One Path or Thirty?

The Real Simple article (posted last Friday, December 23) about finishing had an interesting comment that has stuck with me. 

One of the reasons, or so suggested by the life coach, the author never finished her projects was that her father modeled a talented yet multiple scattered existence: he had so many work and volunteer projects that he was all over the place.  The author's life coach wondered what it would've been like if her dad had focused on just one of his projects and interests.  "But what if he'd devoted himself to only the mobile van [providing health care for the homeless], say and instead of just having one van, he'd developed a whole fleet of them to serve the entire country? Wouldn't he have accomplished more? Did you ever wonder if he himself wished he's walked one path instead of 30?"

Wow.  Made me think of my own paths.  My life's journey is definitely like the "The Ramble" at Central Park.  Every time we visit and explore the park, we end up getting "lost" in the ramble located on the west side.  Obviously we get out of the park but it always takes longer than expected. So many twists and turns back on itself.  I certainly enjoy the views, the birding and the flora and fauna but once I get stuck on one of its trails, I secretly kick myself for having started down that path. 

The question of accomplishing more or being more effective has given me pause. I am wanting to challenge myself to see if 1) I can finish the projects that I have started. 2) Be intentional with those projects.  Only begin those that keep me on one path.  The plan evaluation would be to see if I can accomplish more and be more effective.  And, if that is what I want to do.  I find that I like variety but I am wondering at what cost? 

The path for me this coming year is writing.  I am hesitant to reveal my overall life's goals for fear it won't happen.  (In the past, I have noticed that when I say I will do something, it generally never happens.  When I think about accomplishing something, I am more likely to do it and then surprise others and myself with that accomplishment.)

What about you?  Have you ever thought of your life as a series of paths?  Do you wander  here and there, like Billy from The Family Circus comic strips? Or do you stay on a specific path, never veering left or right?  Do you feel that you are effective in your life?  Are the distractions of the different paths causing you to not finish what you start?  Are the many paths providing joy or frustration?  Perhaps 2017 will be the year to challenge yourself to finding a path that provides joy.

How many paths do you traverse?  One or thirty?  How many paths will you traverse in 2017? 

Living Out Loud

I was watching the Oprah Winfrey special of Michelle Obama's farewell interview.  Whether you agree with her husband's politics or not you have to agree that she is certainly a poised and polished speaker.  She is gracious and kind and smart.  I like that she takes the high road and that she is not apologetic about her life.  She is living her life out loud.

I think of other ladies that I "know"; famous ones about whom I have read and the not so famous ones about whom I encounter daily.  What makes them inspirational?  I think it comes down to being authentic. They have a good sense of self.  They are gracious, kind, and wise.  They have a good sense of self and situational humor.  They are loving and generous. 

They are the ones who take the high road and refuse to stoop to levels that don't reflect their values. 

They are living their lives out loud. 

How do you go about that?

• Being confident in who and whose you are.  "You are fearfully and wonderfully made" says the Bible.
• Being a grown up. Not hiding behind others nor blaming others especially when things do not go well.  Fess up to mistakes and move on.
• Being resourceful.  Know what is available and to be willing to ask for help.
• Being vulnerable.  Willing to find out information if you don't know.  Willing to share your struggles and limitations. 
• Being generous.  Know that sharing one's resources, values, faith- in essence one's life has a way of coming back to you. 
• Being authentic.  Being honest about yourself - good, bad, and the ugly.

What about you?  Know any inspirational ladies?  Are you an inspirational women?  What else makes a person inspirational?  What makes someone live her life out loud?  What does that look like for you? How can you cultivate authenticity in your life?  

Are you living your life out loud? 

Choices

What choices have you made today?  

Get up with the alarm or hit the snooze button?  Shave or go with a little stubble? Boxers or briefs? Skirt or pants? Eggs or oatmeal?  Tell your boss his project idea isn't going to work or smile and start planning? Visit that family member or decide to stay home?  Ride the train or drive? Ask the cute co-worker for coffee or remain silent?  Say yes to the job offer across the country or look for something closer to home?  Go to church or sleep in?

Every day in every way we have choices.  Some are major.  Some are minor.  Most are lifestyle preferences on how we feel on a particular day. Major or minor, what we choose says something about us and our values. 

I was thinking about choices and attitudes recently.  The other day I was riding my bicycle to do some errands.  It was so much easier to go to the store and the shopping mall on my bike rather than contend with the long holiday traffic lines. But I had a practical reason for riding as we are down to one car and that particular car was "in the shop".  I needed some sort of transportation and the bicycle was it.

Our one car lifestyle is a lifestyle choice. We are choosing to reduce our carbon footprint.  We are choosing to take time and research our next car options so that we can purchase a car that matches our needs. We are choosing to save up our money so we can buy our next car without a loan.  We are choosing to see if we can live in a place where there is (limited) public transportation and "bike paths".   When I view the decision for one car as our choice I am much better in my attitude.

Many years ago we were down to one car.  We were seeing how long we could go without purchasing another much needed second car.   It took a lot of coordination of schedules, "I need the car on Wednesday.  You need it Thursday night." etc.  At that time, the choice for the one car was necessitated by a total car accident of our previous car and not one that we had readily chosen. 

How I internally complained about our situation!  As I would be walking along, pushing our two young boys in the stroller, struggling under grocery bags, every passing car seemed to mock me. "Why don't you have a car?  We have a car- ha, ha, ha."  

But I am so grateful for that experience.  Our two boys developed into wonderful walkers. When they were quite small I remember taking them to Washington DC with a friend and her two "slightly older than ours" children.  Our guys just kept plugging along, never flagging while the friend's children had a little bit of a struggle.  Also, the experience has made all of us more aware of others' transportation plights, the development of cities and what we as citizens can choose to do. 

So as I was pedaling along the other day, I realized that I had none of the animosity and annoyance in our current one car choice as I did with the previous time.  For me it was because I have chosen to live like this. I have the pleasure of exercising and doing an errand. I have the opportunity to explore areas of our town that I cannot traverse in the car. I have the satisfaction in knowing that I am living my beliefs. 

What a difference a shift in attitude and perspective make.    Because I made the choice and it wasn't decided for me, I feel that I have options.  The end result is the same- one car- yet my attitude is totally different as I pass motorists.  No longer do I feel that they are mocking me.  I feel confident with the ease in which I travel and with the fun that I am experiencing. 

What about you?  What choices have you made?  Are making?  Are some of your choices thrust upon you or can you decide for yourself?  In dealing with other people, do you make the choices for them or do you allow them to do so?  What are you having to decide that could be handled differently with an attitude and perspective choice? 

Finish!

