Burnt

This past weekend we watched the 2015 movie Burnt starring Bradley Cooper and Sienna Miller.  We had wanted to watch it for a while and so finally did.  I guess with so many things the anticipation is greater than the actuality.  While I enjoyed it, it wasn't quite what I expected.  The story line was predictable and kind of slow yet it had some good points. 

It is the comeback story of Chef Adam Jones.  A chef who had it all but lost it due to his own choices.  It is a redemption story yet lacks the how, why and what of the cause for loss and reason for the turn around.  But through it all there runs the theme of going it alone versus team work.  The bottom line, in life It is all about the team, or the family, or the business -whatever you want to call your collective- cooperatively working together.  

I think that is one of those truths we know but we truly do not grasp.  I know that I am stubbornly independent which it not good at times.  I have a tendency to be like the little red hen that if no one is going to help or help in the way I want, I will just do it myself.  The fable of the little red hen is just that- a fable.  But I think it speaks to how many of us feel.  We say to ourselves:  Fine, we will just do it ourselves. We don't need anyone else. I can just pull myself up by my own bootstraps.  If I just work harder and smarter than anyone else I will achieve what I want. No one else will do it the way it needs to be done, so I need to do it...  

Yesterday the sermon at church talked about our gifts and how we are called to use them for God's glory and to benefit others.  The thing is, we are called to use and "give" our gifts to others but we also need to receive the gifts of others.  No one can do everything.  Even if we had all the resources in our personalities, abilities and lives, if we try to do it all we will get burnt out.  We know that we don't have it all. We need each other to fill in and complete that what is lacking in ourselves. It is through the collective that we are truly whole. 

What about you?  Do you try to do it all?  Do you suffer from the little red hen syndrome?  How are you at sharing your gifts and talents?  How are you at receiving from others?   Do you feel burnt?  What would it take to heal?  Do you have a redemption story? 

 

Touch

I am touched... He rubs me the wrong way... I feel....

All these statements refer to our emotional perspectives through the sense of touch and references to the tactile sensation of our skin. The other week I attended a lecture by Dr. David Linden the author of the book Touch: The Science of Hand, Heart and Mind.   He read excerpts from his book and talked a little about the physiology and research about touch.

Turns out that we are hard-wired to receive and give touch.  Certainly they have discovered that children deprived of touch have all sorts of psychological and physical ailments.  Primates groom and touch each other which in turn binds the troop together.   There are studies that suggest that waitstaff is more likely to receive a larger tip if he/she provides a light touch on the arm for instance.  All of this is to suggest that humans need community and need to be close to one another. 

In this day and age of germ phobia, sexual harassment training, and social disengagement, we are a society that looks down on touch.  It has to be "appropriate" and "clean".  Not that there is anything wrong with that thinking per se.  Certainly there has been too much inappropriate touch by individuals set on doing harm. 

Yet I think that touch is a sense that is overlooked.  We use touch expressions all the time but we rarely actually touch.  In this day and age of individualism and social isolation, I wonder how much we are missing and are depriving ourselves due to our lack of touch with one another.   I know that the loss of touch is something that widows and widowers mention when their spouses die.  They note that no one is there to give them a hug on a regular basis. 

Be your own detective/scientist.  Go to any public place, restaurant, coffee shop, mall and see how often people touch -holding hands, patting a back, giving a squeeze, shaking hands, etc. 

Look at your own life.  How do you respond to touch? Do you like it?  Is it off-putting? Are you the cuddly type?  Do you reach out in affection towards people or do you cringe when others reach towards you? 

Even before Dr. Linden did his research, AT&T was tooting the virtues of "reach out, reach out and touch someone."  Try it.  Give someone a hug today.  You'll be doing both of you a favor. 

 

Practice Intentional Acts of Encouragement

I am all for practicing random acts of kindness but lately I have been thinking about intentional acts of encouragement.   I read a little vignette recently of a woman who said although she was physically disabled and couldn't do much in the way of helping others, she could think and pray for their needs.  She offered her service of prayer to her local church. 

