Building Monuments

This past week our home-from-college son and I spent the day in Washington, DC.  When the boys were little, he, his brother and I went on many adventures to DC.  I sometimes wonder how I managed- a double stroller on the metro, two small boys, and a knapsack packed with lunches, snacks and any possible emergency items? 

 When I ask them now, "do you remember going to ...?" they will say no.  So much for supplementing their educational experience with "field trips". Although I have noticed that as adults, they will go to museums on their own or arrange a group trip with their friends. Even though they might not remember visiting every Smithsonian museum, something stuck and somehow we were able instill a curiosity and sense of patronizing museums and other organizations of learning to the boys. 

For all our many visits, we never went up the Washington Monument. So, last week we did. Afterwards, my son and I had a long discussion about monuments, memorializing events or people through monuments and its significance to those who visit.  One question came up, "why don't people just visit the individual's grave?"  In some ways a monument seems to celebrate the life of the person more than a gravesite.  A monument recognizes the individual (s) achievements and service or is used to commemorate an important historical or cultural event. 

According to Wikipedia, "The origin of the word "monument" comes from the Latin moneo, monere, which means 'to remind', 'to advise' or 'to warn',[2] suggesting a monument allows us to see the past thus helping us visualize what is to come in the future.[3] "

I am reminded of Biblical stories when the Israelites wanted to remember a place where they had witnessed a miracle, they built a pile of stones type monument. It was to be a visual remembrance of God's provision.  Other times, monuments were built as a warning for the consequence of lack of faith (e.g. Lot's wife turning into a pillar of salt). 

Sometimes I think I need those visual reminders in my life.  I can get so caught up in the day to day minutiae that I forget the blessings that I have received.  I forget how God has provided for me and for my family, time and time again.  I forget to notice the daily miracles of life, breath and well-being.  

Monuments can be a testament to heed some type of warning.   Many times when something unpleasant or difficult occurs I think, "In the future, I will remember not to do such and such.."  Yet, how many times do I forget and repeat the same offence? 

Just as it is important for a society to pause and reflect on an event or person through monuments, I think as individuals we need too as well.  We need to build monuments in our life so that we can reflect on our past in order to improve our future.  They may not be physical monuments but they can be verbal stories that we pass along to our children and grandchildren. Or they can be little symbols that remind us of our blessings and warn us of our past indiscretions.  Whatever our monument might be it is designed with the thought that we want to learn and move forward in our lives.

What about you?  Have you ever visited any monuments?  What was your take-away?  Have you ever built any monuments in your life?  What would they look like?  

Great Decisions

The mission of the Foreign Policy Association today, as it has been throughout its 97-year history, is to serve as a catalyst for developing awareness, understanding, and informed opinion on U.S. foreign policy and global issues.

 I have been attending a group, Great Decisions, that reads and discusses foreign policy. Our curriculum is written and provided by the Foreign Policy Administration.  It has been an enlightening and interesting group. (If you are interested in sponsoring or finding a group in your area, Click here. Even if you don't join a group the site has wonderful articles and current reference materials.)

This  semester contains 8 sessions about current affairs, mostly those things taking place in the Middle East and Asia.  We've discussed or will discuss the Middle East alliance, Islamic State, The Kurds, Migration, The Koreas, United Nations, Climate Change and Cuba.  

In all these topics that we discuss there are many issues. They all have complexities and nuances that require Solomon's wisdom. But it seems to me that underlying many of the issues is that a group of people- doesn't matter their nationality or race- feel unrecognized and obscure.  They are feeling that they do not belong, that no one is listening and that there is no recourse except for violence towards those whom they consider  "lesser" than themselves.

I am reminded that most people desire a sense of belonging, a sense of knowing and being known by others and a sense of purpose. For the heavy conflicts in the East, how do you get them to stop long enough to be known?  How do you have them treat each other with decency and respect?  How can they recognize and listen to one another without feeling that they have compromised themselves? 

It is not just " another country's" problem.  Our country may not be in a physical civil war with guns and ammo, but we have the same tensions between those who feel unaccepted and unrecognized and those who are not listening.  It seems as if these same issues rise up whether one lives in the Middle East, Korea or downtown Baltimore. 

What about you?  Do you feel disenfranchised by your government, unrecognized by your religion, unknown by your neighbors, unaccepted by your family?  Or if you are honest, is there anything in your own behavior that might be causing others to feel that same way? 

I love the name of this 97 year-old series- Great Decisions.  I keep thinking that it should be called, Great Discussions because the topics do evoke wonderful discourse but great decisions is more appropriate. I think that everyone needs to make some type of decision- will I just let things happen around me or will I, in whatever small way, participate?    This class has been a first step in starting to grasp what goes on in the world.  The more I learn about others and our "differences", the more I learn at the core of all of our being is just the same;  we all want to be known, to have purpose and to have a sense of belonging. 

My prayer is that each of the groups we study will find that.  To some degree the fighting, the loathing, the bickering will not end until those desires are met.  I can only pray that each person might experience it personally, with the thought that our longing of belonging and purpose is our internal pull to be drawn closer to our Creator, whether we want to recognize that or not.   I think that is the great decision. 

Fence or Wells?

There is a story of the traveller visiting an Australian outback ranch.  He notices the wide open spaces with cattle grazing but no fences.  He asks the rancher, "How do you keep track of the cattle if they are not contained?"  The older rancher replies, "Out here we build wells instead of building fences."  The implication that the cattle are highly motivated to stay close to the wells and will not wander off. 

I wonder in our present political state and social attitudes if we should consider the two conditions of building community.  Not necessarily literally but ideologically. (although there is a literal fence building being bandied about in a certain political party)

In building fences can we really get to know our neighbors? (Robert Frost's quote, "Good fences make good neighbors", notwithstanding.)  Or is it better to provide wells which draw people for something that basically sustains. Do we provide an environment for friends, family and neighbors that attracts people to want to be with us?  Are we the type of people whom others seek out? They do so, because to not be with us would mean a vital piece is missing in their lives.   Are we attractive to their growth, physically, intellectually, emotionally, spiritually? 

 I know that I want to be the type of person who draws people together.  I want to be known as a well builder.  What about you?  Do you see yourself as building a fence between you and others?  Or are you a well driller?   Finding the hidden depths and resources among those around you.  

What Is On Your Kitchen Counter?

