Wired

One of my favorite actors is Ewan McGregor.  I enjoy some of his body of work but I really enjoy his interviews on various talk shows.  He just seems to have a joie de vive and a generous spirit. He embodies the adage, "do what you love and love what you do". He takes such delight in his environment, what he is doing, and the people whom he meets. 

I heard him once discuss his experience on giving up smoking.  He was a heavy smoker and finally had enough.  He said that he spent so much time looking for his smoking accoutrements-lighter, cigarettes, ashtray-every time he sat down that he just  couldn't  sit down. He had to make sure that he had all his "stuff" and he would fiddle with all those things.  He couldn't leave the house without checking and rechecking that he had all his smoking paraphernalia. There was so much activity just to keep the habit going.  Now that he is not smoking he says that he is at peace. He has a sense of tranquility.  When he sits down now, he can just sit and enjoy the experience. 

Collection of known usable wires that keep us "connected".  In addition, there is a box somewhere that contains cords and wires to those electronic devices which have gone to the great beyond. 

Collection of known usable wires that keep us "connected".  In addition, there is a box somewhere that contains cords and wires to those electronic devices which have gone to the great beyond. 

I feel that way with all the cords and wires to keep us electronically connected. Every time we go on a trip we have added to our checklist litany, 'Do you have your chargers- for the phone, the laptop, all your devices?"   

One summer we were packing up from our stay at our rented vacation cottage.  For reasons that take too long to explain, my one son had put all his electronic cords, mouth retainer and other (expensive)  sundries into a plastic grocery bag.  The four of us in the family were doing our respective "getting ready to leave" jobs: final vacuum through, packing the back of the car, loading the bikes onto the roof rack and collecting the trash which was in a plastic grocery bag like the one my son used as his "luggage". You can only guess what happened.  We did not discover the switch until we were ten hours away, dropping off this son at his college apartment. The restful and peaceful feeling of our two week vacation was immediately shattered with the seemingly innocent inquiry, "Mom, where did you put the white plastic grocery bag?"

Somedays I wish I could quit the habit of the electronic devices and the need (seemingly)  to be connected all the time.   Somedays it seems as if the cost of the devices- keeping track of their whereabouts, keeping them charged, updating the information, figuring out how to use them properly- far outweighs any benefit.  Somedays the red circle or ding of a reminder that I have a text message, a notification or an email is anxiety producing.  I can feel my heart rate increase. The red is too reminiscent of the red marker from school. "What did I miss?,  Did I do something wrong? Have I broken something?"

When I get anxious I know that I need to take an electronic fast.  I need to take a deep breath and realize that I am not going to get an "F" for failing to respond to a message or alert immediately.  I need to set the electronics aside so that peace and tranquility can reign in my heart. 

I have an acquaintance who makes a point of taking an electronic sabbath one day a week or at least a good part of one day. She and her husband have agreed not to look at emails, turn on the computer or respond to text messages.  Admirable.  To be honest, I think I might have a tough time not being electronically connected for a whole day.  Although the times when I couldn't be connected to an electronic device for whatever reason (current location has no service, attending a workshop or meetings, on a trip), I have felt such lightness of being, kind of like a snow day.  I always feel rejuvenated and ready to come back to the "electronic age".  

What about you?  Are you too wired?  Do you get frustrated with all the cords, wires and connections of which you need to keep track? How do you handle it?  Physically and emotionally? Have you ever not been connected?  What was the reason?  How did you feel when you finally "reconnected"?   Have you ever taken an electronics fast?

Aren't we fortunate to be living in an age where we can choose how we use the tools that improve our lives?  I just need to remember that the electronic devices are to be used and not to let them use me.  I need  to choose peace and tranquility.   I need to choose not to be "wired". 

Leap Year

There seems to be flowers for other holidays, so I purchased a small bouquet for my desk.  What is recommended  for Leap Year?

There seems to be flowers for other holidays, so I purchased a small bouquet for my desk.  What is recommended  for Leap Year?

Happy Leap Year! When I was a kid it seemed as if leap year was one of those notations on the calendar that was recognized and was talked about, not as anything special but rather an interesting footnote, kind of like Lincoln's Birthday.  The biggest concern was "What would you do if you had a birthday on leap year?  When did you celebrate?  More importantly, when did you get presents?"

Leap year was designed to keep the calendar year synchronized with the astronomical or seasonal year. Since seasons and astronomical events don't repeat in whole number days, in order to keep whole days in a calendar, an extra day is inserted every four years to keep things on track.  According to Wikipedia, "The same type of problem happens in the relationship between the day and the number of seconds in the day: If you divide the larger measure of time by the smaller, you do not get a whole number. Instead, the result is an unending decimal".  To prevent the calendar drift of half days, leap year was invented.  The "leap" comes from the fact that while a fixed date in the Gregorian calendar advances one day a week from one year to the next, in the following year of a leap year, the fixed date "leaps" over a day of the week.  For example, February 1 , 2013 fell on a Friday. The next year, 2014 it fell on a Saturday, then in 2015 it fell on a Sunday. In 2016 it fell on a Monday. Because 2016 is a "leap year"  February 1, 2017  will "leap" over Tuesday and will fall on Wednesday. 