I thought Wow!  Here was someone who could just close down and concentrate on her own needs yet she was willing to reach out to others.   Too often when we think only of ourselves and we become isolated.  Yet by her intentionality I am sure she felt part of a larger community. 

It made me think of two times in my life when I received contact from people I didn't know too well who offered me prayer and encouragement.  

A long time ago I was part of a book club.  I really enjoyed it but sometimes I was a little intimidated by the books, the discussions, and some of the other members and their opinions.  I always felt that I had so much to learn and that I was so inept in sharing my rudimental thoughts.  Out of the blue one of the very opinionated members called me.  She didn't talk very long.  She just wanted to say that she valued my opinion and that it was a joy having me in the group.  Then she said, "That's it.  That is what I wanted you to know." 

At first I was taken aback.  So unexpected and so brusque like her personality.  But I cherished what she said and I was gob-struck  that she actually called me to tell me what she was thinking.  I know that many times I think of others through out the day but I very rarely let them know the positive thoughts I have about them. I wonder what our society would look like if people said the positive things directly to the ones about whom they are thinking?  We are very quick to say our displeasure but what if instead we were quick to say our good thoughts? 

Once I was in charge of a volunteer group that was charged with coordinating the emergency needs of others.  It was very stressful and intense.  Many times I felt inadequate and overwhelmed.  On one particular time when I really felt at the end of my rope wondering how I got myself into this group and questioning why I felt God had called me to this ministry,  I received an email from a couple I didn't know too well.  They had taken upon themselves to systematically pray for the various ministries and groups and especially for their leaders.  That week the group for which I was responsible was at the top of the list.  They wanted to know how they could pray, what specific things and especially for me, what did I need?  Again, I was speechless.  

In psychology there is a benefit for positive thinking.  It changes one's brain chemistry which in turn is good for our health.  Yet I believe that prayer to God goes beyond the idea of positive thinking.  Prayer is a way to hand over our worries to one who is a lot larger than we are and who is in total control.   Prayer can change circumstances for whom we pray and it changes us as we pray. That is not to say that we just ask and God provides everything like a cosmic genie in the bottle.   The process of praying helps redefine our requests, helps us put our life's circumstances in perspective, helps us in our attitude towards the one for whom we pray and helps us to be part of one another's lives by drawing us closer to one another.  

How about making today, the day that you practice intentional acts of encouragement?  Pray for the people you meet, whether they be familiar to you or not.  Intentionally pray for those who are in positions of leadership- a boss, a manager, a teacher, a principal, a politician, etc.  Let those around you know that you are praying for them.  Let people around you know what they mean to you.  Doesn't have to be a long discourse, just a simple, "I really enjoy your quips and sense of humor, " for example.  

What would your life look like if you practiced intentional acts of encouragement? 

 

Feelings

I found it quite interesting to read two different news articles, one about a political candidate and another on a business man, yet both spoke about feelings and brands.  The idea behind any marketing is branding the name. Forbes magazine has many articles about branding a company's name and the recognition that the name says all.  Shakespeare asks, “What's in a name? that which we call a rose, By any other name would smell as sweet.”   (Romeo and Juliet.  Act II.  Scene II.) 

In looking at a certain political candidate it is all about his name.  Short, crisp, no nonsense and filled with the idea of glamour and wealth.  But is it true?  In the case of branding,the substance doesn't matter. It is how a person feels when they think or look or purchase the brand. 

I read in The New York Times how singer turned business magnate Jimmy Buffet has an ever expanding company ($17 Billion in sales last year) all due to items and places that evoke a feeling when you think of that name.  As Warren Buffet has assessed, Jimmy Buffet understands his brand.  According to  Mindy Grossman, the chief executive of the Home Shopping Network, "The stroke of genius was making Margaritaville a feeling, not a place."  

