Civility. According to my Webster’s, civility is defined: “deference or allegiance to the social order befitting a citizen. Civil government or polity. Solidarity of civil rights and obligations and civil justice in the civil order.” In some interpretations, it is being polite and showing good manners regardless of how you feel about the person.
Many years ago my husband and I watched a documentary about the British policeman, the “bobby”. It was narrated by David Niven. In it, he remarked that the bobby was trained with the golden thread of civility. It was his demeanor and his speech that was considered the bobbies greatest tool in policing.
In trying to find that documentary I found another one: “The History of the British Police Force”. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9P48YT61zII). In that history, the founder of modern day policing, Sir Robert Peel (why British policemen are called “bobbies” or “peelers”) wanted a trained professional force. He felt the emphasis should be on crime prevention by having a police presence in the community through walking a “beat”. He had them wear uniforms that looked more like civilian clothing rather than the traditional military uniform. He felt that the attributes of the officer should be to remain calm, quiet, determined and at all times keep one’s temper. In the history of American policing, similar to our laws, some of the British attributes were incorporated.
Lately I have been thinking about the various police/civilian encounters that have been in the news, especially the ones that have led to loss of life. How did they go so wrong? Is policing a profession? Are we back to just a free for all, much like the wild west? How can officers keep the peace and remain calm, when sometimes those they are helping are violent and disruptive? How can the public remain calm when the police seem violent and disruptive? Is it too much to ask?
I cannot imagine what the police officer must go through. To think, everyday they have no idea what result will be with any encounter they have. Their actions or speech might lead to theirs or a civilian’s - death, dismissal, maiming, or being critically injured. Their experience must be similar to the adrenaline pumped war preparation that military personnel encounter. And for police officers it is every minute of every day that they are on duty.
But then, I think of those of us who encounter the police. Isn’t there some societal contract that we are entitled to dignity and respect from the officers? Shouldn’t there be some type of civility? Aren’t the police the “helpers”, trying to find the root of the problem? Displaying a calm, quiet, but determined demeanor?
I think of our contractor whose mother had a horrific encounter with the police. A physically disabled woman due to a stroke, she had traveled out of state to visit with a friend. On arriving in the town, she felt ill and was taken to the hospital. At the hospital they said she was okay and discharged her. Still not feeling well, she took a cab to another hospital in town who kept her overnight. In releasing her the next morning, she did not want to leave saying she still felt ill. The police were called and from that moment on, her life changed dramatically.
The body cam footage from the police was released and through it you can see the physical decline of the woman. Eventually she lost consciousness in the back of the police car, was taken back to the hospital, coded numerous times and was admitted to ICU. She never regained consciousness and died in the hospital. What is so appalling is the treatment she received from the police. The didn’t cause her death, per se, but they certainly didn’t help her.
I think it mostly comes down to lack of training of the police in handling a person with physical ailments and a basic civility of showing respect to her even if they are biased. It was if the police pre-judged the situation without really discovering the problem. They treated her as if she were homeless and therefore less than human. I believe if one of the officers just asked her, “Is there anyone we can call for you?” they might’ve held off a horrific situation.
And while there are a multitude of police encounters with the public every day that go according to procedure with no incidence, when they go awry, it is heartbreaking. For the individuals involved and for all of us as humanity. It becomes a chipping away at the common decency that we should try to uphold: treating others as we would like to be treated. All of us can chip away at common decency through our uncivil actions, but when the actions come from a position of authority, it is more of an erosion.
Yet, I need not be too quick to point any fingers. As the adage goes, pointing a finger at someone, creates three fingers pointed back at yourself. I think of my thought processes when I see someone on the street or someone in distress or even witnessing those encountering police. Do I see them as someone’s child? Parent? Sibling? Do I pre-judge before I even encounter them? Do I not want to be bothered to step out of my routine to help another? Had I witnessed what our contractor’s mother experienced, would I have spoken up in the middle of an encounter seemingly going wrong? Do I take time to discover someone’s story?
What about you? How are you with all the news stories of police encounters? Outraged? Troubled? Numbed? Apathetic?
What can we, the public do about this? Demand reform? Ask for more training? Think it is someone else’s problem? While I am focusing on the police’s response, there are many questions throughout this whole incidence that poses questions about responsibility: What about the hospital? What about the family? What about the assisted living facility that released her? What about the airport and the policies to assist those who need it? What about the individual herself?
In the alumni magazine for my husband’s alma mater, there was an article highlighting a woman who is using her acting and theatric training to help the police train and roll play the type of situation that our contractor’s mother was in. http://www.twopenny.org/home.html. While it is just a drop in the bucket of a complicated problem, it is a start.
Our contractor has said to us that they just want to see processes and procedures change. I get it. Sometimes we cannot do anything about the current situation- as another adage goes, “it is what it is.” But we can try and make changes so that someone else does not have to go through the same heartbreak- willing to look past our own pain to insist on change for the sake of others and the social order. Perhaps that should also be part of the definition of civility.