When I first took tennis lessons I had a pro constantly call out, "Finish!!"  What he meant was that as I swung through and hit the ball, I needed to finish the swing- taking my racquet and arm through the shot and end with my elbow high and the racquet almost wrapped around my torso. It took a while for me to achieve it and even now I need to remind myself, "finish!"

I have found that I also use that expression when I am in the middle of a project, activity or even asking others in my family to complete their tasks.  "Finish", I say under my breath as I see the rinsed-out, yet not- in-the-dishwasher cereal bowl in the sink.  "Finish", I tell myself when I want to stop running after only ten steps.  "Finish", I will encourage when I want to leave the drop cloths on the floor, the paint on the brushes, and the trim unpainted. 

Turns out the uncompleted project is a common occurrence.  In January's issue of Real Simple, an author described her frustration with having numerous undone projects and explores the why and how she can accomplish them.  She visits a life coach, a psychologist, checks out helpful technology for keeping on task and even hires a personal assistant.  She learns why she is the way she is. She learns that as a woman there are hormonal reasons and times to be motivated. She spends an inordinate amount of money to have a stranger finish a craft project favor for her daughter's birthday party even though she gets much enjoyment from making her own crafts. 

Bottom line:  "Finish".

We might know why we are the way we are; e.g. undiagnosed ADHD or poor modeling from multiple achiever parents.  We might have a plan to save and hire a personal assistant (her NYC based personal assistant cost $85/hour).  We might even have "permission" to finish the task through a work related article.  Yet with all that information, we still feel the weight of unfinished projects and the stress of getting them all done. 

So...

There comes the time when we just have to take the initiative and figure out what is needed to do (watch the ball); pull back our arm in preparation (gather information, tools, resources for what we need); contact the ball (start what is necessary) and finish through with the swing (complete the whole movement or activity without going on to the next).

I think I want to finish some of my undone projects.  Either that, or just get rid of the projects realizing that they will never be finished and why carry all that guilt.  

What about you?  Do you have unfinished projects?  How does that make you feel?  What will you do about them?  What do you need to do to "Finish!"?

The Book of Doing

As I am want to do, I was looking at used books at a local thrift shop.  I was wanting my own copy of Moby Dick and I just had a feeling that there might be a discarded, hardly read copy from someone's English class.  Eureka.  Found one in pristine condition.

I also happened upon this little gem:  The Book of Doing:  Everyday Activities to Unlock Your Creativity and Joy  by Allison Arden.  She reminds the reader that  we have turned joyful pursuits into chores. "We've minimized the value of what these acts of personal creation can fuel in our society: the perspective, centeredness, and sense of accomplishment they give us. ....In the same way we have allowed technology to infiltrate every area of our lives, we must allow our creativity and passions to infuse our daily activities."  Amen sister!

And so, dear reader I offer to you some of the suggestions from her book (and a few of my own).  Perhaps 2017 can be the year that you try and engage in some type of creative doing.  It doesn't have to be the beret-wearing, scarf-tossing artist (accent on the second syllable).  Doing can encompass anything, as Ms. Arden states, "Creating, making, mastering,  perfecting, helping, inventing, initiating, experimenting, learning, drawing, changing, constructing, reading, moving, trying, challenging, testing, building, writing singing, dancing, hosting, cooking, painting tasting, sharing, smelling, imitating, playing, enjoying, being, giving,  

"It is not in doing what you like, but in liking what you do that is the secret of happiness." ~J.M. Barrie, creator of Peter Pan.

Here are some suggestions:

• Master how to say "hello", "please" and "thank you" in five different languages  (once you have done that, go on to completely learn a language- at least be able to communicate if you travel)
• Remove the words, "never", "can't", and "stupid" from your vocabulary (think of other frequent words you might use and try to change them up)
• Add a new word to your vocabulary each week (https://www.vocabulary.com/ is an online "game" for learning new words)
• Train to participate in a something-a thon ( marathon, bike-a-thon, bowl-a-thon, etc.)
• Be inspired by a dish you love from a restaurant and try duplicating at home
• Taste a slice of pizza from every shop in town- rate it  (bring friends and/or family along.  If pizza is not your thing- try ice cream, same type of sandwich, coffee or tea)
• Look at the world through a camera lens (literally  as you see things through new angles and then figuratively as you view the same ole, same ole in a different light)
• Learn to play chess
• Go to a farm where you can pick your own fruits and veggies. (make something with the harvest)
• Craft something special out of a sentimental piece of clothing (favorite t-shirts into throw pillows or quilts)
• Change something "unmovable" ( your birthday, a room, your hair, your point of view)
• Build something out of a natural material- preferably if you "find" the material on a nature walk (last year I made a bamboo fence to contain our raspberries)
• Pick and celebrate quotes that Inspire you  (pin them up around your desk, mirror, by the kitchen sink)
• Memorize a poem or scripture  (you'll never know when that gem will need to be recalled)

The point of all these suggestions is to get out there and do something.  Something that feeds your soul and opens you to new possibilities. Something that can stimulate one of your five senses.  As you do your activities, try to enjoy the experience.  I am going to try this year.  What about you? 

The Season of Joy

I love the word joy.  It just has such a wonderful image.  What I love about it is that it represents peace that transcends circumstance.  It is being able to say, "I am okay even in the midst of trouble.  I know that my present circumstance will not be forever and even if it is, there are things that I can learn and change and do about it."  It is viewing our situations and problems as opportunities.

I have heard various people talk about happiness and joy lately.  Totally unrelated conversations which makes me think that this is a topic in which I need assistance. In each of those discussions the conclusion has been that joy and happiness are different. Happiness is dependent upon surroundings. The focus becomes on achieving and getting things and that those things will provide happiness.  Isn't that the crux of the materialistic holidays?  Or that happiness has to be a reaction to what has occurred.  If the surroundings aren't quite good enough then one is unhappy. Life is miserable until something else happens that may provide a positive reaction.  Then we feel "happy".

I think of joy as the serene, gracious wiser sibling.  The one who seems to be unruffled and steady during difficulties.  The one who remains calm, speaks in a pleasant tone and doesn't fly off the handle.  The one who is unfazed if things don't go his way.  The one who is content whether he has much or he has little.  The one who is confident in all circumstances. 

I think of the past to the many times when I didn't exemplify poise in a situation. Times when I certainly wasn't full of joy.  Times when I let my unhappiness because "things didn't workout the way I wanted" spill out in my speech. Times when I railed against the "injustice" or aka "not getting the things I wanted" of my life. How ridiculous. How unattractive.  How childish. 

Joy comes from contentment. Joy comes from hope.  Joy comes from God.

The world is is need of joy this season.  I am in need of joy this season. What about you?  Can you replace happiness with joy this season?  This coming year? 

