What Are You Intending To Do Today?

When I introduced my then boyfriend (now husband) to my family, my brother asked John in no uncertain terms- "What are your intentions towards my sister?"  Partly he was joking but partly because he truly wanted to know. 

I like the word intention- a determination to act in a certain way and intentionality-the fact of being deliberate.  

Have you ever thought about your intentions?  I like the image of deliberately doing something. The simple definitions for intend are-to plan or have something in mind. It connotes a decision on one's part that only that individual can make. It is the beginning of the process to achieving something.  The Olympic athletes are intentional about their workouts. The practices don't just happen willy-nilly.  Successful people, whether we are talking "worldly" or "spiritual" success, are intentional about their lifestyle- what they do, with whom they interact, where they spend their time. 

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions", is a quote attributed to Samuel Johnson.  (There is debate whether or not it is truly his or perhaps Saint Bernard of Clairvaux). The point of the proverb is this- while it is good to have intentions, there needs to be another step in achieving those goals.  Or to quote another saying- "just do it".   Many of us say we want to do such and such or that we decide this is how we will act, speak, behave, plan, etc. but many times we never proceed with the next step of doing the actual work to achieve it.  We then end up living in the hell of disappointment with ourselves.  "Why can't I get anything done?", we lament. 

Intentionality takes the thought process to another level.  Sure we can formulate a plan or goal in our mind.  I think of intentionality as the grit and deep down determination that we are going to do it.   It is an inner resolve.  It is if in our mind's eye when we are intentionally going to do something we become like Scarlet O'Hara at the intermission portion of Gone With The Wind:  "As God is my witness, I will never go hungry again." 

I was thinking about this word this morning as I was wondering about my own intentions?  Not only what do I want to achieve this summer, but am I intentionally doing things, controlling my schedule, choosing activities and work that pushes me along the path of my purpose and plans? 

What can I intentionally do today that would move me along my purpose?

One thing about which I need to be intentional is working in community- reaching out to friends, family and neighbors.  As I have mentioned before I am basically shy and introverted (Some of you might be surprised by my declaration. Yes, I can certainly meet and greet people and do enjoy people but left to my own devices I am more the observer than the participant)  I need to reach out to others in a way that is fitting for my personality (one on one, notes of encouragement, etc.)

I will be intentional:

1. Sending encouraging emails or notes to those whose names have been on my heart
2. Looking for ways to speak to my neighbors more than the precursory wave
3. Treating my writing as a full time job

What about you?  What are your intentions?  First name them.  But then next, how will you go about doing them? What intentional actions can you do?  Are there any resolutions in your life that you will, "As God is your witness, never or always do..."  What can you do each day to remind yourself of your resolve and intentions?   What are you intending to do today?

House Ready or Not?

The houses on both sides of us are for sale.  I was telling someone that the other day and I didn't realize how bad that makes us as neighbors until I noticed the raised eyebrow and the "Uh huh.  And this doesn't have anything to do with you?"  Innocently I said no but then it occurred to me that not every one loves a working (aka, barking) terrier.  

One of the houses is listed online and is typical of all nosy neighbors (come on, be honest, you know that you would too) we looked at the listing and the pictures.  The thing that struck me- "Where was all their stuff?"  My son who has spent some time there babysitting their children, said "Wow, that looks totally different." The house looked lovely, like a place from HGTV or a glossy decorating magazine but it also looked sterile.  Where was the lived-in look, the photos, the kitschy knickknacks from travels abroad, the books and papers?  It made me look at our home in a whole different light.

Actually I almost felt sick to my stomach thinking what would happen if we tried to sell our home?  We have so many undone projects and things that are particular to this quirky house. There couldn't possibly be anyone out there that would have the same preference as we once did and who would want to pay a nice price for it.

It also struck me that with all the staging and sprucing up, why don't we live like that always?  Is it just a fantasy that everyone buys into with the real estate game?  Of course, everyone wants to have a linen closet with perfectly stacked sheets and towels with plenty of shelf space so that you actually see the shelf.  No one really lives with shelves stuffed beyond capacity so that the linens are actually so packed they can stay wedged in open space between the front wall and the shelf. 

I also felt sick to my stomach of gluttony of household items.  Do we really need all those plates in the kitchen?  Can we get rid of some of our chairs?  Can't I put all of my clothes in the closet rather than schlepping the seasonal clothes in and out of neighboring bedroom closets? 

What if I only had in my house those things that were useful and beautiful (to misquote William Morris) and only one set or one item?  What would it look like if I parred down my belongings?  What if I got the house ready to sell but then enjoyed living in it? 

I am ready (almost) to try a challenge: Can I systematically go room by room, ruthlessly getting rid of those things that I don't love or don't use.  (One of the questions to ask- if I had a fire and this item was burned, would I replace it?)  What if I removed the unnecessary items, like I was staging the home for sale?  (Even though I do go through our rooms periodically, I never have been really hard core in my decision keep/throw out tree.)

I don't know if I can actually get rid of everything so I might just put in a labeled box in the basement.  A tip from professional organizers is to label the box "Give to Goodwill by December 2017" and if you haven't looked in the box by then, you haven't missed it so get rid of it. 

If going through a room is too much, try a section of it.  I have read that it is a good exercise to clear a shelf or mantel or wall of decoration and just live with the blankness for a while.  When you start putting things back, try the William Morris test of usefulness and beauty. 

I think there must be a fine line between living in the "staged" house setting and living in a pigsty. I don't want to live in a sterile environment but it would be nice not to feel that I am being suffocated with "stuff". 

What about you?  Is your house ready to sell?  What would your home look like if it was?  Would you like living in that setting or would you feel like you were missing something?  Would you want to try the house ready challenge? 

Parks for All

This past weekend my husband, our other son and I rode in a local fund raiser- Tour dem Parks - which is a bicycle ride to raise funds for our city's parks and recreation department.  It was fun to tour parts of our city that I have never seen.  The ride is certainly a lot smaller than the one we did in NYC but a good time was had by all nonetheless.

It is funny.  I guess because as this was a ride in our hometown I was more observant, aka"picky", on the condition of the roads, the state of the buildings and the general environment.  When I was going through the different boroughs in NY, I hardly saw any specifics as I was taking in everything that I saw.  

It is similar to how I am with hospitality.  When I am at someone else's home I take in the overall ambience but don't even notice anything specifically.  (If they apologize for things not quite right, I do not even notice)  However, if they were to come to my house, I would notice my chipped paint around the door frame or the layer of dust on the piano. 