A couple of years ago I was attending a professional conference.  One of the speakers was Dr. Brian Wansink the director and researcher at Cornell University Food and Brand Lab.  He and his colleagues study the behavioral science of eating behavior, behavior economics and behavior change.  His research is fascinating and once explained, makes sense. Click here to read about their exciting discoveries.

The "ideal' setting on our kitchen counter. 

One thing they discovered is that the people who kept a  bowl of fruit on their kitchen counter were likely to be eight  pounds lighter than their neighbors.  Not to say that the bowl was warding off the poundage or that it was a talisman for ideal weight.  The bowl of fruit was a reminder to eat a healthy choice.  They also suggest that snacks should be kept on a low shelf (out of line of vision, out of mind) in the pantry.  “It’s your basic See-Food Diet – you eat what you see”, says Dr. Wansink.

To me it is a reminder of how mindless we (or at least I am) are in eating.  Seems as if there is any bowl of anything on the counter I will eat it.  Of course, eating from the bowl is better than eating from the bag or box but it is mindless nonetheless.  I do find that many times I reach for a snack when I really am just thirsty.  Dr. Wansink's mantra is to make the healthy choice the easy choice.  He suggests when choosing the healthy choice to make it Convenient, Attractive and Normal.  (CAN)

How is your kitchen?  Do you make the healthy choice the easy choice?  For you, your family, your friends?  What small step can you do to make over your eating habits?  Check out the Cornell website  for simple ways to change your eating habits. 

Do the Hard Thing First

Over the weekend we went bicycling around town.  My husband wanted to show me and our home-for-spring-break son a new bicycle path.  It was a lot of fun and as always, we get to see our city in a different light when riding on the back of a bike.

The twenty mile trip was a large loop- heading south from our home, then turning west, heading north and then east back to home.  When we traverse east and west we have to navigate a fairly large hill. There is no way round.   The only choice is which way round: either a very long, fairly gradual uphill climb or a shorter, steeper version.  The guys opted for the shorter, steeper version and did very well climbing it.  I climbed it too but not on the bicycle.  My bike and I had a nice walk  up the hill.

We have done a similar route in the past, but it doesn't include traversing this large hill.  When we do the flatter version, about 2 miles from our home I am ready to return.  I am tired and have had it.  Today, when we came to the same area where I usually am fatigued I thought this is no problem.  After traversing those other hills, this is a piece of cake.   I had done the hard cycling already and so when I came to an area that was difficult but not as difficult as what I had just done,  I was prepared and could do it.

In time management circles they always suggest that one does the hard task, the task that you keep putting off, first. Yesterday I definitely saw why that is.

1. You get it out of the way.  When you know something is inevitable I find the anticipation is worse than the actuality.
2. It makes everything that comes afterward so much easier. It puts things in perspective; everything after the hard task seems like a piece of cake even if in the past that "piece of cake" experience was once the hard thing.
3. You experience  such a relief. There is a collective sigh that one can move on to something else. 

What about you?  Do you have to accomplish something difficult that you keep delaying?  Is it something for work or is it personal?  Is it weighing on your mind?  Why not try and scratch that activity off your to-do list by tackling it first thing in the morning?  Commit to getting the hard thing done first and you may experience a lightness of being the rest of the day.  What do you have to lose?

Location Perspective

I don't know about you, but I have a hard time being present and enjoying my current moments. I am so used to planning- personally and professionally- that I seem to get more enjoyment in the planning process than in the implementation. 

I find that this also carries out in my enjoyment of where we live.  When I first moved to the larger area, I loved this little town where we currently live.  I looked forward to one day living here. In fact I chose to live here. But lately I am not so enamored with our area.  I see other locales and wonder if the "grass would be greener" living there.

Is it a case of "familiarity breeds contempt"? In looking at this objectively, some things have changed in the town and its environs but a lot has not.  Of course I have changed. Some lifestyle preferences in the past are different tastes now. 

That being said I was thinking of some people I know who will be temporarily moving to a resort type area, one that is on the water.  I wondered if while they are living and working there, would they avail themselves to the particulars of that area?  Would they take some time to go to the beach as that is the bonus for living there?   

I wondered about myself and where I live?  What is unique to my area?   Do I avail myself to those resources?  Do I appreciate the particulars of living here?  Do I treat the area with excitement as when I first moved here?  Can I view it like a visitor or someone who chooses to come here voluntarily?  

Many times I think we do treat the familiar with contempt.  We no longer are "excited" by it and want to move on to something else, something that will rekindle the "excitement".  Certainly we see that with personal relationships.  Can also be said with professional relationships or even our personal possessions.  Certainly there are times to move on, to rid oneself of baggage or things that we don't need, use or like.  But on many levels I wonder if we just need to change our perspective.  

I have been challenging myself to think of ways to look at my environment with a new and different eye.  Here are some thoughts:

• In my neighborhood:  take a different direction on my walks, engage in community activities (those I haven't done), try a different grocery store or patronize local stores. 
• Be a "tourist" for the day. Discover a new restaurant or museum. Patronize a local school sporting or dramatic event, e.g. (music program, theater, art show)
• Visit local historical society. Find out about the area's history.
• List the positive attributes of the location.  What was the draw initially?
• In my household: Move knick knacks, pictures, decor items.  Try living with less decorative items displayed for a while.  Change the lamps locations or change the wattage in the lamps.
• Use different plates, glassware for meals. Resurrect the use of some long forgotten appliance (juicer or food processor?)
• Sit in a different chair for reading, watching TV, etc.
• Change the intention and/or flow of certain rooms:  e.g. maybe the dining room would better serve as living room, etc.
• Shop my closet. Mix and match items from different seasons, try different color combinations. Resurrect old jewelry.
• Create new outdoor spaces for sitting and gathering. 

When I look at my friends who will be living in a new place, I hope that they use and enjoy the area.  I would feel sad for them if they missed out on a new or different opportunity.   I should view my situation the same.  Wouldn't it be a shame to miss out on an opportunity in my current situation because I was planning and waiting for a future that may or may not happen?

What about you?  How are you in enjoying the moment?  Do you enjoy where you live?  Do you avail yourself of its innate qualities?  How can you change your location perspective?

Wired

One of my favorite actors is Ewan McGregor.  I enjoy some of his body of work but I really enjoy his interviews on various talk shows.  He just seems to have a joie de vive and a generous spirit. He embodies the adage, "do what you love and love what you do". He takes such delight in his environment, what he is doing, and the people whom he meets. 