Christmas in Your City

This is the time of year when there are all the feel good stories and anecdotes about Christmas past and present.  It is wonderful and I welcome the stories but I can't help wondering- how come there aren't more of these type of stories the rest of the year?  Why aren't we on the look out for opportunities to help one another once the season of comfort and joy are over?  Why do we share good cheer in December but come January we spread misery? 

I heard of a heartwarming tale that has taken place in Boston every Christmas for the last twenty-seven years.  In 1988 one family realized how much they received at Christmas and thought that the following year they would try to do something about it.  So, the following year, two brothers, their employees and clients decided to make a special Christmas memory for the homeless in their community.  

This all volunteer organization provides a day in which the hundreds of families who attend will have a celebration, receive a meal and presents.  But what was once just an annual event has now expanded. They now have job training and other events during the year.  As they say on their website: 

"Each year, Christmas in the City brings holiday magic to thousands of Boston-area kids and their families – kids and families who’ve been experiencing the uncertainty of homelessness and the stress of poverty. Our annual party for those living in homeless shelters is a spectacular, go-all-out holiday event that many kids tell us is the best day of their lives. We also “play Santa” to thousands of other children who live in poverty, and provide assistance throughout the year to help families successfully transition from homelessness to independent living."  Click here to read more. 

Much as it is important to celebrate Christmas and to help others during the holidays, I really like that they have other programming throughout the year. Homelessness and poverty do not recognize calendar holidays and do not take breaks. There are no special days for those who are experiencing this type of troubles. 

I also like that this is a 100% volunteer organization.  Everyone does their bit and part.  And in doing so, a truly amazing event takes place. (check out the pictures- this truly is a spectacular party.)  I am sure that there must be great organizers to make this event work.  How wonderful that each person brings his or her gift to benefit others.  After all, isn't that the true meaning of Christmas: the teenager mother who gave the gift of obedience to be used by God, the wisemen who gave practical gifts to the care of the newborn king, and the God who humbled himself as the small baby in order to give us the greatest gift of eternal life.

What would it look like if we "gave away" our gifts, talents, and resources? Who could we benefit?  In all the cases of those who "gave away", they would say that they received so much more. 

Are there programs in your city that help those less fortunate?  Do they continue throughout the year?   If there isn't a specific program, what can you do to either replicate a Christmas in the City type program or design something specific for your city? 

What is Christmas like in your city?

Grown Up Christmas List

What is on your Christmas List?  Did you ever write one when you were little?  Do you still make them out? Or have you given up the practice? 

I guess I wrote a Christmas list when I was little. With my love of lists I am sure that I must've. Funny that I can't remember any specific one.  

I also cannot remember pleading and cajoling my parents for a specific toy or gift.  I am sure that I did hound them. My parents probably had the annual holiday headache over hearing me talk about an item and in trying to acquire said item.  Yet I cannot remember ever getting the "popular" sold out toy.  I don't think that phenomenon was around when I was little.  (I think that started with the Cabbage Patch Kids which was part of my nieces and nephews younger years.)

It just seems that the process of naming what we want and writing it down and the anticipation of receiving the gift almost seems greater than the actual item.  We can have all those moments of pleasure thinking about the gift. It is the joy of delayed gratification. 

Yet it seems that once the gift is given and received, we are not as interested in it anymore.  Or at least it loses its charm and appeal.  It is as if all our energy was spent on imaging the gift and now that the gift has arrived, we are spent- tired of the item before it has been used.  In many cases, we cannot even remember what the fuss was all about.

I remember one year my son had a remote control motorcycle on his Christmas list. Or my father-in-law had heard some of his golf buddies talking about a remote control motorcycle that they were getting their grandchildren.  Either way, my father-in-law moved heaven and earth (or at least all the Toys R Us stores in our metropolitan area) to purchase it.  Our son enjoyed it very much.  For the first couple of days.  But after awhile, the difficult-to-acquire toy found its way to the bottom of the toy cabinet. 

I am wondering about that experience as I ponder the next chapter in my life.  I have thought for a long time the personal and career items I want to accomplish and achieve. I even have a list of material possessions that I would want: type of home, contents of home, location of said home, type of car, etc.  But even those lists are like the fantastical lists that our childish selves write to Santa: totally unrealistic and impractical.

What do I really want?

I find that I have a hard time writing down what I want.  Oh sure, I have those lists of my ideal items but what if that list was definitive?  And that which was written on my list was what I would receive. No more. No less.  Would I truly be content and happy with it?   Would it be overwhelming or not enough?  Would I be listing the right things for the current me as well as the future me?  Would I grow weary with my requests even before I received them?  If it all came to me at once, would I miss the excitement of the next year or stage of my life? 

I guess I have come to the conclusion that, while I have lists of accomplishments and goals, my ultimate list would be deferred to the One who knows me better than myself: the One who created me and who loves me.  Not that I am absolving myself of any responsibility of living my life.  I just have come to the conclusion that I will trust God in directing my steps for my future plans.  Certainly I have my part to do: to be as educated, healthy, curious, well rounded, and developed in my specific gifts and talents.  But for choosing the best course of action, I choose to let "Thy Will Be done." 

I think I will let my Christmas List be fulfilled by God and what He has in store for me.

What about you?   

Toothpaste Lies

There was an interesting story on the NPR Story Corp. A 94 year old gentleman originally from Atlantic City, NJ shared a shameful secret that he has been harboring all these years:

"When I was 8 years old, I was running in the schoolyard and my arm struck the eyeglasses of one of the students. And he began to cry. He was going to tell his father. It would cost two dollars to fix the glasses. And I was frightened to death — where was I going to get the two dollars?  We had a cleaning lady by the name of Pearl, a black woman. And I knew that every week, she’d get two dollars for her services. On this particular day, I was so terrified, I took the two dollars, and took it to the teacher and settled the problem of the broken glasses.

When Pearl finished her day’s work, she went for the two dollars and they weren’t there. And my mother said there was no question that Pearl took the two dollars and didn’t admit it. And my mother was so angry, that she told Pearl not to come back anymore.  And then the word leaked out that Pearl was a thief, and Pearl couldn’t get another job. And she had several children.

I was the only one who knew the true story. And I didn’t tell anyone. And I was smitten with grief at what I had done. I kept that secret to the age of 94, which is hard to believe, but the event never left me."

What a story.  Makes one realize that our parents' admonishment to tell the truth regardless of the outcome was true. I know that as a parent, a lie sets me into an orbit of anger.  I have always said that I prefer the truth (and would try and not get angry even if the truth and the subsequent incident was caused by stupidity or poor judgement) over any lie. Lying has deep implications. There is no such thing as an insulated incident. The choices we make in one incident affect the choices of others. It becomes the domino effect.  What happened to Pearl?  Since she was "blackballed" from getting another job, what did she do? What happened to her children?

