Clarity

There is a classic story about Mother Teresa and ethicist John Kavanaugh. Kavanaugh was questioning his future and was spending time with Mother Teresa in Calcutta. At one point he asked her to pray for him that he might achieve clarity in his decision.

“That I will not do,” she told him.

“I don’t understand. Why not?” he asked.

She smiled and said, “Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of. I pray that you will have trust.”

Kavanaugh responded to her that he assumed she had always had clarity; that she always had known what she was supposed to be doing. To which Mother Teresa responded that she never had clarity; that all she had was trust.

Wow. One of the most dedicated persons to a life-long purpose and she never felt clear about her future. She could continue only because she believed in Someone who was reliable, good, honest and had her ultimate best in His hands. In other words, she trusted God.

I have been thinking a lot about that story recently. We are going through decisions in our family that at first blush seem to need clarity. But when I think about it- clarity is really for my own personal benefit of control. Clarity means that I can figure out what I am meant to do. Clarity means that I understand.

Rather, trust puts the sole business of who is in control into God’s hands, into the One who is reliable, good, honest and true.

Clarity: the quality of being easily understood; the quality of being expressed, remembered, understood, etc., in a very exact way; the quality of being easily seen or heard.

Trust: belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc.

Abraham and his Sarah* tried to take future matters into their own hands especially when it seemed as if God wasn’t too clear about their future. Early on their life’s journey God had promised land for “all their offspring”. Just because they were getting up in years and didn’t have any children was no reason for them to doubt God, but doubt they did. Abraham tried saving his hide (really, you cannot have offspring if you are dead) by pawning off Sarah as his sister when they moved to Egypt. That choice of mistaken identity didn’t provide any clarity for the future. It just muddled the relationship with Pharaoh.

Later, Sarah decided that since this future “offspring” wasn’t happening any time soon between her and Abraham, she would have her female servant Haggai sleep with Abraham instead and that offspring would suffice. Unfortunately that offspring, Ishmael, complicated matters for that generation and beyond, muddling even today’s relationships between Jews and Muslims.

It wasn’t until Abraham took his journey up the mountain to sacrifice Isaac that we see it is not about clarity but trust. Abraham had no idea what God was going to do but he followed God’s direction. The instructions were clear yet they didn’t provide much in way of explanation: sacrifice your son on the mountain. As an only child, miraculously given to elderly parents who had only one shot fulfilling the “as many as the stars” progeny, it would have been reasonable for Abraham to ask God for a little clarity over the mission about sacrificing his son Isaac. Instead, Abraham trudged up the mountain and when little Isaac asks him where the sacrificial lamb was, Abraham responds that God will provide. Abraham had to trust that God was going to provide for him in that moment -either giving Abraham the strength to sacrifice his only son and provide another plan for a multitude of offspring or do something else. God did provide with the something else- a ram stuck in the thicket.

What about you? Have you ever prayed for clarity in a situation? What happened? Have you trusted in God regarding a situation? What happened? Did you ever see the unfolded whole picture? Or were things revealed slowly? What was your “something else”?

The interesting thing is that when I look back and think of the times that I prayed for clarity, they almost always required that I have some trust as I moved forward. Much time and energy was spent over trying to achieve clarity. If I had just started out with trust in the beginning, I would’ve been in such a better place.

Much as I would like to achieve clarity in some of these future decisions, I am willing to go with trust instead.

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* At this point of Abraham and Sarah’s story, they are originally called Abram and Sarai. It was too confusing to use two different names for my retelling. (Reminds me of Russian literature- Why does Dostoevsky have to have names and nicknames for the same characters?) However, God renames them Abraham and Sarah when He gives them the covenant. Interestingly that happens before Abraham’s trust journey up the mountain. Abram didn’t have to “prove” his loyalty or obedience to be renamed, Abraham. Gives me comfort to know that I don’t have to prove to God my obedience before He has a relationship with me. He has already reached out and is waiting for me to trust Him. Of course, after I begin a relationship I want to trust God and align my plan and purpose with His plan.

GPS

The other week I was returning home from our beach place. I had decided to stop by our son’s apartment and drop off some items to him. Curbside drop off/ pick up if you will.