The idea of leaping got me thinking.  What types of idioms  (or expressions) do you know which have leap in them? Here are some that I found:

"leap at a chance",  "leaps and bounds", "leap into someone's mind", "leap to conclusions", "leap at someone or something", "leap for joy", "leap forward", "leap out (of something)", "leap over", "look before you leap", "leap in the dark".

The one that I love is "leap of faith".  Two of the definitions of leap are to "propel one forward" and "to enter eagerly into an activity".  The idea that I am eagerly willing to enter into the activity that requires me to have some faith and that will propel me forward is encouraging and exciting. 

By nature I am not a risk taker.  I am a plodder and planner.  I have enough trouble leaping from rock to rock when traversing a small stream on a hike let alone leaping out on faith into a vast unknown of all the "biggies" in life- job opportunities, where to live, moving, marriage decisions, financial responsibilities of college and retirement.  Yet because they are the "biggies" I came to the conclusion long ago that there was nothing I could do to control them.  I had to have faith in something/someone bigger than myself and to believe that God's plan for me was much better than the limited one that I could foresee.  

As it is leap year, I am reminded of the times when big circumstances required me to make a leap of faith. Many times it was hard, kind of walking out onto a ledge and not seeing what is ahead or underneath you.  But I can honestly say that when I completely trusted God, I was never disappointed.  When I listened to His leading, my feet were on solid ground. 

But I am wondering if I am making the small, daily  leaps of faith?  Am I trusting God with the smaller things in my life as I trust him with the biggies?  If not, why not?  Certainly his track record is excellent.  Can I make that leap of faith that today, I am being propelled forward into an eagerly awaited activity?  Am I looking at my day with the expectation of faith- that what I am being called to do today, could be as mundane as walking the dogs, excites me because of the possibilities that await me?  Am I open to possibilities? 

 Do I trust God enough that whatever and wherever He calls me, He is faithful to provide me with what I need for the journey?   

What about you?  Have you ever had to make a leap of faith?  How did it work out?  

One thing I have noticed with my physical, rock leaping "skill" on hikes- the more I do it, the more sure-footed I become. I have noticed that the more I make those spiritual leaps of faith, the more eager I become to see what awaits me and what is on the other side.

Up For a Challenge?

Yesterday I had the privilege to hear author Barbara Morrison speak about her memoir: Innocent:  Confessions of a Welfare Mother.  It was eye-opening and inspirational.  Ms. Morrison had a college education and prior work experience, yet due to a series of circumstances she found herself at twenty-four, divorced, abandoned by her husband, disowned by her parents,  pregnant, with an eighteen month old and no job prospects.  She couldn't cover the cost of childcare, food, rent, clothing, transportation and so was forced to make the "choiceless" choice- receive welfare. She talked about the challenges welfare recipients face and the misunderstanding of the system.

Yes, her situation was extremely difficult and in her talk she alluded to it.  I am sure that there were many dark days and nights for her.  Yet I was struck by her matter of fact explanations, her generosity of spirit towards those who did her harm and her focus on the positive of her experience. She discovered and experienced a true community in the poor neighborhood with the other welfare mothers where she lived.  She was surprised to discover such kindness that if one didn't have enough food stamps to make it to the end of the month, someone in the community would share.  If a person in the community had a job interview, all the members would help provide decent "interview" clothing as no one had a complete ensemble.  If one was sick, someone in the community would watch her children until she got better. 

There is a sense that she doesn't take her current life situation for granted.  As she states, so many people are living from paycheck to paycheck.  All it takes is an accident, health issue or job layoff and they too would have to make the "choiceless" choice of becoming a welfare recipient.  She is grateful that every April 15th she has the privilege to pay taxes knowing that she can share her good fortune with others.  Sure the system might have its flaws but overall we are fortunate to live in a country where the systems relatively work. 

She was a product of the welfare system and the reason for the safety net.  Some people just need a little help to get going.  From the good fortune of legislature timing and kindness of others, she was able to receive a grant that enabled her to learn a new skill and get a job with upward mobility.  

She speaks about the stereotypes and judgements we all make of each other. "Lazy welfare mothers, hard hearted social workers, uncaring parents."  Her story once again underscores our need need to put ourselves in others' shoes for a while to see what their lives are like before we make snap comments.  

One way we can practice empathy is to take the food stamp challenge.  Can you live for one week on the same daily monetary allotment for food that a welfare recipient receives?  (approximately $4 per person per day)  In our household there are two of us- $8 a day x 7 days = $56 for the week for groceries.  If you use any food that is already in your household, subtract that amount from your daily amount. 

Click here to read more about the challenge.  

What is your feeling about the welfare system?  Have you ever experienced a "handout"?  How did that make you feel?  Have you ever had to live paycheck to paycheck?  Would you consider trying the food stamp challenge?  If you try it, please comment. 

 

Empathy

   There is a beautiful video from the Cleveland Clinic setting the groundwork for empathy.  Click here to see the video.  What I love about this four minute montage is that is reminds me that every person we encounter throughout our day has a story.  One could argue that a hospital intensifies situations but I think if you did a similar montage in a mall, school or local street your would see the same spectrum of fears, heartbreak, pain and joy.

I know that I have written a lot about empathy.  It just seems as if there isn't much of it going around.  Everyday there is another story of a group of people not getting along, harming each other with words or actions and ripping apart the fabric of our society.  It is another story of people thinking of themselves and not of anyone else. It is another story of people not being empathetic to one another. 