It reminds me of the analogy of toothpaste and lies. When we lie it is like squeezing too much toothpaste out of the tube. It cannot go back. We must be judicious in how much toothpaste we use. So too, we must be judicious with the words that we use. We have to weigh our words carefully. Once a lie is spoken, it is out there forever.  We can try and rectify it but ultimately the words cannot go back.  And in the case of destroying a reputation, those lies are toxic.  

Certainly, one can see the rationale behind the eight-year-old's decision; he was scared, he wanted to do what was right with the glasses and he probably didn't think the $2 was such a big deal for his mother- she could just give Pearl some more. He probably never thought that his mom would accuse Pearl of taking the original $2 and claiming that she didn't get it.

 And, who are we to judge? After all, I am sure all of us have had situations where we have lied and not "fessed" up. Perhaps we would tell ourselves that those little white lies didn't harm anyone, but did they?  Do we really know the lengths and depths of the impact of the words we say?  In the case of this elderly gentleman, the lie was with him his entire life. 

What about you?  Have you ever done something of which you were ashamed?  Have you ever told anyone?  Is it something that you can try and "repair" any damage? 

What do you do when you encounter lies in others?  Do you challenge it?  Do you ask for the truth?  Do you have to be a detective to suss out the truth?  Is it worth the effort?  

Maybe our tube of toothpaste can be a daily reminder that our words are to be truthful. That anything coming out of our mouth should be used for good. 

Passion

No judgements here, but really?  I am sure the heroine has amethyst or jade color eyes. 

How passionate are you? I am not talking the bodice ripping, pulsating harlequin romance type of passion but the type of passion as defined by oxforddictionaries.com, "an intense desire or enthusiasm for something, a thing arousing a great enthusiasm". 

I attended a lecture the other week where the speaker was quite passionate in his subject about a very obscure historical object that was used in determining the Mason Dixon line.  I knew of the line and have crossed it many times but because of his enthusiasm I am more appreciative of it, how it came about and in the men who surveyed it.   I now see the maps and historical letters and documents with appreciative eyes. 

I am sure that you have probably had a similar instance if you ever had a passionate school teacher on a subject. My high school English teacher was passionate about Shakespeare and so I love the Bard's plays. Alas, much to my Physics major husband, my high school Physics professor's passion didn't rub off on me. 

But that speaker did get me thinking:  About what am I passionate?  What stirs my soul?  What arouses an enthusiasm in me?   Do I inspire an enthusiasm in others? 

I am always so impressed with people who are laser focused on a subject and seem to know an inexhaustible amount of information on that subject.  They are the subject experts.  They know what they know.  They stand for something. Their knowledge base becomes their identity.

The more I live, the more I know that I don't know.  As my grandmother predicted many years ago, "jack of all trades, master of none."   In some ways I find that upsetting, because it seems that mastering something becomes who one is.  So, more than not knowing a subject thoroughly, I am wondering about my identity.  For what do I stand?  And, if I stand for it, do I know that subject or viewpoint or theory as an expert?  Should I?

What about you?  Have you ever wondered about your knowledge base?  What do you know?  About what are you passionate?  Is/should that be one and the same? What is your identity?  Are you an expert on that? Does that knowledge inspire others?  Does your enthusiasm rub off? 

What's your passion?

Thinking Outside The Trash Can

I guess because it is the holiday season, food has been on my mind.  In going to the grocery store these last couple of weeks I am reminded of the blessings of the many many food choices and the quantity of items in everyone's (my own included) carts.  There was an interesting article in the November issue of Reader's Digest about ordinary people who are concerned with how we use our food resources and how best not to waste it.  These individuals have thought of different ways to either help with the distribution of food or highlight the problem of food waste.  

According to the US Department of Agriculture the US wastes between 30-40% of food.  Food that is/was perfectly edible gets thrown into the land fills.  The USDA notes that in 2010, that equated to 133 billion pounds of food and $161 billion worth of food that was wasted.  It is more than a problem of edible food wasted- there is an impact on our environment.  As stated on their website,  "the land, water, labor, energy and other inputs used in producing, processing, transporting, preparing, storing, and disposing of discarded food are pulled away from uses that may have been more beneficial to society".  Food waste is the single largest component going into our landfills causing landfills to be the third largest source of methane production.  

On top of all that, there is the problem that people could have benefited from the food. As a country we are blessed with seemingly unlimited food resources, yet there are those among us who do no have enough to eat or enough healthy food to eat. When you think that there are people who go to bed hungry it seems a sin. It is not a question of our country not having the resources, but more of an equitable distribution of the food. 

There is a woman from California who has designed an app for restaurants or businesses who have excess food to alert those in need- non-profits, food kitchens, etc. of edible food that won't become food waste.  By using the technology of an app, those with excess food can alert those who can distribute it before the food becomes perishable.  Her program operates in over 40 cities in Northern California. Hopefully in building an infrastructure in other areas the program can be replicated beyond the California region.  Click here to download her app

On the East Coast, a group is demonstrating the problem of food waste by offering dinner in a dumpster.  "One man's trash in another man's 6-course meal."   They are highlighting the problem by using "imperfect" food in their creative meal plans.  e.g. Office Coffee Butter & Recycled Rice Bread -Fresh butter whipped with an end-of-the-day office coffee reduction. Served on freshly baked bread with yesterday's rice or Broccoli Stalk Slaw - Shaved stalk of broccoli and blanched organic carrot peel with a soy-ginger drizzle, topped with black sesame.

They serve the meal in a (sanitized) dumpster.  As is only in New York City, it is a big hit. One needs reservations and there is a waiting list.  It certainly engages people in a conversation and raises their awareness of food purchasing and food preparation that decreases waste.  "Salvage Supperclub exists to create inspiring food experiences with a purpose. We recognize how essential food is to all of us, but believe that the power of a shared meal can (and should) go beyond our base needs. It should not only nourish us but also delight and empower us. We don't just make great food. We put great food at the center of a dialogue about a more sustainable food system. We hope you'll join us."  Click here to see their website and pictures of their meals.

The last story was about a former NFL football player who gave up his materialistic life to be a farmer who shares his bounty with others less fortunate.  Jason Brown played for the St. Louis Rams but felt a calling to not just use his money to buy food and donate it but to actually be part of the solution. As he says, "I had to be out there doing the work and leading the way."   His produce is given to local food pantries, churches and food banks in Eastern North Carolina.  His ministry is called First Fruits Farms. Click here to see his website

I have heard of other similar food distribution programs:  Campus Kitchen (college campuses give their excess to the local food bank) or Society of St. Andrew (an after harvest, gleaning-the-extra program to gather fresh produce) to name two.   On the USDA website there are many other national programs.  Click here to see a list of national food recovery programs

What I love about these stories and these programs is that they are comprised of ordinary people.  People like you and me who have decided to act on an issue that was laid on their heart.  They used their interests, talents and resources to create something bigger than themselves.  And, they came up with ideas "outside the box"- looking at a problem in a different light. 

