Your Dad's Calling

I guess I have been spending a lot of time with my elderly father.  When our phone rings I am pretty accurate in guessing that my dad is the one calling. Or, if we have been away I just have a feeling that he rang and in checking the caller ID will see a missed call from him.  (He very rarely leaves a message, just a hang up.)

With my mother's death and these passing months I have gotten to know more and more of my dad's habits.  I seem to be connected to his troubles and to his joys.

My uncanny ability to know when my dad's calling made me think of my heavenly father. I was thinking that as a Christ-follower I need to be in tune to God like that: to know His voice, His habits and His calling. I should have and need to have an internal feeling of connection.

Certainly knowing my dad didn't happen overnight.  Even in the first five decades of my life I wasn't that in tune to his lifestyle.  But over the course of this last year I have had to be.  That intentional knowing about him has given us a connection. 

The same can be applied to our knowing of God. I can't expect to automatically know about God.  I need to spend time with Him, to listen for His voice and anticipate His calling. I may not be able to see Him physically but I can get to know Him through Bible reading, prayer and being around others and hearing their stories.  It has to be intentional.  

There is a Bible verse that talks about the sheep (you and me) knowing the voice of the shepherd (God). Even though sheep can be pretty dumb, lambs do know their mammas' voices.  A field of young and mothers will bleat out to each other until they find each other. 

What about you? Have you ever had a connection with a loved one that you knew when they would call? Or have a premonition when they were upset or when they were happy? How is your connection with God? Do you know Him?  Spend time with Him?  What would that require of you? Are you intentional in your relationship?

Well, gotta go, my dad's calling. 

Heartening Hyacinths

The other day I was taking a walk and a enticing scent wafted my way.  Coming from a season of wintry smells, my memory quickly identified it as hyacinths.  Every spring my scent memory gets awakened after a dormant winter.  I looked around and didn't see any hyacinths nearby.  It turned out they were peeking through in a small garden located a couple of homes away. 

Amazing how flowers can send their scents out into the atmosphere.  All in the sake for capturing pollinators.  The amazing thing is how even the smallest of plants or undeveloped plant can still capture its essence.  I had to trim our lilac bush and was amazed that the immature blossoms had a lilac scent.

It only takes a small amount and we can smell it.

Conversely, if any of you have ever inadvertently stepped in dog poop you know that it only takes a minuscule amount to stink. 

Smells, good and bad linger.

It brought to mind how even the smallest comments can make a difference.

I think of how random comments from family, friends, teachers, co-workers or bosses become cemented in our brains. "You're too smart to be a nurse. We know you are not a writer, honey.  With your size, you shouldn't wear ruffles. What do you know about gardening?  Math is not your thing."

The comments might be off-the-cuff, unintentional yet they can linger for the rest of our lives.  I think of those people who never attempt to try something new because years ago someone told them they couldn't.  Or those who are forever struggling with identity and self worth due to someone's careless remark. 

Conversely, I think of the small encouraging words people say. "You're the best suited for that job. That color looks great on you. What a great listener. You have a sterling character. He can handle the challenge."

Small, spontaneous quips that change our outlook.  Like the wafting fragrance from springtime flowers, the comments lift our spirits, put a spring in our step and spread joy. It is sometimes those small comments that encourages a person to try something new or look at life in a different light. 

It doesn't take any more effort to say nice things over harmful ones. One can equally let encouragement flow off one's tongue.  Wouldn't it be more pleasant to be surrounded by an atmosphere of attractive scents rather than odiferous ones? 

What about you?  Have you ever experienced a cutting remark?  Do you still remember it? Do you have an encouraging comment tucked into your soul?  Did someone ever give you a compliment or make a casual remark that has changed your life?   What can you say today that will encourage another person? How can you enhance the atmosphere with your pleasantries? 

There are enough unpleasant smells in this world.  Choose today to be part of the pleasantries. You just never know how far it will go. 

Uncovering Idols

Have you ever appreciated something, enjoyed an experience or valued a person?  Were you able to continue those feelings with that same level of involvement? Or over time, did you ever feel that which was good morphed into an obsession?  Did that good thing become something that demanded your thoughts, your time, your loyalty or your resources?

The other day I was thinking of how good things can turn into bad when we lose perspective. I think sometimes we transfer our hopes and dreams onto an image, experience or person wanting that object to be the end all and be all.  We are sadly disappointed because in the end, an object, an experience or a person are finite and flawed.

Rod of Asclepius.  Used in Greek mythology as symbol of healing. 

I was reading the story in the Old Testament of the Israelites and their on again, off again relationship with God.  In the book of Numbers (21:1-9), the people of Israel were complaining that their rescue from Egypt into the desert had them fearing that they would die. They spoke against God and Moses not believing that God would provide. Those who were disobedient were bitten by snakes and many died.  In their repentance they asked to be relieved of these fiery serpents.  God commanded Moses to make a serpent and set it on a pole. Anyone who was bitten by a serpent and looked at the staff would be healed. It was a good thing and had a specific purpose.  Unfortunately over time the Israelites forgot the main purpose of the staff and the staff became an object of worship.  Many years later, King Hezekiah (2 Kings 18: 4) had to remove and destroy the staff. That which was good became an idol. 

Whether one is religious or not,  I think that anything that loses perspective and purpose is susceptible to being idolized: the seemingly innocent relationships that turn into stalking, the goal of providing for one's family which becomes a workaholic nightmare, the stewardship of possessions that overrides relationships, the....(fill in the blank). 

Have you ever had something that originally was good turn into a problem or detriment? Are there things in your life that you feel are out of control?  Is it caused by obsession, worry, or fear? Would you say that you are idolizing that which is causing that obsession, worry or fear?  Have you become so worried about its possession that you are now possessed by it?  Do you fear that your relationship might end, so you cling to the other person even if it is unhealthy?