My husband has worked with patents, copyrights and trademarks for many years.  It used to be that the patent was king.  That was what drove the USPTO office.  The trademark department was almost a cousin- kin but not a direct relation.  Our country is still fueled by our innovation and patents are certainly sought after but he has noted the the demand for trademarks has increased incredibly.  In some ways it is all about the name.

Certainly names are important, especially as they convey to the world who you are, your character, and your nature.  But to be so caught up with a feeling that a name produces is alarming.  It reduces all of us to mere soundbites and to stereotypes but no substance.  I know that there are times when I cannot trust my feelings- when I am tired, or hungry or angry.  

Do I want the mention of my name to conjure up a feeling in someone?  Certainly I wouldn't want someone to hear my name and immediately feel disgust.  But I would hope that when my name is mentioned it would immediately bring to mind my character, my nature and perhaps some of my accomplishments.  

As Shakespeare cautions even if we call something by another name eventually our true self comes forth.  I wonder what our world would look like if we thought about our names and about our "brand"? Would we have more to offer than just the feeling it produces.  Would others think of our names in light of our character?  What kind of person does our name evoke?  Are we trustworthy, good, patient, kind, loving, disciplined, generous, etc?  

What about you?  Ever thought about your "brand"?  

 

Election Day

Tomorrow is primary election day in our state.  This year I signed up to be an election judge.  Strangely I am looking forward to doing so.  There aren't stringent requirements to be an election judge, just be a warm body who can stay at the polling place for the required fifteen hours. There was a mandatory three hour training. 

I was impressed by it. It is not easy explaining processes to people, especially when you have all types of individuals, different educational, income, backgrounds in the same role. Crossroads of humanity my husband says whenever I have to experience anything with the legal system (e.g. jury-duty and explaining a speeding ticket come to mind)

The thing that was most impressive are the lengths to which the government goes to ensure that each election is fair and that there are no shenanigans.  There are the checks and re-checks for the voters.  If a voter over votes or mis-marks a ballet, there is a process and tracking system to eliminate the ballet and ensure that it is not counted.  Every machine has tamper proof tape and is calibrated, counted before and after the polling time.

A lot of time, money and effort goes into our right to determine our governance. It underscores what a privilege it is to vote.  I find that it is difficult to vote this year.  I am not at all impressed with any of the candidates. I think my philosophy is like many I have heard- who will do the least amount of damage to our country in the next four years;  the lesser of many evils. 

Yet I have voted (election judges are strongly encouraged to vote early) and feel that it is a privilege to do so.  When you think about our country and all our differences of opinions, beliefs, and creeds it is astounding that we can accomplish anything.  I think it is much like a large family;  we may have our differences but in the end our commonality binds us together.  Our country has its faults and it may be very unwieldy in its decisions and processes, yet I am proud to be an American.

What about you?  Are you planning on voting?  Are you interested in politics?  Have you ever been involved in a local or civil entity (e.g. neighborhood association, Parent Teacher Association (PTA)?  How was the experience?  If you are discouraged by our nation, have you thought of ways for its improvement? What would that look like?  If you live in another country, how active are you in your country's politics?  

"Every difference of opinion is not a difference of principle."
Thomas Jefferson, First Inaugural Adress, 1801

 

Cat Spaying

We had a cousin who was a veterinarian.  In talking to him about his work, he used to say that on the days that he performed surgery he used to "warm up" with spaying a few cats.  He felt that the spaying procedure wasn't that complicated so that his fingers could return to the muscle memory of delicate surgery.  Once done, he was ready to tackle more difficult procedures. 

When my husband and I have difficulty getting back into work or having difficulty focusing on a task we say we need to do a little cat spaying.  Start with something that is relatively easy in order to ease into the work.