So the thing that I noticed on the ride were the neighborhoods that were run down, complete with trash strewn about, tall weeds growing in cracks in the concrete, and boarded up buildings. I noticed the areas where all the surfaces have concrete- from road, sidewalk to areas surrounding homes and apartment buildings.  Not a green space anywhere. These pockets of neighborhoods are some distances from the parks. Since we rode from park to park, I got a good idea of the distance it would take to travel there. I wonder where do the kids play or if they play at all? 

The view overlooking one of the city's first "gentrification"- the inner harbor area. 

It got me thinking about "gentrification", that new word that means more than cleaning up an area.  Contained in the word is the sequence of events- clean up an area, fix the sidewalks, roads, ensure that services are provided on a regular basis like trash pickup, sell the property to developers, remodel the warehouses, homes, tenant buildings, public housing to high priced stores, houses with futuristic looking interiors, sleek office buildings and condos.  Anything remotely public, meaning free or less expensive, is gone. 

I recently read an article about the gentrification in another city.  When the author was reporting about the changes to the neighborhood, he overheard some local kids asking the developers about the new plantings.  When it was explained that the trees and shrubbery were part of the new building plan one of the kids turned to the others and said, "See I told you.  The trees aren't for us." 

How sad.  

Why aren't the trees and any type of neighborhood beautification for the residents?  Can't trees and green spaces be for all citizens, not just the elite few who can afford it?   Certainly when many of the faded and run down parks we rode through, were first built they were done so during the era of civic duty and public spiritedness-  getting outside in the fresh air with trees and grass was a good thing for all city dwellers. 

I think it still is.  I think that cities should do more with their parks, not to "gentrify" an area making another pocket of wealthy citizens.  Rather maintaining green spaces in all areas of the city because all citizens deserve to have nature surrounding them.  If I had the money, I would like to fund a study seeing the effects of green spaces on city dwellers: what would be the violence rate in an area with parks versus one that just had concrete. 

Seems to me it doesn't have to take loads of money to have some space that is beautiful.  It doesn't take much for neighborhoods to pick up trash, pull some weeds and plant a few trees and flowers.  But just because a neighborhood cleans itself up, doesn't mean that it needs to be bought and redesigned.  The original neighbors should have a space that is affordable and pleasing. 

Taken from the "pagoda" at one of the parks (drawing rendition on the front of the t-shirt).  This park is "gentrified" on one side while the other is still struggling. 

What about you?  Do you see "gentrification" in your neighborhood?  Perhaps you bought into an area that has been recently "gentrified".  How is it?  Or are you living in a place that just needs to be cleaned up?  Are there places where you can volunteer for clean up of the local park?  Do you need to evaluate your own home and your own green space?  Do you have a lawn, trees, flowers or anything that is remotely green?  

Well Balanced

This past week we have experienced some very windy conditions.  The wind comes in these great gusts that turn the leaves of the trees inside out.  There are many fallen branches and leaf debris on the sidewalks, streets and in the gutters.  In the corner of our front garden is a fifteen year old butterfly bush.  I have pruned it over the years but I must admit, not very well.  Consequently it is about 10 feet tall with an umbrella-like branch structure emerging from a gnarly wooded trunk.  When I say umbrella-like, it is more like one of those discarded umbrellas found pushed up against fences in alleys- opened on one side and half bent on the other. 

The thing is, in looking at the bush, it appeared to be fine.  Sure, it didn't have complete symmetry but that created some interest.  Unfortunately I never realized how precarious the bush was.  I didn't realize how much my inept pruning was weakening the plant. 

It was only when I was out watering when I thought it seemed strange that the white hydrangea bush (which was under the butterfly bush) was looking squashed.  Turns out the entire butterfly bush was blown over in the wind storms.  It was just barely hanging on the the trunk by a small connection.  The only thing I could do to "save" the bush was to cut through the tear and hope that I didn't cut back too much of the bush. 

The bush was unbalanced hence it didn't have the ability to withstand the mighty winds.  

What a great metaphor for our lives: when we are not balanced in our life we are easily toppled over.  Some of the things that we do might not appear to be weakening our lives (like my asymmetrical pruning) and in fact might look okay.  It is only when conditions change, generally beyond our control, and the storms of life toss us to and fro that we realize being off balanced puts our survival, aka sanity, in jeopardy. 

Our lives end up looking like the discarded umbrella- not much good to anyone let alone ourselves. 

I have been feeling unbalanced with my schedule lately-spending too much time with certain endeavors while neglecting others. It makes me feel anxious and agitated.  I am in no position to be productive for anyone else let alone myself.   When I receive a flurry of requests of my time, I feel like I will just collapse under the weight and force of the appeal for my time. 

What about you?  How balanced is your life? Do you feel that you are leaning in one direction over another?  Is it a temporary situation or has it become so gradual that it is now a permanent feature in your life?  How can you recover balance?   Do you need to prune some things out of your life: saying no to things that are taking over in your schedule?  Do you need to say yes to other things in order to allow that "side" of you to grow? 

I don't know about you, but I don't want my life to become like the discarded umbrella. I want to become a person who is strong, steady, resilient and useful. 

Watch Your Language

How is your emotional vocabulary?  When asked how you feel, do you answer, "I feel like sh*t". Or are you more precise in your experiences, "I am feeling gloomy or desperate or agitated."? 

I just read an article describing "emotional granularity" which is the description for those people who have finely tuned feelings. They have precise language to explain the how and why of their feelings and experience.   For example, instead of feeling sad about climate change, these folks might feel alarm tinged with sorrow or regret for a species facing extinction.  This feeling might spur on some type of action, e.g. writing a letter to a congressman.  Even if an action doesn't occur, the fact that there is a specific feeling evoked is better than the general, "I feel bad and therefore am just depressed about life in general." As the article states, "... people who learn diverse concepts of emotion are better equipped to create more finely tailored emotions."

Turns out that those people who have that diverse concept which is demonstrated through their word choices, have better resilience to those things that are troubling us.  They can handle more stress and "bad news" whether is is personal or societal because they can clearly identify and "compartmentalize" the feeling. When we are able to clearly identify the feeling we don't get so bogged down with generalities.  There is more of a feeling of "I can do something about this" because the feeling is broken down into a specific focus.  Plus, if you can share specifically what is bothering you, it makes it easier for those who care about you to know what to do and say. 

Of course, there are times when the only words to describe how we feel is, "I feel like sh*t." but I think it is worth looking into learning a more precise language.  It may or may not help us cope but we certainly will sound not so much like we woke up in the gutter. 

What about you?  How's your emotional vocabulary?  Do you need to learn some new words?  Click on to the below list and try incorporating a new word into your vocabulary.  As we have said before, we will always have stress in our lives.  It is how we deal with it that sets us apart.  I am all for watching my language if it can help me live a better life.  

Here is a list of  100 words to describe different feelings. 

What is Your Chief Aim?