I heard him once discuss his experience on giving up smoking.  He was a heavy smoker and finally had enough.  He said that he spent so much time looking for his smoking accoutrements-lighter, cigarettes, ashtray-every time he sat down that he just  couldn't  sit down. He had to make sure that he had all his "stuff" and he would fiddle with all those things.  He couldn't leave the house without checking and rechecking that he had all his smoking paraphernalia. There was so much activity just to keep the habit going.  Now that he is not smoking he says that he is at peace. He has a sense of tranquility.  When he sits down now, he can just sit and enjoy the experience. 

Collection of known usable wires that keep us "connected".  In addition, there is a box somewhere that contains cords and wires to those electronic devices which have gone to the great beyond. 

I feel that way with all the cords and wires to keep us electronically connected. Every time we go on a trip we have added to our checklist litany, 'Do you have your chargers- for the phone, the laptop, all your devices?"   

One summer we were packing up from our stay at our rented vacation cottage.  For reasons that take too long to explain, my one son had put all his electronic cords, mouth retainer and other (expensive)  sundries into a plastic grocery bag.  The four of us in the family were doing our respective "getting ready to leave" jobs: final vacuum through, packing the back of the car, loading the bikes onto the roof rack and collecting the trash which was in a plastic grocery bag like the one my son used as his "luggage". You can only guess what happened.  We did not discover the switch until we were ten hours away, dropping off this son at his college apartment. The restful and peaceful feeling of our two week vacation was immediately shattered with the seemingly innocent inquiry, "Mom, where did you put the white plastic grocery bag?"

Somedays I wish I could quit the habit of the electronic devices and the need (seemingly)  to be connected all the time.   Somedays it seems as if the cost of the devices- keeping track of their whereabouts, keeping them charged, updating the information, figuring out how to use them properly- far outweighs any benefit.  Somedays the red circle or ding of a reminder that I have a text message, a notification or an email is anxiety producing.  I can feel my heart rate increase. The red is too reminiscent of the red marker from school. "What did I miss?,  Did I do something wrong? Have I broken something?"

When I get anxious I know that I need to take an electronic fast.  I need to take a deep breath and realize that I am not going to get an "F" for failing to respond to a message or alert immediately.  I need to set the electronics aside so that peace and tranquility can reign in my heart. 

I have an acquaintance who makes a point of taking an electronic sabbath one day a week or at least a good part of one day. She and her husband have agreed not to look at emails, turn on the computer or respond to text messages.  Admirable.  To be honest, I think I might have a tough time not being electronically connected for a whole day.  Although the times when I couldn't be connected to an electronic device for whatever reason (current location has no service, attending a workshop or meetings, on a trip), I have felt such lightness of being, kind of like a snow day.  I always feel rejuvenated and ready to come back to the "electronic age".  

What about you?  Are you too wired?  Do you get frustrated with all the cords, wires and connections of which you need to keep track? How do you handle it?  Physically and emotionally? Have you ever not been connected?  What was the reason?  How did you feel when you finally "reconnected"?   Have you ever taken an electronics fast?

Aren't we fortunate to be living in an age where we can choose how we use the tools that improve our lives?  I just need to remember that the electronic devices are to be used and not to let them use me.  I need  to choose peace and tranquility.   I need to choose not to be "wired". 

Leap Year

There seems to be flowers for other holidays, so I purchased a small bouquet for my desk.  What is recommended  for Leap Year?

Happy Leap Year! When I was a kid it seemed as if leap year was one of those notations on the calendar that was recognized and was talked about, not as anything special but rather an interesting footnote, kind of like Lincoln's Birthday.  The biggest concern was "What would you do if you had a birthday on leap year?  When did you celebrate?  More importantly, when did you get presents?"

Leap year was designed to keep the calendar year synchronized with the astronomical or seasonal year. Since seasons and astronomical events don't repeat in whole number days, in order to keep whole days in a calendar, an extra day is inserted every four years to keep things on track.  According to Wikipedia, "The same type of problem happens in the relationship between the day and the number of seconds in the day: If you divide the larger measure of time by the smaller, you do not get a whole number. Instead, the result is an unending decimal".  To prevent the calendar drift of half days, leap year was invented.  The "leap" comes from the fact that while a fixed date in the Gregorian calendar advances one day a week from one year to the next, in the following year of a leap year, the fixed date "leaps" over a day of the week.  For example, February 1 , 2013 fell on a Friday. The next year, 2014 it fell on a Saturday, then in 2015 it fell on a Sunday. In 2016 it fell on a Monday. Because 2016 is a "leap year"  February 1, 2017  will "leap" over Tuesday and will fall on Wednesday. 

The idea of leaping got me thinking.  What types of idioms  (or expressions) do you know which have leap in them? Here are some that I found:

"leap at a chance",  "leaps and bounds", "leap into someone's mind", "leap to conclusions", "leap at someone or something", "leap for joy", "leap forward", "leap out (of something)", "leap over", "look before you leap", "leap in the dark".

The one that I love is "leap of faith".  Two of the definitions of leap are to "propel one forward" and "to enter eagerly into an activity".  The idea that I am eagerly willing to enter into the activity that requires me to have some faith and that will propel me forward is encouraging and exciting. 

By nature I am not a risk taker.  I am a plodder and planner.  I have enough trouble leaping from rock to rock when traversing a small stream on a hike let alone leaping out on faith into a vast unknown of all the "biggies" in life- job opportunities, where to live, moving, marriage decisions, financial responsibilities of college and retirement.  Yet because they are the "biggies" I came to the conclusion long ago that there was nothing I could do to control them.  I had to have faith in something/someone bigger than myself and to believe that God's plan for me was much better than the limited one that I could foresee.  

As it is leap year, I am reminded of the times when big circumstances required me to make a leap of faith. Many times it was hard, kind of walking out onto a ledge and not seeing what is ahead or underneath you.  But I can honestly say that when I completely trusted God, I was never disappointed.  When I listened to His leading, my feet were on solid ground. 

But I am wondering if I am making the small, daily  leaps of faith?  Am I trusting God with the smaller things in my life as I trust him with the biggies?  If not, why not?  Certainly his track record is excellent.  Can I make that leap of faith that today, I am being propelled forward into an eagerly awaited activity?  Am I looking at my day with the expectation of faith- that what I am being called to do today, could be as mundane as walking the dogs, excites me because of the possibilities that await me?  Am I open to possibilities? 

 Do I trust God enough that whatever and wherever He calls me, He is faithful to provide me with what I need for the journey?   

What about you?  Have you ever had to make a leap of faith?  How did it work out?  