What about you?  Have you ever had an idea about a social situation?  Did it seem impossible to you?  Are there others who feel the same way?  How can you take steps to try it out?  Or can you partner with someone who is already doing something similar?  

How are you and your family with food waste?  Do you find mystery items in your fridge that need to be thrown out?  Do you end up scraping half of your meal into the trash?  Would you say that 30-40% of the food coming into your household is wasted?  Higher?  Lower?  Are your "eyes bigger than your stomach" at restaurants? 

EPA's Suggestions for Reducing Food Waste:

• Shop your refrigerator first! Cook or eat what you already have at home before buying more.
• Plan your menu before you go shopping and buy only those things on your menu.
• Buy only what you realistically need and will use. Buying in bulk only saves money if you are able to use the food before it spoils.
• Be creative! If safe and healthy, use the edible parts of food that you normally do not eat. For example, stale bread can be used to make croutons and beet tops can be sautèed for a delicious side dish.
• Freeze, preserve, or can surplus fruits and vegetables - especially abundant seasonal produce.
• At restaurants, order only what you can finish by asking about portion sizes and be aware of side dishes included with entrees. Take home the leftovers and keep them for your next meal.
• At all-you-can-eat buffets, take only what you can eat.

Incredible Edible Food

Over the Thanksgiving holiday, our sons were home for a visit.  Our one son introduced me to some of his favorite podcasts.  One was about a town and its fruits and veggies program. "Incredible Edible Todmorden".  It is such an incredible project.  What started as a germ of an idea (no pun intended) has been replicated in other communities on almost every continent. 

https://www.incredible-edible-todmorden.co.uk/home

According to their website, Incredible Edible Todmorden  is "A movement made up of passionate people working together for a world where all share responsibility for the future wellbeing of our planet and ourselves. We aim to provide access to good local food for all, through working together; learning – from field to classroom to kitchen; supporting local business"

It started as such a simple idea.  Why don't we plan edible food gardens, open to all, around town?  There was usable space in front of the rail station, the police station and the health clinic.  And so, a group of volunteers planted raised beds of fruits, veggies and herbs.  The results- anyone can pick and benefit from the food. Once they started planting, the question then became- who knows about growing food?  The older citizens of course.  So, they became engaged.  As the community saw how food was grown, the residents became more supportive of local farmers and businesses.  In seeing how the community appreciated the food, there was a concern that the local students needed to have agriculture classes and so curriculum was changed and developed for the local schools.  There are all sorts of learning going on- from landscape designing, planting, tending, harvesting to cooking and enjoying the fruits of their labors.  That simple idea has a multitude of benefits:

• Brings communities together- food is there to share
• Reduces vandalism and crime- people have respect for community spaces
• Engages all walks of life and all ages- their motto, "If you eat, you are in."
• Increases local businesses- the have a food tourisms in their town, people from all over want to see how the incredible edible process works
• Involves all civic entities, like retirement homes and schools - educational programs have been developed for the young people 
• Replicated in other towns and jurisdictions- over 120 towns in UK and over 700 globally

What an exciting project.  I especially like that the people who became involved had said enough of waiting for the government to do something.  They realized that there was a responsibility that we all share with the environment, food and with one another. They didn't wait for permission or grants.  They just did it. As one of the founding members, Pam Warhurst, says about the benefit of the process,  "once we start the power of small actions, we start to believe in ourselves." 

Click here to listen to the TED talk from Pam. 

You will be inspired and encouraged.   You may not be in a position to have an edible garden or live in a community that does.  However, their story might inspire you that by doing small actions you can create change. It will give you faith and hope in a broken world.  

The African Doctor

The other night my husband and I watched a movie, The African Doctor.   It is a 2016 French film about a newly graduated Congolese doctor who becomes the doctor for a small conservative village in France.  Seyolo Zantoko struggles with his family to integrate into a small rural village and ends up being considered as one of the most respected doctors in the area.  It is a heart-warming "true" story.

What I liked was the idea that community begins when Dr. Zantoko and some villagers take the risk to get to know one another.  In this case, the doctor joins the men in learning to play darts at the local pub.  

Makes me think about getting to know the strangers in my midst.  Do I take the risk in getting to know them?  Do I sacrifice time with those I already know in order to greet and meet those whom I don't?  Should I? 

I think there is a responsibility in community to take that risk; whether that is a group with which I am involved, my neighbors in community or in the larger world.  Of course there are times when we do need to "honker down home" and regroup with people who already know us.  We need the stability of established relationships to get through a patch of tough time. But to permanently settle into little isolated segments does nothing to promote understanding, connection and peace in the world.

I know that I have talked a lot about this topic on these blog postings.  But it seems every where I turn I see disconnect- people not only disagreeing but violently so.  Communities, cross the globe are closing in ranks and hiding behind a curtain of nationalism and isolationism.  

Yet, I also see glimmers of people reaching out to one another and in doing so are forming broader communities.  Perhaps it is due to a common enemy that is drawing dissimilar people together.  But I would hope that it is because love always trumps hate. Love takes risks. Love takes time.  Love is the only hope for society to continue.  

It makes my day better knowing that I have connected to someone- whether that is a smile, kind word or long chat.  Hopefully it is reciprocated-  that "someone's" day has improved too in knowing that there has been a connection.  It is looking for commonalities rather than differences.  In The African Doctor, it was the common cause of the children and their activities that finally cemented the relationship between the Zantoko family and the village.

What about you?  Do have any time this holiday weekend to connect to someone else?  A long distant relative or friend?  A stranger in the store?  Have you seen any movies  or read any books lately where these theme of connection have occurred?  What were the titles?  What spoke to you in these stories? Were there any truths to be gleaned? 

Instead of letting things happen around you, what steps can you take to keep the means of connection open? What activities can you find that might connect you with people you wouldn't normally associate? 

How would you respond if you were plunked down into a community where you didn't know anyone?  How would you connect?  Perhaps it is time that we all think of others in that way. 

How To Give Thanks

Do you feel thankful this holiday?   I am feeling conflicted this season.  In the big scheme of things I am quite thankful- for my faith, my family, my health and all the material blessings I have. Yet in the microcosm of my life, I am not too grateful.  I find myself grumbling, complaining and disappointed that my life is in the pattern it is.

I realize that I need an attitude adjustment.  I need to learn contentment and gratitude. I need to learn how to give thanks.

I was doing my daily Bible reading and came across these  verses from the book of Hebrews 13:5, "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." 