These weeks following my mom's death have been tough for me to get back into my writing mindset.  Partly because my schedule is greatly disrupted and partly because I am still grieving.  I know that I need to be kind to myself and give myself a break, yet I find myself wandering aimless around the house or sitting at my desk staring at a blank page. 

I have to remind myself to do some cat spaying.  I am trying to accomplish some small, easy but necessary tasks in order to get me primed to work on some larger ones. So far this morning I have gone through and organized my electronic files and put on my calendar some deadlines for submissions.  Still not at all what I need to do nor what I usually do in a work day but it is something nonetheless.

What about you?  What do you do when you have trouble focusing?  Do you have any sayings that get you back on track?  If you are feeling aimless, what "cat spaying" can you do? 

 

World Stage

On Sunday night my husband and I finally got to attend the local Shakespeare theater to see a play.  It was a much belated birthday gift to him, for when we originally planned it we got snowed out. 

Actually the day turned out better than if we had gone in January.  April in Washington, DC is lovely.  The streets are abuzz with visitors.  We had a delicious dinner at "our" restaurant before the show.  (I say this tongue in cheek. How often do you go to a place, one time and really enjoy it  and then act as if it is "your" restaurant?   If anyone asks about dining in DC, we mention this one.  Not that we are food critics but it is the only one we know!)

We saw As You Like It.  Even though I have read other Shakespearean works and was aware of some of the characters, I had never seen this comedy.   I always enjoy and appreciate the cleverness of the stage direction; how one prop from one scene is used in another way in subsequent scene.  While I enjoyed it, I didn't get as much out of this play as perhaps I have with others.  Might have been my poor preparation. Generally I like to be familiar with the play in question so that I can really get the meat out of the dialogue. This time I just didn't  have the time to preview the play.  So, I thought that I would watch it like the "great unwashed" those who would've seen it in Shakespeare's time- letting it unfold before me and getting whatever level of understanding that I could. 

Of course, I have ruminated over one of the most famous lines from this play, "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players."  The character Jacques who speaks this dialogue is considered melancholy.  A professional pessimist and all around "downer", he is viewed as comical. Although in his speech, he might be giving a a fairly accurate portrait of a man's (or woman's) life and so he is reminding the audience to be mindful of our lives and the things in which we become involved. It is also a reminder that there is no dress rehearsal for this life. Enjoy each precious moment and day that you have.  

 What is your world stage? Do you feel that you are merely a player in this life?  What type of character are you? Do you wish for a different role?  A redo of your entrance?  What can you do today to enjoy your life and today's "performance"? 

All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first, the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms.
Then the whining schoolboy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress’ eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honor, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon’s mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lined,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slippered pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank, and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.

As You Like It, Act II, Scene VII.

 

 

Poverty Inc.

Last week my husband and I attended a showing of the movie, Poverty, Inc. which also included a panel discussion afterwards.  The movie was educational, inspirational, and thought-providing.  It also was convicting.  The main premise is that the way we (wealthy, "developed", western world, whichever word you choose) have "dealt" with poverty and those who are struggling is not sustainable, nor healthy.  In some respects those who are trying to help are really hurting and keeping people in poverty.  The title Poverty, Inc. suggests that there is a huge business in the multitude of NGOs (non-government organizations) and in the system we have created, all in the name of helping.  

One of the biggest hurdles is that those who help never ask the ones who they are helping what they want.  How do they (the impoverished) see themselves and what would be the best plan to get out of the situation?  For many, many years the people who are to be helped were never themselves factored into the equation.  They were just told to do certain things in a certain way or they were given things without any idea of how to get those items on one's own all in the name of "aid".  It was a very paternalistic approach which on so many levels doesn't work.  Not only does the poverty perpetuate but the self-esteem of the one who is being helped is chipped away. 

