Good Morning!

Are you a morning lark or night owl?   I must confess that I am one of those annoyingly pleasant and immediately wide awake type of people.  Just the other day my husband asked me if I was always this way? I guess after twenty-six years of marriage it finally got to him. Yes, I had to admit, I have always been this way. It's a blessing and a curse. 

When I was little and slept over at friends' houses, I hated the mornings.  My friends would be sound asleep for hours in the morning (or at least it seemed to me) as I had to lie there completely quiet.  I felt that I couldn't turn on a light to read or even turn over too many times in bed for fear of waking up my host.  It was excruciating. 

Even as a teenager I was an early riser which really put me at a disadvantage in college.  I just couldn't stay up all night and then sleep in the next morning like my peers.  My body would get me up even if I only had a couple of hours of sleep.  Needless to say, I was in a perpetual tired state the entire four years.

So, it was with interest I read an article in the Atlantic magazine describing the findings for different individuals' chronotypes, meaning "people are programmed or wired to sleep earlier or later in any 24-hour period".  Or as some chronobiologists (people who study such things) call it; "social jet lag" - a "“misalignment of biological and social time.”   German chronobiologist, Till Roenneberg has a classic book, Internal Time that declares, "early birds and night owls are born, not made. Sleep patterns may be the most obvious manifestation of the highly individualized biological clocks we inherit, but these clocks also regulate bodily functions from digestion to hormone levels to cognition. Living at odds with our internal timepieces can make us chronically sleep deprived and more likely to smoke, gain weight, feel depressed, fall ill, and fail geometry. By understanding and respecting our internal time, we can live better."

Some chronobiologists are behind the movement to have high schools start later so that teens can get a full night sleep.  With their studies they have noted health consequences with people who don't fit societal wake/sleep patterns; the individuals who are not tired and can't go to bed yet still have to align their waking schedules to a societal pattern.  Just think about high schoolers who start their three homework at 10 or 11 pm and then have to be in class, ready to participate at 7:20 am. There is no way that they are receiving their seven hours (the very least) of sleep. 

Another  psychologist, Michael Breus has capitalized on this idea of sleep and ideal times to be productive with his book, The Power of When.  You can take an online quiz to determine your chronotype.  He categorizes people into animal types: dolphin, lion, bear or wolf.  I took the quiz.  No surprise that I am a lion- the morning person type.  In reading the characteristics it reminds me of a horoscope- pleasant and positive generic statements.  In some ways I didn't need a quiz to figure it out.  But, if I buy his book I can find out when it is the best time to do anything.  "'When' is the ultimate life-hack. If you didn’t change a thing about what you do and how you do it, and only made micro-adjustments to when you do it, you’d be healthier, happier and more productive, starting right now!" 

It seems that if you boil down the psychology, what is really being reviewed are people's sleep patterns and habits.  It doesn't matter if you are a morning or night person but how much good sleep you get.

Makes sense.  If you are well rested, you can be productive when you are awake whether that is early morning or late at night.  The problem arises when our sleep and wake times don't jive with others. 

If we didn't have interact with others and could just do our individual thing, it wouldn't matter when we slept or woke.  But because we live in this world with lots of people with different habits and chronotypes, it does matter.  And, when we suffer from social jet lag, we can suffer physically: gastrointestinal problems, difficulty concentrating, trouble sleeping, headaches, poor psychomotor coordination.  

We need to maximize how we live and how we sleep so that we stay as healthy as we can.  Here are some tips to get started thinking if you are a morning person, mid-day or night person: 

1.  Know yourself.  If you haven't figured out your best times of day to be creative, to exercise, to socialize, etc. you can try Michael Breus' online quiz.  While I wouldn't change my entire life based on the findings, it does give you a basic assessment and can start you thinking.  Click here.
2. List the things you need to do.   List out all that you must accomplish during the day: physical activity, intellectual pursuits, work meetings, etc.  List when they normally occur during the day.  List the time when it would ideal for you based on your chronotype rhythm- early morning, mid-morning, afternoon, etc. 
3. Determine a schedule with your ideal time. If you can, try to design a schedule so that the things that you have to do can be done during your ideal, "at your best" time.  Of course, sometimes we don't have any say in the matter.  Our jobs may dictate that we do a task at a specific time regardless of our "best" times.  But maybe things are scheduled because they have always been done that way and nobody had ever asked to try something different.  Who would've guessed that certain school systems are changing the start time for high schoolers based on their sleep and life cycle. 
4. Practice a small change in your schedule.  If your best time to concentrate is after lunch, try blocking that time for your creative projects or intellectual pursuits.  See how it goes.  Are you more productive? Do you enjoy the task at hand because you were fully engaged?  How is your sleep pattern?  Can you get eight hours of good sleep?  Do you need to change some of your sleeping habits to accommodate your chronotype?  Ensuring you go to bed earlier or rising later? 
5. Revel in your blessings of how you are made.   I always thought my early morning chipper-ness was a curse but I have come to accept it and to be grateful for it.  I can get a lot done in the early morning hours- almost a full day of work by 10 am. 

What about you?  Are you a morning lark or night owl?  More importantly, how did you sleep last night? 

Sabbath Keeping

How are you at Sabbath keeping?  I am not talking about the traditional Orthodox Jewish practice of never turning on a light on Saturday.  Although if that is your practice I admire it.

I am talking about a day of rest, restoration and re-creation.  Do you regularly take time to recharge? Do you have margins in your life to just stop the everyday craziness?  Or do you feel that any stoppage time would set you back and the trying to catch up would not be worth it?  

I have been trying to add more wiggle room into my life- to intentionally leave time open on my calendar for incidentals and interruptions.  I must say that it is difficult.  For just when I think I have left room, it gets filled up and overflowing.  And then, the incidentals and interruptions occur. 

I am also trying to be more intentional in having a day or at least a part of the day in which the rhythm of the day is slower.  A day that is not hurried but one in which things organically happen.

I am trying to have a Sabbath.  

For me, as a Christian that means Sunday; starting my day with worship and spending time in relationship building of spending time with family and friends.  Sabbath is a time for enjoying the world around me, others and the world that God created. 