I guess like any other habit or behavior we want to change it is best to recognize the problem first. When people only think of themselves it comes out in their speech- "I, mine, me."  How many times do we talk about ourselves only?  Do we use the "I,mine, me" language more than the "you, yours, us"?  Certainly in this political environment, one doesn't have to look far to hear examples.  There is a fun country song by Toby Keith called "I Wanna Talk about Me."   The chorus goes: "Wanna talk about me; Wanna talk about I; Wanna talk about number one; Oh my me my; What I think; what I like; what I know; what I want; what I see; I like talking about you, you, you, you usually; But occasionally; I wanna talk about Me."  I know that times I have to stop myself and honestly ask, am I doing that?

We can start paying attention to those around us. We might not be comfortable asking the person standing behind us online at the grocery story, "How's it really going?" but we could offer a smile and say a silent prayer that today they would receive whatever they need to keep going. We can recognize that there might be something big going on in their lives.  Bigger and more important then the purchase of a loaf of bread, bananas and milk.  We can recognize that a little kindness might be all they need to separate a lousy day from a pretty good one.   

We can start by keeping the lines of communication open to our family, friends and neighbors. Whether we want to ask the people around us how they are, we can still be aware of the nuances of their reactions, statements and behaviors.  Many times it is through the simple act of spending time together and listening to each other that we can start to develop empathy and consideration for others. 

What about you?  How's your empathy level?  Have you ever spent a day wondering about the unsaid realities of the people you meet? 

 

Start Your Week With a Smile

Last week my sister shared with me a video about the "Oldest Hip Hop Dance Troupe in the world".  They are called the Hip Op-eration Crew.  Visit their website. Their story and the story of Billie Jordan their "dance instructor" is inspirational. Click here to hear BIllie's Ted Talk

What I love about the story is that Billie reached beyond herself, her pain, and her loneliness to help others, the aged in her community, who were also feeling lonely, without purpose, and without hope for a future.  Billie believed in these marginalized elderly people and provided an expectation that was missing in their lives. As she says they no longer talk about the past but rather make plans for the future. She has given back to them their dignity and their humanity.  They in turn have given those things back to her. 

The thing is, not only has the common purpose of the troupe been good for their emotional and mental state it is also providing them with physical benefits. Sure there are healthy issues.  The ages range from upper sixties to upper nineties with the average age being eighty. But Billie works with what she has and encourages the troupe to keep striving and doing.  As of 2015, after two years from starting the troupe, she hadn't lost any to death and the consensus from their physicians was that they are all in better shape.  

As they say under their website's beliefs statement, "Even though their age can limit their dancing capabilities, they are all inspired by the founders of hip hop from the Bronx who believed it’s not about limitations, it’s about possibilities. Regardless of their age and physical ability, they are not letting those limitations get in the way of learning hip hop." 
 

Certainly their story is a great reminder that we are never too old to learn and grow.  We are never too old to find purpose and meaning in our lives.  We are never to old to strive for healing and wholeness in body, mind and spirit. We are never to old to encourage and inspire others. We are never too old for possibilities. 

 Click here to see The Crew perform    Watch it and be inspired.  Guaranteed to put a smile on your face. 

How To "Play Nice"

This week in the wake of Chief Justice Scalia's untimely death, I found it interesting to hear a story about Chief Justice Breyer and his speech on Wednesday at Yale University Law School.  In the introduction of his speech he spoke of his friend and colleague Chief Justice Antonin Scalia.  The two were known for their polar opposition regarding the constitution: Chief Justice was an "originalist" that the justices should determine what the framers' original intent was and stick to it.  Chief Justice Breyer is a believer of "fluid constitution", that the values of the framers' must be molded to apply to our modern society. 

What caught my ear was that even though these gentlemen disagreed, they were respectful of each other and were friends.  In some ways, they agreed to disagree and enjoyed a good legal argument.  When I googled information about the justices, there were stories upon stories about their opposition but about their mutual respect of each other.  

How refreshing.  If only our current political candidates and our legislation could be so cordial with each other.  If only they would "agree to disagree".  But it made me wonder- how does one agree to disagree?  I feel that I don't see that practiced often enough and wonder even if I practice it.

There are many online psychology sites and relationship sites that talk about it.  There are ways to "agree to disagree" in marriage, in friendship, in the workplace, and in day to day interactions.  The commonality in the different scenarios seems to be- one needs to be empathetic and put oneself in the other's position.  In doing so, you build communication.  You listen, you show respect for the other person, you don't discuss a heated issue when either one is emotional or upset, you don't make any arguments personal, you speak to common issues and needs (if possible), you compromise and you humbly realize that you might not have all the answers. 

Interestingly that there was an article in the Sunday New York Times that spoke to divisiveness in our society.  Even though it was not stated it seems as if the commonality behind divisiveness and the avoidance of anything that appears to be divisive is that we as a society do not know how to "play nice" with each other in essence, how to respectively agree to disagree.  Instead we decide to avoid talking about issues at all.  Of course, in doing so we break down communication and understanding even further.

Upon reflection, I can see that avoidance in my own life and in the lives of people I know.  There have been times when topics or ideas seem to be divisive.  In some ways, the prevailing idea is that to keep the peace, there will not be any discussion about the situation.  Sometimes that is a wise course of action and certainly it is an easier one but generally avoidance is like covering an infected wound without the aid of any treatments.  Not a good practice.  At best there will never be any healing and at worst a chance of septicemia and death.