If you were pursuing joy in your life, what would that look like?  What activities, things, goals would you pursue? Would that pursuit brings you joy?  What brings meaning into your life? Are you actively seeking it out? 

When I think of joy I think of the Westminster Catechism:  "What is the chief aim of man?  To know God and to enjoy Him forever."  

Granted, the language is a little archaic but I think the lesson is spot on.  If only we would truly learn it:  It is through knowing God that our lives fall into place.  We recognize how He wants us to live and how He wants us to enjoy our lives.  Unfortunately there are many who feel that God is a kill joy waiting for us to mess up so that He can do all sorts of bad things to us.  

I do not think so.  Jesus claimed that He came to bring life and to bring it abundantly.  In the Old Testament, the writer of Ecclesiastes reminds us that "however many years a man may live, let him enjoy them all".  God wants us to enjoy our lives. 

 I think God takes pleasure and joy out of His creation.  If not, why would He create the platypus, the giraffe or a dog?  All of these can bring smiles to our faces.  If those things like the birds of the air and the flowers in the field bring delight to Him, how much more does He take pleasure in us, the creature He created in His own image?

And if He created all that fun and delight doesn't He want us to experience the same? 

There is joy in that.  Joy in the knowledge of God.  Joy in the knowledge that He is in control regardless of our current situation.  Joy in letting Him guide our lives.  Joy in serving Him with our talents, thoughts, treasures and time.  Joy in finding our purpose through Him. Joy in the knowledge that God brings meaning to our lives and with it, so much delight. 

The Little Red Hen

Somedays I feel like the little red hen. 

Do you remember the story?  A little red hen finds some seeds.   When she asks her friends, "Who will help me plant these seeds?", "Not I" is the reply from the goose, duck, pig and cat.  She continually asks them for help each step of the process of turning the seeds into grain and then into bread.  "Not I" is still the response.  Only when she is all done with her labors of planting the seeds, harvesting the grain, and finally baking the bread can she rest.  She asks her friends, "Who will help me eat the bread?" When she gets a resounding, "I will", she declines their help telling them that since they didn't help during the preparation they will not be able to have the results from the labor. 

The moral of the story is to reinforce a strong work ethic and remind that if one hasn't contributed to the product, then one shouldn't benefit from it.  It also reiterates that if one doesn't receive any help, to soldier on and to be as independent as possible. 

Strong work ethic and independence- excellent personality traits, Right? 

Yes, we would say.  Definitely the back bone of our society.  Yet I wonder if it is the best course of response in situations?  The thing is, it is exhausting being the little red hen. Not only does she physically do all the work but she is emotionally looking, tallying and keeping track of who is helping her along the way. 

Of course there is some righteous indignation on the hen's part and rightly so. The story speaks to our sense of fairness and deserved-ness.  If you do not put in the time you cannot receive a reward.  Certainly that is true in disciplining oneself - whether one is an athlete or musician. 

And, there is a time constraint in her endeavor.  Seeds have to be planted and harvested at certain times of the year. If one is to have bread in the fall, the seeds have to grow in the spring. If she sat around waiting for the help, she would never get the project off the ground.

Much as I identify with the little red hen I don't really like her attitude.  She seems standoffish and judgmental.  Almost as if she is already going into the endeavor with the expectation that no one will help her and she goes through the motion of asking for help just to prove her point.  Not very attractive.

At times like these I am reminded of Psalm 22:11- "Be not far from me, for trouble is near and there is none to help".  The psalmist starts out with telling God exactly how he feels- alone, forsaken, full of self-pity, feeling totally washed out and used up, exhausted with no one to help him.  As he cries out to God and has an honest discussion with Him, the psalmist finally comes to the conclusion that God is the one who listens and helps.  Psalm 22: 24- "For He has not despised or abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; and He has not hid his face from him, but has heard, when he cried to Him. " God knows what the psalmist is experiencing and He cares.  He hears. He sees and He provides. 

When I feel like the little red hen, I need to lift my eyes beyond myself and the situation and be thankful; for the seeds, for the potential of help, for the growth of the seeds and for the bread and nourishment that will be provided. 

What about you?  Ever identify with the little red hen?  Or do you more identify with the psalmist?  How do you handle it when you feel that there is no one to help?  What is your attitude?  Do you effortlessly handle the situation with grace?  Do you rely on God's strength to get through regardless of help from others? Do you wish you could? 

I know that I am trying.  I think more than a strong work ethic and independence, I am trying to cultivate a continual grateful attitude and a complete dependency on God. 

What Are You Learning?

I have noticed that in interviews of celebrities or accomplished people, the interviewer will ask, "what are you reading?"  Or, sometimes they will ask, "what are you planning on doing next?" 

I think an important question is to wonder, "what are you learning?"  Are you learning something, anything? It might be book knowledge or life knowledge. It might be something seemingly small but significant to you.  Or, it might be a long-time-coming achievement.  Whatever the learning process and goal is, it is important to reflect on what you may have learned because I think it speaks to wanting to be open, vulnerable and ready to receive information.  

Sometimes we don't actively seek learning it just happens.  It is only on stepping back can we see the journey and the strides we have or have not made. 

These last two months have been such a blur to me. In some ways there hasn't been any time for reflection yet in other ways I feel that all I have been doing is spinning ideas, memories and thoughts in my head: I have had the once in a lifetime loss of a mother, the continuation of a creative venture, the yearly organization process of a volunteer endeavor and a new (to me) competitive tennis team.  

Things I have learned or are learning thus far: 

1. To speak with a lower pitch, slower speed and single thought regardless if the one listening is hard of hearing.
2. Concentrate fully at the task at hand, aka keep my eye on the ball, especially in a competitive tennis match.
3. Compartmentalize the things that need to be done.  One thing at a time and fully engage in that one thing. 
4. Decide on what is important and forget about the rest.
5. Sleep is overrated (too much time for memories) and under performed (back to the too much thinking).
6. Daily Bible reading is essential.
7. Continual prayer throughout the day is much needed.
8. Iced coffee is a great after lunch treat and pick me up.
9. Losing a mother is one way to lose weight but not recommended.
10. Even though one can be a ready-made crier with any emotional issue, through preparation and the power of prayer, one can get through a memorial service and reception.
11. Good friends are the ones who check in with you even after all the condolences have been said.

What about you?  What has been going on in your life lately?  What lessons have you been (or are) learning?  Any of those lessons becoming long-term habits or values?  What would you like to learn?  How can your lesson be a help or encouragement to another? 

The Pursuit of Joy

There are lots of articles and discussions about the pursuit of happiness.  There are even movies about it.  But I am always struck with the two words:  happiness and joy.  I question, is there a difference between the two?  If so, why?  What is the more meaningful word?  How does one pursue either happiness or joy?  More importantly, is it worth pursuing? 