What would it take to step back and gain some perspective?  Does the item, situation, or relationship need to be "destroyed" in order to gain that perspective? 

I think in the story of the Israelites, if they had remembered their purpose that they were God's chosen people and that God wanted a relationship with them, they might not have turned a healing tool into a god. If I remember that my material possessions are just things, it is easier to accept if they get broken or lost. It is easier to share those possessions with others. If I remember that my loved ones- both family and friends- are flawed and broken, just as I am flawed and broken then I can related to them in a healthy way.  If I am grateful for the gifts and talents I possess then I will be humble in my use of them. 

If I keep my eyes on God and my heart close to His then I will not be susceptible to idols.

Stretched

I am stretched.  I am sure that you know the feeling; being pulled in one direction and another, trying to meet this need or that demand, having to do so much in so little time.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I have found myself stretched almost too thin.

So on Monday as I was attempting to run, the image of stretching came to mind. As I have shared before, I am not a runner, nor do I particularly like the process of running.  However, I do like the benefits of running. I have more stamina in tennis (which is the only type of running I like- going after the ball) and I like the feel of my muscles getting tauter and toned.  Even two days after my run/walk I can feel my tightened thigh muscles. It makes me feel that I have used them.  

But in order to protect myself from injury, I need to properly stretch.  If I don't, any movement or carrying that I do, can cause major injury.  If I absolutely had to, I might be able to run 5 miles without stretching, but come the next day, I wouldn't be able to walk.  It is those times that I am reminded of the preparation needed.   I need to gently pull and lengthen my muscles so that they can handle new strains through running or lifting.  Stretching gives me flexibility and pliability. 

Sometimes life causes us to have to quickly move in our attitudes, our plans or even our physical lifestyle. We may be traveling through life, minding our own business and quite content with how we live our lives.  But something may occur that calls us to reevaluate our situation, our beliefs, or our dreams. Some thing or things happen and we are stretched. 

It is those moments that are the sudden sprints in our lives. We are forced to move. We may be called to situations for which we are totally unprepared and have no resources. We get caught between one onslaught of bad news to another.  We feel like everyone has a piece of us. We are being pulled like Stretch Armstrong.

The thing is, life is all about moving.  It is inevitable.  I need to be emotionally and mentally prepared to move just like I need to stretch before a run. I have to keep my attitude pliable and my viewpoint flexible.  I cannot remain rigid but be open to new possibilities and changes in life circumstances.  

I have found that gratitude goes a long way in preparing my stretched mental muscles.  I practice what I call mental muscle memory:  I reframe the problem/annoyance/disappointment into an opportunity. I remember my blessings. I remind myself how God provided in past times. His past provision helps me handle the future better.  After all, at one time, the past was the future and it worked out.  

What about you?  How flexible are you?  Are you pliable?  Do you absolutely refuse to go along with a new situation? Do you fight for the status quo? What do you do to remain supple?   Are you stretched or stretchable? 

Because of this stretching time of my life (getting my dad settled into his new residence, etc.) please bear with me as I may not be as consistent with my M,W,F posts.  Sign up to receive the newest posting on the subscribe box below. 

Scent of Spring

The calendar might say it is officially spring but around the mid-Atlantic we don't quite feel it yet. It is still in the stage that the sun seems much warmer when viewed from inside.

I have been clearing out my closet and paring things down.  Last year I wrote about trying to re-do my large, weirdly shaped closet.  That ways round 1 with getting rid of things.  This week has been round 2. 

I used to store my off season clothes with moth balls.  I am one of those people who rather like the smell of them (reminds me of my grandmother). But then I also like the smell of gasoline and the old ditto/mimeograph paper.

Recently I have been using lavender sachets which I have made myself.  It is quite easy.  All you need is a bunch of dried lavender, a porous cloth container, wax paper and some ribbon.

Dried Lavender Sachets: Ingredients: dried lavender, gauzy cloth or fabric gift bags, wax paper, ribbon. 

1. Place a piece of paper or wax paper on your work surface.  Use it to collect the dried lavender as you strip from the lavender stalk. Or you can hold a bunch upside down and rub between your hands  I tend to swipe down the stalk removing the dried lavender that way, although be careful of splinters.  Let the pods fall onto the paper.

2. Prep your sachet.  You can use the gauze type small gift bags (find at dollar store) or make your own.  I had some left over gauze fabric from another project.  Cut a circle as large as you want the sachet to be. (6-7 inches in diameter) 

3. Fold the wax paper in half and funnel the dried lavender onto the center of the circle or into your gauze gift bag.  Collect the various sides into a small ball.

4. Pull taut the opening of the gift bag and tie the strings into a bow. If using your own material, gather the various sides to form a small ball. Tie a bow around opening.  Try to re-loop so you can hand the sachet on hangers if need be.

5.  I have used the left over stalks as kindling for either our inside or outside fireplace.  Burns quickly and smells good too.

I also read about making a safe, good for the environment cleaning solution using water, distilled white vinegar and lavender oils. Lavender and vinegar have natural antiseptic properties but adding the lavender makes the solution smell quite nice.

Lavender Cleaning Solution: Ingredients:  distilled white vinegar, tap water, lavender essential oil, spray bottle.

1. 1 cup Distilled White Vinegar, 1 cup regular tap water, 40 drops of lavender essential oil, spray bottle.

2.  Mix the liquid ingredients in a pitcher or bowl.  Pour into your spray bottle.

3. Use the cleaning disinfectant anywhere on any surface you would use a multipurpose cleanser. 

Do you use natural or homemade cleaning products? What are they? What other smells remind you of spring and warmer weather? 

What's Your Confidence Level?

Confidence: the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust; the state of feeling certain about the truth of something; a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.

What's your confidence level?  Do you feel inadequate with your work, your looks, your life? What if someone you admired said that he liked your style?  Or she thought you looked great?  He thought you were wonderful?  