It dawned on me.  Perhaps I am not overly pursuing a life that reflects a love of money (or at least not intentionally)  but I am most certainly trying to manipulate my future to go my way and when it doesn't, I find that I get annoyed and cranky.  Part of the sin of loving money is that in its pursuit we forget that we are not in control. I wasn't leaning on God and trusting Him with my thoughts, dreams and plans.  I was allowing my focus to be on the smallness of my life and all the "slights" against me causing me to try and handle it all myself like the Little Red Hen.  I was idolizing me. 

I came across an article in the November issue of "Real Simple".  It was suggesting how to be grateful (when you really don't feel like it).  I liked the ideas because cultivating gratitude lifts our thoughts from ourselves and can help shift our attitude to being thankful and grateful for our circumstances.  It is then we can recognize contentment in whatever that situation might be. Below are some of those suggestions as well as my own: 

• Gratitude can be simple and subtle. In Hebrew the term for gratitude is hakarat hatov, which means "recognizing the good". A reframing of our attitude might be to "reorient ourselves around things that we should already be grateful for".  So, it might not be so hard to "find" gratitude rather look for the small things which already occur- e.g. a garaged car that keeps the windshield free from frost and the daily morning scraping that non garaged car neighbors have to endure.
• List your blessings.  Focus on the big four- food, family, health and shelter. If you have to break them down to the smallest item, e.g.  breathing without oxygen assistance,  then do so.
• Cultivate a grateful eye.  I was raking the leaves in our yard the other day.  There is a neighbor's tree that drops the smallest sliver of leaves possible onto our front yard.  The tines of the rake cannot pick them up.  The only way to collect them  is to use a gasoline powered mower.  In the back of our house there is a HUGE sycamore tree on the adjacent county property.  Not only is the tree big and drops limbs but the leaves are the size of dinner plates.  As I was picking up the sycamore leaves I thought, "I am so grateful that the small tree is in front and the larger one is back here" as I had to pick up by hand the large sycamore leaves as they had fallen over the pebble walkway around our potting shed and pond.  If I used a rake or any other type of machinery I would also denude the path of pebbles. 
• Look at the way you say thank-you.  Is it automatic or can you look at the way someone is helping you with a cost-benefit eye?  Notice not just the money spent but the time and effort and energy it took.  "Thinking about everyday kindnesses like that will make you way more grateful." 
• Share  your thanksgiving/gratitude stories with others.  Here are some conversation starters for the Thanksgiving table:
  • What's the nicest thing that anyone has done for you this year?
  • What the nicest thing that you've seen someone else-friend, coach, family member, teacher- do for another person?
  • If you  had one super power that you could use to make a difference int he world, what would it be?  What would you do with it?
  • What are you most grateful for that doesn't cost money?

What about you?  How's your attitude this Thanksgiving holiday?  Do you need an attitude adjustment?  What can you do?  Have you ever counted your blessings?  Actually written them down as assets?   Have you ever shared your feelings of gratitude with others?  

Why Give Thanks?

Do you ever wonder why we have Thanksgiving?  Sure, we have all learned about the Pilgrims and their first feast in Plymouth.  We have read about George Washington's issuing a proclamation that November 26, 1789 would be a day of national thanksgiving for the role of providence in creating the United States. We know that  Abraham Lincoln's declaration of an annual federal celebration the fourth Thursday in November is what prompts our yearly migration to home and hearth.

No, I am talking about why as humans we feel the need to have any type of thanksgiving celebration at all.  Almost all cultures going back many millennium have the need to have some type of yearly festival. Whether it was to appease the gods or to share in extra harvest abundance, why did we feel the need to give thanks?  

I think it is because on some basic biological level we as humans know that there is something larger than ourselves at work in the world. Deep down we know that there is more than just our small existence and that we intrinsically look to something else for the bounty and situations in which we find ourselves. 

I think in trying to understand why we give thinks, we should look at whom we thank- the earth, the stars, the moon, a human-made deity, a specific religious person?  

I am in the C.S. Lewis camp that although differing religions have many similar values- truth, goodness, kindness, etc., Christianity is the only religion that can point to its founder as alive and living among us.  Not to go into apologetics but there is historic evidence that the prophet Jesus was seen walking, eating, talking after his crucification. He is the true living God. 

I think that it is that pull to God and Jesus that subconsciously draws us to gather and give thanks. Whether we consciously recognize it or not, we cannot rely on ourselves for all that we have received, nor can we be the ones in charge of our lives. Similar to Blaise Pascal's quote which in the vernacular has been quoted as  "there is a God-shaped vacuum inside all of us."  Below are the actual words from his book, Pensees, published in 1670: 

“What else does this craving, and this helplessness, proclaim but that there was once in man a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace? This he tries in vain to fill with everything around him, seeking in things that are not there the help he cannot find in those that are, though none can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and immutable object; in other words by God himself” - Blaise Pascal, Pensées VII(425)

Sure we have the pull of the obligatory family Thanksgiving gathering, but it goes beyond that: the practice of thanksgiving is good for our souls. 

• We recognize that the blessings we have are not all from our own doing.
• We recognize that others also receive blessings not from their own doing.
• We can recognize that our experiences are not so bad when hearing about others' situations.
• We recognize that difficult and bad situations may have some positive aspects and that time can smooth out rough patches.
• We are humbled by that knowledge and perspective of our lives.
• We can then be open, compassionate and vulnerable to others and grateful for what we do and do not have. 
• We recognize that there are some things that bear no explanation- it is only through the grace of God we are in the place where we are.
• We can then experience the authentic and abundant life of a grateful and thankful heart.

What about you?  Why do you give thanks?  Have you ever done a yearly inventory of your life?  What is important to you? What do you believe?  What are the positive and negative things in your life?  Are there situations or experiences in your life that have no explanation?  Is it an abyss that can only be filled with God? How about the people you know and love? Why do they give thanks?  For what are you and they grateful?  Does that ever connect you? 

Why give thanks?  It is an opportunity to be connected to others, to ourselves and to God.  

Most Important Person

When you are in a meeting or group situation, have you ever noticed the dynamics?  How some people take center stage and never move from it?  How people can fawn over those they think are the big wigs?

But what about those on the sidelines, not in the spot light?  Do you even notice them? Have you ever taken time to get to know them? 

As I have shared before, one of my favorite singers/songwriters is Amy Grant.  One of the qualities I like about her is that she seems so levelheaded and stable.  Of course, she is a public persona and sometimes a public persona can be wildly different in private.  I would hope that is not the case.

Once in an interview I heard her share a perspective that keeps her sane.  She declares that on a video shoot, the person getting the attention with the make-up, lighting and direction is not the most important person in the vignette. It is the person who prepares the food.  For if the crew is hungry, they will be cranky and things won't go well- there will be fault with all that occurs and the process will take a lot longer than needed.  The "star" might be fawned over but it is the person providing the care via the food who is truly the star. 