One thing I have noticed with my physical, rock leaping "skill" on hikes- the more I do it, the more sure-footed I become. I have noticed that the more I make those spiritual leaps of faith, the more eager I become to see what awaits me and what is on the other side.

Up For a Challenge?

Yesterday I had the privilege to hear author Barbara Morrison speak about her memoir: Innocent:  Confessions of a Welfare Mother.  It was eye-opening and inspirational.  Ms. Morrison had a college education and prior work experience, yet due to a series of circumstances she found herself at twenty-four, divorced, abandoned by her husband, disowned by her parents,  pregnant, with an eighteen month old and no job prospects.  She couldn't cover the cost of childcare, food, rent, clothing, transportation and so was forced to make the "choiceless" choice- receive welfare. She talked about the challenges welfare recipients face and the misunderstanding of the system.

Yes, her situation was extremely difficult and in her talk she alluded to it.  I am sure that there were many dark days and nights for her.  Yet I was struck by her matter of fact explanations, her generosity of spirit towards those who did her harm and her focus on the positive of her experience. She discovered and experienced a true community in the poor neighborhood with the other welfare mothers where she lived.  She was surprised to discover such kindness that if one didn't have enough food stamps to make it to the end of the month, someone in the community would share.  If a person in the community had a job interview, all the members would help provide decent "interview" clothing as no one had a complete ensemble.  If one was sick, someone in the community would watch her children until she got better. 

There is a sense that she doesn't take her current life situation for granted.  As she states, so many people are living from paycheck to paycheck.  All it takes is an accident, health issue or job layoff and they too would have to make the "choiceless" choice of becoming a welfare recipient.  She is grateful that every April 15th she has the privilege to pay taxes knowing that she can share her good fortune with others.  Sure the system might have its flaws but overall we are fortunate to live in a country where the systems relatively work. 

She was a product of the welfare system and the reason for the safety net.  Some people just need a little help to get going.  From the good fortune of legislature timing and kindness of others, she was able to receive a grant that enabled her to learn a new skill and get a job with upward mobility.  

She speaks about the stereotypes and judgements we all make of each other. "Lazy welfare mothers, hard hearted social workers, uncaring parents."  Her story once again underscores our need need to put ourselves in others' shoes for a while to see what their lives are like before we make snap comments.  

One way we can practice empathy is to take the food stamp challenge.  Can you live for one week on the same daily monetary allotment for food that a welfare recipient receives?  (approximately $4 per person per day)  In our household there are two of us- $8 a day x 7 days = $56 for the week for groceries.  If you use any food that is already in your household, subtract that amount from your daily amount. 

Click here to read more about the challenge.  

What is your feeling about the welfare system?  Have you ever experienced a "handout"?  How did that make you feel?  Have you ever had to live paycheck to paycheck?  Would you consider trying the food stamp challenge?  If you try it, please comment. 

Empathy

   There is a beautiful video from the Cleveland Clinic setting the groundwork for empathy.  Click here to see the video.  What I love about this four minute montage is that is reminds me that every person we encounter throughout our day has a story.  One could argue that a hospital intensifies situations but I think if you did a similar montage in a mall, school or local street your would see the same spectrum of fears, heartbreak, pain and joy.

I know that I have written a lot about empathy.  It just seems as if there isn't much of it going around.  Everyday there is another story of a group of people not getting along, harming each other with words or actions and ripping apart the fabric of our society.  It is another story of people thinking of themselves and not of anyone else. It is another story of people not being empathetic to one another. 

I guess like any other habit or behavior we want to change it is best to recognize the problem first. When people only think of themselves it comes out in their speech- "I, mine, me."  How many times do we talk about ourselves only?  Do we use the "I,mine, me" language more than the "you, yours, us"?  Certainly in this political environment, one doesn't have to look far to hear examples.  There is a fun country song by Toby Keith called "I Wanna Talk about Me."   The chorus goes: "Wanna talk about me; Wanna talk about I; Wanna talk about number one; Oh my me my; What I think; what I like; what I know; what I want; what I see; I like talking about you, you, you, you usually; But occasionally; I wanna talk about Me."  I know that times I have to stop myself and honestly ask, am I doing that?

We can start paying attention to those around us. We might not be comfortable asking the person standing behind us online at the grocery story, "How's it really going?" but we could offer a smile and say a silent prayer that today they would receive whatever they need to keep going. We can recognize that there might be something big going on in their lives.  Bigger and more important then the purchase of a loaf of bread, bananas and milk.  We can recognize that a little kindness might be all they need to separate a lousy day from a pretty good one.   

We can start by keeping the lines of communication open to our family, friends and neighbors. Whether we want to ask the people around us how they are, we can still be aware of the nuances of their reactions, statements and behaviors.  Many times it is through the simple act of spending time together and listening to each other that we can start to develop empathy and consideration for others. 

What about you?  How's your empathy level?  Have you ever spent a day wondering about the unsaid realities of the people you meet? 

Start Your Week With a Smile

Last week my sister shared with me a video about the "Oldest Hip Hop Dance Troupe in the world".  They are called the Hip Op-eration Crew.  Visit their website. Their story and the story of Billie Jordan their "dance instructor" is inspirational. Click here to hear BIllie's Ted Talk

What I love about the story is that Billie reached beyond herself, her pain, and her loneliness to help others, the aged in her community, who were also feeling lonely, without purpose, and without hope for a future.  Billie believed in these marginalized elderly people and provided an expectation that was missing in their lives. As she says they no longer talk about the past but rather make plans for the future. She has given back to them their dignity and their humanity.  They in turn have given those things back to her. 

The thing is, not only has the common purpose of the troupe been good for their emotional and mental state it is also providing them with physical benefits. Sure there are healthy issues.  The ages range from upper sixties to upper nineties with the average age being eighty. But Billie works with what she has and encourages the troupe to keep striving and doing.  As of 2015, after two years from starting the troupe, she hadn't lost any to death and the consensus from their physicians was that they are all in better shape.  

As they say under their website's beliefs statement, "Even though their age can limit their dancing capabilities, they are all inspired by the founders of hip hop from the Bronx who believed it’s not about limitations, it’s about possibilities. Regardless of their age and physical ability, they are not letting those limitations get in the way of learning hip hop." 
 

Certainly their story is a great reminder that we are never too old to learn and grow.  We are never too old to find purpose and meaning in our lives.  We are never to old to strive for healing and wholeness in body, mind and spirit. We are never to old to encourage and inspire others. We are never too old for possibilities. 