Would you believe her?  Would you think he was just telling you tales in order to get something from you?  

There are times when I am just frustrated by myself.  I feel discouraged. I lack any confidence.  I feel that everyone else is more successful, more attractive, demonstrates better interpersonal skills, communicates better, funnier, etc. ,… (fill in the blank).  

I look at those who have confidence or at least exude confidence whether they feel it or not. Whatever they do, others follow or are in awe of their accomplishments, decisions, actions, even clothing.  How does that happen?  If you take the components apart, they are not that interesting nor their decisions that great but it is almost as if their persona is more important than the substance.  They have an aura of self assurance. 

When I feel low, if that confident person gave me their “seal of approval”, I would be floating on cloud nine.  I would walk around with my head up high, internally knowing that so and so thought I was something.  

The thing is, as a Christ follower and child of God, I can have that confidence. I can have the assurance of the truth that God, the ultimate confident creator of all things and of me, thinks I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  He intimately knows me and all that I am- my faults, my failures,  and my fears.  Yet He still loves me and sees my potential, the being that He created me to be. 

If only I would remember that.  I would walk with confidence.  

Now confidence does not mean arrogance.  I am sure that you can recall plenty of overly confident people who seemed down right arrogant. Arrogance is really a disguise for lack of confidence and is a coverup of feelings of inadequacy.  The arrogant person is being deceitful- If I come across as knowing everything then you might not be able to see that is not the reality.   

I do not need to be arrogant because just as I am fearfully and wonderfully made, so are you. That is the beauty of God.  We are all on the same level.  No one is more important than another.  He loves and made each one of us on a similar plane.  When I feel loved by God I can relax and carry on with what I am supposed to do.  I don't need to play the comparison game, that "so and so is better at...(fill in the blank)  than I." 

What about you?  How is your confidence level?  Do you struggle with low self-esteem?  Do you play the comparison game with others?  Do you feel self-assured?  Do you believe that God loves you, just as you are? 

When I start feeling that my confidence level is dropping, I need to remember the truth that I can rely on God and His love for me.  When I know that I have His seal of approval, all doubts, fears and comparisons can fall away.  I can be one of those people who elude true confidence because my confidence isn't through me and my accomplishments but in the One who made me. 

Learn Anything Lately?

My poor daffodils hanging on during the cold weather.

What did you learn in 2016?  Life lessons, an academic subject, a life skill? What knowledge, information or skill are you currently pursuing? 

This is the time of year when I think we all could use a boost both physically and mentally.  Here in the mid-Atlantic all of our blooming daffodils and cherry trees are under a blanket of snow and ice.  The winds have been fierce and the temperature cold.  After a relatively mild winter it is hard to believe that now we are getting an arctic blast three days before the arrival of spring. 

I am ready to shake off the snow, ice and winter debris and get ready for new growth. 

I am ready to learn something new.

I am ready to physically and mentally move- to get my sluggish winter body out and about as well as firing up my hibernating brain cells.   

The thing about learning is that it is never too late.  I know a woman who started taking piano lessons in her nineties.  She had always wanted to do so and never had the opportunity.  So, her family purchased a keyboard for her to use in her retirement apartment and a piano teacher comes and gives her lessons every Saturday.  

There is a wonderful book, Educating Alice: Adventures of a Curious Woman by the late Alice Steinbach. Ms. Steinbach traveled to various places in the world taking lessons and courses on specific topics: French cooking in Paris, Border Collie training in Scotland, Japanese arts in Kyoto to name a few.  Most of us will never have the resources nor the time as Ms. Steinbach did but we can be inspired by her openness and curiosity. 

What about you?  What is something you have always wanted to learn?  Piano lessons?  Art classes? Fixing a complicated meal? Maybe a trip to Paris is not in the cards right now, but could you try fixing a French meal a la Julia Child? 

My husband and I are planning to attend a class at the CSA farm where we purchase our meat. They will be demonstrating how to cut up a whole chicken. We get whole roasters through them but have never done anything with the chickens except, well, roast them whole.  I have looked at various cook books on the cutting up of a chicken but I need the hands-on visual instruction.

I am looking forward to it.  

Doesn't matter what the subject or activity might be, once we experience and learn something new,  we have shifted our brain and muscle usage. The adage, use it or lose it, applies to both our brain neurons and our muscle cells. When we challenge ourselves with having to use our brain in new experiences, we improve our brain neurons and increase the synapses which send and receive information.  Our physical challenges increase our muscle fibers which in turn produce stronger and leaner muscles as well as improvement in all the cardiac, immunity, endocrinological aspects of exercise.

Learning enhances our confidence, our mood, and our outlook on life.  It improves our day.  

It is the spring that is awaiting to be released. 

Double Vision

As I was getting ready the other day, I was inserting my contacts into my eyes.  Normally I have a routine- right eye first, followed by the left eye.  To help me remember the specific lens, I store the contacts in a container that has an "r" on the green cap for the right contact and a blank white cap for the left one.

So that morning I dutifully put in my right contact and then the left contact.  A little while later as I was preparing to brush my teeth I looked down into the sink and saw a contact there.  The question became which eye is missing a contact?  I couldn't tell by looking at the contact nor could I tell by my vision.   I peered intently into the mirror to see if I could see the circular edge a contact over my reflected iris. Nope. I squeezed one eye shut and then the other to see if my poor eyesight might give me a clue as to which was missing correction. No help there. 

So I put the contact into the left eye.  I repeated the squeezing of one eye then the next technique to see if my eyesight improved.  It did not. But my eyesight wasn't that bad either.  It seemed as if I were seeing things okay.  Yet the more I thought about my eyes I thought, perhaps it was my right one that fell out? So I proceeded to take the contact out of my left eye and discovered that I had put both contacts in the same eye!   And I didn't even notice that much difference in my sight!  Gee whiz, talk about panic and stupidity. 