For me Sabbath starts the day before with a day of preparation.  It is on Saturday that I try and get things in order so that I don't have to worry about to-do items or activities.  Yet, I have learned that getting prepared for Sabbath doesn't mean that I have to be frantic because now I have one fewer day in the week to work. It means that I try and have things ready but probably not all done.  It reminds me that I am not in control of my life but God is.  I can trust Him with all the details of activity, knowing that He provides what I need to get done.  It is another example of God's economy; His economy of time. When we offer what we have to Him- time, money, resources- He always returns that portion back and more.  There is no logical explanation.  It is a God thing. 

I have decided that I would make ahead some simple meals that I can invite others to enjoy.  

Last Sunday was such a day.  I must say that I really looked forward to everything that was to transpire that day.  I looked forward to worship and to the time spent with friends.   The rhythm of our day was wonderful- slower paced, intentional, and restorative.

Many times, even for a "day off" I have so many obligations; activities, caring for others, to-do list projects around the house.  The schedule seems overwhelming.  If I don't stick to it, I will muddle through my day and not accomplish anything.  I have had to rethink my definition of "accomplishment".  Isn't it a good accomplishment to feel restored and ready for the next six days?  

What about you?  Do you have any time during the week that is slower paced?  How do you slow down your lifestyle?  Do you intentionally plan for a Sabbath?  If not, what is holding you back? What do you need to do in order to practice a Sabbath? 

I may not achieve it every week, but I am going to try and keep the Sabbath. 

A World Series Miracle

There is more than one miracle that is happening in the 2016 World Series.  There is a little known miracle of the singer who almost lost his voice. 

Wayne Messmer is a professional singer, motivational speaker, author, actor and business man. He almost exclusively sings the national anthem for the Chicago teams:  Cubs, Bulls, Blackhawks, Bears, Wolves.  

One night as he was in his car leaving from a gathering after a Blackhawks game a teenager approached his vehicle and shot him in the throat.  As he says many miracles happened that night.  One being that the tie went into the bullet hole so it in essence worked as a pressure dressing.  The tie? A "save the children" logo fund-raising one. 

The other miracle from this encounter was in his ability to forgive the young man who put him in deep peril, jeopardized his livelihood and caused much physical pain. Mr. Messmer visited the teenager while the teen was in prison. He wanted to let him know that he forgave him.  That action helped Mr. Messmer heal in so many ways. 

Mr. Messmer recovered from his injuries.  In less than seven months after the shooting, he was back on the stage singing the national anthem.  He has continued singing the anthem in the twenty plus intervening years. By his account he has sung the anthem over 5,000 times.  Possibly a record.

I just love the story of forgiveness and restoration.  At that moment that Mr. Messmer was shot, he encountered possible death and destruction.  He could've been completely devastated by his circumstances even with his voice recovery.  He could've harbored resentment, bitterness, or hatred.  But he choose to forgive and move on.  I do believe his choosing to forgive aided in his healing. 

What about you?  Do you have resentment or bitterness in your life?  Is it "justified", caused by another?  Can you make the conscious effort to forgive?  If you are not ready for a face to face encounter with that person, can you forgive him/her in your heart?  

Is that person, yourself? Have you done something that you think is unforgivable?  Was it done to another?   Can you approach that person and ask for forgiveness?  Can you forgive yourself? 

In some ways when Mr. Messmer approached that teen to tell him he forgave him, Mr. Messmer wasn't so much looking for a response from the teen.  It was more of something that Mr. Messmer needed to do for himself. 

What do you choose?  Destruction and devastation or forgiveness and a future? 

The thing about this year's World Series- which ever team wins, it will be a miracle.

Click here to read more about Mr. Messmer.

Heart Check

How do you protect your heart?  Not just physically but emotionally and relationally?  Is your heart hardened to the situations of others?  Do you have chest pain when you think of your future?  Or when you think of your past?  Is your heart strong enough to withstand the onslaught of non heart-friendly situations?  Can it go the emotional distance?  How can we get others to be heart healthy? 

I was thinking of that this morning while I cogitated all the news and comments of fellow citizens.

There seems to be such an air of negativity, a lack of compassion, even hatred floating in our midst. Definitely it is a non heart-friendly environment. I am sure each one of you can think of a comment, quote or statement given by a politician, colleague, friend or family member that is polluted with dissension, disappointment, discord and antagonism. 

How do we stop that?  How do we improve the air quality?  How do we, as fellow travelers on this journey of life, get along with one another and improve each other's journey?  How do we help each other develop healthy hearts? 

I think it starts with prayer:

• Prayer for ourselves.  We need to recognize our fallible and humble lives.  We need to recognize that alone we cannot make ourselves healthy and whole.  We need the presence of the Great Physician in our lives, not only for our physical well-being but for our emotional, spiritual and relational well-being.  It is only in our recognition of our weakness that we can begin to get strong.
• Prayer for others.  We need to pray for softened hearts of compassion towards one another.  If we think of others as someone's beloved brother, sister, son, daughter we might be able to transfer those thoughts into our own.   If we recognize that it is only by God's grace that we exist, we can extend that grace towards someone else.  In praying for others, we move beyond just thinking of ourselves and into the realm of others being included in the possibility for change.
• Prayer for the situation.  Seems like the emotional and societal heart disease that we suffer; racism, bigotry, meanness, mercilessness, animosity will always be with us.  I think that when we pray about the situation, we are changed.  Laying aside the spiritual element for a moment, praying allows us to focus on a specific aspect of a problem and helps us figure out what is important and not important.  Praying can slow down a quick reaction to a comment or problem.  

What about you? How is your heart?  Have you had a heart check-up lately?  

Profiling Close to Home

Our house is located on a non-through street. While it is not a dead end, it is shaped more like a horseshoe. It makes our neighborhood semi-secluded for traffic. Generally the cars that navigate the street are ones belonging to the residents and their guests.  The homes are close together so that the children can play out on the street and front yards while the adults can talk over raking leaves, shoveling snow and monitoring children. 