It got me thinking.  The crux of this larger global problem is no different than helping a family member or a person in one's community, or coaching a client;  each individual has the right to self-determination.  Each person knows what they want to achieve or has some inkling that needs to be unearthed.  Of course, some might not have the tools in their toolbox to do so, but that would be part of the overall plan- discovering what is needed to learn in order to achieve the goals.  And a plan includes steps to achieving goals.  Many times even if if the person has determined that they need such and such, if there is not an overall reason for getting those needed things, it is not a plan.  

Most people are compassionate, generous and have big hearts.  We want to help others. We may in the name of love try helping by providing "aid"; money, food, help, etc. but if the one who needs assistance doesn't ask for it or hasn't determined what he/she wants, the assistance won't be sustainable.  As it was pointed out in the movie, sometimes the seemingly generous logical task, i.e. donating used clothes to countries in Africa, unintentionally causes harm- cotton growers and textile manufacturers in Kenya have gone defunct.  People say why should I buy clothing when I can get if free?  And so an entire industry and livelihood is gone.  

The new buzz word is partnership.  Those projects that work the best are those that the nationals have determined would be best for themselves and their community.  They shared a beautiful antidote of a company in Haiti that is using the local community to make beads and necklaces that are being sold to various stores in the United States.  They use  low-tech technology to produce the beads and have sold enough to continue employing people.  From starting with just one or two employees, currently they are up to a couple hundred. This provides the adults in this community to have a wage and  to care for their children.  There was a story of a woman who had turned up to the orphanage to hand over her child for whom she couldn't care. (Apparently this is a big problem- parents are "sacrificing" one of their children to an orphanage, knowing that the child will be educated, cared for with food and medicine and may have an opportunity to live a better life with another family. The child has parents but they are at a loss of what to do since there are minimal jobs.)  Someone asked her, if you could work would you keep your child?  Of course was the reply.  The bead group took her in, she learned to make beads and she set small goals for herself.  i.e. If I make so many necklaces in the next couple of months, I can buy a small 2 room house where I can live with my children.  Powerful. And it wasn't some complicated economical formula.  It all started because someone asked her what did she want. 

I think that there is a lesson for all of us.  What do you want and how do you see yourself going about doing that?  What is the overall plan?  No matter what our income, we all can feel at times that others are determining our lives and that we have no say in the matter.  We need to stop and ask of ourselves and those whom we are helping- what do you really want?  How do we want to go about achieving it?  We are called to give dignity to everyone and many times that starts with a simple dialogue of listening to their needs.  The antithesis for Poverty, Inc. comes down to the golden rule:  do unto others as you would want done unto you. 

A Daughter's Tribute

In a week we will have a memorial service for my mom.  I wrote the following in the wee hours of the first night after learning of her death. The thoughts are random and certainly reflect my state of grief. I share with you so that you too might think of your loved ones.  Whether they are alive or not, it is good to reflect on the qualities of those we love.  I would encourage you to write out that reflection and what that person means (meant) to you.  If you are fortunate to have your loved one still alive, I would encourage you to send him/her a note telling them.  We never know what tomorrow will bring.

Mom and I at our beloved beach

Mom and I at our beloved beach

I am awakened in the early hours of Easter.  I cannot sleep.  This afternoon I received the call that my mother had died. I know that I am still in shock. Yet I know that the best way for me to honor and remember her is through words. 

My mom loved words.  She loved a well turned phrase. She loved books.  She was a veracious reader.  In the years she and my dad lived at a retirement center, she was an active part in the community library, reading every book that was purchased or donated to the facility before she placed on the shelf.  One of my earliest childhood memories is of her reading the Children's Illustrated Bible to me at bedtime. I can still hear her voice telling the story of Jesus' birth, David and Goliath or Joseph and his brothers.

Mom loved Jesus.  She loved stories and words that told of Him and His love for mankind.  Words were her way to impart God's love to others.  She was the queen of sending a note of encouragement or a card or remembrance for a birthday or anniversary.

Mom loved music especially hymns.  She played the piano from an early age and her maternal grandfather, a Presbyterian minister, would have her play hymns.  "Keep up girlie," he would say to her if he felt she was dragging the hymn tempo on a hymn that he thought (and it seemed that he thought most) should move along.