How are you with agreeing to disagree?  Do you discuss opinions or topics with family, friends, co-workers?  What does it look like?  Have you ever "argued" with someone trying to keep their needs and viewpoint in mind?  How did it go?

It seems to me discussing difficult subjects or opinions in a respectful way is needed if we want to be healthy in our individual relationships and in our societal ones. 

 

Room For Improvement

 I love playing tennis.  I have always loved it but it wasn't until my adult years (and a couple of lessons) that I really started enjoying it. It is definitely my exercise of choice.  I think I like it because I am finally  at a point where I am a decent enough player.  Not superb but at least I am at a point where I can enjoy playing the game and not fret over every shot and, I hope, my opponent can enjoy having a good game too.  I think I also enjoy it because, as some of my tennis friends attest, when and where else can women of a certain age wear short skirts and not look too ridiculous. 

Once when walking onto the court I heard a comment from the group walking off, "Well", said the older gentleman, "I left room for improvement."  

I loved it.  I felt he captured so much more than a tennis philosophy.  What a great lesson for life: Leaving room for improvement.

Do I leave room for improvement for myself and for others?  Or, do I unrealistically expect perfection?  Leaving room for improvement implies that there is more to the action- that there is time and space given before moving forward.  It implies that everything can be improved. Perhaps respite is needed  before continuing but there is still work to be done.  

I like the idea that one has a choice about how we improve.  We can be frenzied and overworked in trying to immediately hit the mark or we can be systematic, paced and timely in our striving.  It is a philosophy that is humbling and freeing at the same time.  It is a philosophy that gives me permission to freely strive for improvement without having to be bound to unattainable goals. 

What about you?  Have you left room for improvement?  If so, in what?  

Not Watching Our Weight

A couple of Sunday's ago in the New York Times there was an interesting op ed piece by Jennifer Weiner.  She was talking about America's view on women aging specifically noting Carrie Fisher and her role in the new Star Wars and the comments she received about her weight or rather, losing weight for the role.  Then Ms. Weiner continued to talk about Weight Watchers and Oprah Winfrey's financial and personal interest in the company. 

Ms. Weiner makes a good point about individuals needing to feel comfortable about themselves. She feels that there should be a point in a woman's life when enough is enough; a woman shouldn't have to feel pressured to being young and thin.  Her point being that perhaps we should invest our time in practical change as in helping others or worthy charities rather than in the quest for the impossible- trying to revert the tide of aging. 

Yet I think she might be casting too glaring a light on this double standard for women.  Yes, we should stop focusing on the minutia of ourselves- the weight numbers. However, it is important to be healthy. I know too many people who think aging means forgetting about good eating and movement, things that are just basic. If the weight watchers ads are to be believed they are now focusing on physical movement and healthy eating.  Weight loss should not be the primary goal but rather a natural by-product.   

I do believe that.  If we are to have long term life-long change especially regarding our weight, we need to come to some understanding with food and with our bodies. We cannot be so focused on the poundage.  I think we can strike a balance between being healthy but not being a slave to achieving it.  That doesn't mean that we are still obsessed with the youth and beauty dream.  I think that means that we have matured.

What about you?  Are you struggling with weight issues?  What has been your focus?  What does healthy look like for you? 

Fear Factor

Have you felt a change in the air?  I don't mean the actual climate but a feeling of "something wicked this way comes."  It is a clawing pervasiveness like the Dementors from the Harry Potter books.  It is an atmosphere that sucks the life out everyone it touches.  It is the cold touch of fear.

It seems lately that everyone I meet is succumbing to fear.  It is one the underlying characteristics beneath our country's policies and political race.  It pervades the local politics and news.  It is in the comments of neighbors, friends and family.  It is paralyzing our common sense and decency.  

Just recently there was a local county jurisdiction that decreed its school children would not be allowed to have any classroom trips to Baltimore due to the riots from last April.  They are worried about the safety of the children and decided it would be best to avoid that potential by staying in their low crime homes.  To me that is unbelievable that seemingly rational adults can be so afraid of some very remote danger that they are denying the children access to historical and cultural events. 

The tragic irony is that this same county enclave just had an awful reality check: deranged and dangerous people are all around us, even in our idyllic settings.  Two days ago, there was a fatal shooting of two officers from the sheriff's department.  The officers were responding to a call about a suspicious gentleman sitting in a local eatery. According to witnesses, the officer asked the gentleman how his day was going and the gentleman responded with a shot to the officer's head.  Absolutely horrible.  Prior to this incident, this county sheriff's department had lost in the line of duty only five deputies, the first in 1899.  Three of those five happened in the last six years. 

Even though I do not agree with this county's isolation-protects-us-from-harm policy, I would never wish something like this to happen. Life is rough and tough. Humans can treat others terribly.  Yet I still believe that we, humans, can do better.  That we can turn the tide to this fearful climate.

Fear creates isolation.  Isolation creates lies and untruths.  Lies and untruths create hate.  Hate creates all types of deranged behavior.   

"Perfect love casts out all fear."  Can that ever be achieved?  What does that look like?  I think for a start it is loving our neighbors as ourselves. It is in knowing our neighbors and not isolating ourselves from community.  