 Click here to see The Crew perform    Watch it and be inspired.  Guaranteed to put a smile on your face. 

How To "Play Nice"

This week in the wake of Chief Justice Scalia's untimely death, I found it interesting to hear a story about Chief Justice Breyer and his speech on Wednesday at Yale University Law School.  In the introduction of his speech he spoke of his friend and colleague Chief Justice Antonin Scalia.  The two were known for their polar opposition regarding the constitution: Chief Justice was an "originalist" that the justices should determine what the framers' original intent was and stick to it.  Chief Justice Breyer is a believer of "fluid constitution", that the values of the framers' must be molded to apply to our modern society. 

What caught my ear was that even though these gentlemen disagreed, they were respectful of each other and were friends.  In some ways, they agreed to disagree and enjoyed a good legal argument.  When I googled information about the justices, there were stories upon stories about their opposition but about their mutual respect of each other.  

How refreshing.  If only our current political candidates and our legislation could be so cordial with each other.  If only they would "agree to disagree".  But it made me wonder- how does one agree to disagree?  I feel that I don't see that practiced often enough and wonder even if I practice it.

There are many online psychology sites and relationship sites that talk about it.  There are ways to "agree to disagree" in marriage, in friendship, in the workplace, and in day to day interactions.  The commonality in the different scenarios seems to be- one needs to be empathetic and put oneself in the other's position.  In doing so, you build communication.  You listen, you show respect for the other person, you don't discuss a heated issue when either one is emotional or upset, you don't make any arguments personal, you speak to common issues and needs (if possible), you compromise and you humbly realize that you might not have all the answers. 

Interestingly that there was an article in the Sunday New York Times that spoke to divisiveness in our society.  Even though it was not stated it seems as if the commonality behind divisiveness and the avoidance of anything that appears to be divisive is that we as a society do not know how to "play nice" with each other in essence, how to respectively agree to disagree.  Instead we decide to avoid talking about issues at all.  Of course, in doing so we break down communication and understanding even further.

Upon reflection, I can see that avoidance in my own life and in the lives of people I know.  There have been times when topics or ideas seem to be divisive.  In some ways, the prevailing idea is that to keep the peace, there will not be any discussion about the situation.  Sometimes that is a wise course of action and certainly it is an easier one but generally avoidance is like covering an infected wound without the aid of any treatments.  Not a good practice.  At best there will never be any healing and at worst a chance of septicemia and death.

How are you with agreeing to disagree?  Do you discuss opinions or topics with family, friends, co-workers?  What does it look like?  Have you ever "argued" with someone trying to keep their needs and viewpoint in mind?  How did it go?

It seems to me discussing difficult subjects or opinions in a respectful way is needed if we want to be healthy in our individual relationships and in our societal ones. 

Room For Improvement

 I love playing tennis.  I have always loved it but it wasn't until my adult years (and a couple of lessons) that I really started enjoying it. It is definitely my exercise of choice.  I think I like it because I am finally  at a point where I am a decent enough player.  Not superb but at least I am at a point where I can enjoy playing the game and not fret over every shot and, I hope, my opponent can enjoy having a good game too.  I think I also enjoy it because, as some of my tennis friends attest, when and where else can women of a certain age wear short skirts and not look too ridiculous. 

Once when walking onto the court I heard a comment from the group walking off, "Well", said the older gentleman, "I left room for improvement."  

I loved it.  I felt he captured so much more than a tennis philosophy.  What a great lesson for life: Leaving room for improvement.

Do I leave room for improvement for myself and for others?  Or, do I unrealistically expect perfection?  Leaving room for improvement implies that there is more to the action- that there is time and space given before moving forward.  It implies that everything can be improved. Perhaps respite is needed  before continuing but there is still work to be done.  

I like the idea that one has a choice about how we improve.  We can be frenzied and overworked in trying to immediately hit the mark or we can be systematic, paced and timely in our striving.  It is a philosophy that is humbling and freeing at the same time.  It is a philosophy that gives me permission to freely strive for improvement without having to be bound to unattainable goals. 

What about you?  Have you left room for improvement?  If so, in what?  

Not Watching Our Weight

A couple of Sunday's ago in the New York Times there was an interesting op ed piece by Jennifer Weiner.  She was talking about America's view on women aging specifically noting Carrie Fisher and her role in the new Star Wars and the comments she received about her weight or rather, losing weight for the role.  Then Ms. Weiner continued to talk about Weight Watchers and Oprah Winfrey's financial and personal interest in the company. 

Ms. Weiner makes a good point about individuals needing to feel comfortable about themselves. She feels that there should be a point in a woman's life when enough is enough; a woman shouldn't have to feel pressured to being young and thin.  Her point being that perhaps we should invest our time in practical change as in helping others or worthy charities rather than in the quest for the impossible- trying to revert the tide of aging. 

Yet I think she might be casting too glaring a light on this double standard for women.  Yes, we should stop focusing on the minutia of ourselves- the weight numbers. However, it is important to be healthy. I know too many people who think aging means forgetting about good eating and movement, things that are just basic. If the weight watchers ads are to be believed they are now focusing on physical movement and healthy eating.  Weight loss should not be the primary goal but rather a natural by-product.   

I do believe that.  If we are to have long term life-long change especially regarding our weight, we need to come to some understanding with food and with our bodies. We cannot be so focused on the poundage.  I think we can strike a balance between being healthy but not being a slave to achieving it.  That doesn't mean that we are still obsessed with the youth and beauty dream.  I think that means that we have matured.

What about you?  Are you struggling with weight issues?  What has been your focus?  What does healthy look like for you? 

Fear Factor

Have you felt a change in the air?  I don't mean the actual climate but a feeling of "something wicked this way comes."  It is a clawing pervasiveness like the Dementors from the Harry Potter books.  It is an atmosphere that sucks the life out everyone it touches.  It is the cold touch of fear.

It seems lately that everyone I meet is succumbing to fear.  It is one the underlying characteristics beneath our country's policies and political race.  It pervades the local politics and news.  It is in the comments of neighbors, friends and family.  It is paralyzing our common sense and decency.  

Just recently there was a local county jurisdiction that decreed its school children would not be allowed to have any classroom trips to Baltimore due to the riots from last April.  They are worried about the safety of the children and decided it would be best to avoid that potential by staying in their low crime homes.  To me that is unbelievable that seemingly rational adults can be so afraid of some very remote danger that they are denying the children access to historical and cultural events. 