Well, eventually I figured it out and so far seem to be seeing okay.

But it had me thinking.  In this instance, I know the cause of my contact swap. I had trouble with my contacts because I was extremely tired.  I had had only a couple of hours sleep that night after a proceeding twenty-hour day.  My eyes were not wanting to open much less have a contact in them.  I couldn't see well but I also couldn't tell that I couldn't see well.  I couldn't even tell that there was any difference in my vision.

I wonder how much of what the world perceives is due to the simple fact that we are tired.   Added to that, are we even aware that our perception has been compromised? 

We all can tell stories on ourselves when we hadn't had enough sleep and things that we normally wouldn't do or things that normally wouldn't bother us, become our mode of action and thinking.  We are more touchy, more sensitive (not in a good way), more volatile, more angry, or more depressed.  We experience a whole host of negative emotions all because we didn't get enough sleep.  In addition we can also go down the rabbit hole of a host of physical ailments due to lack of sleep. 

How many relationships have suffered due to lack of sleep?  How many misunderstandings?  How many times we wonder, how did this lost relationship happen?  I didn't do anything we tell ourselves.   We become myopic to our own contribution because our physical tiredness distorts the reality. 

What about you?  How is your sleeping?  Do you get enough each night to stay refreshed?  Have you ever done something silly due to being tired?  If you are experiencing difficulties- e.g. trouble getting along with others, irritable, forgetting things, repeating yourself, upset stomach and intestines, overeating, not eating- perhaps it is time to stop and assess your sleeping habits. 

If not, you might find yourself with double vision. 

Dog Walking

Our male Jack Russell has become increasingly stubborn about his evening dog walk. Usually he is always ready for movement, whether that is a game of ball, a tussle with a chew animal or a walk outside. But lately he will hide when the leash comes out.  We wonder what is up?  Is he having PTSD?   

Backstory:  Both our dogs have always been calm when faced with loud noises, e.g. sirens, truck air brakes, fireworks.  We were so surprised because our former Jack Russell would have none of the loud noises. He would bark loudly and ferociously at them.  Was he telling them to be quiet or just didn't like the competition? 

A couple of years ago while on vacation we were walking our dogs along the beach.  It was evening time and we were walking along a service road that ended at a dismantled light house. Out of nowhere fireworks exploded overhead.  Turned out, we were at the non-sanctioned town firework display gathering.  Our female dog took the noise and lights all in stride.  Our male, flattened his ears and pointed towards home.  It wasn't as if any of the fireworks fell on him as they were exploding a  bit from where we were walking.  Nonetheless, ever since that time, any noise that sounds like a firework, explosion or even a car door slamming gets him all in a tizzy.  

He needs his evening walk.  We know that it is good for his digestion, for his weight and overall health.  Yet, we cannot reason with him.  He has to walk out of obedience to us.

Makes me think of how I am so much like our pooch in my treatment of  God.  There are things that He wants me to do.  Things that are for my benefit and good health yet I refuse to do them. Truth be told, most times I am afraid to listen. Afraid that listening requires me to give up my plans and my control of my life. Afraid of being asked to do something that I cannot or do not want to do. Afraid that perhaps God, my creator, might not know what is best for me. Crazy. 

I am sure that God wishes I would just listen.  Although I am sure He isn't as frustrated as we get with our dog. I need to just do what is best for myself and get on with it. Yet I balk like my dog. 

The thing is, our dog has never been hurt or maimed by the noises.  We have never let any harm come to him on the walk or otherwise. We only want the best for him and act accordingly.

I know that God does the same.  I just have to believe it. 

What about you?  Do you ever notice your behavior or lack thereof? What makes you balk when God asks you to do something?  Are you afraid?  Has He ever not had your best interest in mind?   

Family Features

Lately I seem to be surrounded by baby announcements.   Family and friends are all having children and grandchildren. I love to see pictures because I am always fascinated by hereditary features of babies and their parents. 

"She has her mother's nose."  "He has grandpa's chin."  "Don't her eyes look like Aunt Sally's?"

I remember the first day we were home after our older son's birth as I was holding him, he smiled. "Wow, he's got my dimples." It just tickled me so. It was one of those moments that I treasure in my heart. 

We have had life long friends on seeing our older son walk into a room, "You can tell who is his daddy- he looks just like his dad at that age."  When our younger son was little, I remember a mother of one of his school mates came up to me, "Oh you must be his mom. He looks just like you." 

Of course, we see the resemblances that we want to see.  The same people who said our son looks like his dad, will, in another context,  say that same son looks like me. 

Not only physical features but our behavior and character can also resemble family members.   Somethings we cherish and others, not so much.  How many of us find a word or phrase that seems to slip from our lips and we groan inside, "Oh no, I sound just like my mother (or father)".   I have already apologized profusely to our sons for behavior that I witnessed with my own parents and I am sure I will exhibit as I age.  Some things I can change but others I am afraid it is inevitable. 

It has gotten me to think about whom do I resemble?  Maybe more importantly, after whom should I model myself?  

For me as a Christ follower, I do want to model myself after Christ.  The question might start with "what would Jesus do?"  but I think the next question I try to ask is  "what would Jesus think?".  How can I become more and more like Christ and less and less like my frail human self?   It is not that I want to think of myself more highly than I ought or that "I am so Christ-like".  Far from that.  Because we all fall short of that goal.  

Rather I want to be more like the person God intends me to be.  To be shaped by my experiences into a person more and more like Jesus.   I am reminded of an old song from Amy Grant.  Click here to hear her singing.