Yesterday I witnessed racial profiling in our neighborhood.  It made me quite uncomfortable and it made me wonder what I can and cannot do about it.

I was outside on our front lawn raking leaves. As I am want to do, with any car passing I usually look up and wave.  Most times I recognize the car and driver but if I don't, I still wave because we have had some new neighbors move in and I am not completely sure of all their identities. 

A car I didn't recognize was driving quite slowly down our street.  It was obvious that they were looking for a specific house number.  After a turn-around in a driveway and two failed attempts to park on the curved street, the car stopped across the street from where I was.  I was about to approach the car and offer the driver a suggestion for easier parking when a police officer drove up.  He started to ask me a question then said never mind and proceeded to get out of his car and approached the parked one.  He rapped on the window and said, "Hey, what are you doing here?" As he spoke I cringed because the tone wasn't so nice. The woman was polite in explaining that she was here to do some cleaning and wondered why she was questioned "because I am black?"

The officer accompanied her to the house of her appointment and very shortly got back into his car. The woman then came back to her car to get her equipment.  I went over to talk to her and apologized for the general misunderstanding.  I explained that there had been a bunch of break-ins in our neighborhood recently and the community association was told by police to call them if someone we didn't recognize was in the neighborhood.  We had a nice chat.  She told me where she worked and how she knew our neighbor. I offered her a place to park in our driveway if she ever had trouble parking. 

I found the incident disturbing.  Partly because it was embarrassing that one of our neighbors felt threatened by a "stranger" in our midst and called the police . Just because she didn't look like one of us.  I wondered, will the neighbors now be calling the police on my sons' friends when they come over to our home to visit? 

 I felt disturbed because in the few minutes that the officer and woman were validating her reason to be in our neighborhood, I had the panicked feeling, "What if she thinks I called the police?  What if she really isn't here for legitimate reasons and decides to retaliate?"  I was disturbed that I had that thought at all. 

I also was embarrassed that the police officer's tone wasn't nicer.  It seemed to go in line with all that I hear on the radio about the clashes with police and people of color.   But then again, I haven't walked in his shoes, seen what he has seen nor am privy to what he knows. 

I understand why my neighbor called. I realized afterwards who probably did make the call.  These folks have had a number of break-ins at their home over the last couple of months.  They are overly cautious.

I can see why the racial problems are escalating. It doesn't take very long nor take much imagination to have a full scale misunderstanding.  Thank goodness the woman was very gracious.  

What can be done?  I do think conversation and getting to know one another is key. I generally don't like to get involved with neighborhood things but I somehow felt that I should reach out to that woman.  I am glad I did.

I also realize that sometimes things happen, misunderstandings occur and it is a risk to try to rectify.  If the woman did suspect that I called the police and I had not talked to her, both of us would've have continued building the wall of stereotype and division.  She would've thought I was another paranoid privileged white person and I would've thought that she was another defensive black person.

Sometimes trying to reach out and talk doesn't help at all.  The walls are quite thick. Neither party wants to hear what the other has to say.  Judgements and ideas are solidly formed. But over time, walls can be chipped away. Thoughts can be changed.  Stereotypes can be laid to rest. 

There is a great story of racial tension and transformation called The Best of Enemies:

"C. P. Ellis grew up in the poor white section of Durham, North Carolina, and as a young man joined the Ku Klux Klan. Ann Atwater, a single mother from the poor black part of town, quit her job as a household domestic to join the civil rights fight. During the 1960s, as the country struggled with the explosive issue of race, Atwater and Ellis met on opposite sides of the public school integration issue. Their encounters were charged with hatred and suspicion. In an amazing set of transformations, however, each of them came to see how the other had been exploited by the South's rigid power structure, and they forged a friendship that flourished against a backdrop of unrelenting bigotry.

Rich with details about the rhythms of daily life in the mid-twentieth-century South, The Best of Enemies offers a vivid portrait of a relationship that defied all odds. By placing this very personal story into broader context, Osha Gray Davidson demonstrates that race is intimately tied to issues of class, and that cooperation is possible--even in the most divisive situations--when people begin to listen to one another." (taken from the sales description at UNC press)

I still am stumped about the best way to handle situations like those I witnessed but I hope that by keeping the dialogue and conversations open, we might be able to have some type of break through in our racial divide. 

What about you?  Have you ever witnessed or been part of racial profiling?  What happened?  How did it make you feel?  

Have you ever experienced profiling close to home? 

After the Fall

This past Friday night we saw the Arthur Miller play, After the Fall.  It was being performed at an art school which was near to the college where our son attends.  While it wasn't a perfect performance (the sound engineer forgot a couple of cues, the actress portraying a German accent was difficult to understand as were some of the actors in their angry, yelling scenes), the actors were quite good, especially the lead since most of the 2 1/2 hour play is a monologue of streams of consciousness. 

The play has been attributed as a loosely autobiographical portrayal of Miller; his sense of guilt in his relationships, in his political involvements and in his early upbringing.   There was an extreme amount of angst in the 2 1/2 hours.  Frankly, an hour of it would be 60 minutes too much.

The play takes place as a middle-aged lawyer, Quentin, is trying to decide if he has the inclination to love again, this time a German woman he meets while he is touring the German concentration camps. Interspersed throughout these present scenes are his reminiscences of his youth, his parents, his first marriage, his second marriage, and his defense of clients for the McCarthy  trials. 

While the characters did not resonate with me, they did propose some interesting ideas.  One was through the German love interest, Holga.   

"I think it’s a mistake to ever look for hope outside of one’s self. One day the house smells of fresh bread, the next of smoke and blood. One day you faint because the gardener cuts his finger off, within a week you’re climbing over corpses of children bombed in a subway. What hope can there be if that is so? I tried to die near the end of the war. The same dream returned each night until I dared not to go to sleep and grew quite ill. I dreamed I had a child, and even in the dream I saw it was my life, and it was an idiot, and I ran away. But it always crept onto my lap again, clutched at my clothes. Until I thought, if I could kiss it, whatever in it was my own, perhaps I could sleep. And I bent to its broken face, and it was horrible…but I kissed it. I think one must finally take one’s life in one’s arms."  ~ Holga. 