 I think we need to take a reality check about our own lives.  To humbly realize that there by the grace of God go I.   It is only a thin thread that separates us from those who do that which we find abhorrent.  I think when we are open to our own potential then we are open to compassion and empathy towards others. 

I think as a community and as a nation we need to guard ourselves from this atmosphere of fear.  When we hear our neighbors, friends and family speak in fear to ask, what is their specific fear? To help them identify it and to ask if that is likely to happen? When we hear derogative or hateful comments to ask,  is it true? 

Sadly, some tragedies will happen.  My heart aches for those families.  Yet I would hope that if I were the one who suffered tragedy that I would, at some point,  not let fear and hatred take over my life.  That I would not succumb to the Dementor's kiss. For when we let fear take over we no longer are living life. 

What about you?  Have you noticed a change in the climate?  What, if anything, are you doing about it? 

Moving Forward

Today on the radio there was a piece about NASA and their plans for colonizing Mars.  Very interesting.  Once again NASA is looking at a problem in a different way.  They are trying to answer the question "how to build habitable space in an hostile environment" similarly to building habitats  in remote areas on this planet.  

The part of the piece that caught my attention  was the personal story of Charles Bolden the first African American NASA administrator.  He grew up in segregated South Carolina and when he was in high school was having difficulty getting any appointment to any military academy. As he tells his story, he doesn't sound bitter but states the facts of the time- segregation and all it entailed with the white legislators from his state.   Through the help of President Lyndon Johnson he was able to secure a position at the Naval Academy and went on with a career as a Marine Corps aviator, then astronaut and finally NASA administrator. 

Even though Strom Thurmond did not help his state constituent in the initial position, Senator Thurmond did write personal congratulatory notes to Charles Bolden with every milestone Bolden achieved.  Charles Bolden sounded like he had forgiven Senator Thurmond and has moved on with his life.

He says he took this [congratulatory letters] to mean that people are capable of changing. "Even people who seem to be evil or seem to be bad, deep down inside they know what's right and they want to do it and they will try to find a way to make good things happen," Bolden said. 

What a great story of recognition of the complexities of people and the capability of forgiveness. Even reading this I was taken by surprise, for neither Strom Thurmond nor President Johnson are my favorite politicians.  Recognizing that of course they were life long politicians which means everything done is calculated for self benefit, yet I was surprised that they would make a point of helping and following a young man. Just goes to show how people will surprise you and do the right thing as Bolden states. 

Makes me wonder about the people I know and have known- those who I have either written off or those who I have tuned out because I don't like their beliefs or policies.  Perhaps I need to revisit the relationship- listen to them, hear their side of the story and make the effort to restore some type of communication, either through reconsidering their beliefs (as in the case of public figures) or in reaching out (as in the case of former friends and acquaintances).  Either way I need to settle the matter in my heart, not to be quick to judge and to be open to change and possibilities.  

I think one of the reasons Charles Bolden has become who he is and has accomplished what he has done (besides being incredibly intelligent and brave) is that he appears to be a person who goes about life with an open mind and heart.  He isn't weighed down by  past baggage but has the freedom to move forward.  It is not that he started a deep relationship with Senator Thurmond but that he, Charles Bolden didn't let any bitterness from the past shape his future. 

What about you?  Are there people in your life you may need to reconsider?  Are there people who seem to have "done you wrong"?   How can you keep an open mind for change and possibilities? For yourself and for the other person?  How can you lighten the load of your past so that you can have the freedom to embrace your future? 

 

52 (Give or Take) Ideas

How are you doing with your plans for 2016?  As we settle into the year I have found that some things I was so gung-ho on doing have fallen by the wayside. (My idea of running during lunchtime has stopped- somewhat due to the blizzard but any excuse is always welcomed!)  I find that I need to have smaller more frequent goals, ones that I can easily achieve which in turn become the foundation for healthy change and healthy living.

So in that spirit I offer to you 52 ideas (an idea a week) -some new and some old.  All are reminders that small changes can lead to heathy living. As we are starting in February, there are 5 extra items to mix and match throughout the year. If you want, copy and print out the list and keep in your calendar or on your refrigerator as a weekly reminder. Hopefully this list will incentivize you to work on something small each week. If not those listed below than perhaps these suggestions might spark some other idea for you:

  1. Eliminate drinking soda this week
  2. Incorporate one new veggie or fruit into your diet
  3. Plan your meals for the week
  4. Use a smaller size plate for your dinner this week (don't go back for seconds or thirds) 
  5. Drink 8 x 8oz glasses of water each day.  If you need some flavor, add slice of orange, lemon, lime or a splash of juice
  6. Eliminate desserts this week
  7. Sit down for your entire dinner this week.  Set the table, light a candle and dine.  Whether by yourself or with your family- enjoy not rushing through dinner.
  8. Start lettuce seeds, spinach seeds or other greens indoors
  9. Walk for ten more minutes each day (or start walking ten minutes) 
  10. Sign up for an exercise class
  11. Get up and move away from your desk (try marching in place for a minute) every 60 minutes
  12. Do sit ups during commercial breaks
  13. Get to bed earlier this week (by an hour or half-hour)
  14. Take your daily shower before going to bed (give yourself a little extra time in the morning as well as wash away any daily allergens)
  15. Remove electronic devices from the bedroom (put your cell phone, laptop in another room)
  16. Eliminate alcohol this week (no glass of wine with dinner, beer or nightcap)
  17. Limit caffeine this week- switch one of your cups of joe to herbal tea
  18. Visit your local library
  19. Read 1 book this week instead of watching TV
  20. Complete a crossword puzzle (or one or two levels of a word game app)
  21. Color in an adult coloring book (pick one up in a supermarket or craft store) 
  22. Say no to requests this week (say you are temporarily on hiatus)
  23. Write out goals for the year (or the remainder of the year)
  24. Keep a bouquet of fresh flowers by your bed or on your desk this week
  25. Do something for a colleague- bring them a cup of coffee or tea, drop off a funny card on their desk
  26. Surprise a loved one with a favorite meal, meaningful note or "just because" gift
  27. Become an organ donor or a bone marrow donor or sign up to donate blood
  28. Write out a budget- include a savings plan
  29. Only spend $ on essentials this week- food, housing, transport to work, contribution to church/place of worship
  30. Donate to your favorite charity
  31. Go window shopping.  Create an outfit that appeals to you but do not purchase.
  32. Write out your will: include living will, power of attorney, etc. 
  33. Go through your coat closet- dry clean what needs it, eliminate unmatched gloves, unflattering hats, scarves never worn
  34. Sort through dresser drawers- do one drawer a night.  Eliminate ripped, stretched out, stained, non-fitting clothing
  35. Sort through kitchen drawers- one drawer a day.  Eliminate items that haven't been used or will probably never be used
  36. Go through garage and/or basement- get rid of things that  you haven’t used in a while or are broken or are unrealistic projects
  37. Plan for a yard sale- sell household items that no longer want/need.  Go in with the neighbors for a bigger turnout
  38. Get ready for your next day, the night before (clothes laid out, lunches packed, bags by the door)
  39. Go through linen closet- donate old towels and blankets to your local animal shelter
  40. Write in a gratitude journal each day
  41. Find a Bible study plan
  42. Commit to reading/listening to Bible each day
  43. Go to place of worship this week
  44. Pray for five minutes each day
  45. Find out information about volunteering in an area of interest
  46. Take a gift inventory- discover your strengths and abilities
  47. Plan for a retreat (commit to 1 hour or 1/2 a day or weekend)
  48. Write a note to a person who had an impact in your life- thank them for their love and support
  49. Plan out your funeral- any favorite hymns, songs, poems, Bible verses
  50. Practice random acts of kindness (hand out gift cards to a local coffee shop to road repair workers, trash collectors, rest room attendant)
  51. Do something nice for your neighbor- shovel their walk, mow their lawn, drop off a bouquet of garden flowers
  52. Sit outside for ten minutes- enjoy the sights and sounds of nature

January Office Project

I have had on my to-do list a fairly large project: redecorating our home office for my own use.   I have been putting it off because I didn't have a clear cut plan or vision in my mind.  Most of what I envisioned would be subject to physically moving the house and that is not an option.  It is because I am such a direct sunlight junkie.  I will move throughout the day following what little sunlight streams directly into our home. It is not that our home is completely dark, it is just that we do not have too many southern facing windows. 

For the past year I have been using a small writing desk in our bedroom.  It was positioned directly in front of our only southern facing window that provides the most light. Much as I loved soaking in the sun, I was becoming increasingly annoyed with having to spread out my papers on the bed and collect them each evening.  I needed a room of my own.

The logical choice was for me to use our family "office": a long-before-we-were-the-home-owners converted garage into a room that has bookshelves, desk, chairs, windows and housed our family computer. Years ago I painted (multiple, multiple times) the dark panelling in order to lighten it up. About ten years ago, we had removed the useless garage door and replaced it with a large window in the front. 

For some reason I was holding back embracing this space due to the sunlight issue.  The room is light just doesn't receive direct sunlight. Also I was having difficulty envisioning a work space.  I needed some inspiration. 

One thing I have found with projects- eventually I do them because to not do them causes too much angst. I was more tired of the daily clean up in the bedroom than the concern of the indirect sunlight.   Plus I became enamored with an eclectic, light, clean, somewhat French looking style and thought perhaps I could decorate this room in this vein.

I use the term decorating very loosely.  For someone who writes and sticks to her lists, I do not plan out creative projects.  I have never followed any type of garden plan, room plan or story board.   I kind of have an idea in my head of what I want the project to look like, but generally by the time I am finished, it has a morphed into something completely different.

The other thing, especially in decorating one has to make a decision as to what to purge and what new things need to be purchased.  I am always trying to work with what I already have- partly to be budget-friendly, partly to be environmentally-friendly and partly because I am too lazy and indecisive.  

So far I like how things have evolved.  I found two chairs at Goodwill.  They are called "Hollywood French Regency chairs" or that was what they were called when I checked with a Google search.  Very 1970's, with dark wood, "caned" sides and crushed light blue velvet fabric. (I thought I had taken a "before" picture but I must not have. Click her to see a similar chair)   

They were really inexpensive yet solid so I thought I would try chalk paint and the how-to-recover upholstery technique I had seen on youtube.  (I am more convinced than ever that those who make the videos leave out a crucial step.)  Of course, once I had removed the old upholstery and saw the remains, it looked nothing like any of the furniture from the videos. I had to make some alternative plans but it worked out. 