"Father's Eyes"

I may not be every mother's dream for her little girl
And my face may not grace the mind of everyone in the world
But that's all right as long as I can have one wish I pray
When people look inside my life, I want to hear them say

[Chorus:]
She's got her Father's eyes, her Father's eyes
Eyes that find the good in things
When good is not around
Eyes that find the source of help
When help just can't be found
Eyes full of compassion, seeing every pain
Knowin' what you're going through, and feeling it the same
Just like my Father's eyes
My Father's eyes
My Father's eyes
Just like my Father's eyes

And on that day when we will pay for all the deeds we have done
Good and bad they'll all be had to see by everyone
And when you're called to stand and tell just what you saw in me
More than anything I know, I want your words to be

[Chorus]

What about you?  Whom do you resemble?  

If You Have the Time.... Do It

I know that I have written about time management in many posts.  But it seems to be a topic that all of us need reminding.  Or rather, a reminder for me. As is typical of life, situations have occurred which underscore the adage, "practice what you preach"!

When I first started in my nursing career, I learned pretty quickly that if there was time to do something "extra"  in my duties, e.g. straightening up a patient's room where medical supplies were kept, then do it right then.  If not, some crisis or urgent matter would soon occur and that opportunity would be lost. 

In my home life I have had similar situations.  If there is time and opportunity to work on a home project, I need to do it.  If not, then it seems as if I will never get back to it.  One day I had some time to work on a simple fixing of a kitchen screen. (Remove the molding around the wood, pull the screen a little tighter., staple in place,reattach the molding and touch up paint on the molding strip.)  Not a big deal. I just didn't feel like doing that project then.  No apparent reason.  I had all the materials and tools I needed.  I had the time and I knew what to do. I just didn't do it.  That was three years ago.  

I have done it with relationships.  Times when all I needed to do was to send a card, an email or a quick phone call.   And I didn't do it.  I just didn't feel like it.  The opportunity of building or cementing a relationship was lost and it is difficult to capture that time again.  

It has happened with my work schedule.  In this new endeavor of writing my time is spent differently than my previous 9-5 job.  I still have a schedule for writing and gathering information and research, but there is some internal and external flexibility.  However, just when I think I have some "extra" time it is quickly taken by urgent demands of family.  

I think of all the time I have wasted.  Sure, I do not think time with others in relationship is wasted but I have wasted it in other ways- "research" on internet, youtube videos, etc.

 I could've been using my time more wisely and judiciously.  

Past history that it is, I should've realized that I always get pulled into situations that will take me from what I am currently doing and I need to be prepared for that.

I would've been prepared for the distractions if I would've done what I intended at the time when it occurred.

Just like I am kicking myself for not saving more money (see post Finances 101- February 22, 2017) I am kicking myself for not using my time more wisely, for not doing what I intended to do and getting waylaid with frivolous, non-productive work.   

What about you?  Do you ever feel that you have missed opportunities?  Times when you could've, should've, would've done things but you didn't?  And now,  you can't go back? What have you learned? Acceptance of things not done?  Guilt over those things hanging over your head?  Plans to change that behavior? 

I need to (re)learn- if there is time to do something...do it.

Enjoy the Ride

"How long did it take you?"

In my extended family that is usually the first question one will be asked when completing a long journey. The next question will be, "how was the trip?" but that question is generally a polite after thought.

The first question is the important one to the asker- it is all about timing.  Really it is a question of arriving at one's destination quickly and "ahead" of others. There is an unspoken and unrealistic universal competition that one's car needs to arrive at one's destination faster than anyone has done before or humanly possible without getting massive speeding tickets.  The other unspoken "truth" is that you must be a fantastic driver to go so fast without detection.

It. drives. me. crazy.  

When our immediate family goes on a trip, regardless of the destination we can just count on it taking all day.  It is not that we poke along.  We drive slightly over the speed limit. We don't make too many stops but certainly we are not going to make ourselves uncomfortable.  With our former car, I was convinced that we must've had a wonky speedometer. 

If truth be told, I am crazed by the asking because deep down I am frustrated that we didn't "win" the arrival competition.  After five hours in the car I am ready to arrive at our destination.  Most of the time we are just halfway there.  Ugh. 

I thought of this last week when I drove down to our son's college to pick him up for spring break.  By the speeds at which my fellow travelers passed me, I would surmise that they too will be answering a how long did it take you evaluation at their destination.  But what about enjoying the ride?  What about the journey is part of the experience?  Will I reach my destination less stressed and more refreshed if I am not anxious about overtaking any driver blocking my lane? 

I struggle with the getting there fast and the enjoying the ride ideology.  

It does translate to our lives. Sometimes we are so anxious to get to the destination that we ignore the time it takes to get there.  We miss out on the people along the way, the good and bad experiences or the detours.   I think of the times in my life when I had to have a slow down detour.  Looking back I see that I eventually got  to my destination but just not in my time frame.  That detour allowed me to make new friends, deepen current relationship, or see and experience things that I never would've chosen nor done.   At the time those detours were just plain inconvenient and uncomfortable.  But I see now that they were necessary to shape me into the person I have become- to shape me into appreciating the destination when I finally arrived. 

I just need to remember that.  I sometimes just want to get to the end whatever that end might be:  finish a project, learn and move on from a difficult situation, have someone heal and feel better, wrap things up in a "neat little bow".  The thing is, life very rarely works out that way.  Especially dealing with people, you can very rarely say, "That crisis or experience is over.  No problems now."  There will always be something and it is okay.

Just like our family has come to the conclusion that the road trip is part of the whole experience, I need to remember that one's trip through life is the experience. I can't rush it along and I need to embrace every bump in the road. When I accept that our road trips will take all day, I relax into the time.  I don't arrive at the destination frazzled.  And that is how I want to live my life- with enjoyment of the whole trip.

What about you?  Are you a got-to-get-there-at-all costs kind of driver?  Do you meander down the rode, stopping at whatever attraction beckons you?   What about your journey in life?  Do detours and bumps in the road distract you or cause anxiety?  What can you do to appreciate your journey? 

