a bore.  I just finished reading an Alexander McCall Smith book.  In it he portrays a quite accurate, character study of a self-absorbed person.  This character was so enamored with his looks and behavior.  While he did provide a good foil and laugh, as can be expected, he was not the protagonist nor was he likable. 

When we are asked about what is one thing for ourselves in the new year, I would hope it is with self growth and development in mind. We do so, not for the sole purpose of our own adulation.  Our growth should aide us in our role for others and what we feel called to do.

In some ways it is like the old song, "let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me."  How we respond in life should encourage others to respond likewise.  Our personal goals should align with our hopes and dreams for others.  Any change in the world needs to start with change and improvement in ourselves. 

How would you answer those questions?  For what are you grateful for 2015?  What would you like for yourself in 2016?  What would you like for others in 2016?

Welcome 2016

Welcome to my new space.  As I wrote in my previous post (SEE ARCHIVED POSTS) I love this  transitional time of a new year.  Something about the opportunity of a blank page in the new year fills me with hope for accomplishing my goals.   Although for all this heightened awareness of accomplishments brought about by the new year,  I still need daily reminders of what I am truly trying to accomplish.

Sitting on my desk are three beach stones.  It reminds me of the Steve Covey anecdote:  Imagine you have some pebbles, some sand, some water, some large stones and a jar.  In what order do you fill the jar so all are included?  Some might suggest putting in the sand first or the water first.  The only way to include everything without any spillage is to fill the jar with the big stones first and then add in descending size order.  The point being in order to accomplish all that you want to do (e.g. to include all the items in the jar) one must put in the big stones first and then all the rest.

My three stones are there as a reminder of what is important to me: faith, family, friends.  It reminds me that I need to cultivate my faith and my relationships every day.  Sometimes I definitely need the reminder.  I might be so busy with beginning my day that I forget to do my Bible reading.  Or, I become so self-absorbed that I forget about my family and friends.

As I write out my 2016 goals, I do so with my three stones in mind.  I have many specific smaller goals but I review them in light of what is truly important to me.

For example, this year I want to see my siblings and their families more.  My husband and I are in a life stage where we can travel more. As is probably true of most families, my parents are the ones who keep the siblings together with information being past back and forth of each other's activities.  I have realized that I need to build better relationships to prepare for the time when my parents won't be able to be the conduit of information.

As you might be reflecting on your goals for 2016 I would encourage you to think of the three stones of your life:  what are the three things that are the most important to you?  Once you determine them use them as a template for all your other goals. You may have written out your one big goal for the year and your smaller monthly ones. What Are You Doing New Year's? Archived Post 

You may find that you really have only one big stone in your life.  That is fine.  For some reason, I am always thinking in three's. Whatever amount of  "stones" you have they are not to replace or confuse your goal.  Rather they are to be used as a daily reminder of what is important to you.  

So often we can be distracted.  Keep the main thing, the main thing.  Or to quote a scene from City Slickers, a '90s film in which Billy Crystal portrays Mitch a man going through a mid-life crisis.  He and his buddies decide to participate in a dude ranch/cattle drive. Jack Palance portrays Curly, the crusty, wise cowboy who offers guidance and advice along the way.

Curly: Do you know what the secret of life is?
[holds up one finger]
Curly: This.
Mitch: Your finger?
Curly: One thing. Just one thing. You stick to that and the rest don't mean shit.
Mitch: But, what is the "one thing?"
Curly: [smiles] That's what *you* have to find out.

What are your three stones (or one stone)?  What is important to you for 2016?  Can you name it?  How will you remember them?  What would be a good token or marker for you to remember them each day?