The tragic irony is that this same county enclave just had an awful reality check: deranged and dangerous people are all around us, even in our idyllic settings.  Two days ago, there was a fatal shooting of two officers from the sheriff's department.  The officers were responding to a call about a suspicious gentleman sitting in a local eatery. According to witnesses, the officer asked the gentleman how his day was going and the gentleman responded with a shot to the officer's head.  Absolutely horrible.  Prior to this incident, this county sheriff's department had lost in the line of duty only five deputies, the first in 1899.  Three of those five happened in the last six years. 

Even though I do not agree with this county's isolation-protects-us-from-harm policy, I would never wish something like this to happen. Life is rough and tough. Humans can treat others terribly.  Yet I still believe that we, humans, can do better.  That we can turn the tide to this fearful climate.

Fear creates isolation.  Isolation creates lies and untruths.  Lies and untruths create hate.  Hate creates all types of deranged behavior.   

"Perfect love casts out all fear."  Can that ever be achieved?  What does that look like?  I think for a start it is loving our neighbors as ourselves. It is in knowing our neighbors and not isolating ourselves from community.  

 I think we need to take a reality check about our own lives.  To humbly realize that there by the grace of God go I.   It is only a thin thread that separates us from those who do that which we find abhorrent.  I think when we are open to our own potential then we are open to compassion and empathy towards others. 

I think as a community and as a nation we need to guard ourselves from this atmosphere of fear.  When we hear our neighbors, friends and family speak in fear to ask, what is their specific fear? To help them identify it and to ask if that is likely to happen? When we hear derogative or hateful comments to ask,  is it true? 

Sadly, some tragedies will happen.  My heart aches for those families.  Yet I would hope that if I were the one who suffered tragedy that I would, at some point,  not let fear and hatred take over my life.  That I would not succumb to the Dementor's kiss. For when we let fear take over we no longer are living life. 

What about you?  Have you noticed a change in the climate?  What, if anything, are you doing about it? 

Moving Forward

Today on the radio there was a piece about NASA and their plans for colonizing Mars.  Very interesting.  Once again NASA is looking at a problem in a different way.  They are trying to answer the question "how to build habitable space in an hostile environment" similarly to building habitats  in remote areas on this planet.  

The part of the piece that caught my attention  was the personal story of Charles Bolden the first African American NASA administrator.  He grew up in segregated South Carolina and when he was in high school was having difficulty getting any appointment to any military academy. As he tells his story, he doesn't sound bitter but states the facts of the time- segregation and all it entailed with the white legislators from his state.   Through the help of President Lyndon Johnson he was able to secure a position at the Naval Academy and went on with a career as a Marine Corps aviator, then astronaut and finally NASA administrator. 

Even though Strom Thurmond did not help his state constituent in the initial position, Senator Thurmond did write personal congratulatory notes to Charles Bolden with every milestone Bolden achieved.  Charles Bolden sounded like he had forgiven Senator Thurmond and has moved on with his life.

He says he took this [congratulatory letters] to mean that people are capable of changing. "Even people who seem to be evil or seem to be bad, deep down inside they know what's right and they want to do it and they will try to find a way to make good things happen," Bolden said. 

What a great story of recognition of the complexities of people and the capability of forgiveness. Even reading this I was taken by surprise, for neither Strom Thurmond nor President Johnson are my favorite politicians.  Recognizing that of course they were life long politicians which means everything done is calculated for self benefit, yet I was surprised that they would make a point of helping and following a young man. Just goes to show how people will surprise you and do the right thing as Bolden states. 

Makes me wonder about the people I know and have known- those who I have either written off or those who I have tuned out because I don't like their beliefs or policies.  Perhaps I need to revisit the relationship- listen to them, hear their side of the story and make the effort to restore some type of communication, either through reconsidering their beliefs (as in the case of public figures) or in reaching out (as in the case of former friends and acquaintances).  Either way I need to settle the matter in my heart, not to be quick to judge and to be open to change and possibilities.  

I think one of the reasons Charles Bolden has become who he is and has accomplished what he has done (besides being incredibly intelligent and brave) is that he appears to be a person who goes about life with an open mind and heart.  He isn't weighed down by  past baggage but has the freedom to move forward.  It is not that he started a deep relationship with Senator Thurmond but that he, Charles Bolden didn't let any bitterness from the past shape his future. 

What about you?  Are there people in your life you may need to reconsider?  Are there people who seem to have "done you wrong"?   How can you keep an open mind for change and possibilities? For yourself and for the other person?  How can you lighten the load of your past so that you can have the freedom to embrace your future? 

Second Chance Lemons

Perhaps you saw the T-mobile Superbowl commercial with Steve Harvey?  Kudos to him (and his PR people) for making lemonade out of lemons.  Click here to see the ad  He has had a terrible year with the glaring mistake of announcing the wrong winner to the 2015 Miss Universe pageant. By all accounts it wasn't that he intentionally planned to do that but things happened.  Everyone has slip ups and problems but it makes it more difficult when it is publicized world wide.  And then it is not over.  It can be reviewed over and over again via the internet.

There is a lesson to be learned.  Just because you made a mistake doesn't mean that all is lost. I find that most people are very forgiving especially when the one who has made a mistake is forthright about it; when he owns up to the mistake, when he doesn't make any excuses about what happened and when he then moves on.  Of course the admission is always easier to say and take when it is done in a spirit of humor and humility. 

It is also easier to forgive ourselves when we own up to what has happened, when we learn from the experience and then when we move forward.  I find that if I don't forgive myself, I will replay the mistake over and over again in my mind. Who needs the internet? 

What about you?  Have you made any mistakes- public or private?   I certainly have had my spell of gaffs.  I remember once speaking at a national conference.  I was too naive to realize what was happening until I was thrust into the middle of it. Overall there was a misunderstanding- unbeknownst to me the event planner thought I was someone I was not and I was mistaken over the needs of the audience. The speech would've been fine had it been in another venue. As I began my speech the entire misunderstanding became clear to me. I tried to adjust the talk to the audience but to no avail.  There is nothing worse to a speaker than a sea of blank faces staring at you for fifteen minutes. Oh well, live and learn. 

The point is that we all make mistakes.  We all have to apologize for those mistakes or at least recognize the problem, take responsibility for the situation and then  move on.  

I find that the best way is to achieve that is through a spirit of humor and humility.