A dictionary definition of happiness is “a state of well-being, a pleasurable or satisfying experience.” The definition of the word “rejoice,” from which our word “joy” comes, is “to feel great delight, to welcome or to be glad.” 

Perhaps since I am coming from a Christian point of view, I see joy as a more theological and eternal state of mind whereas I see happiness as a secular and temporal one.  In this life so much is advertised that an object- a new car, clothing, drink, home- will be the thing that make us happy and provide the state of well-being.  The question becomes when the external item, aka the object, is no longer new or goes away.  What happens to happiness?

I see joy as something that is more permanent.  One can be internally joyful even in the midst of external chaos. Joy appears to be at peace with the external surroundings. If the surroundings change, joy remains the same. 

According to the dictionary definitions, it doesn't appear to be that much of a difference between the two words.  But I think so.  Happiness might be a state of being, but it seems almost passive.  It appears to be reactionary.  I am happy when I experience something pleasurable or satisfactory.  Kind of like the thermometer.  The thermometer registers the temperature around it. It doesn't have any input in changing the degrees, just reacts to the air molecules.

Joy on the other hand is active, a conscious state of being, an action of "to welcome or to be glad".  One has to be proactive to practice joy.  It reminds me of the thermostat.  A thermostat is set for the temperature one wants.  The thermostat controls the environment (turning the heat or AC on and off depending upon the temperature). In a sense it is pro-active in achieving the results. 

I know that my example of our Jack Russell is a little far fetched. (pardon the pun) However, I do think we can learn a lot from animals and their response to their environment. Sure, all animals react to what is going on around them: put food down in front of them and they will eat, call them to come for a treat or a scratch behind the ears and they will come.  Yet, our pets seem to take pleasure, almost rejoicing in whatever situation is put before them.  I don't think there is too much thought on what has happened in the past (certainly, there is no consequential learning when the dog in question eats something disagreeable- like a bowl of rising dough- and attempts to do it again forgetting the past groaning and discomfort.)  Nor is there too much thought to the future. 

Our dogs live in the present. They enjoy each moment as it arises.

So too can we consciously choose to live in the moment and to proactively seek joy.   I am choosing this day to enjoy each moment.  Whether that is being stuck in traffic, attending at a difficult aka boring meeting, having to do a disagreeable work task or spending time with one of my favorite Jack Russells. I am determined to learn how to pursue and practice joy in my life: to be present and mindful of each moment and to proactively choose to be glad regardless of the circumstances.  

What about you?  

And here is my living example of practicing being present in the moment.  He can lie like that for a good five minutes without moving his legs.  We call him doing his "cat" atonic pose. 

Be Ye Kind

There is a community senior center in our area called  BYKOTA.  I always wondered about that name. Was is some type of Native American tribe that had lived in our area?  Was it the name of the founder of the center?  Turns out it is the acronym for the Bible verse, "Be Ye Kind, One To Another."  As it so happens, not bad advice on learning to live in community.

Lately I have not been kind to myself.  As you may have realized from previous blogs that my mom passed away suddenly about two months ago.  In the aftermath with all the administrative things, scheduling appointments and general care of my father, I have been extremely busy and have had to take a hiatus from my work. (reason for my irregular blog postings)  While schedules are still not "normal" for me and I wonder if they ever will become "normal", I have not had time to "grieve"- whatever that means or looks like.  As typical for most people, I have had to keep going and do the next task set before me. 

Last week was one of the first times things were a little more quiet for me.  Of course, as I tried to write I was completely dry, totally blank and didn't have one ounce of inspiration.  I felt exhausted, unfocused and agitated.  I tried "jump starting" my work, giving myself pep talks and advice.  Again I felt agitated and upset.   It dawned on me that I was working out my grieve and that I needed to not fight my experience but just let things unfold as they were happening to me.  

A dear friend offered me some advice on being kind to myself.  After all, if I knew of a person going through a similar situation as I have been, wouldn't I tell them to be kind to themselves and to let themselves have a little break from expectations and work?   

Of course she was right.  Funny, I can give others lots of grace and understanding but for myself I am a grueling task master.  Generally I am kind one to another but not to myself.

My journey through this time of loss is continually teaching me things:

1) Be Ye Kind, One To Another.  (BYKOTA)  Even though I have had at times, some words with family members, I am learning to be kind to them as they too are grieving the loss of a loved one. I am learning that everyone responds and reacts differently to loss and that is okay. 

2) Be Ye Kind, Also To Yourself (BYKATY)  It always seems that we forget the second part of the statement of loving one another as we love (and should love) ourselves.  We are so quick to not appear to be selfish that we get the balance wrong; either we are extremely selfish and forget the part of loving our neighbor or we feel that we are not worthy of loving ourselves and therefore do everything for another.  In doing so we can become shells of ourselves.  We end up with no substance and no support which in turn doesn't help anybody.   

3) Build in some margin into your life.  Even though my work has been disrupted, I am grateful that my schedule is flexible enough and that I had some built-in wiggle room so that I can help out with my extended family when needed.  I am trying to focus on that gratitude and not be focused on begrudging the time spent away from my work.

4) Do something that brings you joy.  I love working in the garden. Mostly I like playing with rocks, dirt and mulch and would be happy "planting" a hardscape with combinations of the three. Occasionally the softscape of plants will accommodate me by their blooming.  There are certain areas and little vignettes of plants in my garden that bring a smile to my face.  Every time I walk past the entrance to the back yard, I smile when I see the iris, blue Russian sage, shasta daisies against the willow fencing.  Makes me think of our time in Oxford. 

5) Whatever you are doing, practice the presence of being present.  I am learning to not be distracted with what has happened in the past nor what I need to do for the future.  I am trying to be present when I am with others- attentively listening and responding to their needs.  I am trying to concentrate solely on the task at hand and to relax and enjoy each moment. 

What about you?  Have you ever gone through a period of grief?  What did that look like?  Were you kind to others?  Kind to yourself?  What did you do to be kind?  

Be Ye Kind:  BYKOTA and  BYKATY.

Standing on the deck overlooking part of the back yard, patio and pond.  Rose bushes are just beginning to explode in color and scent. 

Changing Habits

In Sunday's New York Times Magazine there was an interesting article about habits.  There is a study published in the Frontiers in Human Neuroscience journal suggesting that it might be better to give up your bad habits all at once rather than one a time.  The subjects were college students.  Half were left to continue their lifestyle practice while the other half were subjected to a strict regiment of exercise, mindfulness, stress reduction techniques and lectures regarding sleep habits and nutrition.  After six weeks the students subjected to the lifestyle overhaul reported feeling happier and calmer, they were fitter and more flexible and brain scans indicated that they were more focused.  Following the students for another six weeks but not doing any intervention, showed that those who had the initial lifestyle overhaul were still functioning better even though they were not required to demonstrate any of the new changes.