I used "Paris Grey" paint for the wood and "cane" parts and a zebra style bluish-grey fabric over the cushions.   I couldn't find any trim I liked (aesthetics + price) so the white trim is cut to size clothesline. With help from my ever patient husband, I was finally able to cover both chairs, move things around in the office and voila, I am enjoying my "new" digs.  

Office Manager: Our one dog likes the new arrangement.  He gets a prime location to check the comings and goings of the neighborhood- especially mail deliveries. 

Office Manager: Our one dog likes the new arrangement.  He gets a prime location to check the comings and goings of the neighborhood- especially mail deliveries. 

Do you have any projects on your to-do list?  Have you ever been inspired by a youtube video?  How did it work out?  Did you finish your project or was it abandoned?  What would it take to get your project done?

 For me, I was thinking too hard about the finished project.  Another thing I have noticed with the youtube presenters- they all seem to be willing to take risks.  It is an "oh, well" attitude: "Oh, well, if this doesn't work out, I 'll just go back to the drawing board."  I had to keep that in mind as I was, once again having to cut another section of the foam cushion to get it to fit.  I just let myself go with it.  Once I did, I finally got a vision and proceeded with my project.  

The Blizzard Blessings of 2016

Where were you during the blizzard of 2016?  Did your neck of the woods get any snow?  Even though our area got a significant covering, we were fortunate to be high and dry at home.  I have no idea how much snow we received. It was difficult to tell due to the snow drifts. Our Mini was almost completely covered except for the little "mini" ball on top of the antennae. 

Taken during the snowstorm.  Our Mini had only the "Mini" ball sticking out from its antennae.

Taken during the snowstorm.  Our Mini had only the "Mini" ball sticking out from its antennae.

Having to walk the dogs notwithstanding, the snow storm was a nice reprieve.  All the obligations and commitments I had this week have been cancelled or postponed due to the poor driving conditions, poor visibility at the intersections and the state of unplowed parking lots.  I feel like I have been given a secret stash of time. Without having those obligations, I can do what I need to do when what I want to do it. 

It made me realize that I definitely need to put more unscripted time into my schedule. These last couple of days have been an oasis.  I have had time to be productive:  finished redoing my office (I'll give a tour next blog), made two batches of soup, did some writing and took care of some of those items on the bottom of the to-do list.  

I also had time to "goof off": did some binge watching on Netflix (Noticed that Daphne's fashion in the beginning of the Frasier series- leggings, ballet slippers and long shirts- has come around again), went down many an internet rabbit hole of clicking onto pointless articles (Did I really need to know what Tom Cruise's kids look like?) and finished a great book- Julianna Baggott's Harriet Wolf's Seventh Book of Wonders. 

It made me realize that I definitely need to make time for a mini-blizzard; the feeling of sans obligations but without the white stuff.  Try as I might to keep a calendar relatively clear or at least not back to back with appointments, obligations have a way of wiggling back onto my schedule. 

Why is it that it takes a natural disaster to get my attention to slow down?  Once again during my Bible reading did this idea resonate.  I was reading in Exodus the story of Moses receiving the Ten Commandments.  The section of honoring a sabbath struck me; the idea of planning a routine of resting. Granted a blizzard and the stoppage of daily commitments is not a religious practice. Yet, this blizzard was a mini-sabbath from obligations for me.  

It was a blessing.

What about you?  If you were impacted by the storm, what did you do?  Were you relieved of obligations or did new ones evolve e.g. caring for school aged children, staying over at work, doing storm-related work? If you couldn't experience the freedom of responsibilities during the storm, could you plan a mini-blizzard? What would that look like for you?  

Everyone needs the blessing of a blizzard every once in a while.

 

 

Contact Lessons

How many of you wear contacts?  I wore them through college and early adulthood but stopped wearing them when our boys came along.  It was easier for me to put on and take off my glasses when getting up in the middle of the night or taking an afternoon nap.

I started back wearing contacts a couple of years ago.  I do prefer wearing them over glasses especially in playing tennis.  Though they do have their issues.  Inevitably I either drop a contact some where in the sink basin or I have difficulty taking it out of my eye.  Either way I find myself panicking.  I have learned that panic does not find the contact.  I have to take deep breaths and tell myself out loud- "Do not panic, you will find it." 

Makes me think of other times in life when I feel the panic rising: finishing a project by the deadline, getting to the appointment on time, paying the monthly bills.  I have to physically say, "breathe",  so that I will not panic.  Depending on the event or situation I will go so far as to start saying, "So what's the worst that can happen?"  I name it and so I can move on.

In my life as a contact wearer, I have experienced a worst case scenario.  In college after a long night of studying I thought I still had my contact in so I continued swiping my eye to get it out.  Only to discover, after a trip to the ER that there was no contact in and I had scratched my cornea. I had to wear a patch over my eye for a couple of days.  Of course the next day I had to help host an event on campus. I couldn't think of a creative enough story for my pirate visage and so had to respond to the question, "What happened to you?" with my  pathetic, can't handle my contacts story. 

Every time I start to panic, I remember that scenario, that I was able to "survive" relatively unscathed and remind myself that things will be okay. Thinking in these terms has helped me during client presentations, business meetings, writing proposals, and lost or noncompliant contacts. 

What about you?  What things cause you panic?  Do you think of the worst case scenario?  Have you lived through a worst case scenario?  What helps you stop the panic? 