Do you enjoy the ride? 

What is Your Introduction?

Recently I was attending a lecture where the introduction to the speaker was phenomenal. The list went on and on.  He had accomplished much and was involved with much. The things that he had done were recognized through a litany of organizations or multiple degrees.  Immediately I thought, "Gosh, if they introduced me it would be quite short." 

It seems as if we are impressed with those long litanies. But I also thought of those people who might not have the fancy degrees or the  involvement with the "right" organizations.  What about those whose degree is through the school of hard knocks or who are the unsung heroes of their families?  Those who respond to a multitude of simultaneous crises with superhuman endurance and humility.   How do you introduce someone who is volunteer extraordinaire but with many organizations? Someone who works a little with everyone who asks, yet never completes the thousands of hours in one position for a grand citizen award.   How do you introduce someone who is practical, has great common sense, looks out for other's best interest or who is the best listener? 

How do you introduce all the truly extra-ordinary, ordinary people?

It made me think of my life and accomplishments or lack thereof.  Do I just need to market myself better? Or do I need to just accept that in the world's eyes I have not done anything special or at least anything that can be quantified or labelled? 

How do I treat others? Do I expect them to be introduced with a series of recognizable accomplishments?   Does my reaction and treatment of others depend on how they fit into a specific category?  Am I impressed with awards and accomplishments? 

Certainly it is good to be recognized for a job well done. We all crave that. And it is good to strive and attain something whether that is a degree, reward or a recognized accomplishment. 

But I realize that I shouldn't be overly awed by those things either.  Character and integrity of the person matters more. As much as God wants us to live in accordance with His rules and guidance for our lives, it is our hearts and our character that matter the most to Him. We should view ourselves and others in that light as well.  

Underlying the question, how would you be introduced, the question becomes, how is your character?  Would others say that you are a true friend, a confidant, of high integrity, reliable and trustworthy?  

Do you accept yourself for what you have done and not done?  If not, do you have time to “do something”?  Are there degrees or accomplishments that you want to do?  What is holding you back? 

How do you treat others?  Does an "impressive" introduction awe you?  Or do you wait and see how the person acts?  What characteristics would you want yourself and others to portray to be extraordinary ordinary folks? 

What is your introduction? 

Ash Wednesday

In the Christian tradition, Ash Wednesday starts the beginning of forty days before Easter (not counting Sundays). It is a time of remembrance and repentance; self-denial, moderation, fasting, and the forsaking of sinful activities and habits.  It is during this time we are called to remember our sin and prepare for the coming Christ.  The ashes (burnt ashes from the previous year's palms from Palm Sunday) are placed on the forehead, "Remember you are dust and to dust shall you return." in the sign of a cross. (Reminder of the redeemed future with God through Christ.)

I’ve always liked the time divisions in the Christian calendar.  Whether you are a Christian or not, there is something manageable about the forty days.   It is enough time to accomplish something but short enough time to offer variety.

It seems as if forty days are a good chunk of time to accomplish something.  I notice this every time I get my hair cut.  My hairdresser always makes sure that I schedule my next hair cut before I leave the one I am having.  I go every eight weeks.  Many times as I leave I think, “Oh, by then I hope to have accomplished thus and such...”  Sometimes I hit the mark.  Other times I need to reevaluate.  Regardless, I feel that the time is doable.  I don’t get overwhelmed. 

Traditionally  the time of Lent (Ash Wednesday- Maundy Thursday) is usually a time of giving up and sacrifice as a symbol of Christ’s sacrifice for us.  The sacrifice is usually one of tangible pleasure- certain foods or activities. 

But what about a sacrifice of time?  Giving up your time in one activity in order to take time for another activity?  For the secular world, forty days is a doable amount to sustain a new habit. What new habits do you want in your life?  Can you commit to practicing it over the next forty days? 

Suggestions:

• Giving up looking at Facebook in order to visit with a friend- a relational habit
• Giving up running out to “pick up something to eat” (which always takes longer than you think) in order to plan menus for sit down dinners at home- a healthy eating and financial habit
• Giving up watching Netflix for reading a book suggested from a book club-an intellectual habit
• Giving up watching the news on television in order to listen to a different news source on the internet/radio-an intellectual habit
• Giving up your personal gym time for scheduled walking with a friend-a relational and financial habit

What about you?  How do you treat the Lenten season?  Do you give up or take on something for Lent?  Have you ever thought about forty days as a good chunk of time to try something new? 

Mr. Oscar, Welcome to the Real World

I find it quite amusing all the hubbub about the Oscar night and the mix up with the best picture nomination.  Hasn’t any one of those involved had a snafu?  Why do they act like it is the biggest disaster since the Titanic? 

It made me think about those involved- privileged, pampered, “perfect” people.  People who have “my people” who do everything for them; dress them, style them, give them the words to speak and how to move and behave.  After all they are actors. Professional fakers.  When things do not go right in their professional worlds, they just “cut and re- do”.  

Sunday night there was no reshoot.  No do-over.  

And it is okay.  The world won’t fall off the axis.  It should make the rest of us feel pretty good about ourselves. Sometimes things happen that just happen.  It is not intentional.  It was not deliberate. When it does, we just have to keep the incident in perspective, find the humor in it and then move on.  

I am sure each one of you can recount incidences, snafus and general faux pas. Whether it is the inappropriate bodily sound that accidentally “slipped” in public, an inadvertently sent email to the wrong recipient, or a physical trip during a solemn event it is all okay.  

It is what makes us human.  No one is perfect.  We shouldn’t demand perfection of ourselves nor of others.  There is the difference between perfection and striving for excellence.  While we should strive for excellence and strive to do and be the best we can, we shouldn’t get so hung up on not being perfect. 