There are many questions to this study- Is the sample size (N=31) significant to infer any generalizations? How can you control for everything when dealing with active college students (dormitory arrangements, financial stress for cost (working while attending), social relationships (dating), type of course work?  However, it does initiate an interesting dialogue. 

My experience in coaching others is that it is more sustainable to work on one thing at a time and to let that one thing become the norm so that there are less items on which to work. Kind of like laying down layers of a good habit foundation.  When a new habit is formed, developed and ingrained in one's lifestyle practice it then becomes harder to default back to the old ways. When multiple habits change at the same time, I would suggest that they are not as deeply rooted into someone's psyche and consequently would be easier to uproot. If stressors affect a person's life, the habits that are still in the seedling stage can easily be trampled. 

I think this study does raise the point that when one changes one habit it does impact another. I have heard other coaches say that when they notice someone getting their finances in order, their weight also seems to be managed better and visa versa.  The correlation among habits stems from the fact that once we decide to work on a habit, we are committing to a process of discipline.  Part of the word discipline means: "the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior.."  As in many things in life, once we see how one type of behavior is effective, we can transpose that process into other areas. 

What about you?  Have you ever learned new behavior or practiced a different lifestyle habit?  What did that look like?  Did you change by one behavior at a time or did you totally revamp your lifestyle?  If you have always wanted to change some unhealthy habits, what do you think you could do to achieve that?  Do you need more information on the best way to go about the change?  Do you first need to name and recognize the problem?  Do you need more discipline in your life?  

Ways to incorporate change into your life:

1) Evaluate how things are currently going for you.  On a scale of 1-10 (best), how would your rate your total wellness (body, mind, spirit)?

2) Identify the areas that are lower on the scale or the ones on which you want to work.

3) Set a goal for yourself.  Break that goal down into smaller doable parts. If it takes a couple of smaller goals to add up to the bigger one, so much the better.  I would certainly advise that if one was trying to lose weight (one of the most frequently stated goals for people).  It would be better to say that you wanted to lose 10 pounds in a year (approximately 1 pound a month) and keep it off for that year than to say you want to lose 5 pounds by the summer time. 

4) Find an "accountability" partner- someone who can encourage you to get back on track when you might have those stressors chipping away at your newly developing habit. 

5) Reevaluate your habit.  Once it is incorporated into your lifestyle, revisit and give yourself pats on your back for learning and sticking to something new.  Recognizing what you have accomplished in the past can help encourage you to work on some other type of habit in the future. 

(One thing that I am working on is learning  that I do not have to kill myself trying to get things done in one day.  For example, I used to almost physically cripple myself in getting our gardens mulched and cleaned for the season. I would scurry around pulling weeds, edging sides and throwing mulch down that I would never enjoy the chore much less the beauty of the garden.   It was something that needed to get done so that I could move on to something else.  Plus I would complain bitterly.

My goal is to learn to enjoy the process, the garden and to just work on it in little chunks of time.  For some that would be a no brainer, but for me, to put away the garden tools and leave the garden with items still to be done, was and is, a big learning curve.  Feeling that I had to have it "finished" was stressing me to the point that every time I would look at our backyard I would get anxious.  

So, I am giving myself only an hour or two to work on the yard and then giving myself permission to walk away until the next time.  I have reframed gardening as a process and an activity rather than a once and done project.  By doing so I am enjoying myself and the garden as it unfolds.  And, my son knows that I am trying to do smaller chunks of time in the garden and so reminds me that it is time to stop.  I am hopeful that my new habit is going to stick and that I can practice this "continuation of activity" in other areas: no longer will I have to wear myself out in trying to get everything done at once.) 

Bad News

What do you do when you hear bad news?  Cry?  Stomp your feet?  Give up? Shake your fist at God? Automatically counter with good news? Hide behind busy-ness?  Numb yourself with alcohol or pills? Refuse to listen? Deny that anything is happening? 

Some days it seems as if every where you turn, everyone has bad or sad news. Life is tough and it doesn't get any easier with age. Probably it is statistical in nature- the more years you live, the more people you encounter and the more problems you witness. 

Some days I want to cry out to the universe - "Enough already!  Do we have to have all this sorrow and angst in the world? Can't something good happen spontaneously?"

Generally in those moments I don't get any response. It is for me an exercise to blow off steam and to realize that is just how life is at the moment.  

With every situation of bad news, there can be an analysis: Could something have been prevented?  Was this a case of poor choices?  Did the person not seek help earlier?  The list can go on and on.  Many times, the bottom line is that the situation is horrible.  There was/is nothing that could/should have been done.  And it stinks.

I have also come to the realization that I might question God and wonder what the heck is He doing but ultimately in my soul I know that He is in control.  As much as I may rally against Him at times, I know that He is patiently loving me as I cry out in anguish. 

I think of stories in the Bible when there was horrible news and horrible situations for individuals yet God was right there for His people.  I am sure the moments when Daniel was condemned to the lion's den or his friends to the fiery furnace there was some fist shaking at God from family members.  Or  the story of Joseph being sold into slavery and all the terrible encounters (Potiphar's wife's  accusation and then sitting in jail for years) he had to face. By all accounts Joseph did nothing to cause the problems that occurred in his life.   There may have been a "why me?" thought from Joseph but we never see that.  He recognizes that even though his brothers might have meant harm, God used that situation for good.  Ultimately in all the troubles and trials of the Bible characters, God's plans were accomplished.

While I do find comfort in knowing that God is in control, my heart goes out to those experiencing difficulties.  Words of encouragement for them can be hollow and seemingly pat.  I realize that in my heart I need to pray for them and their situation and pray that my words, if I share them, may be what they need to hear at the time. I know that when I go through tough times it is comfort to have the presence and concern of people who care. 

What about you?  Who can you comfort by your presence and prayerful words?  Are you going through a rough patch?  Is there any way you can view your situation with the lens of perspective?  Or do you need time to just be in your situation and to give yourself permission to cry out to God and tell Him that the situation stinks. Bad news is as it sounds- bad.  But it won't always be that way and that is good news. 

Stink Bugs, Security & Smart Phones

As I was cleaning the screened porch the other day I noticed a small dark blot on the screen.  Upon closer inspection I realized, "Yikes, they are back."  It was a brown mamorated stink bug, the relatively new invader to our area of the country having initially come from Asia.  At first, it was thought to have no natural predators and so has become quite prolific.  There has been some evidence that katydids, crickets, ground beetles, earwigs and jumping spiders are eaters of stink bug egg masses. Glad that they are adapting to this new diet but they have a lot of work to do.  It took me a while to remember a time when we did not have stink bugs walking on every screen and flat surface of the porch. 