She had a way of making the music speak to the tenure of the worship service.  That music was to be used as another expression of God's love.  Whether in church through her role as organist/choir director or through her teaching as an elementary music education, she would explain to the congregation or audience the meaning of the words and how they connected to one's life or situation. Long before it was part of the educational curriculum she would tie the songs, folksongs to whatever the children were learning in the classroom.  She imparted the idea of looking at things broadly- get the bigger picture and interconnectedness of life.

 She believed without a shadow of doubt that Christ was the son of God and that He came to earth with the sole purpose to rescue us and bring us back into community with God.  He was sent to bridge the gap of separation with God.  Our original sin, when we disobeyed God, placed us with a chasm between being in absolute communion with God.  Christ came to be the sacrificial one, to once and for all bridge the gap so that we might have eternal community with God.  

I believe without a shadow of doubt that she is with her God and Savior.  She is also in the community of the saints who went before her.  She has reunited with her mom, dad, aunts, uncles, dear friends and her grandfather.

My mom was passionate about life and about certain things.  Whatever she became involved with, she did so with gusto.  When my one sister and her family were missionaries in Africa, my mom sent them regular care packages.  They were not for their personal use, but because mom had heard that the clinic where my sister worked did not have any linens, she would send boxes upon boxes of sheets that she found on sale or at estate sales. She could've filled a container ship with the amount of boxes she sent. 

There is a hole and ache in my heart that I do not have her here physically with me.  I knew this day would come but no one is really prepared for it.  I do believe that I too will see her one day when the temporal world in which I live is replaced for the eternal one with God.  For now I can only wish that I impart and encourage others like she did through my words.

I was blessed to have such a loving mom.  She was not a famous, wealthy or powerful person but she was influential on her family and in her small circle of friends.  She will be missed. 

Time Spent

I can't say that things are settled or "back to normal" in our household following the death of my mom.  We are still reeling with the reality of her not being with us.  But we are trying to figure it out.

I am having difficulty getting my schedule together.  Initially in the first few days we were in emergency mode; things scheduled or planned had to be postponed.  The focus was on my dad and what needed to be done.  Part of that scheduling was dictated by how my dad felt- did he need one of us to stay over, spend the day with him, etc?  He is still very raw with his grief but he is wanting to have some space and time alone which we want to give him.

I try to contact or see him every day.  But looking forward I am noticing that I have a week coming up where I won't be able to see him for about five days and I am feeling anxious about it.  How can I rearrange things to be there?   How did these things creep in when I was trying to have an open schedule? 

I think part of it happened because I don't have a set time on the calendar for my visits with my dad.  I know that eventually we will but for now we are still in the "this is new territory for us" and "we shall see how each day goes" mode.  When my mom was alive, I would see the folks at least every other week for scheduled outings.  We would also check in with one another every three days or so. 

It reminds me that if we don't schedule regular time with one another, it does not happen.  Oh sure, we can have the spontaneous, "Hey, what are you doing for lunch today?"  gathering but generally we don't.  They say nature abhors a vacuum.  I think in our modern culture, schedules abhor a blank space. We will spend our time in a variety of unproductive ways that don't accomplish our overall plans if we are not diligent and intentional about how we spend out time. 

I have noticed that if things are not purposely planned, we end up with a "full schedule" of activities that just appear. If we want to spend time with someone it is generally with any "leftover" time.  It is almost if we think if I have time after I do such and such, then I will visit.  Truthfully, when does that really happen? 

I have also noticed that many approach our time with God the same way.  Only when we have time "left over" we might pray or read the Bible.  Lately I have changed my daily schedule in that reading the Bible and praying is the first thing that I do upon waking.  Once I do that, it seems as if the rest of my day falls into place.  It is doing the first thing, the important thing- first.