So Mr. Oscar and Ms. Hollywood- welcome to reality.  In the real world, people don’t wear gold lame in the afternoon. They don’t have hair, makeup and clothing stylists tending and fawning over them before they go out in public. They don’t have designers fighting over the clothes they wear. Their opinions, politically or otherwise are not tweeted and taken as gospel. 

In the real world, people tend to themselves.  They strive to look the best they can within their means.  They worry about kids, colds, food, money and job security.  When they do have to do public speaking (possibly at a funeral or wedding), what is not seen as “polish” is spoken with sincerity and heartfelt meaning. 

What about you?  Do you have an embarrassing public story?  What happened?  Were you ever able to move on from it?  If not, why not? 

For the real world, it is time that Mr. Oscar caught up. When we experience an embarrassing moment, we just need to laugh, shake it off and realize that even professionals have things happen too.

Reveling in Authenticity

Have you ever wondered why people do the darndest things when they are on vacation?  Or at least things that seem so surprising.  I remember hearing that acquaintances of ours bought a car.  At the time I thought why spend your vacation time doing something that could be done during "regular" hours, but then I realized that their scheduled vacation was the only time both parents were together to make a mutual decision.  

How many people will try dare devil activities during a holiday- bungie jumping, para-sailing or karaoke?  Practice risky behavior- hooking up with strangers, binge drinking or over indulging in food?  Over spend budgets- purchase clothes, touristy items, or personal services that they wouldn't do or even think about if they were home? 

I've been thinking about this recently.  Why, when we are out of our "natural elements" do we do different things?  Is it the same rationale for those who like to dress up for Halloween or who like masked balls?  Do we all wish we had a different persona?  Do we feel a freedom in community anonymity or a freedom in the new and of not having to conform to the usual? To feel that no one in the vacation place knows who we are, our responsibilities, our reputations, etc. and therefore have no expectations? 

I know that many days I wish I were someone else- a gentler, wiser, nicer, more attractive self.  I am not wanting to be a masked person or one that is different from my core being but rather a clearer version of myself.  I guess I am striving to be the person God is shaping me to be. 

Yet, shouldn't I try to always be that type of person?  Shouldn't I feel comfortable being authentic wherever I find myself?  Why should I let a different venue give me permission to be brave in my behavior and decisions?  

I think I will try and live each day as if I were on holiday.  To live each day as if the lens is becoming clearer on my true self.  

What about you?  What types of things have you done of vacation that you might never do at home? Do you ever wish you were a different person?  What does he/she look like?  What is your authentic self? 

Finances 101

As Benjamin Franklin wrote to Jean-Baptiste Leroy in 1789 (many years before Mark Twain's attributed quote),  “Notre constitution nouvelle est actuellement établie, tout paraît nous promettre qu’elle sera durable; mais, dans ce monde, il n’y a rien d’assure que la mort et les impôts.” or rather, "“Our new Constitution is now established, everything seems to promise it will be durable; but, in this world, nothing is certain except death and taxes.”

Tax season.  For most it is met with dread.  The process of collecting all the receipts, forms and paperwork is enough to drive someone to distraction.  Yet, it is something we all have to do.  

When we do our taxes it always gives me pause: Should I have been a better steward with our resources?  Why didn't we save more?  Did we share enough with others?  What the heck did I do/spend with the money we received?  Why wasn't I more frugal? 

I have been thinking over all the financial advice that I have read and received over the years. I need to revisit how I practice it.  It really comes down to some simple steps:

Budget.  Every financial advice column talks about a budget and the need to first develop one. You need to get a handle on your income but more importantly, you need to understand where you are spending your money. Some things are non-negotiable but most of us spend money on non-essentials and discretionary spending. 

Save.  Besides a budget, almost all financial advice talks about "paying yourself first".  Personally I believe in giving first (see last point), but saving is up there too.  In many incidences it is recommended to have money taken directly from a paycheck and put into a savings account, an IRA or some sort of savings/investment plan.  The idea is "out of sight, out of mind" or spending. 

Financial Fasting.  Many years ago I read about a practice of financial fasting.  For a set amount of time, one should spend money on only the essentials- food, shelter, transportation.  The thought is to try and live within those parameters for say, a month, and save the rest of your income.  This might be a good beginning practice in preparation for setting up an ongoing savings account.  Or if you need to get your budget in alignment, financial fasting can help you prioritize what is important. 

Give.  There are many reasons to be generous with our finances.  We are called to be a people who share.  I believe that we give in response to our gratitude to God.  It is also a faith gesture- we give even when it doesn't seem to make budgetary sense.  Somehow in God's economy it all works out.  Plus, it does seem as if we should be able to financially live on 80% of our income (saving 10% and giving 10%) or at least strive for that as a goal. 

What about you?  How are your finances?  Is it a source of great anxiety and stress in your household?  How can you get a handle on it?  Do you need to see a financial counselor?  Do you need to give up some area of spending in order to gain some peace of mind?  After all, isn't that what it is all about?  Financial Peace.  

Nastiness

Nastiness.  The word itself sounds, well, nasty.  It is just one of those words, actions and predicaments that one should avoid.  Yet we don't.  More and more individuals say and do the meanest things.  We see it on social media and reality television.  We hear it from our leaders and our family and friends. 

This past Sunday's The New York Times had an interesting article called, "The Culture of Nastiness". It looked at our current times and how we are so uncivil towards each other.  What caught my eye was a quote by a professor from our town's university.  The professor teaches a class, "Mister Rogers 101: Why Civility and Community Still Matter".  His premise is that we are a lonely society.  We do not engage with one another as we used to and as we should.   Consequently we do not have experience working through conflicts with people with whom we must figure out a way to get along. 

"Civility is the idea that you're not always going to agree but you still have to make it work... People think, 'If I disagree with you, then I have to dislike you, so why should I go to a neighborhood meeting when it's clear I'm going to disagree with them?'" 