Later in the play, Quentin decides that due to humankind's horror, both the global horror of WWII and the suspicious horror of McCarthyism and the fickle, selfishness of the individual that there really is no hope for mankind.  After the fall, both individually and collectively what is there?   The play ends with just as many questions as when it started.

What a shame and a loss that the character Quentin feels that there is not hope.  For I do believe in hope in this world and not hope like Holga suggests.  Hope is not within us. Yes, we do need to take one's life in one's arms, to be responsible for what we have done and accept our selves, warts and all.  

But I believe, our hope comes from God. How can I, a finite being with limitations provide hope and consistency? Just the question alone of the looking for hope in one's current surroundings is limited and inconsistent since circumstances can change in an instant.  Thank goodness they do. Thank goodness that, because of the fall, there is the realization that I am fallible.  I must look up and towards someone bigger than myself, my surroundings and my situations.

What about you?  Do you feel that there is no hope in your current situation?  Have you ever looked up or looked beyond yourself?  Like Holga, do you question the sudden change in life's circumstances- one day you smell bread baking, the next smoke?  Does that determine your ability to have hope?  Or do you have hope in spite of the changed circumstances? 

If one doesn't have that, I wonder what does one have? Certainly the play bears it out- nothing but questions and angst. 

After the fall, I choose hope. 

MayFly

Over the weekend I heard an interesting podcast about the Irish aviatrix Lilian Bland (1878-1971) Ms. Bland was an extremely bright, independent and energetic young woman.  By all accounts, whatever she put her mind to do, she was extremely accomplished: photo journalist, equestrian, marksman, car driver, aeronautical engineer and an aviator.  All this in the beginning of the 20th century.  While Amelia Earhart was just a pubescent, Ms. Bland was designing and experimenting with building her own airplane. 

Lilian Bland in her self-built plane- The Mayfly.  Image found: http://news.bbc.co.uk/local/cornwall/hi/people_and_places/history/newsid_8956000/8956919.stm

What I love about her story is her pluck and determination.  She carried on doing what she felt called to do regardless of the norms of the day.  She contributed much to aeronautics but I think, her major contribution to society was being an original. 

Even the play on words of her plane, "Mayfly" is an example of her humor, her humility and her hutzpah.  By all accounts, her letters and articles to Flight magazine were accepted and admired. It doesn't appear that she was patronized, nor does it seem that she was demanding and militant in her role as a woman.   She may have felt such a struggle in her work but in hearing her story I get the impression that if she did, she was more interested in achieving an outcome than by worrying about a difficult process.

I find her story very encouraging. If I feel called and compelled to do something, I should just carry on.  Not worry about what others think, nor get bogged down with a struggle during the process.  Just focus on the outcome I would like to achieve.

What about you?  Do you have any dreams or callings?  Are society norms or expectations of others holding you back? 

Try taking a page out of Ms. Bland's book of life-  whatever you want to achieve, "may" or "may not" get off the ground but you have to try.  

Learn Something New?

Image found: www.westlothian.gov.uk/adultlearning

Did you learn something today?  

I always feel like I have had a successful day when I have learned or done something new.  It could be as simple as a new recipe, an historic fact, a revelation about a relationship or a mathematical equation. Whatever it might be, it feels good to stretch the "little grey cells" (as Hercules Poirot would say). 

Although I do find that if I do not intentionally plan on learning, doing or reading, then I settle into an existence routine.  It is a routine whereby my world doesn't expand.  It becomes very self-contained.  After all, I am very limited in what I know.  It is boring to only have to think of that.  So if I don't purposefully challenge myself to explore new ideas I find that I am stagnant- in my thinking, in my doing and even in my speaking.  

Ways I try to keep the "little grey cells" healthy:

1. Read classic literature
2. Learn a language
3. Learn a new piece of music
4. Read about a subject (art, history, sciences, anything in the dewey decimal library system)
5. Engage in The Great Courses (www.greatcourses.com);  www.coursera.org, or Great Decision class (www.fpa.org/great_decisions)

What about you?  Do you have an existence-routine kind of life?  How can you rise above that?  Do you want to?  What types of learning do you like?   Is it learning a new skill or physical activity?  Do you like classroom lecture?  Are you a visual, auditory, read-write or kinesthetic  learner? 

Have you learned something new today? 

Three Choices

Money. Time. Friends. If you could, would you want more money, time or friends in your life?

Recently I was part of a discussion with that question.  At first blush I would say of course, I could use all three;  more money to help those who need it, more time to do the things that I want and more friends to share in the activities.

But the more I thought about it I realized that I do have all the money, time and friends that I need.  I just haven't spent it well, used what I have been given efficiently or enjoyed the relationships more.  If I am honest I wouldn't do any better with more of it.  In fact I would just abuse any excess.

It made me think that I need to refocus and rethink how I am spending my money, my time and my friendships.  What is really necessary?  Where can I focus my time better?  Am I frittering away the money and hours with senseless items and activities?  Can I use that time and money better with my friends?  Do I take the time to be with my friends?  Do I cultivate relationships?  Do I  share in activities that build up trust and community? 

What about you?  Do you need to rethink how you spend your money, time and friends?  Do you have enough of all three or could you use more?  What would you give up in order to have more? 

What are your three choices? 

Discipline

How disciplined are you?  Is it a mindset?  Do you delay doing something (e.g. watching TV or reading a book) until something else is done (e.g. kitchen straightened or homework completed)? Are you regimented in your lifestyle?  For example, on Monday, Wednesday, Friday do you always work out in the morning? 

According to merriam-webster.com one of the definitions for discipline: "to train (yourself) to do something by controlling your behavior".

I read two articles recently that got me thinking about discipline.  The first was about the Dominican Republic boxer, Adonis Peguero and the other was about the longitudinal "marshmallow" study. 