Going forward with my dad, I know that once we have a set schedule, ie. visits every Monday, then I can fill in the rest of my time with the activities and obligations that I need and want to do.  When I intentionally have a regular plan with our visits, the rest will fall into place.  Plus I will have the added benefit of knowing that I did the important thing first. 

What about you?  Do you find your time being spent in ways which aren't productive?  Do you find that you can never schedule time to see and visit the people with whom you want?  Have you ever spent your time first scheduling the important items and then filling in with other activities?  How did that go?   Does your time get spent without your input or do you spend your time wisely?  How is your time spent? 

 

Blessed

"Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted."  

These are words spoken by Jesus in a section called the Beatitudes. I always thought that it seemed a strange thing for Jesus to say. Most people that I know who mourn or are in mourning don't feel too blessed.

Yet  beatitude means supreme blessedness.  As I am still in the process of mourning the loss of my mother I cannot say that I feel supremely blessed but I do see glimmers of blessed-ness every day.

I see the blessedness of re-connection with family with whom I haven't spoken in a long time.  It might be because of the heightened emotion of grief yet I feel the familial ties and the instant connection when we speak.  There is no pretense nor apologies needed for not connecting sooner.  It is just a comfortable connection of love.

I see the blessedness in the strengthening bonds of friendship.  So many people have offered to help and have cared for our family's immediate needs. It is through the intensity of life and death that binds us closer to one another. We see those who are there for our family through the difficult times. 

I see the blessedness in the ability to view life with an eternal perspective.  Nothing like a death to pull me up short to realize what is truly important in life overall and in my own life specifically.  I think that is one of the reasons that funerals make me cry.  Of course, I am thinking of the person who is gone but there is also the thinking of my own life- what have I done in it, who have I influenced, if any and will God be pleased?   I think for many a funeral is a time of personal reassessment. 

I see the blessedness in the way I view other people. Death's perspective causes me to feel a generosity and grace towards others.   We never know when it will be our last moment.  I want to live so that when I am gone, there are no regrets. Things might be left undone but nothing is left in anger, rudeness or any other negative behavior.   

What about you?  Have you ever had to grieve?  Are you still grieving?  What did you learn about yourself through that process?  What comforted you?  Do you (did you) ever feel blessed by it?  

When Time Stops

Funny how things change.  In a blink of an eye the Bible writes.  One day, we are thinking and planning our day and then something happens.  The phone call. The missed turn. The chance encounter.  

Almost two weeks ago, on a Wednesday morning I had prayed, "use me Lord in whatever, whenever, wherever way you can."  Little would I know that when I prayed that prayer, everything that has transpired since would be a testimony to God, His provision of strength and the witness of so much care and support that friends and community can provide.

From a single phone call that my mom was going to the emergency room our family has been propelled into a whirlwind. From the ER, my mom had an overnight hospitalization. She was released home with a treatment plan for an acute illness. She was home for two days when she died suddenly.  

Shocking to all of us as she was "indestructible" as one cousin said to me.  She had ailments related to aging but overall she was always a vibrant, energetic, active woman.  Sad as we all are, we know that she did not suffer, her passing was painless, she had the love of her life, my dad and her husband of 63 years,  right next to her and she is in Heaven. 

It does feel as if time has stopped.  We are all going through the motions of planning the memorial service, contacting out of town family and friends as well as having to work through the aftermath "to do" list (contacting Social Security, pension, etc.)   I have lost track of the days.  Some days it seems as if the day is spread out so long before me and I don't know what to do next.  But once we get working on things, it seems as if there is not enough time in the day.  Even though the change in our daily lives happened so quickly, we are developing a new routine. These early weeks almost seem to be a freeze frame for acute grief and regrouping.  I do think that this "time stoppage" is a protective mechanism for us. It allows us to concentrate on the immediate.  We do recognize that it is not going to be the permanent. I know that after the service and all the to-do things are accomplished, there will be another"normal" for us. Then time will restart. 