While his apartment is not too far off the highway, it usually takes a while due to heavy traffic congestion in the Metropolitan NY area. Not so last week. There were hardly any cars on the road and so my trip was quite uneventful.

Except that the GPS gave me different directions to go. I guess the GPS determines the fastest route. In this case the GPS instructed me to go through the Lincoln Tunnel. Usually I avoid that at all costs: stop and go traffic, potential for rear-endings, pressure of cars going every which way on the city streets and having to quickly navigate turns. In the past there was no way I would go through NYC during the middle of the day. But, it really is the shortest route and without all the cars, the quickest. So I thought, now is the time to see how quick it would be.

The thing with the GPS, it only gives one direction at a time. For example, “turn right in 200 feet…” For a person who likes to see the big and overall picture, it can be a little unnerving. Usually if someone else is in the car, I will ask, “How many exits before ours? How many streets until the next turn?” I can ask for alternative suggestions, “What’s the traffic like- can we can turn down this side street to avoid that traffic light?” I just do not want to be caught unprepared.

With no one else in the car except for the GPS, I had to trust the direction it was giving me. I couldn’t look beyond the few turns that I had to make. Either I trusted the information I received or I went “off map” and risked the possibility of getting incredibly lost- losing time and potentially money (if I crossed the Hudson a couple of times).

What a timely reminder to me about trust in these days of uncertainty.

The Bible says, ”Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. God gives us directions on how to traverse. His words are the guidance on how to step and where to go. Because the words in the Bible are from a living God, they are true and applicable today as they were when first uttered.

If you have ever used a lamp, candle or flashlight to get around in the dark, you may have noticed that if you are using it to illuminate your steps, you can only see so far in front of you. You have to take one step at a time and concentrate on those steps. You can wave the flashlight in front of you to see ahead but usually that doesn’t provide any guidance and can potentially trip you up as there is no light for the immediate next steps.

We have little solar lights on the side of our outside steps leading from one area of the backyard to another. They only illuminate the steps and not any other larger swath of garden. It is just enough to see in front of me by a couple of steps. But if the solar charger is blocked- by either plant overgrowth, cloudy day or faulty battery, I do not get any appreciable light. It all depends on the source (strong sunlight and rechargeable batteries) for the power.

As we travel through life, we have to be discerning about who is guiding us, what is being told us, where it is leading, how we are to proceed and why we choose to go the way we go.

I have decided to be guided by God, His promptings, leadings and His plan and purpose for my journey. I trust (and obey) the path that God has laid. I cannot get too focused on the future, wondering or worrying about what lies ahead. I need to stay focused on my immediate steps. And while I may wonder about the condition of the path at times (too bumpy, rugged or hard) I know that if I stay on His path, I will be headed in the right direction.

It is when I decide to go “off-track” is when I have difficulty. When I decide that I do not need a guide or any guidance about my life is when I find myself wasting time and resources, similarly to my not wanting to listen to the GPS.

In being guided on my life journey by God through the Bible and prayer, I also need to take care that I do not allow my light source to be overshadowed by something that will block that guidance. How easy it is for the time constraints of life to envelope my daily Bible reading or prayer time, much like the Bishop’s week ground cover is creeping over my solar lights. For my lights to work effectively, I need to be vigilant and prune around the lights. So too, in my spiritual life, I may find that there are times when I have to scale back on activities that do not allow me enough time to keep plugged to the source.

It is a daily decision and struggle to stay plugged to the source, to not look too far ahead and to trust that each step and turn is where God is leading.

What about you? Where do you receive your life’s guidance and direction? What/Who is your life’s GPS?

Day 7: Words and Pictures: Faith

Faith. What is faith? Do you have it? What does your faith look like? Is your faith in the government? Faith in health care? Faith in science? Faith in God? Faith in your fellow human? Faith in yourself? Is it growing? Is it faltering?

Faith’s definition: “1) complete trust or confidence in someone or something. 2) strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof.” It comes from Anglo-French feid, from Latin fidēs: trust, confidence.

Faith seems to be a state of mind rather than a position of action. I can have faith that the chair will hold me up but not until I sit in it and physically experience that it will not collapse under my weight, can I be sure and have complete confidence.

With all that we, both individually and as a people, have experienced thus far of the corona virus is a test of our faith. Do we have complete confidence in someone or something? Do we base our faith on spiritual apprehension- understanding or grasp- rather than proof?