Adonis Peguero is the son of Haitian migrants living in the Dominican Republic.  Life for his family and neighbors is quite hard. There is difficulty in finding jobs since the sugar cane plantations have closed.  Growing up, Peguero was quite of a hot-head, "I just couldn’t control myself or my anger. It made me very aggressive." A neighbor introduced him to boxing and to a whole different mindset. " "He told us that boxing wasn’t really a sport. It was an art," Peguero says. "He told us that in order to be a good boxer, you first had to be a person of good character. A person of quality, who can control his anger and his fear."  The big thing is that Peguero found discipline which led him to concentrate on his goal of being successful in boxing.  That discipline gave him more than physical success through boxing: discipline has given him direction and purpose.

The marshmallow study is the classic psychological study looking at preschoolers and if and how long they would wait until they ate a marshmallow.  The child is placed in a room with only a table, chair and a plate with one marshmallow in front of him/her.  The researcher tells the child that if he/she waits and doesn't eat the marshmallow, when she returns she will give the child a second marshmallow.  So by waiting they can double their culinary delight.  The researcher leaves the room and the child is videotaped as he/she sits.

The videos are priceless. Click here to see

In looking at some of the subjects many years later they noticed that those children who demonstrated delayed gratification- waited to eat the marshmallow- had less body mass, scored higher SAT scores, had a better ability to plan and to handle stress.  In general they were better with self-control and will power.  Of course there are many factors that influence whether a child would wait or not.  (If a child never had an adult follow through with what he/she said, then the child would probably eat the marshmallow and not wait.) And the study's point is not to show that it is predetermined by a marshmallow whether a person can delay gratification.  There are also studies that show that the children could wait after they had received strategies on how to distract themselves.  The children were told to imagine the marshmallow as a cloud or pillow, and to think of the reward (two marshmallows) they would receive by just waiting a small amount of time. 

There are times when I need to revisit my attitude towards discipline and self-control.  I think I am relatively a disciplined person but at times I am not.  When I find myself doing the same thing over and over, not accomplishing anything and then feeling self-loath because I am not progressing towards a goal, I need to step back and reevaluate my discipline practices:  What am I trying to achieve?   What is the bigger picture?  Do I need to focus on a smaller goal in order to get back on track?  Where have I had success with discipline in the past?  What were the strategies that I used?  Can I apply any of those in my current situation? 

Are there things that cause you to be stuck?  Does lack of self-control derail you in your day to day life?  Would a better focus help you with any outcome?   

What about you?  Are you disciplined? 

Take a Walk

I was reminded the other day that when one is feeling stressed, out of control or general malaise it is best to take a walk.  Walking seems to be up there in the top 10 tips for handling stress.

Has it always been this way for humans?   Certainly when our ancestors walked it was to either find dinner or escape from being dinner.  Sounds stressful to me.  

Joking aside, we were designed with walking in mind for both the physiologically and psychologically benefits. 

I read an interesting research article on the benefits of walking in an urban setting green space (e.g. a park). Turns out that a brief walk in an urban park can induce parasympathetic nerve activity, suppress sympathetic nerve activity, decrease the heart rate, enhance the mood state, and reduce anxiety.

Certain veterans had discovered the psychological benefits of walking in green space long before this study.  In the late 1940's WWII veteran, Earl Shaffer decided to "shake the Army out of his system" by walking the Appalachian Trail in one season, all 2,190 miles from Georgia to Maine.   By all accounts he is the first person to do a thru-hike, completing the walk in continuous journey. These veterans have discovered the healing properties of the long journey. 

Walking for a therapeutic or religious purpose is nothing new: Mecca- Saudi Arabia, Lourdes-France, the Camino de Santiago-Spain, Mount Kailash - Tibet, The Ganges River - India, Madron Well - Cornwall, England, Vaishno Devi Temple - India, Our Lady of Guadalupe Basilica - Mexico City, Mexico, Naag Mandir - Fiji.   I am sure the majority have found benefits in the process of walking much less any religious significance. 

Walking slows the rhythm of one's day.  It seems that the farthest a person could walk in a day is about 70 miles. According to reference.com at a speed of 3mph, a fit person could cover 72 miles in a 24 hour period.  Of course, one has to factor in terrain, weather, stoppage, sleeping, eating, etc.   Try as we might, a person would be hard pressed to cover more territory.  That limitation alone helps slow us down. 

Walking allows one's mind to ebb and flow with mindless thoughts and directed focus.   Have you ever noticed that sometimes you might be walking along and wonder what you passed?  You might be ruminating over a problem or idea and were so engaged that you mindlessly put one foot in front of the other but that was all you noticed.  Then at other times, you might notice the flight of an overhead hawk, or the flame colored leaves against the backdrop of a brilliant blue sky.  I have found that I toggle between the two mindsets even on the same walk.

Walking helps with perspective.  Because the process can only go so fast, walking does help put things into perspective.  Items that were urgent don't seem so after a nice walk.  The natural world has a way of putting us in our place.  Compared with the majesty of trees, the vastness of the sky and even the seemingly insignificant yet completely cared for sparrow, who are we to feel that we need to be in charge? 

Walking especially in a green space provides everyday beauty.  As the research article noted, the green space has a way of mellowing us out. Seeing beauty sublimely reminds us to focus on those things that are significant: truth, beauty, goodness.  

What about you?  Do you walk?  How often?  Have you ever taken a walk just to cool off or as a stress reliever?  Have you ever made a pilgrimage or a long walking journey?  What lessons did you learn? 

How are you feeling today?  Do you need to take a walk?

Top 3? Bottom 3?

Top 3?  Bottom 3?  A question I heard from the actor Jamie Lee Curtis.   The rationale is that everyone has three best things- whether they are physical features, personality traits, resources, etc. and everyone has three worst things- things about which they are not too happy.  The idea is to name them, embrace them and then move on. 

Interesting concept.  I think in Ms. Curtis' case as she described it on a talk show, this appears to be more about physical features than not.  I like to think that there is so much more to a person than that.  In addition, I don't think we should just settle in naming the bottom three.

Of course, certain things cannot be changed and we just have to learn to live with it or without it. However, there are things that if we name as a bottom, we can work on improving. 

I like to think that the naming of either top or bottom is the beginning of a life of improvement.