General Recall

Our family loves flags.  We have a small flag pole attached to our deck and depending upon the season will fly a flag representative of what is happening in our world.  When the boys are home, their respective college flags wave. (Like the Queen in residence at Buckingham Palace) When the Scots were voting for independence, our St. Andrews Cross was seen and when we are in need of grace, we fly the General Recall flag.

Years ago my husband saw a collection of nautical racing flags at an old junk shop.  He debated purchasing them and in the end didn't, much to his regret over the years.  Last year I was in a nautical salvage shop and found a bunch of old flags.  I picked out one that I thought would look nice from our halyards.  Not knowing what it was, my husband informed me that it was the general recall flag used in sailing regattas.  "If so many boats are over early that the committee boat (monitoring the race) cannot detect them all, it raises the 'first substitute' or 'general recall' flag.  This abandons the start."  It is suggested that the committee boat try and fix the problem that caused the boats to be over the line early.  When ready for a new start, the committee boat will make 1 sound, lower the flag, wait one minute and proceed with a new start sequence. The race can begin again.

On days when we feel that we need a restart, we fly the flag.  It seems as if we are flying the flag more and more.

General Recall Flag

General Recall Flag

But that is not such a bad thing.  It reminds me to demonstrate grace:  Grace to myself, to my family and to others. 

I need a general recall when I am frustrated with my work.  I sometimes have to stop, assess what I am doing, make adjustments and then proceed.  Many times the new plan is much better than what I initially intended. 

I need a general recall when I am frustrated with a family member.  Most times it is not due to the member but due to me.  I need to stop, assess what I am doing (or how I am perceiving the situation), make adjustments (usually in my attitude) and then proceed.

I need a general recall when I am frustrated with others- whether those with whom I am working or those whom I pass on the street.  I need to stop and not be so quick to judge.  I need to remember to extend grace to them.  Perhaps they need a restart to their day?  To their life?

What about you?  Do you fly the general recall flag? If so, when?

We all need a restart every now and then. 

Tale of Two Candidates

In this past Sunday's New York Times there were two different articles, in two different sections talking about two different political candidates. Even though the point behind each article was different I was struck with an underlying commonality- civility and manners.

In the case of one of the candidates it appears that civility and manners are severely lacking. He says what he wants to say to whomever he feels is listening with no thought that his words might be hurtful, divisive and derisive.  There appears to be a growing segment of the population that thrives on this type of behavior.  It is if they have been waiting for someone to say without filters all the things that have been bothering them for years.  It is if they subscribed to the opposite wisdom of Thumper in Bambi,  "If you have something nasty to say, then say it." 

The other candidate, according to this article, is one who was raised on civility.  He was taught to be a gracious winner and loser, to be careful in his speech and to demonstrate some self-restraint in dealing with other people with whom he differs.  And, according to this article,  it is a dying virtue.   It is a point of view that is not seen as important to the voting public, rather it is seen as a source of weakness.

I am not particularly enamored with either candidate and am certainly not endorsing one candidate or the other but it did cause me pause.  Why are we so quick to think a braggart, shoot from the hips and no holds barred type of speaker is possessing a strength and virtue?  Why do we consider manners to be weak and passe?  And in thinking so, we need to rid this behavior from  society?

I wonder if it is our faceless society and nameless way of communicating  that has conditioned us to think that just because we don't see someone's face it is okay then to call them out, say negative comments and even say things that verge on the edge of hatred.  Certainly in this day and age if one is in the public light then one is fair game for receiving all sorts of vitriol.  If we have to look someone in the eye would we say that which what we do in the safety of anonymity? 

The thing is, the say-whatever mentality immediately breaks down any future communication and so each camp ends up inciting each other with the same rhetoric. It just encourages more bad behavior. "If you say those types of things about me, I will just retaliate in kind."  Eventually no one listens. Both parties end up extremely frustrated and so, when someone who is louder than everyone else speaks, it is seen as good because the words are expressed.  Yet those unfiltered words break down the communication and so the cycle continues and nothing is accomplished.  

It takes much more thought and effort to be civil and mannerly.  It is a strong person who can suppress his/her urge to "shut the other person down" in order to maintain an open dialogue.  It is a strong person who lays aside his/her desire to "stick it to the opponent" for the sake of living in human community.  It is the strong person who looks at the long term picture of working together rather than "winning" every little battle. 

I wonder about my own relationships and how I communicate?   Regrettably I can recall times when I spewed venomous pronouncements about someone not in my presence. Thankfully it was only in the presence of kin yet still the words were spoken, the poison was out in the air and with it, the potential to corrode the thinking of all who hear.  

I also know that it is hard to look someone in the eye and say words that the recipient might not want to hear.  Yet it is because I am looking into his/her eyes I am compelled to temper my tone and words.  I need to think before I speak, to reflect on the implications of what I say and how it will be received and to temper my words accordingly. Not a bad thing and much needed in this world.  

What about you?  Have you noticed the change in the speech of one to another?  Not only with our political candidates but in the day to day communications or in the internet communications?  How do you respond? 

Charles Dickens opens his novel, The Tale of Two Cities, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..."  It seems like lately, especially during this political campaigning season, we are experiencing the best and worst of human behavior.  

I am choosing to focus on the best-  to try and to be kind, gracious, understanding, slow to speech, slow to anger, empathetic and loving in my dealings with one other- those seen and unseen.  Won't you join me?