Some days I feel that I have the strength to carry the world and at other times, I don’t have enough faith to get out of bed. Where I draw comfort is through the words of Jesus- he reminds his followers that all we need is faith the size of a mustard seed. When asked by his disciples, to increase their faith, the Lord answered, “If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you.” [Luke 17: 5,6]

A mustard seed is quite small. It is hard to believe that it would amount to anything, yet the mustard tree can grow to about 20 feet. It can germinate quickly. And it has so many properties- can be used for medicine, food, tools, etc. All of those analogies comfort me. They remind me that I do not have to begin on a faith journey with large expectations or plans- wondering about the overall goal or specific plans. I do not even have to worry about the growing conditions. I just have to be willing to put my small seed of faith into the fertile soil of the master gardner.

For me having faith is not so much in an idea or object or human but rather in a being- the divine. If I put whatever size faith I have into the one who has created the world, ideas, objects, people, then I can be assured that it will not be shaken.

And while trust is the action to the idea of faith, faith has to come first. Sometimes we have faith because we have seen the faith of others. Sometimes we have faith because we remember the past and the way things have worked out. And sometimes, we just have to jump right in. The “leap of faith”. There isn’t time to verify. Sometimes there is no rational explanation but just like falling in love, you know that without a shadow of doubt, He is worthy of our

In these times of crisis, I need to remember that all it takes is having faith as small as a mustard seed to get through it.

What about you? How is your faith? Needing to be cultivated? Growing? Spreading?

Tonight my Jewish friends will be celebrating Passover. A time of remembrance of the faithfulness of God.

One-Eyed Dog

Our sweet male dog is going blind. He has no vision in his right eye due to glaucoma. It was a relatively fast progression- no indication that there was difficulty until one day, his right eye seemed swollen and blood shot. On examination the vet diagnosed glaucoma. He now has the pressure in his eye checked periodically and receives eye drops each day. Interestingly the eye drops are the same that people use for glaucoma. When I asked the vet where I was to get his prescription she said, “ your local pharmacy.” The first time I had to send in a Rx and then pick it up for the dog I was ready for them to ask for his birthdate and ID.

Since losing his vision, I have noticed that Marley is a little more tentative in coming when he is called. Not that “Mr Obedient” was super attentive in that category. He also has run into door jams and other areas where he is missing some depth perception. And he can miss dropped food even when it is pointed out to him.

Sometimes I wonder about the lessons I see with him and my spiritual life.

I certainly am hesitant to be obedient to God’s call. There are things that I know that I should do and that I don’t and things that I do that I shouldn’t. While it doesn’t excuse my behavior, I am in good company. The apostle Paul said much the same, “I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.“ (Romans 7:15; New Living Translation)

I think it comes down to trust and control. While in my head I may know that the God of creation, the God who made my inner-most being has the very best for me in mind, I still am hesitant to trust and believe that He really knows what He is doing. I still think I need to be the one calling the shots. As in the case of Marley and his disobedience, at best, he can miss out on receiving rewards because of his hesitancy and at worst, it could lead to injury or death if he doesn’t listen promptly.

There is an old hymn, “Trust and obey. For there’s no other way, to be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey.” At our Tuesday night Bible study we were discussing the word, “submission: the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.” It is a word that isn’t very popular, but as one of our ladies pointed out, submitting to another’s authority causes that other to be responsible for the “submittee”. In essence, it lightens the submittee’s responsibility and provides some freedom for the one who is submitting. That can bring about a lightness to our burden of life.

I have no depth perception when it comes to the big picture. Just like Marley, I can get tripped up by things right in front of me: perceived injustices, misunderstandings, frustrations, delays, perceived barriers. All the things that limited vision cause. I can easily become focused on me and my needs and forget those around me. When we are “looking in the mirror” it is easy to stumble and run into things. We need to listen to the Master for guidance as we walk through this journey of life. The old hymn, “Be Thou My Vision” captures the image of us fully relying on God for our perceptions: “Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart, Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art, Thou my best Thought, by day or by night, Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.”