The top items are to remind us that we are not so bad. We all have some gift or positive item.  We all are blessed in some way. Some days we might not feel that blessing, but if we look with open eyes we will find it.  In noting our blessings, it should give us confidence and the assurance that our life has purpose and meaning. There is a reason for our blessing.  Many times it is to share with others our good fortune. In the area of good physical features it should manifest itself as a confidence and self-assurance so that we can can "disappear", not think about ourselves and whether we look good enough, and concentrate on the people around us. 

The bottom items are to remind us to remain humble.  Everyone has something of which he/she is not particularly proud.  And that is okay. We all have positive and negative traits. If we keep it in perspective and not dwell on it, that item, personality trait or physical feature is what keeps us balanced.  It also keeps us compassionate when we see others in the same boat. We then have the opportunity to provide hope for a change or acceptance of things as they are.  

I am still thinking of my Top 3 and Bottom 3. What I do find is that once I get going I can fill up a page of the Bottom 3.  I think sticking to just three items is better than letting it all get on the page.  Who needs that kind of self-flagellation?  Three items seem to be a better balance.   I also find  that when I am having "one of those days", the top three help me shake off the bottom blues (or the mean reds per Holly Golightly).

What about you?  Have you ever thought of your Top 3, Bottom 3?  Are there things on that list you would want to change?  Can you change them?  Do you need to learn acceptance?  Do you need to balance the top and bottom?  Is there someone in your life you can help with his/her Top 3, Bottom 3?  Someone who might need a little encouragement or acceptance? 

Malfatti

What do you think the word means?

1. mistake 2. small dumpling 3. Starbucks drink 4. computer glitch  

For those of you who may have heard the radio news story this weekend, malfatti means "mistake" but it is also a small Italian dumpling.   The Depot restaurant was the originator of malfatti back in 1920.  Italian immigrants had fled the earthquake ravaged San Francisco in 1906 and had settled in the Napa Valley region of California.  One of transplanters opened a local restaurant serving homemade Italian cuisine.  As the story goes, this local restaurant ran out of ravioli when serving a large group.  The only thing remaining was extra filling- spinach and ravioli- which the resourceful cook made into little dumplings to serve with her meat sauce.  It was a hit from the beginning. The cook called them, malfatti which means mistake or poorly made. 

I love these types of stories.  

Stories like these  remind me that mistakes happen.  No one knows why the Depot ran out of food- someone didn't know that a visiting sports team was coming to dinner; reservations weren't made or were but got misplaced; food ordering didn't happen?  Sometimes things do not go according to plan.  Whether it is someone's fault or not, these things happen.  We cannot control everything in our life. 

Stories like these remind me that sometimes the correction of the mistake creates an idea, item or recipe that is even better than the original.   In googling "malfatti" there are a plethora of websites that have the recipe.  The little mistake has become a standard in cooking. This is not the first time something wonderful was created out of a potential "disaster": penicillin, post-it notes, chocolate chip cookies, potato chips, x-ray machine, implantable pacemaker, microwave oven, ink-jet printer. 

Stories like these remind me that whenever there is a change- to a schedule, to resources or to plans- we need to go with it.  We cannot just complain and gripe about the loss or the actual mistake.  We need to look for resourceful ways to keep going and improve the situation.  If anything try to reuse, reassess or redeem the situation. 

What about you?  Have you ever had a mistake that turned into something great?  What did that teach you? 

Are you currently going through a situation that doesn't appear to have a good ending?   How can you turn it from something that is called a mistake or poorly made into something that is inventive and new? 

What is the "malfatti" in your life? 

Click here for the malfatti recipe.

Wanted: Encouragers. FT & PT. Inquire Within.

Are you a Starbucks fan? I am not particularly.  I find the coffee quite strong, even for me. However, I do like their employment practices.

The other day I heard an interview with the CEO , Howard Schultz.  Howard was explaining about the history of the company, its vision, ideals, challenges, troubles and successes. He shared that he owes his success to his wife of thirty-four years, Sherry.

At the time that Howard was planning to buy Starbucks (at that point it was a three coffee house operation with an additional three Pete's coffee places), he was trying to raise capital.  He envisioned a company that was more than just coffee shops. They would be a place for community.  He also envisioned a company that in treating its employees well would be the foundation for success. Employees who catch the vision, feel that they are part of a bigger ideal, work together, have respect for one another, have a connection to the success of the operation by providing great customer service, which brings in customers, which leads to profits. 

During this time his wife was eight months pregnant with their first child and still working full-time.  His in-laws came for a visit.  As one might expect, his father-in-law suggested, "Let's go for a walk, son." On the walk, his father-in-law got right to the point. "I applaud what you are trying to do.  But let's look at the facts:  Your wife is eight months pregnant.  She is working full-time.  You do not have a salary or income.  It is time to get rid of your hobby and get a job."  As Howard recounts he was embarrassed, mortified and realized that his father-in-law was right. Howard was torn because he didn't want to give up the dream yet he knew that things were tough.

That evening, Sherry asked Howard, "So, you went for a walk with my dad?"  Howard relayed the talk.  Immediately, Sherry said, " No way are we giving it up."  Howard said that if Sherry had agreed with her dad, Howard would've stopped then and not pursued the dream.  But those words of encouragement carried him through.  Currently there are over 22,000 Starbucks across the globe.

All from some encouraging words. 

Sometimes the words are big statements, like Sherry's.  Those encouraging words were filled with sacrifice and hard times.  Not only does the one who has the dream struggle, so does the one who encourages. It may take a long time before the dream comes to fruition.  During which time it is easy to become discouraged. 

Other times the words can seem small but still carry a big impact. "You can complete a 5K." "You handled that difficult client well." "You would make such a good mentor."  "Have you ever thought about taking art lessons?"   The words might even be said in an off-handed way.  But they might just be what the listener needs.

What about you?  Do you need some words of encouragement today?  Can you offer some to those around you?  Have you ever received encouragement?  How did that make you feel?  Was it life-changing? 

Who can you encourage today? 

Some Time Next Year

The crepe myrtle we purchased.  These lower limbs need to be pruned next spring.