It made me think of other things that have changed seemingly quickly in our lives. I started reminiscing what it was like before 9/11 and all the security;  walking unattended into a museum, theater or sports game with no handbag check by a tired looking security person and his stick poking into the bottom of one's handbag;  sharing a meal with your loved one in the "tickets only" area before an airline departure; being at the end of the jet bridge ready with a hug, kiss and flowers for your family members as they walked out of the plane.  In some ways it is hard to remember a time without suspicion and looking at all whom you meet in a crowd as a possible terrorist. Yet I do find that there is a collective "we are in this togetherness" whenever I have had to stand in line for some type of security detail. 

Do you remember phone trees? They were especially helpful if you had to impart some information to a collection of people. Everyone in the group was on a specific list.  When the first person on the list received the information, he/she was to call the next person in order and relay that message and so on until the end of the list.  Group emails vastly changed that tedious work.  

Just over a decade ago when I did substitute nursing in the public schools, it seemed like a big time saver to have an automated call system.  No longer would an individual have to make multiple back and forth phone calls to find a replacement. The computer made the phone calls and all the substitute would have to do was push a numerical phone button to say "yes".  I am sure that by now, the "at the time high-tech" system was short-lived with the advent of universal smart phones and texts.  

Or, do you remember having to use email that required that you had to go online to your server, sign on, wait for the dial up connection, usually try again and finally "you got mail" would be heard. The use of texting and automatic email to one's phone has really quickened communication.  

Seems to me we do adapt to things whether we like the change or not.  I think that we can find positive and negative with any change. And, as in the case of the communication via smart phones, some change is an improvement. 

What about you?  What do you remember?  I won't call them the "good ole days" because I think every day has components of good and bad.  There are things that are nice to remember and possibly resurrect or at least try to do every once and awhile (e.g. sending a hand-written note to someone).  But as you reflect on the past and changes, what benefits have you experienced due to that change?  What situation (s) are you going through now that might require some change?  Can you find some type of benefit to the change? Maybe embracing the change will help in embracing the future.  My world might now contain annoying stink bugs, but I am sure unforeseen that it was, that if I asked katydids or crickets, they would say that the stink bug diet change is good.  

Dandelions

The lowly dandelion.  The bane of existence for lawn aficionados.  The inexpensive green for foodies.  In every gardening book that I have, dandelion is classified as a weed.  The only exception are my wild flower and plant guides.  They have all sorts of tidbits and positive attributes about these plants. Raw dandelion greens are packed with Vitamin A, thiamine, riboflavin, ascorbic acid as well as calcium, sodium and potassium. "...the lowly dandelion was so highly regarded as a tonic and general remedy by frontiersmen and early settlers long before the days of vitamin pills." (Field Guide to Edible Wild Plants, Bradford Angier)

I decided to pick some dandelions.  They are certainly a beautiful yellow color although looking a little more subdued than usual due to our wet weather conditions.  A dandelion flower is comprised of the yellow pedals resting on a verdant cup, composed of slender, pointed, green leaves, a few of which twist backward toward the cylindrical stem.  At night or during wet weather, the leaves of the cup lift and cover the gilded petals with their greenery.  Their heads are compact and they even have a nice scent reminiscent of marigolds.  Wonder why they got such a bad rap?  They are prolific, are edible, have medicinal use and are beautiful.  According to one source they were intentionally introduced to remind the Europeans of home. 

They sit on my desk as a reminder that even though there may be pesky and (seemingly) prolific problems in my life there is always something good about each trouble.  The problem may just me, needing to reexamine the situation.  I may need to get some perspective on what ails me.

Or, I need to try and take the problem out of context, (e.g. "If this was happening to a friend, what would I suggest or say...") What I think may be an ugly weed may have some beautiful and intricate details. Perhaps the situation is one to help me grow or cause me to be prolific in another way. (e.g. "I am learning patience...")  

Dandelions are a terrible weed problem if you don't remove them before they go to seed. What if you picked the flowers before they set seed?  Wouldn't that eliminate its spreading?  Plus you have the added benefit of a pleasant looking nosegay.  How many problems would be eliminated if I "nipped it, or certain behavior contributing to the problem, in the bud"? 

What about you?  Do you have a prolific and pesky problem in your life?  Is it like a dandelion gone to seed- all it needs is a gentle breeze, a slight change in the atmosphere and the problem is multiplied?  Is there a way you can embrace the situation?  Look at it from another lens or perspective?  Can you "nip it in the bud" before things become a total mess?  Is there a way you can embrace the beauty of a difficult situation? 

It's The Little Things...

A while back  I attended a lecture by the CEO and Dean of Medicine at one of our nation's top hospital/medical school.   He was talking about the future of medicine.  It was fascinating to hear not only what will be coming down the path in the next twenty years but also to hear the history of medical breakthrough.  According to him, the average lifespan for the first 199,000 years of human existence (give or take a couple thousand of years) was about forty-five years of age.  In the last 100 years we have seen life expectancy almost double- at least in the "developed" countries.  Many things play into that, good public health policies, cleanliness and vaccinations as well as the role of modern technology.

He reiterated how key it is to have basic research.  To be researching small, seemingly insignificant findings that develop and lead into larger medical applications.   For instance, he spoke of the research in looking at the phosphorescence of jelly fish.  It is one of those phenomenas that just happen, that was overlooked as something small and that no one thought about it.  One might think that is a waste of National Institutes of Health money exploring these creatures but in essence that green glow from the jelly fish has enabled scientists to track brain functioning which in turn can benefit those people with Alzheimer's, Parkinson's and other neurological diseases. 

Made me think of the little things in life and how important they truly are:  Fresh ingredients are key to a healthy meal.  Please and thank-you's are the back-bone of manners and civility.  Daily sleep and rest are essential to proper mental functioning.  Weeding is mandatory for a tame and plant identifiable garden. Learning a little information over a sustained period of time is better retained than through an intense cramming session. Watching the ball upon contact with the racquet is essential in getting the ball over the net.  

What about you?  Have you noticed the little things in your life?  Are they necessary? Or do you find them insignificant?  What small steps can you develop in your life that might benefit you in the long run?  Getting out of your chair for 5 minutes every 90 minutes of sitting?  Reducing your dessert intake by one a week?  Smiling and saying hello to your neighbor?  Reading a verse in the Bible every day?  Holding the door for a stranger? Playing a game with a child? 