How can we stop this societal trajectory towards nastiness?  It doesn't take a social scientist to recognize that nothing good will come out of this current course we are on.  We see it with the uptick of bullying, harassment, and hate speech.  We see it in the ills caused by isolation- anxiety, stress, addictions. 

Start with community.  Or at least recognizing how much we lack community in our lives.  For most adults, the only community tends to be one's work place. That is not to say it is a bad thing but what about the time spent away from work?   Or if one is let go from one's job?  Where is the community and support? Do we have any interaction with others?  How can we cultivate those relationships? 

Limit social media.   People are so free with comments about others when it is offered under anonymity.  If one had to look someone in the eye and say those things, conversations would be quite different.  Plus the information given through Facebook and other outlets are the "reel highlights" of someone's life.  It is as if we receive the annoying "everything is perfect in our life even our dog" Christmas letter on a daily basis.  It totally distorts reality and authentic living. 

Monitor the types of images one watches.  When all we see are the intense interactions and abusive discussions from reality television or even news programs we subconsciously start to think that way towards others which leads to practicing conversations like that.  If we do watch these images we need to keep a reality check in mind- what is a better way to encourage employees to improve performance; is it really necessary to use curse words to speak to a family member; in light of real problems in the world, is the "drama" of a celebs broken relationship necessary? 

By balancing the words and images that we receive with conversations and experiences of real people we can combat nastiness.  We might not like everyone we encounter but we begin to have some type of understanding of why people think the way they do.  We glean a perspective of what is a true crisis and authentic compassion. 

The end of the article was quite poignant in that it asks each of us to examine ourselves in our contributions to nastiness.  Changing this atmosphere requires more than pointing fingers at "those" people; each one of us needs to honestly admit our role, complacent or active in contributing towards uncivil behavior and then strive for ways to change.

What about you?  Do you find yourself hiding behind social media in your opinions?  Do you know your neighbors and those in your community?  Have you ever been inspired by a reality show to act in the same manner?  How did that go?  

The word that I like instead is comity.  It generally refers to judicial and legal terms.  Originally it was  a word derived from Latin comitas, meaning "courteousness" (and probably related to the Sanskrit word for "he smiles").  

It means courteous behavior; politeness; civility.  

How much better is that? 

Stuck

My grandmother used to say about my grandfather, "I married him because he had his feet on the ground.  Little did I know that they were stuck in the mud." 

Do you feel stuck?  Unable to move from your location? Literally or figuratively? Does it cause you to feel a sense of security or an envelopment of claustrophobia? 

This year following my mom's death I have felt stuck.  Stuck in a situation of caring for my father that I didn't ask to be in, didn't want to be in but one in which I just find myself.

That's the thing about being stuck.  Many times we find ourselves trapped or grounded and it was not due to anything that we may or may not have done.  It just happened.  For myself I can get quite worked up about it.  It's unfair, what did I do to deserve this, why now when I seemed to be going down a different path with my life choices?  All these types of questions can go through my mind.  Bottom line, it doesn't matter what I think, say or do, the reality is the same: I have certain responsibilities that I need to do. 

It has taken me a while to not feel so stuck. I don't know if I am just resigned to the fact or if I have come to some emotional break through.  It does make me wonder, what changed? Certainly the situation is the same even a little worse.  I have to put some hopes and dreams on hold (again) for a little longer.  I am not going to fight the way I feel.  Just accept it. 

According to Psychology Today when one feels stuck it is important to remember acceptance. Those who accept things that they cannot change have a better outcome.  They are not so emotionally restricted and in a strange twist are more open to things eventually changing.  

There is the story I heard of someone hiking New Hampshire's Franconia Notch State Park. A  staff member pointed out a small path off to the side. It consisted of a few boulders wedged together, leaving a small covered opening to squeeze through. When he mentioned that a number of people have gotten stuck in there, he was asked how he gets them out. He chuckled and said, "Well, we can't move the rocks." Then he explained that he just waits. After about fifteen minutes of struggling, they give up... their bodies relax and they can slip right through. 

Lately I am learning to accept the place I find myself. In a sense when I give up the struggle, I can move on because I am choosing to let things be. When I am not questioning and complaining, I find that I can see my situation in a different light. I can reflect on some of the positive and learn to let the negative go.  I can then have the feeling of being unstuck.  

What about you?  Have you learned ways to become "unstuck"?  If so, what are they? 

It's About Time

Lately with all the busy-ness of my life, I haven't had a chance to tackle any of my winter project lists.  The other day I thought I need to get on it and so I set the timer for 15  minutes and knocked off one item on the list. 

I know that I have talked about timers before but they really are helpful.  It gives you permission for a specific time to do whatever you need to get done.  And it gives you permission to stop what you are doing and to move on to something else. 

In January's issue of Real Simple, they had an article of things to do if you have 5 minutes, or an hour  or one weekend. The idea is that you have a go-to place of things that can be accomplished when you find you have a little extra time.  You are able to work towards a goal yet not have to a large chunk of time in order to complete it.  

I keep lists on my desk of things that take approximately fifteen minutes or less.  Whenever I get a little block of time, I try and check off one of those items.

For example:

• straighten out a couple of dresser drawers
• sew on a button from my mending  pile
• organize a pantry shelf
• sort out linen closet
• sort out hall closet
• weed a garden bed
• return a phone call
• send out an email
• get out tools for larger project

What about you?  Do you have a never ending "to- do" list?  Do you ever wonder when and if you will get around to it?  Have you ever used a timer to accomplish a smaller list?  Can you break down your long "to-do" list into fifteen or thirty minute projects?  Will you give yourself permission to work on a project for that amount of time and when the timer dings, you put it aside? 

If you have never used a timer before I would challenge you to try it.  It's about time.