I have recently joined a civic group.  They provide many wonderful lectures on a variety of topics; history, art, politics, health, etc.  But it is a group with its own dynamics and its own configurations; those who are in the "know", who are "successful" or who have deep family connections are the ones who are immediately fawned over.  Not that these "alpha" members are bad people.  Certainly they are interesting, engaging, polite and nice.  But I have been observing the daily interactions and structure of the organization.  And I have kept my eyes open for those who are on the "fringes"- those individuals who don't seem to be in the limelight.  

These individuals whom I have met, have been wonderful- so many interesting women with a variety of backgrounds, careers, hobbies.  It is certainly been worth it to take the time to get to know the ones who on first blush might not seem to be the most interesting.  I have found them to be just as interesting, engaging, polite and nice as the "alpha" members. 

I have read that the late Princess Diana was very adept at looking for the person on the "outside" of a gathering and approaching him/her.  They said it was due to her shyness that she naturally sought out those also were shy and on the fringes.  It was one of her endearing characteristics that she approached others who might be overlooked and drew them in. 

What about you?  When you are in a group, where do you fit in?  Are you the one, front and center or are you on the fringe?  How do you feel when someone approaches you and takes an interest in what you do? Have you ever reached out to someone else?  How did that go?  

What situations or groups will you encounter today that you can be on the lookout for those who seem "unimportant"?  Watch the dynamics of the group.  Perhaps the one you think is "unimportant" is the one who is the most important of all.

Aches & Pains

When I was serving as an election judge, I met a host of characters- namely the people who served with me as judges.  As is true when one is in a group, there was one election judge who drove the rest of the judges crazy; she was very busy, running from station to station acting "in charge" and "helpful" but basically got everything mixed up.  Another judge leaned over to me and whispered, "Look at her, running all over the place, acting like she knows it all. I hope she is really achy tomorrow morning."

In some ways why should a healthy "young" (age any more is all relative) woman be crippled the next morning from just standing and moving around?  Shouldn't we be able to move in the way we were built without any indication of a problem?  I thought of the difference between exercising and experiencing sore muscles and injuring one's body causing excruciating pain. 

I like it when my muscles are sore. It reminds me that I have used them and that they are still working.  I know that in a day or two I will feel okay.  I might need to foreshorten the achy feeling with an over-the-counter pain reliever but generally the aches will lesson and eventually go away over time.  

But what about true pain?   What does that really feel like?  After all, pain is subjective.  (I think that I must have a high tolerance of pain for I cannot truly remember a time of can't-catch-my-breath type of pain.)   With true pain, it doesn't go away.  The injury generally doesn't heal by itself or at least properly and some type of intervention is needed; either in the form of surgery, more potent prescribed pain relievers or other types of medicine.  

And so I thought about the metaphorical  aches and pains in our life. What about problems or difficulties we experience?  Can they be seen as an ache or pain?  An ache and even a pain can be a good thing- it can be a warning sign that things are not right, like a broken bone or that a danger needs to be avoided, like the pain from a flame or an indication that an exercise needs to be lessened.

Are the problems something that are just stretching me or are they issues that are causing true injury?  Am I growing stronger through the process or is it weakening my resilience and hindering any healing?  If I ignore this ache or pain will I be maimed, stunted or disfigured like a bone that has not been reset?  Do I need to remove myself from the cause of the pain or ache?  Or do I need some other type of intervention? 

I think of pain as the really big issues of emotionally traumatic experiences.  Those issues that need major intervention through a medical doctor or psychiatrist- abuse, rape, witnessing trauma, war survivors, severe grief.  Most times, any "home remedy" or "over the counter" type of intervention are ineffective for the treatment of this type of pain. 

I think of most things in my life as emotional aches.  These are relatively temporary problems that have a way of annoying me by reminding me of their mere presence.  It is through those smaller problems though I can get tripped up.  Like the nagging twinge I may experience in my lower back whenever I stand too long, these emotional aches can linger and before I know it, become part of who I am.  Those emotional aches color my view on life, on other people and what I can and cannot do.   I don't even question that there can be another better reality for my achy back. 

When I have emotional aches, I need to assess whether this a temporary condition or one that is not going away and may develop into a chronic pain.  I then need to figure out some type of intervention: talk with a friend, relative or counselor.  I may need to learn some new ways to coping with this emotional twinge. 

I can also call aches in my life, opportunities for growth and strengthening.  When I want my physical muscles to develop, the process of stretching them will cause them to ache. "No pain, no gain".  When we stretch our muscles, we experience small microscopic tears in those muscles.  It is the process of healing those tears that builds and strengthens the muscle wall, developing stronger muscles that can carry more, endure activity more, and support our frame.  

Emotional aches provide me with opportunities for growth.  I learn things about myself and others as I experience the disappointments, frustrations and trials of life.  Emotional aches provide me with opportunities to strengthen relationships. As I go through my emotional aches, I can reach out to others in similar situations- sharing my experiences, encouraging others to press on and celebrating with them when the aches lesson. 

What about you?  Do you suffer from emotional or physical aches and pains?   Have you sought any treatment?  Has that changed your perspective or view of the issues? What steps can you do today to get some pain relief? 

As much as I don't want physical or emotional aches and pains, I am glad that I can experience it.  It underscores that I am alive. As they say in the retirement community, "consider the alternative..." 

Every Day Should Be World Kindness Day

Yesterday (November 13th)  was World Kindness Day.  The day was created in 1997 when a group of like-minded kindness organizations (no political or religious affiliations)  convened at a conference in Japan. "The mission of the WKM is to inspire individuals towards greater kindness and to connect nations to create a kinder world. Members of the movement include over 25 nations with representatives from Australia, Brazil, Canada, China, France, India, Italy, Japan, Liberia, Malaysia, Mexico, Nepal, Netherlands, New Zealand, Nigeria, Oman, Pakistan, Romania, Scotland, South Korea,Switzerland,Thailand, United Arab Emerites, Ukraine, United Kingdom and the USA."

I cannot think of a better time than now to practice kindness.  But what does it look like? What does it truly mean? It seems as if it is one of those words that we think we know but do we really?

What is kindness?  In looking up its meaning, many sites use as a definition,  "the act of being kind." 

So then, the next question is what is kind?   According to dictionary.com:  1. of a good or benevolent nature or disposition, as a person  2. having, showing, or proceeding from benevolence: kind words3. indulgent, considerate, or helpful; humane (often followed by to): to be kind to animals. 4. mild; gentle; clement: kind weather  5. British Dialect. loving; affectionate

Eventually, I did find a definition for kindness: the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. 

I like that, the idea of being considerate- to think of others and their needs.  It is the Biblical mandate to love your neighbor as yourself.  In my search for the definition of kindness I found that according to the Baker's Evangelical Dictionary of Biblical Theology, kindness is "an attribute of God and quality desirable but not consistently found in humans." 