I am also amazed at how much God has provided an inner strength and calmness to do what needs to be done.  So many little things that have happened have demonstrated how, even in the midst of our loss, God cares for each of us.  I am more and more convinced that life consists of these little events;  that one's life is really a series of small dramas and actions that are interwoven into a larger composition.  I find great comfort in knowing that the One who has designed the larger composition cares about each of the little elements that go into it.  

I am grateful that I did pray that prayer that Wednesday morning.  Of course, I was not expecting a death. Yet I do feel that because I was open to be used in whatever way I needed to be, God was/is able to work with me.  I like this new state of openness.  It does take a lot of stress off my plate.  I don't have to be in control, God is.  

How about you?  Have you ever had the feeling that time stopped due to an unexpected action?  How did you handle it?  When did time restart?  In what ways did/can you see God at work?  Have you ever prayed to be used by God?  What happened?  

Welfare Challenge

This week I decided that my husband and I would try the welfare food challenge (see post Up For A Challenge? February 25, 2016).  Our challenge was to eat $57 (allotted $4/person/day) of food for the week.  This was our grocery list: ground beef (1 pound);  1 dozen eggs; 2 lbs bags of whole grain pasta; butternut squash; potatoes; onion; celery; strawberries; grapefruit; apples; grapes; red peppers; grape tomatoes; black olives; yogurt; oatmeal; milk; cream; homemade bread; frozen green beans; peas; tea; coffee (using a gift bag); spaghetti sauce; mayo; butter; olive oil.

Our menus consisted of breakfast:  yogurt + fruit or stovetop old-fashioned oatmeal or poached eggs, toast, grapefruit.  lunch: egg salad sandwiches, any dinner leftovers + grapes or apples  dinner: homemade butternut squash soup; spaghetti with meat sauce; pasta with sautéed vegetables (using up any vegetables from the fridge).  Some of the staples we already had in the pantry- olive oil, mayo, butter, etc.  Actually, I had most of the food already in the fridge- was using up what we had in a different way-  I ball parked the cost of the different foods to try and keep under the $ amount. 

Of course as we conduct this challenge I am aware that we have a safety net.  There is food in our pantry, money in the bank and time to plan our meals.  Many of those on welfare have none of those extras.   I also know how to cook especially making things from scratch. 

This week we also had a few unexpected and un-budgeted expenses.  One such occurred while I I was doing my spring cleaning, I broke a glass shade in our kitchen.  I can replace it but not everyone has the money for the "extras". Those who are on a tight welfare budget most likely would have to make choices between eating, household repairs, medical expenses, car repairs, etc.  Even though  food was the only part of the challenge, the extra expenses this week made me mindful of how tight some budgets may be. 

It is difficult to eat healthy meals with a limited budget.  This time of year we don't have the advantage of farmers' markets or growing our own food. Even if it was harvest season, it takes time and money (purchasing the equipment) to can or freeze food for the future. One can see why some of the working poor have unhealthy eating habits.  In order to stretch the budget, sometimes people choose the calorie dense, nutritionally poor choice. 

I am glad that we tried the challenge.  I would like to practice it again.  It provides a tangible reminder of those less fortunate around us.  It also is good to assess our eating habits, bills and grocery lists. 

Interestingly that this week I came across an article about The Food Project organization. What a great organization- they combine youth, food and community.  "Since 1991, The Food Project has built a national model of engaging young people in personal and social change through sustainable agriculture."  Young people from a variety of backgrounds come together to learn about sustainable agriculture and the practicalities of farming, harvesting, and selling their produce. Part of the food grown is given to food pantries. The program, through the education of agriculture, is bringing people together while giving them information and skills to practice a healthy, simple, relatively inexpensive lifestyle. The program, through the education of agriculture, serves and builds a greater community.  What better way to get to know others, especially those who are different from ourselves, through the working together to provide and share basic resources with one another.