And I can certainly miss opportunities even when God directly points them out to me. When God is specific in His direction for me (which can be in the form of universal truths through His word or through His Holy nudges) I will look every where else before going in the correct direction. Much like Marley and his sniffing in every direction around the morsel of food. He might sniff the shoe molding a foot in each direction before he comes back to the spot where the dropped food is located. There is a lot of backtracking.

If I listened to God initially, not only would I be able to discover what He has in store for me, but I might even get a second opportunity for something else. When He has a lesson for me to be learned, if I miss this first opportunity, He will keep providing other scenarios for me to learn that specific lesson. In essence, I cannot “move on”. My delaying hampers my growth. My choice.

Kind of like the parable of the king inviting his people to attend a feast. Many had other opportunities and excuses- “I have bought a field and need to go and see it; I have bought oxen and need to look them over, I am just married and cannot come.” (Luke 14: 15-24) So the king ordered his servants to go out to the street and invite anyone they saw- the poor, maimed, blind and lame. The king was going to have his banquet. Those who missed it, missed it. Once an opportunity is missed, it is missed. God’s purpose will be done whether I am joining Him or not.

What about you? What lessons have you learned from your dog? Your cat? Your pets? Where are you on the spectrum of obedience? What is impeding your listening to God’s call? Are you blind to what God is showing you? How can you improve your vision? Is it a matter of “thy will be done”? Or, do you need to “see” what He is showing? Is that through reading His word? Praying to Him? Seeking spiritual guidance and direction from a mature Christian?

While our one-eyed dog can be an independent knucklehead, I have noticed that he does stay close to me on dog walks. He relies on me being on his “bad” side so that he can use his good eye to see what is going on. I guess he trusts me enough to be on the side where he cannot see, knowing that I will be his eyes. What an image for me to remember- allow God to be my eyes, so that all that I see is what He sees.

Stuck in the Goo

Do you ever wonder what happens to the caterpillar in the chrysalis?  How does it become a butterfly?  What happens when it metamorphoses?  I heard an interesting audio from the show RadioLab.  It discussed just that as well as the philosophical implications and the common metaphor of caterpillar/butterfly to old/new life. 

What I find interesting is that at first look, there appears to be nothing from the first form to the second. How can a plodding, crawling, insect be the same as a graceful, flying winged creature?  

When they open the chrysalis what they find is goo.  Nothing formed, nothing recognizable. Yet when they have dissected caterpillars, they can see structures that will form wings.  Amazing.  

There is something new in the old, some hope and expectation yet it is not visible at first. Perhaps there is hope for humankind and for each one of us. 

While we may not be our "perfect" selves and we are always a work in progress; nonetheless, we do have potential to be the butterfly that we were created to be. In some ways we are both caterpillar and butterfly.

Though in my experience, being caterpillar and butterfly is not a linear caterpillar-chrysalis-butterfly process.  It is not as if once I go through the change, that is it- I stay as a perfect butterfly. Sometimes I am the caterpillar, munching away in my own selfishness.  Other times I have been changed into a butterfly and have the experience of growth, new habits and a feeling of new life. Yet my experience is short-lived and fleeting.  Life has a way of circling back.  

Just as soon as I may feel that I have finally "gotten it", experienced a situation without jealousy, anger, impatience, etc.- you name the poor behavior that I have avoided, then I resort back to my old self. I may be floating like a butterfly but before I know it, I am stuck on the ground, mired down with my selfish ways.  It seems as if I will keep going through the process until one day I am finally, totally transformed into the creature that was contained, albeit snippets, even while a caterpillar. 

What I am learning about the caterpillar/butterfly metaphor is that chrysalis means preparatory or transitional state. In the life of the insect, the chrysalis stage is about the same amount of time it is a caterpillar. Which means it is a necessary stage and which means that I have to go through it and cannot shorten it if I want to come out a butterfly.

In my "life cycle" I come to places where I "think" I know what type of butterfly I should be.  I am quite ready to vocalize my thoughts and plans to God.  I "know" what is the best for me and just want Him to get on with any metamorphoses He has planned for me.  I am "thinking" that I will be a Monarch butterfly. And so, I just want to get to that stage.  I truthfully don't want to go through goo. I don't want to be in the place where I am unrecognizable and all preconceived ideas are eliminated.  I don't want to live in this vulnerable stage.  I want to snap my fingers and get to the place, the attitude, the changed behavior without any inconvenience or messiness. 