Perhaps that is why as humans, we find it so hard to be kind.  In order to be so, we need some divine help.  Perhaps that is why as humans, we are so touched when we experience kindness in our lives or when we are kind to another;  we have connected, in some small ways to the divine. Either way I think it is time for us to call upon the divine and practice kindness. 

The challenge is to practice kindness today.  It doesn't take divine knowledge nor longitudinal studies to know that the seeds of kindness can spread far and wide.  It just takes one action, one note, or one smile to sow that seed.

What can you try today?  Sure there are lots of suggestions:  write an encouraging note, smile at all the people you encounter, pay for coffee for the person behind you in line,  speak graciously to those whom you disagree.  Click here for suggestions at the Random Acts of Kindness organization.

More than that, with each person that you encounter today, can you see things from his/her point of view?  Can you be considerate of what they are experiencing?  Can you pray before each encounter that God will open your eyes to see that person as He sees him/her?  To pray that you have the courage and imagination to be kind in a way that will be meaningful to him/her? 

World Kindness Day may have come and gone but I would pray that we continue it each day. Lord knows that we need it. 

Click here to read more about The World Kindness Movement.

We Are All Americans

2016.  The most contentious election in US history?   There is a debate about that.  Certainly the commentators are talking about this past week's election being the most contentious in this century.  

The election of 1800 was pretty contentious.  It was the race between Thomas Jefferson and incumbent John Adams; Democratic-Republican party versus the Federalists; states governance versus centralized government.   Part of the election landscape was the discussion of the Alien-Sedition Acts, 4 bills signed into law by President Adams:   "They made it harder for an immigrant to become a citizen (Naturalization Act), allowed the president to imprison and deport non-citizens who were deemed dangerous (Alien Friends Act) or who were from a hostile nation (Alien Enemies Act), and criminalized making false statements that were critical of the federal government (Sedition Act)." (As an aside, hate to admit it, this was the easiest explanation which came from Wikipedia.)

Similar rhetoric then to what we are saying now.  However, after all was said and done during that election, President Jefferson's inaugural speech captured what we need to remember, "every difference of opinion is not a difference of principle. We have called by different names brethren of the same principle. We are all republicans: we are all federalists." Click here to read the 1st inaugural address in its entirety. 

In that spirit, I pray that the next couple of months will be a smooth transition and that we can remember that we are all Americans. 

On election day I once again volunteered to be an election judge.  It was quite a long and busy day but the thing that struck me was the peaceful voting.  Certainly there were people who were quite passionate about their decision (as indicated by their political buttons or comments to us who were working the polls) but there were no arguments or disruptions.  

Since there was a large voter turnout, the lines were quite long and at certain times of the day, people had to wait hours to vote.  They did so patiently.  One upshot of the long lines was that many people talked to the surrounding people in line.  As they would break off the line to scan their ballet, I heard over and over again, "Nice meeting you and chatting."  How great is that- differing opinions but community building. 

Again, my prayer is that now that this is election season is over (phew, finally!), we can move on in building community with all people. 

My nephew has some interesting thoughts about voting. I think he is right.  Whatever happens (happened) in the election and for the future, we need not be afraid.   We can be full of hope.  God is in control.  Click here to read his blog.

What about you?  How was your voting experience? What did you notice?  Did you have any heated moments with family and friends over the candidates?  Is there any bridge building you can do?  What can we do to make our political process better? 

As we think about Veterans Day, what better way to show our appreciation for the sacrifices they make than to live as we claim: we are all Americans. 

Extremes

Come on.  True confessions.  Have you ever binged watched on Netflix?  Or YouTube? 

I must admit that I have had a few marathon sessions watching shows that I “missed” as they originally were released. And it is so easily done.  You don’t even have to do, click or enter anything further once you start watching one show.  As soon as the final credits roll at the end of one show, the new segment pops up, starts loading on your screen and within seconds it begins.

The times that I have serial watched,  I come away with a myriad of emotions: disgust at my lack of self-control about my time, relieve that it is finally over, disappointment that the story line is so basic.  On only a couple of occasions was I satisfied with the whole process of watching the story continually unfold and resolving with a good ending.  It is similar to the times when I have stayed up to 2 am reading a page turner in bed. 

Moderation in all things.  How true.  But how difficult to achieve.  Why is it?  

I like the definition of moderation in the Cambridge dictionary: "moderation is the quality of doing something within reasonable limits".  One would think if it is reasonable, it would be easy to achieve yet think of all the things we do in excess:  

• Over eating. I have never been a binge eater although I have had my fair share of eating too much. This is especially true as the holiday season is upon us. 
• Binge drinking.  Apparently this is not just a college problem.  I was surprised when I got into the working world to learn of my colleagues weekends; "functioning" adults who drink to excess on weekends.  If you had any thoughts that it didn't apply to the rest of society- listen to the words of the current country songs- heavy drinking is advocated to relieve pain from a relationship, a difficult boss or just as good time Charlie. 
• Over exercising.  Exercise is great and I am an advocate but I know of people who take it way too seriously and over do it. The result- strains, injuries and possible permanent damage.
• Over spending. Just look at our national deficit and it doesn't take long to realize the problem that we have with spending too much and with money we don't have.
• Over sexed.  Whether you agree or disagree with the sexual revolution, there is no denying that we have an increase in our obsession with sex.  In the extreme it can cause disease, heartache, violence, pain and even death. 

I also like the Oxford dictionary's  definition of moderation: "the action of making something less extreme, intense, or violent.  The avoidance of excess or extremes, especially in one's behaviour or political opinions."

How can we be self-controlled and remain moderate?  When it seems that society is pushing us to the extremes, how do we hold to the middle course? How do we make things less extreme?  How do we do something within reasonable limits? 

I saw an online system for helping school children learn self-control.  It is the acronym WOOP:  Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan.  The idea is to help children achieve self-control by using this technique:

• Wish:  Something you really want to accomplish.  
• Outcome: The best outcome from accomplishing this goal
• Obstacle: The personal obstacles that hinder you from accomplishing this goal
• Plan: What can you do to overcome your obstacle? Name one action you can take or thought you can have. Make an if/then plan and imagine it.   If / When _________ (obstacle), then I will __________ (action to overcome obstacle)

Certainly this may seem very simplistic and naive tool but I think we can learn something from this.  Many times we are swayed to excess because we don't pause and reflect.  We are so busy that it is easy to get caught up in what society is doing and not figuring out what is important to us as individuals.    I think practicing a WOOP technique might help us in lessening the extremes.  

What about you?  Have you ever done anything to excess?  What happened?  Did you regret it?  How do you handle moderation?  How is your self-control?  What steps can you take today to move closer towards your goal?   What have you seen lately on Netflix? 

 Click here to read more about WOOP.