There is an old nursery rhyme attributed to Benjamin Franklin who included it in his Poor Richard's Almanac.  The earliest known written version of the rhyme is in John Gower's "Confesio Amantis" dated approximately 1390.  It speaks to the consequence of not paying attention to the little  things.  In essence, life is all about the little things. 

For want of a nail the shoe was lost.
For want of a shoe the horse was lost.
For want of a horse the rider was lost.
For want of a rider the battle was lost.
For want of a battle the kingdom was lost.
And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.

Burnt

This past weekend we watched the 2015 movie Burnt starring Bradley Cooper and Sienna Miller.  We had wanted to watch it for a while and so finally did.  I guess with so many things the anticipation is greater than the actuality.  While I enjoyed it, it wasn't quite what I expected.  The story line was predictable and kind of slow yet it had some good points. 

It is the comeback story of Chef Adam Jones.  A chef who had it all but lost it due to his own choices.  It is a redemption story yet lacks the how, why and what of the cause for loss and reason for the turn around.  But through it all there runs the theme of going it alone versus team work.  The bottom line, in life It is all about the team, or the family, or the business -whatever you want to call your collective- cooperatively working together.  

I think that is one of those truths we know but we truly do not grasp.  I know that I am stubbornly independent which it not good at times.  I have a tendency to be like the little red hen that if no one is going to help or help in the way I want, I will just do it myself.  The fable of the little red hen is just that- a fable.  But I think it speaks to how many of us feel.  We say to ourselves:  Fine, we will just do it ourselves. We don't need anyone else. I can just pull myself up by my own bootstraps.  If I just work harder and smarter than anyone else I will achieve what I want. No one else will do it the way it needs to be done, so I need to do it...  

Yesterday the sermon at church talked about our gifts and how we are called to use them for God's glory and to benefit others.  The thing is, we are called to use and "give" our gifts to others but we also need to receive the gifts of others.  No one can do everything.  Even if we had all the resources in our personalities, abilities and lives, if we try to do it all we will get burnt out.  We know that we don't have it all. We need each other to fill in and complete that what is lacking in ourselves. It is through the collective that we are truly whole. 

What about you?  Do you try to do it all?  Do you suffer from the little red hen syndrome?  How are you at sharing your gifts and talents?  How are you at receiving from others?   Do you feel burnt?  What would it take to heal?  Do you have a redemption story? 

Touch

I am touched... He rubs me the wrong way... I feel....

All these statements refer to our emotional perspectives through the sense of touch and references to the tactile sensation of our skin. The other week I attended a lecture by Dr. David Linden the author of the book Touch: The Science of Hand, Heart and Mind.   He read excerpts from his book and talked a little about the physiology and research about touch.

Turns out that we are hard-wired to receive and give touch.  Certainly they have discovered that children deprived of touch have all sorts of psychological and physical ailments.  Primates groom and touch each other which in turn binds the troop together.   There are studies that suggest that waitstaff is more likely to receive a larger tip if he/she provides a light touch on the arm for instance.  All of this is to suggest that humans need community and need to be close to one another. 

In this day and age of germ phobia, sexual harassment training, and social disengagement, we are a society that looks down on touch.  It has to be "appropriate" and "clean".  Not that there is anything wrong with that thinking per se.  Certainly there has been too much inappropriate touch by individuals set on doing harm. 

Yet I think that touch is a sense that is overlooked.  We use touch expressions all the time but we rarely actually touch.  In this day and age of individualism and social isolation, I wonder how much we are missing and are depriving ourselves due to our lack of touch with one another.   I know that the loss of touch is something that widows and widowers mention when their spouses die.  They note that no one is there to give them a hug on a regular basis. 

Be your own detective/scientist.  Go to any public place, restaurant, coffee shop, mall and see how often people touch -holding hands, patting a back, giving a squeeze, shaking hands, etc. 

Look at your own life.  How do you respond to touch? Do you like it?  Is it off-putting? Are you the cuddly type?  Do you reach out in affection towards people or do you cringe when others reach towards you? 

Even before Dr. Linden did his research, AT&T was tooting the virtues of "reach out, reach out and touch someone."  Try it.  Give someone a hug today.  You'll be doing both of you a favor. 

No Guarantees For Sunshine

As I was riding my bicycle in a steady rain on Sunday, I was reminded that there is no guarantee for sunshine.  Out of curiosity I did Google "where do they guarantee sunshine?"  Surprisingly there are some entities who will.  Priceline has a sunshine guarantee for booking at certain locations for a minimal amount of time.  An UK outfit, Oliver's Travels has a guarantee that they can destroy rainclouds so that you will have a perfectly sunny day for your outdoor event. Of course it will cost you $150,000 but 24 hours before your big event they will fly planes through the clouds above your event area dispersing a chemical called silver iodine.  The clouds will burst into rain so presumably the next day will be beautiful.  Sounds like a hoax to me and makes me wonder about the environment.

Basically there are no guarantees with weather. So, if there are no guarantees for sunshine, wouldn't the converse be true?  There are no guarantees for rain?  Why do we have the tendency to think that it will rain more than be sunny?  Shouldn't it be equally true?  One could argue that there is always a possibility of rain, but I would argue that there is always the possibility for sun.

When we are honest about it, isn't it good to have the variety of weather?   I am sure my San Diego, California friends would differ, but I think I might get sick of sun if that is what I experienced all the time. ( I know, hard to believe I would even think that, much less put that thought on paper due to my love of the sunshine.)

Rain has so many positive attributes: provides water for the earth and all its inhabitants; washes away air and soil impurities; provides a thriving environment for plants; molds and shapes the environment, etc. Certainly when one has rain, clouds and damp, day upon day, it can get depressing.  Although I know individuals who love that type of weather and thrive in it.  They look forward to rainy days.

Because there is no surety for sunny days, we should not be surprised when the rainy ones occur. Yet, when they do, like this past Sunday, we have a choice- be totally bummed out about it and scurry around to change plans or just go for it and continue on. I am glad that we pressed on and decided to ride.  If we had changed our plans, we would've missed out on the shared experience.  It was memorable and we will always be able to say that we did it. 

Are you going through a patch of rainy weather?  Does it seem like the sunshine in your life will never break through the clouds?  Hang in there.  Just as surely the physical clouds roll by and the sun rays shine forth, your troubles will pass. 

I am trying to look at life with the sun/cloud perspective:  I know that rainy days will occur and that they are needed.  But, there are just as many possible sunny days too.  And isn't that good? 

May- National Bike Month

The start- 1/4 of those who rode were assigned this time of 8:45 am.   We all entered from different streets.  The weather was a continuing mist/rain throughout the day. 