The other day we purchased a crepe myrtle tree to replace a dying/almost dead dogwood. I don't know too much about crepe myrtle just that I like the looks of the tree especially with its colorful blossoms, smooth bark and fringe canopy of branches.  What I didn't know was that the tree in its natural state has many lower branches causing it to look more like a bush. It is only in pruning and training those branches will the tree look like the smooth trunk crepe myrtles I see around town. 

When we spoke with the nursery owner about the tree's care, he suggested waiting until next spring to do any of the pruning of the lower branches. Once we do that, then the lower portion of the tree's trunk will remain smooth. Also he suggested that we wait another year before we "topped" the tree (cutting back the top branches so that it remains at a certain height). 

It got me thinking...  

How many times do I want to get things done and in the process rush and not do them well? Or in my impatience I don't take the time to learn and understand the significance of what I am doing?

The crepe myrtle shape we want- smooth lower trunk with fringe canopy. 

Sometimes I have to wait until what I want to accomplish can be done.  Sometimes I have to let things be, before they can be improved.  Sometimes I need to uncover more information before I make any decisions. Changing things too early or too often can be detrimental.  In the case of the crepe myrtle, if I remove the lower branches now, I can stress the tree as it prepares for winter.  If I hadn't asked the nursery owner about the tree's care, I could have done irreparable damage. 

What about you?  Have you ever had to wait a while before you could accomplish something?  Did you ever have to research and learn something before your could even begin? How did that go?  What was your strategy in waiting? 

More Than A Show

Coney Island Nurses and their Premie Charges.  www.neonatology.org 

I read an interesting story the other day:  A story about a person who had a dream and a passion.  A story about a person who pressed on even though the establishment thought otherwise. A story that right does prevail. 

It is the story of Dr. Martin Couney and his invention of incubators, the heated boxes that keep premature infants alive. Dr. Couney started his idea in 1896.  Unfortunately the medical establishment rejected his claims yet undaunted Dr. Couney continued on, funding his work by charging people money (10 cents to eventually 25 cents)  to see the tiny babies at various world and national exhibitions e.g. Pan-American Exhibition in Buffalo NY 1901, New York World's Fair in 1939.  One permanent exhibition was at Coney Island as a sideshow attraction.  It was there that the parents could come, free of charge and see their babies.  

In the article there was an interview with a ninety-six year old who was placed in the incubator on Coney Island in 1920.  She lived there for six months.  She said that years later she went to see the babies as a visitor.  Dr. Couney was there so she took the opportunity to introduce herself.  Dr. Couney then introduced her to a gentleman who was looking at his baby.  Dr. Couney encouraged the father that here was one of the incubator babies and she survived.  "And that's how your baby will grow up."  

What I love about the story is Dr. Couney's perseverance.  I can only imagine the medical establishment's ridicule at this "medical" showman.  It was only after time that he has been heralded as a founding father in neonatology.  It is estimated that he saved about 7,500 babies over the course of his career. 

Years later he received a note from renowned pediatrician  Dr. Julius Hess, "Now that I cannot be with you in person may I be allowed to thank my "great teacher" in this wholly unsatisfactory way for your great contribution to me and the medical profession. Yours has not only been one of scientific leadership but equally important to progress a most ethical one in every respect, and you can look back on a life well spent.

What I like too is the thought that something that was considered a "freak" became acceptable. No more do we think of the wee babe in the NICU as freakish or do we parade any individual with a deformity or disability. There is a hope for those who are not just like others- that each person has value.  

What about you?  Is there something that you are called to do but it is not part of the "establishment" meaning norms or cultural acceptance?  Do you feel that it is the right thing to do?  How do you press on?  How are you in treating people who are "different" than you?  Do you find the commonality? 

Click here to read Dr. Couney's obituary from The New York Times.

Sent By God

Last month I wrote about Lisa Fenn, Dartanyon Crockett and Leroy Sutton- the remarkable individuals from the ESPN Carry On story.   On another radio program I heard a more extensive interview with Lisa.  She gave more details regarding her involvement with these young men.

When Lisa arrived at the Cleveland High School to film the boys she first met the wrestling coach.  He shook her hand and pulled her in a little close so he could speak privately to her.  "You've been sent by God", he said.   He had been praying for these boys every day that God would send something/someone to help them.  

Little did Lisa know that when she saw the newspaper photo of the boys that the pull she felt was a God pull.  

How cool is that?  That she was willing to go with her instinct, gut, calling- whatever you might name it- and follow where it led. 

Later, during the filming of the boys at a match, one of them had all their possessions stollen- wallet, phone, books, money, etc.  He was devastated and mad.  How could someone do that to him, when that was all he had?  At that point, Lisa said she made the choice to get involved.  As a journalist, she knew that her role was to just report and observe. One is not to influence the trajectory of a story but she didn't know how she couldn't.   What bravery on her part to get involved, not knowing how it might turn out, not knowing if she completely compromised her journalistic integrity.  But it was the right thing to do.

Got me thinking.  Do I listen to the still small voice of God?  Do I get involved?  Am I willing to be sent by God?

What about you?  Have you ever had an experience where you were placed right where you needed to be in order to help someone else?  Did you weigh the costs before hand or was the pull greater than any risk? 

House of Memories

A while back there was a report on the radio about an unique museum in Denmark that doesn't really explain history as much as encourages the visitor to experience history. 

This museum is not open to the general public but to groups of elderly suffering with dementia and Alzheimers.  The museum is an exact reproduction of an apartment in the 1950's, during the time when those who visit would've been in their teens and twenties.  

It has been discovered that associative memories- smells, sights, sounds, touch that we associate with certain experiences- help retrieve the "reminiscence bump."- that teens and twenties time of early memories.   For those who are suffering from Alzheimers/dementia they need to by-pass strategic retrieval of the memories.  Instead they need to jump the executive process and go directly to that "bump". Sensual associations are the key to unlocking those memories. 

One of the reasons this retrieval is important, is that it allows those who are suffering from memory loss, feel as if they are still useful.  They can explain for what some of the past items were used and what they did.