It is asking oneself, "Did I mean to do it?"  Most times the answer is no.  Things just happen.  Even so, we still need to recognize our responsibility in the matter, to own what has happened. If it is something that has become a pattern, then it is best to seek ways to break that pattern.  

If it is just one of those things then I try to remember to keep it in context.  "Is this really going to make a difference in my life- next month, next year, in ten years?"

I think of others who have shared stories of their gaffs and mistakes.  It is encouraging to me because it reiterates that we all make mistakes.  I then think of my situation a part of that collective; whom can I encourage/comfort with my story?    

When I am in the middle of an embarrassing situation I sometimes have an "out of body" experience.  It is as if I am seeing the situation from a far and putting distance between my immediate feelings and the context of time. I am already thinking that the problem would be a great story one day.

How about you?  How do you handle gaffs and guffaws?  Do you have any unresolved mistakes or embarrassing situations?  What is holding you back from moving forward?  How can you make lemonade out of a sour experience?  What second chance can you give yourself?  Or someone else? 

Personal Epiphany

Lately I have been in one of those funks- feeling that all was not well with the world. In speaking to others I know that so many can relate.

Like all the past blog posts on this subject, I tried the usual things to snap out of it- exercise, getting enough sleep, gratitude journal, getting outside in the sun and air,  etc. But I couldn't shake the feeling.

This morning as I was brushing my teeth I had the "Aha!" moment.  I realized that I have been playing the comparison game and I was losing.  You know how it is played.  You start to think of people you know or the people you see online or in the media.  If you are remotely in their social/business circles they all seem more successful, well-liked, better connections, well-known, better shape, more helpful, well balanced, etc. You name the criteria and those people are always higher on the scale than you.  As you get deeper into the misconceptions of the comparison game, you decide that you can never be a player on their level, so you end up living vicarious through what they do or say. You spend more time following them than you do actually living.  You become paralyzed to truly live life because it seems that you will never be fast enough, smart enough, pretty enough, wealthy enough, influential enough.  Not healthy.

The comparison game can even be played by yourself.  You can be so concerned with yesterday or the future, comparing what did happen or thinking what will happen that the present gets overlooked.  You are never truly engaged in the "here and now".   

Either way it is a vortex in which we get pulled.

I have had enough.  I am tired of being pulled down.  

My epiphany this morning was that I need to learn contentment.  No matter what the circumstances I need to be grateful for my portion and not worry about anyone else's.  "Concern yourself with yourself"- the universal words of parents or teachers. How many times have I said that to one of the boys when he would complain that his brother was getting some type of treat over what he was receiving?  How often did I hear that in school when one of my classmates would bring to the whole class's attention that Bobby was allowed to go to leave the room to get something from his locker and the speaker did not?

I think I finally got the "aha"- to be content with my lot in life, with my day as it unfolds and with what I feel called to do.  It is when I live like that I am filled with joy.  That joy spills out in all that I do and say. When I hear what friends and colleagues are doing I can be gracious and happy for them and not enter the comparison realm.  I am content with what I am doing and therefore it doesn't matter what others are doing. 

Besides being content I need to be vigilant to not even begin the comparison game.  I need to shut down those thoughts for they are not productive.  It causes me to become stagnant.  

For example, the comparison game has semi-paralyzed me with my writing.  I read other blogs, follow artists on Instagram, check out websites of authors and before I know it, I haven't done anything that I feel called to do.  It is good to keep up with the business but not at the expense of my own work.  All it has accomplished is making me feel inadequate, inept and unprepared. 

Comparisons have become such a problem for me that I do not even want to host a gathering of dear friends at my home.  Our home is small with two barking greeters (once everyone arrives they do settle down quietly). I start worrying that the guests will not be comfortable in their seats or that they will be annoyed by our friendly four-footed greeters. I have lost my confidence in entertaining and in hosting things. All due to the fact of comparing myself to others in the group. "They all  have bigger homes, they know just what food items to make, they are more hospitable."  That type of thinking just saps the energy and wastes time.  It also becomes a self-fulling prophecy.  If I start thinking I am not hospitable then I will become inhospitable. 

I am always drawn to the people who have a joie de vive.  They enjoy what they are doing at the moment that they are doing it. Many of them have a devil may care attitude.  They are not worrying about what others think but are experiencing life as best they know how.  They are enjoying the now:  where they are, what they have, what they are doing, and with whom they are doing it. I think when we concern ourselves with ourselves and what we feel called to do we can concentrate on that exclusively.  We do not have to worry about what others are doing or thinking.  

For me it requires that I live in the present.  It is saying "I will..."  I will fill my mind with what is truthful, honorable, beautiful, pure, uplifting, praise worthy and encouraging. I will concentrate on my writing and in learning more about my craft.  I will be as gracious as I can.  I will invite people over.  I will live in the now. I will be more joyful. 

What about you?  Have you ever played the comparison game?  How did it turn out?  Do you live in the here and now?  How do you do it?  Do you live your life with joy? 

52 (Give or Take) Ideas

How are you doing with your plans for 2016?  As we settle into the year I have found that some things I was so gung-ho on doing have fallen by the wayside. (My idea of running during lunchtime has stopped- somewhat due to the blizzard but any excuse is always welcomed!)  I find that I need to have smaller more frequent goals, ones that I can easily achieve which in turn become the foundation for healthy change and healthy living.

So in that spirit I offer to you 52 ideas (an idea a week) -some new and some old.  All are reminders that small changes can lead to heathy living. As we are starting in February, there are 5 extra items to mix and match throughout the year. If you want, copy and print out the list and keep in your calendar or on your refrigerator as a weekly reminder. Hopefully this list will incentivize you to work on something small each week. If not those listed below than perhaps these suggestions might spark some other idea for you:

1. Eliminate drinking soda this week
2. Incorporate one new veggie or fruit into your diet
3. Plan your meals for the week
4. Use a smaller size plate for your dinner this week (don't go back for seconds or thirds) 
5. Drink 8 x 8oz glasses of water each day.  If you need some flavor, add slice of orange, lemon, lime or a splash of juice
6. Eliminate desserts this week
7. Sit down for your entire dinner this week.  Set the table, light a candle and dine.  Whether by yourself or with your family- enjoy not rushing through dinner.
8. Start lettuce seeds, spinach seeds or other greens indoors
9. Walk for ten more minutes each day (or start walking ten minutes) 
10. Sign up for an exercise class
11. Get up and move away from your desk (try marching in place for a minute) every 60 minutes
12. Do sit ups during commercial breaks
13. Get to bed earlier this week (by an hour or half-hour)
14. Take your daily shower before going to bed (give yourself a little extra time in the morning as well as wash away any daily allergens)
15. Remove electronic devices from the bedroom (put your cell phone, laptop in another room)
16. Eliminate alcohol this week (no glass of wine with dinner, beer or nightcap)
17. Limit caffeine this week- switch one of your cups of joe to herbal tea
18. Visit your local library
19. Read 1 book this week instead of watching TV
20. Complete a crossword puzzle (or one or two levels of a word game app)
21. Color in an adult coloring book (pick one up in a supermarket or craft store) 
22. Say no to requests this week (say you are temporarily on hiatus)
23. Write out goals for the year (or the remainder of the year)
24. Keep a bouquet of fresh flowers by your bed or on your desk this week
25. Do something for a colleague- bring them a cup of coffee or tea, drop off a funny card on their desk
26. Surprise a loved one with a favorite meal, meaningful note or "just because" gift
27. Become an organ donor or a bone marrow donor or sign up to donate blood
28. Write out a budget- include a savings plan
29. Only spend $ on essentials this week- food, housing, transport to work, contribution to church/place of worship
30. Donate to your favorite charity
31. Go window shopping.  Create an outfit that appeals to you but do not purchase.
32. Write out your will: include living will, power of attorney, etc. 
33. Go through your coat closet- dry clean what needs it, eliminate unmatched gloves, unflattering hats, scarves never worn
34. Sort through dresser drawers- do one drawer a night.  Eliminate ripped, stretched out, stained, non-fitting clothing
35. Sort through kitchen drawers- one drawer a day.  Eliminate items that haven't been used or will probably never be used
36. Go through garage and/or basement- get rid of things that  you haven’t used in a while or are broken or are unrealistic projects
37. Plan for a yard sale- sell household items that no longer want/need.  Go in with the neighbors for a bigger turnout
38. Get ready for your next day, the night before (clothes laid out, lunches packed, bags by the door)
39. Go through linen closet- donate old towels and blankets to your local animal shelter
40. Write in a gratitude journal each day
41. Find a Bible study plan
42. Commit to reading/listening to Bible each day
43. Go to place of worship this week
44. Pray for five minutes each day
45. Find out information about volunteering in an area of interest
46. Take a gift inventory- discover your strengths and abilities
47. Plan for a retreat (commit to 1 hour or 1/2 a day or weekend)
48. Write a note to a person who had an impact in your life- thank them for their love and support
49. Plan out your funeral- any favorite hymns, songs, poems, Bible verses
50. Practice random acts of kindness (hand out gift cards to a local coffee shop to road repair workers, trash collectors, rest room attendant)
51. Do something nice for your neighbor- shovel their walk, mow their lawn, drop off a bouquet of garden flowers
52. Sit outside for ten minutes- enjoy the sights and sounds of nature

January Office Project

I have had on my to-do list a fairly large project: redecorating our home office for my own use.   I have been putting it off because I didn't have a clear cut plan or vision in my mind.  Most of what I envisioned would be subject to physically moving the house and that is not an option.  It is because I am such a direct sunlight junkie.  I will move throughout the day following what little sunlight streams directly into our home. It is not that our home is completely dark, it is just that we do not have too many southern facing windows. 

For the past year I have been using a small writing desk in our bedroom.  It was positioned directly in front of our only southern facing window that provides the most light. Much as I loved soaking in the sun, I was becoming increasingly annoyed with having to spread out my papers on the bed and collect them each evening.  I needed a room of my own.

The logical choice was for me to use our family "office": a long-before-we-were-the-home-owners converted garage into a room that has bookshelves, desk, chairs, windows and housed our family computer. Years ago I painted (multiple, multiple times) the dark panelling in order to lighten it up. About ten years ago, we had removed the useless garage door and replaced it with a large window in the front. 

For some reason I was holding back embracing this space due to the sunlight issue.  The room is light just doesn't receive direct sunlight. Also I was having difficulty envisioning a work space.  I needed some inspiration. 

One thing I have found with projects- eventually I do them because to not do them causes too much angst. I was more tired of the daily clean up in the bedroom than the concern of the indirect sunlight.   Plus I became enamored with an eclectic, light, clean, somewhat French looking style and thought perhaps I could decorate this room in this vein.

I use the term decorating very loosely.  For someone who writes and sticks to her lists, I do not plan out creative projects.  I have never followed any type of garden plan, room plan or story board.   I kind of have an idea in my head of what I want the project to look like, but generally by the time I am finished, it has a morphed into something completely different.

The other thing, especially in decorating one has to make a decision as to what to purge and what new things need to be purchased.  I am always trying to work with what I already have- partly to be budget-friendly, partly to be environmentally-friendly and partly because I am too lazy and indecisive.  

So far I like how things have evolved.  I found two chairs at Goodwill.  They are called "Hollywood French Regency chairs" or that was what they were called when I checked with a Google search.  Very 1970's, with dark wood, "caned" sides and crushed light blue velvet fabric. (I thought I had taken a "before" picture but I must not have. Click her to see a similar chair)   

They were really inexpensive yet solid so I thought I would try chalk paint and the how-to-recover upholstery technique I had seen on youtube.  (I am more convinced than ever that those who make the videos leave out a crucial step.)  Of course, once I had removed the old upholstery and saw the remains, it looked nothing like any of the furniture from the videos. I had to make some alternative plans but it worked out. 

I used "Paris Grey" paint for the wood and "cane" parts and a zebra style bluish-grey fabric over the cushions.   I couldn't find any trim I liked (aesthetics + price) so the white trim is cut to size clothesline. With help from my ever patient husband, I was finally able to cover both chairs, move things around in the office and voila, I am enjoying my "new" digs.  

Office Manager: Our one dog likes the new arrangement.  He gets a prime location to check the comings and goings of the neighborhood- especially mail deliveries. 

Do you have any projects on your to-do list?  Have you ever been inspired by a youtube video?  How did it work out?  Did you finish your project or was it abandoned?  What would it take to get your project done?

 For me, I was thinking too hard about the finished project.  Another thing I have noticed with the youtube presenters- they all seem to be willing to take risks.  It is an "oh, well" attitude: "Oh, well, if this doesn't work out, I 'll just go back to the drawing board."  I had to keep that in mind as I was, once again having to cut another section of the foam cushion to get it to fit.  I just let myself go with it.  Once I did, I finally got a vision and proceeded with my project.