Yesterday, my husband, our one son and I road the Five Boro Bike Tour in NYC.  What a blast!  We road 40 miles (actually almost 50 when considering the bike travel to and from the starting place) through Manhattan (starting by Battery Park, riding up 6th Avenue, Central Park and Harlem), The Bronx, Queens, Brooklyn, and finishing on Staten Island.  We went over 5 bridges and road on the FDR Drive, the Gowanus Expressway, and  Brooklyn-Queens Expressway. There were 31,997 other cyclists joining us!

It was quite a thrill to have the roads free for cyclists.  At every intersection there were NYPD and/or Bike tour volunteers to ensure no auto crossed through the intersection and to help any pedestrians cross.  Riding across the bridges was something.  When I am in a car I don't even think of the elevation and incline in going up to the top of the bridge.  Now I know. 

The bike tour started in 1977.  It is one of the main events for Bike New York.  Bike New York's mission "is to facilitate and promote cycling as a safe and sustainable means of recreation and transportation through free bike education classes, public events and collaboration with community organizations and municipal agencies."  The money raised goes toward funding free bike education programs.  

No matter the skill level, they have classes: there are classes for learning to ride for adults and kids, bike practice sessions, bicycling basics, bike path cruise ride, street skills class and street skill ride.  They teach classes on bike commuting, winter riding, bike maintenance, winter bike maintenance, family cycling, how to buy a bike,  bike safety.  They also offer after school and summer camps for kids.  Last year they taught bike skills to more than 17,000 people. 

It was just fun to be part of a collective, all riding together.  Everyone we encountered was pleasant  and it seemed as if everyone was looking out for one another.  As with anything that takes place in NYC, the people watching was worth the price of admission.  Throughout the day we kept seeing these three gentlemen riding along wearing capes and cavalier hats (complete with a plume of feathers) over top their helmets (a requirement for riding). Alas, when we saw them towards the end of their ride, their feathers had flopped due to the rain. 

Some people are fanatical about cycling while others are just enthusiastic.  I would say that our family is enthusiastic.  The son who was with us (it was his idea for us to participate) is a cycling enthusiast in that he doesn't own a car and uses his bicycle for commuting as well as for leisure.    Of course, he lives in the Tri-State area and has the advantage of great mass transit. 

My husband is involved with a local bike co-op which mostly refurbishes bicycles so that people who do not have the means to have a car have some type of transportation that provides a little more freedom and exploration than just walking. 

I know that I have penned the attributes to cycling in the past.  I use a bicycle mostly for leisure and getting some exercise.  Though I do try and use it for certain types of errands- not too far a trip and not too heavy or multiple items to carry. 

As this is National Bike month I would encourage you to revisit your bicycle. If you have one stored in a garage, pull it out, dust it off and take it to a bike shop (or do it yourself if you are able) to get it ready to ride.  If you have never ridden before or it has been a while, check out your state or local bicycle advocate groups.  Many offer bicycle riding classes and lessons for riding on the roads. For example, Bike Maryland is the advocacy group for bicyclists in the state of MD.  The The League of American Bicyclists is a national organization.  Even some local bike shops will offer classes on riding, bike maintenance, etc. 

Cycling is a great way to see your surroundings.  Time goes by at a slower pace.  You can pull off to the side of the road for those impromptu adventures- stop and go into a store you always whiz by in the car, say hello and chat with a neighbor planting in her garden, watch some neighborhood kids playing a pick up game of soccer, notice the architecture and gardens of various neighborhoods. All the while enjoying the sun and fresh air on your skin.  Plus you can feel good about the human powered machine and that you have kept your carbon print low. 

What about you?  Have you ever been part of a collective group event?  Run or walk for a charity?  How was it?  Did you enjoy the experience?  Would you do it again or was it a once and done?   Have you ever gone on a long-ish bicycle ride?  Where and with whom?   

Practice Intentional Acts of Encouragement

I am all for practicing random acts of kindness but lately I have been thinking about intentional acts of encouragement.   I read a little vignette recently of a woman who said although she was physically disabled and couldn't do much in the way of helping others, she could think and pray for their needs.  She offered her service of prayer to her local church. 

I thought Wow!  Here was someone who could just close down and concentrate on her own needs yet she was willing to reach out to others.   Too often when we think only of ourselves and we become isolated.  Yet by her intentionality I am sure she felt part of a larger community. 

It made me think of two times in my life when I received contact from people I didn't know too well who offered me prayer and encouragement.  

A long time ago I was part of a book club.  I really enjoyed it but sometimes I was a little intimidated by the books, the discussions, and some of the other members and their opinions.  I always felt that I had so much to learn and that I was so inept in sharing my rudimental thoughts.  Out of the blue one of the very opinionated members called me.  She didn't talk very long.  She just wanted to say that she valued my opinion and that it was a joy having me in the group.  Then she said, "That's it.  That is what I wanted you to know." 

At first I was taken aback.  So unexpected and so brusque like her personality.  But I cherished what she said and I was gob-struck  that she actually called me to tell me what she was thinking.  I know that many times I think of others through out the day but I very rarely let them know the positive thoughts I have about them. I wonder what our society would look like if people said the positive things directly to the ones about whom they are thinking?  We are very quick to say our displeasure but what if instead we were quick to say our good thoughts? 

Once I was in charge of a volunteer group that was charged with coordinating the emergency needs of others.  It was very stressful and intense.  Many times I felt inadequate and overwhelmed.  On one particular time when I really felt at the end of my rope wondering how I got myself into this group and questioning why I felt God had called me to this ministry,  I received an email from a couple I didn't know too well.  They had taken upon themselves to systematically pray for the various ministries and groups and especially for their leaders.  That week the group for which I was responsible was at the top of the list.  They wanted to know how they could pray, what specific things and especially for me, what did I need?  Again, I was speechless.  

In psychology there is a benefit for positive thinking.  It changes one's brain chemistry which in turn is good for our health.  Yet I believe that prayer to God goes beyond the idea of positive thinking.  Prayer is a way to hand over our worries to one who is a lot larger than we are and who is in total control.   Prayer can change circumstances for whom we pray and it changes us as we pray. That is not to say that we just ask and God provides everything like a cosmic genie in the bottle.   The process of praying helps redefine our requests, helps us put our life's circumstances in perspective, helps us in our attitude towards the one for whom we pray and helps us to be part of one another's lives by drawing us closer to one another.  

How about making today, the day that you practice intentional acts of encouragement?  Pray for the people you meet, whether they be familiar to you or not.  Intentionally pray for those who are in positions of leadership- a boss, a manager, a teacher, a principal, a politician, etc.  Let those around you know that you are praying for them.  Let people around you know what they mean to you.  Doesn't have to be a long discourse, just a simple, "I really enjoy your quips and sense of humor, " for example.  

What would your life look like if you practiced intentional acts of encouragement?