"When people are old and with dementia, we are taking too much care of them," says Henning Lindberg, who came up with the idea for the House of Memories. "[We say] 'Sit down. Do you want coffee? Can I get a blanket?' No! If you want coffee, make it yourself! Of course, it will take double the time to make those things, but it doesn't matter because they will be useful again. It's what they tell us again and again and again — 'I'm so happy I could be used.' "

Who doesn't want to feel useful?  I know most people will express that if they cannot do "such and such" they might as well be gone.  The "such and such"  is usually an activity that makes the feel alive, human and useful.  

What is it about humans and our feeling of usefulness?  Is that what separates from all other living beings?  How about you?  Do you have loved ones that need to feel useful?  How would you go about including them into your day to day?  What things can they contribute to your household?  What are you learning from them? 

Are you building a house of memories?  

Net Worth

This summer we attended an art show.  One artist designed beautiful prints with images from the design on dollar bills. 

Have you ever noticed that during a google search of someone "famous" or "infamous" there is generally a posting about their net worth?   There is some conjecture of how much money they made and how much money they are "worth".

Net worth is an accounting term meaning total amount of all assets minus all liabilities. It is financial in nature with the explanation of someone's dollars and cents.

In looking at the words, it almost connotes that net worth is all there is.  That is the sum of one's worth. But isn't that term short-sighted? What about someone's worth as a person?  To society? To friends and family?  What about the intangible worth of a person?

I've been thinking about worth lately. More than the money kind.  Do I have worth? What is my purpose?  Have I made any difference?   What defines worth?

 I think some of it has stemmed from a dinner gathering we attended not too long ago.  The dinner brought together a bunch of us who were friends when we were in our 20's and 30's but haven't seen each other or connected in any significant way in the last fifteen years.  In some ways, the gathering was having a Christmas letter reunion over a delicious repast. 

When we were younger our group met regularly and shared our views on life.  We listened to each other's employment tales, hopes, dreams and romances.  When we gathered for this reunion, we listened to each other's career paths, retirement plans and long-term relationships.  In some ways each person became a laundry list of things and of acquisitions; each person's things became their worth. 

It made me kind of sad. What happened to relationship building?  To improving the world?  To the intangibles like compassion, encouragement, blessing?  To sharing God's love with our fellow man? 

Isn't there more to life than what one eats and drinks and what one has acquired?  Does it really matter where one is on the pecking order of life? 

The word "worth" has a couple of meanings: the value equivalent to that of someone or something under consideration; the level at which someone or something deserves to be valued or rated; or high value or merit.

I am trying to remember that as a child of God each one of us has high value and merit.  We are formed in His image.  As the old saying goes, "God don't make no junk."  There is so much more to a person than his/her net worth.  I think of all the quiet and small ways millions of people care for one another: sharing encouragement, physical items, time, resources.  All the seemingly insignificant ways that the world is changed little by little; through thoughtfulness, respect, self-sacrifice, honoring one another, listening, treating others how you would want to be treated.

I am reminded of the scene in the movie, "While You Were Sleeping."  One of the male characters Peter laments that he hasn't done anything truly heroic his entire life.

 Lucy, played by Sandra Bullock says, "You give up your seat every day in the train."

Peter replies, "Well... But that's not heroic."  

To which Lucy replies, "It is to the person who sits in it."

The one who gives up the seat is a person of worth.

What about you?  Have you ever thought about your worth? If your liabilities outweigh your assets (physically, financially, emotionally, spiritually) how can you turn that around?  Are there things you need to give up in order to invest in a life of worth?  What would that look like for you? 

Closets, closets, closets

Last time I wrote about my plan to declutter our home.  It is definitely a work in progress.  But like all home projects, one thing leads to another.

It started with my switching my summer and winter clothes.  I was going through my clothing closet as I usually do, culling out the items that were too big, too worn, or that I really wouldn't wear again.  I am trying to be ruthless in my purging. 

Things were going well and then I realized that it had been over twenty years since I had everything out of the closet and had it painted.  So, on Sunday night I painted the interior of my closet. (My husband gave me a questioning look as to starting mixing the paint after dinner.  The look dissolved after I explained it was either I do it now or at 5 o'clock the next morning when I generally do home projects.  Seeing that the opening of the closet is close to the head of the bed, he wisely choose to remain silent with any other suggestions.) 

That led me to thinking perhaps I should reconfigure the space better.   In viewing the space, and short of having a contractor come in and knock down a few walls in order to widen it, I started looking at another upstairs closet.  That led to a thought, "Should I redo that closet to be my main closet and switch the items around?" That will probably lead to another project and so on and so on...

What is so difficult is that neither closet is a "normal" or average closet space. I have looked at the myriad of closets on Pinterest (and there are thousands more that I can peruse). I can not find any other closets that would match the size and scope of what I want to do.   So, it is hard to imagine how best to maximize the space without feeling overly cluttered.  Of course, after looking at all these pictures, I am wondering if people actually live in any of these pictures.  Are they seriously suggesting that people stack and keep stacked their color coordinated t-shirts on wire shelves with only slim wire dividers to hold things in place? 

I am still researching ideas as I am continuing to cull out the closets.  I really want to live into the quality not quantity ideal.  In putting the actual decision off for a bit while I am still sorting, I am hoping to eventually have an actual plan for the two closets and not just my wing and a prayer type of DIY.   I'll let you know how it goes.

What about you?  Have you ever redone a closet?  Did you use a closet system?  Is it still working?  What would you suggest as a plan for our main closet?  I would welcome your comments below. We don't plan on reconfiguring any walls or doing any major renovation, just want to reconfigure the interior to house hanging clothing (shirts, skirts, pants, dresses, blazers), shoes and handbags.  It is narrow- 30 inches across but deep- 88 inches deep. About 55 inches into the closet the 88 inch tall ceiling slopes down so that the back of the closet is only about 48 inches tall.  There had been two shelves in the back of the closet (you can see the wood side bars that held them up.  Also the two rods are the same height.  One of the issues I have is that currently I use both rods.  In order to access anything behind the first set of clothing rods, I have to duck down and waddle into the closet. I feel like I am going "to ground" like our terriers when they enter the wood pile after spotting their prey.  

Closet Project Number 1...