There comes a time when I am choosing to accept the transitional stage, when I am choosing to accept being "goo" and when I am preparing my heart and mind to be the person God has originally designed me to be.  It requires me to be open to new possibilities, to change some old habits and ways, to listen to His voice and to be willing to be vulnerable in the transitional stage.  It requires me to enter this transitional stage trusting that the butterfly I am becoming is exactly the right butterfly that He wants.  No use trying to be a Monarch butterfly if I am a moth. 

What about you?  Ever thought about the caterpillar/butterfly mystery?  Which stage are you in?  Are you willing to go through the goo? How open are you to change?  

Click here for the audio to RadioLab

Leap Year

There seems to be flowers for other holidays, so I purchased a small bouquet for my desk.  What is recommended  for Leap Year?

Happy Leap Year! When I was a kid it seemed as if leap year was one of those notations on the calendar that was recognized and was talked about, not as anything special but rather an interesting footnote, kind of like Lincoln's Birthday.  The biggest concern was "What would you do if you had a birthday on leap year?  When did you celebrate?  More importantly, when did you get presents?"

Leap year was designed to keep the calendar year synchronized with the astronomical or seasonal year. Since seasons and astronomical events don't repeat in whole number days, in order to keep whole days in a calendar, an extra day is inserted every four years to keep things on track.  According to Wikipedia, "The same type of problem happens in the relationship between the day and the number of seconds in the day: If you divide the larger measure of time by the smaller, you do not get a whole number. Instead, the result is an unending decimal".  To prevent the calendar drift of half days, leap year was invented.  The "leap" comes from the fact that while a fixed date in the Gregorian calendar advances one day a week from one year to the next, in the following year of a leap year, the fixed date "leaps" over a day of the week.  For example, February 1 , 2013 fell on a Friday. The next year, 2014 it fell on a Saturday, then in 2015 it fell on a Sunday. In 2016 it fell on a Monday. Because 2016 is a "leap year"  February 1, 2017  will "leap" over Tuesday and will fall on Wednesday. 

The idea of leaping got me thinking.  What types of idioms  (or expressions) do you know which have leap in them? Here are some that I found:

"leap at a chance",  "leaps and bounds", "leap into someone's mind", "leap to conclusions", "leap at someone or something", "leap for joy", "leap forward", "leap out (of something)", "leap over", "look before you leap", "leap in the dark".

The one that I love is "leap of faith".  Two of the definitions of leap are to "propel one forward" and "to enter eagerly into an activity".  The idea that I am eagerly willing to enter into the activity that requires me to have some faith and that will propel me forward is encouraging and exciting. 

By nature I am not a risk taker.  I am a plodder and planner.  I have enough trouble leaping from rock to rock when traversing a small stream on a hike let alone leaping out on faith into a vast unknown of all the "biggies" in life- job opportunities, where to live, moving, marriage decisions, financial responsibilities of college and retirement.  Yet because they are the "biggies" I came to the conclusion long ago that there was nothing I could do to control them.  I had to have faith in something/someone bigger than myself and to believe that God's plan for me was much better than the limited one that I could foresee.  

As it is leap year, I am reminded of the times when big circumstances required me to make a leap of faith. Many times it was hard, kind of walking out onto a ledge and not seeing what is ahead or underneath you.  But I can honestly say that when I completely trusted God, I was never disappointed.  When I listened to His leading, my feet were on solid ground. 

But I am wondering if I am making the small, daily  leaps of faith?  Am I trusting God with the smaller things in my life as I trust him with the biggies?  If not, why not?  Certainly his track record is excellent.  Can I make that leap of faith that today, I am being propelled forward into an eagerly awaited activity?  Am I looking at my day with the expectation of faith- that what I am being called to do today, could be as mundane as walking the dogs, excites me because of the possibilities that await me?  Am I open to possibilities? 

 Do I trust God enough that whatever and wherever He calls me, He is faithful to provide me with what I need for the journey?   

What about you?  Have you ever had to make a leap of faith?  How did it work out?  

One thing I have noticed with my physical, rock leaping "skill" on hikes- the more I do it, the more sure-footed I become. I have noticed that the more I make those spiritual leaps of faith, the more eager I become to see what awaits me and what is on the other side.